


Who I Used to Be

by TheNaiveMuse



Category: Transformers: Prime
Genre: F/M, Human Starscream, Interspecies Romance, Original Insert, Redemption, Slow Burn, Xeno
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-14
Updated: 2018-03-11
Packaged: 2018-09-24 04:30:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 30
Words: 116,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9701720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheNaiveMuse/pseuds/TheNaiveMuse
Summary: Starscream turned to face him, bitterly biting his lips."Megatron didn't intend to kill me."  He inhaled, clenching his fist and grinding his teeth.  "He wanted me to suffer."When Starscream wakes up in a human body and struggling to survive, he's taken in by a woman that gives him kindness after kindness.  While he learns to blend in, he never gives up trying to restore himself; but what unseen danger lurks on the horizon?





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This is very much a work in progress and it is the first time I've written in nearly 5 years. Any constructive criticism is welcome.  
> This is a (mostly) shameless self-insert.
> 
> A thousand thanks to TyrantoftheFirmament on tumblr for the many headcanons in this fic. A thousand more to Redecipher on tumblr for inspiring me to actually write this.

Starscream awoke, alarmed that he did not remember laying down to recharge. Shaking his helm to rid himself of the remaining drowsiness, he moved to raise a servo to his forehelm, but he felt like he was stuck in the sheets of his berth, a problem that occurred more frequently than he would admit. Trying again, twisting and jerking, he could not lift his arm. The pressure on his wrists and ankles suggested he was bound and restrained and he panicked briefly that he may be in for another cortical psychic patch. His optics offlined as he felt a shiver travel across his frame, recoiling at the memory.

 

He knew something was horribly wrong when his wings did not respond to the tremor in his frame. In fact, he couldn’t feel his wings at all. With a sharp intake of breath, tilted his helm down to see and shrieked as he did not see his own armor and talons, but instead a pale pink, soft, and grossly organic body. A human body. He thrashed at his restraints, mortified, hoping, praying that he was having a nightmare and that at any moment his thrashing would rouse him and his optics would open to his hab suite and his usual silver plating.

But the longer he struggled, elbows and head clanging against the metal slab beneath him, the more he became aware that he was indeed awake and that he was actually doing this fragile organic body harm. His wrists ached, and his skin was moist. Why was it moist?

The loud howling he had produced echoed within the dark space. Out of the corner of his optic, a red glow and loud foot fall alerted him to Shockwave’s presence. Taking a moment to clear his processor and grasp his surroundings, he scanned the darkness around him more carefully.

Where Shockwave approached from his left, there was the glow of his optic which illuminated the cool metal around him, revealing glass vials and test tubes. His lab? As he turned his view and his gaze fell on his body once again, he had to force himself to fight back a nauseous whimper. Before he could finish his survey, Shockwave was upon him.

A laugh from behind the hulking cyclops made Starscream yelp in fear.

“It would appear your tests have been successful, Shockwave,” Megatron praised as he emerged from the darkness. A blinding light poured over Starscream’s vulnerable form, and he struggled to see the tyrant at the edge of the elevated table. Starscream felt his body chill, almost feeling weightless as he watched. He was violently aware of his vulnerability in this state. “And how is the test subject feeling?” His cheeks burned as his pump-no, heart- beat faster, those purple optics burning in his direction.

“What have you done to me?!” He spat as he spoke, feeling the fluid drip on his chest, making him gag. Why must human mouths be so wet?

“Don’t waste my time asking the obvious,” the warlord droned, rolling his optics. He clasped his servos behind his back as Shockwave started scanning and recording data.

Megatron began circling slowly. “Your CNA is now DNA. You are organic. A human. Though I thought by your screaming you already understood that.” He grinned down at the helpless human, all teeth.

Starscream steeled himself, praying to Primus that his voice would sound more controlled than he felt. “Why have you done this?”

“It is the first test of a process we hope to apply to our enemies in the future.”

“Why me?” he sputtered. “Couldn’t you test this on a vehicon? Surely I am worth more to you in my rightful state!”

“But I cannot deny your traitorous tendencies, Starscream. Shockwave, is the transformation complete?”

“Yes,” the cyclops finally spoke. “I am detecting no signs of energon or Cybertronian metals.

“Good. I will call this a complete success. Prepare more of the serum. We have many more tests to run.” Starscream shivered at the sharkish grin. Megatron prepared to leave, turning and walking to the door.

“What shall we do with Starscream now, my lord?” Shockwave followed.

Raising a thoughtful brow, he responded, “Dispose of him.”

Starscream couldn’t stop himself from shrieking once more as he begged and pleaded for his life. He even pleaded to Shockwave as he, too, turned and left. He had no shame so long as he lived to fight back another day. The door hissed shut in finality as silence fell.

He could feel that his face was colder than it was before. Was there water on it? His optics blurred as he panicked alone in the dark. The lights, already dim and few, were completely shut off all at once. His hair prickled on his neck, a bizarre sensation, and for some reason, he felt that he should quiet himself in the pitch black. He couldn’t explain it, but he felt like he was being watched. He attributed it to the eons of surveillance under Soundwave at first, but as the silence swallowed him and his body reacted to the fear, he wasn’t so sure. He was somewhat comforted by the darkness, unable to see his body. Unable to see what it had become.

But he could feel it. His intake and glossa were lubricated and soft, making him sick. He swallowed, and the sound of saliva slipping down his throat made him gag. He could feel the way his flesh gave under his own weight as he rested against the slab. The rhythm of his breathing, incessant, was slowly driving his processor to break. But the thing he hated most of all was the way the cold metal felt to his soft organic skin. Nothing could have prepared him for the way this felt.

He sobbed softly to himself, lamenting this latest offense against him before he heard something stir in the dark. He shifted, quieting his lament for a moment to try to make out anything in the void. He grumbled to himself for even trying to see out into the lab. The lack of light made it impossible to see for his human eyes. He missed many things, including his seeker’s extended range of vision, but as he detected a subtle movement in the room, the time for dwelling on all he lost was not now.

Listening and trying to remain calm, he tested his restraints again, each limb tugging in turn. Recalling what he had seen in the light before, the restraints appeared to be cables, repurposed most likely after his body slipped through the regular Cybertron-sized ones.

A shuffle in the room from somewhere to his right forced him to think faster. Time for analysis has passed, now was time for action. Tugging, he felt that freeing a servo would be possible if he could collapse the digits into the proper angle. Pushing his digits together as close as possible, he yanked as hard as possible.

Pain, he discovered, was very different for humans. No way to override the signal. He struggled, feeling a strain on his thumbs. Deciding to deal with one servo at a time, he switched tactics. Grinding his denta to bear the strain, he tugged his right servo, grunting. The thumb caught in the cable, preventing him from moving any further. Another shuffling sound in the dark, closer to where he lay prostrate forced him to push past any level of pain. The thumb was stubborn, but not as stubborn as his will to live. With one final effort and a very loud and painful pop, he was free.

He severely underestimated the human capacity for pain. Crying out and grasping clumsily at the next servo, he felt for the knot in the cable to untie it, hoping to avoid the same pain again. He whimpered in frustration as he realized the cable was tied underneath the edge of the slab. The pain in his right servo only increased with further use and after several failed attempts to release himself further, he collapsed back onto the table feeling more defeated than ever. His sobs pierced the quiet and marked his failure aloud. He was cold, tired, and alone. The throbbing pain was impossible to ignore or block out. And he knew he was not alone in the lab. At no other point in his life had he ever felt so broken.

As he closed his eyes, resigned to his fate, and recalled the days before the war. When times were happier. He saw the spires of Vos, a view long lost to his people. He longed to restore it, but now… He could see the newsparks all lined up, ready for their first formal flight lesson. He had been a decent teacher once. A skill long since rusted along with his home. He recalled the first thing he taught the newcomers: how to emerge from freefall. A terrifying ordeal, but crucial to the survival of any flyer. As he watched each of the recruits transform and take off, he followed, calling out to them.

“What is the most important thing to remember when in freefall?”

Each of them prepared to purposefully stall, replying:

_Never stop trying._

Snapping his eyes open and lifting the tight cable with his injured servo, he pulled with a determined growl. He would live this day or die trying. He was certainly dead if he gave up now. Another tug and the leverage against the restraint from his injured servo allowed him to free the other from its place on the table. He took a moment to rejoice, ready to rub this in his master’s faceplate. A shift in the air, almost like a breeze alerted him to the liquid that started to cover all of his skin. Sweat, I think it’s called.

Another sound, closer to him than the others stirred him from his victory. Refocused on fighting back, he was able to free his pedes with significantly less pain, though he was immediately displeased with the idea of toes. Now completely free of his bindings, he contemplated the next step to escape. He was still on the elevated work table and the survivability of falling from the slab: not high.

He jumped in place with a start as the light directly over his location snapped on. Squinting, he shielded his eyes from the blinding light. Waiting to adjust to the change in the light, he was just barely able to make out the lunging form of a predacon in time to dodge. Darting to the side, he narrowly avoided obliteration as the claws whizzed past his face.

So this was how he would be disposed of.

Standing back up, he squared his jaw, ignoring the pain as much as possible. Using all the strength and resolve he had left, he dodged each attack carefully, narrowly avoiding being skewered or pinned by those massive metal claws. If he could see his own reflection, he would be glad to know he still moved with a seeker’s grace. Long, powerful legs carried him across the surface and away from each snap of teeth and swipe of claws. Knowing he was limited in time and energy, he kept his eyes open for any opportunity to get to the floor.

An opening caught his eye as the massive claw slammed next to him on the slab, and he sprinted to it and scurried like a scraplet up the arm. Climbing the beast, ignoring the pain of his skin scraping sharp edges and seams on the creature, leaving cuts and bruises on his fragile skin, he managed to get all the way to the floor. Miraculously, he was able to run.

Finding the direction of the door, he made his way quickly there, praying to Primus he would be able to open it somehow. He checked behind him for the pursuing form, but it appeared disoriented, having lost him. One thing he was thankful for, he discovered, was the silent footfalls of this smaller form. The beast howled, unable to hear the organic feet on the metal floor. He clanged into the door noisily and cursed under his breath. The predacon heard that. Turning and stalking, then leaping for him, it attacked, lunging.

Luckily, Primus seemed to favor him, for as the moment it came to the door, the predacon passed over him as he ducked. The force of the attack dented the metal with a deafening creak, producing a crack in the seal large enough for him to run through. Laughing to himself as the beast clawed at the door in vain, he hastily made his way toward what he hoped was the exit.

He had no idea if he was on the Nemesis or in Darkmount. As he got lost in the halls, darkened and enormous, he wasn’t sure it was either, and not some undisclosed location used as a lab in secret.

He was thankful to dodge most of the guards but was confused when he didn’t see a sign of Shockwave or Megatron. Surely they would pursue him, knowing he had escaped? Losing the fight with pain more and more as he ran, he was unsure how he managed to make his way outside undetected. The small duct he had come out of was not built for a bot to be able to climb out. Thanking primus to be out of the realm of nightmares, he inhaled the atmosphere of Earth. It was colder than the lab, but the freezing night air was not unwelcome.

Acting on pure instinct, his body carried him to the outskirts of a forest he spotted from the exit. Panting, and internals burning from overuse, he entered into the trees and concealed himself behind a large tree and under a shrub, still not knowing if he was being pursued. He waited for what felt like hours to hear the sound of a vehicon emerging to sweep the area, but exhausted, he soon slipped into recharge, pulling his limbs close, and his servo clutched tightly.

“Shall I retrieve him, my liege?” Shockwave stood next to Megatron, looking toward the forest where the human fled.

“No,” Megatron answered, looking thoughtful. A few moments later, he added, “He is no threat to us now. In all likelihood, he will perish on his own. Come,” he commanded, turning to reenter the fortress. “We have work to do.” The pair disappeared back into the darkness of the underground lab, Megatron now sporting another malicious grin.


	2. Not Out of the Woods Just Yet

                Starscream awoke with a start, momentarily forgetting that he was not a graceful Vosnian seeker, but a small, vulnerable human.  Strangling a screech in his throat at the sight of flesh, he wondered how much time had passed since his escape.  He was still curled under the underbrush of the forest, undisturbed.

They hadn’t come for him.

While his pride was wounded that Megatron clearly thought he was no longer a threat, he still sighed in relief.  Still, there’s no need to press what precious little luck he had left.  Blinking to rid his eyes of the sleep, he brushed several brown leaves and dead twigs off of his face and shoulders that had fallen on him while he slept.  Carefully, he stretched his new body, quickly retracting his right arm with a hiss as pain shot through his thumb and wrist.

He had no idea how much time had passed, but it was now well into the day.  The trees creaked softly as the breeze bent their mostly naked limbs.  Grunting at the soreness in his legs, he rose to one knee, kneeling to assess himself.  He sneezed, likely from the shift of fluids in his helm.  Odd feelings aside, he seemed intact.  His legs ached, along with his thumb, which was now a deep purple color.  The slightest movement shot pain signals straight up his arm.  His servos were both equally covered in cuts, both small and deep.  The blood that leaked out through the night had dried, caking his skin in places.  _How disgusting._

His entire frame felt cold, clearly having lost some heat to the brisk night air.  He winced as he placed his weight on his pedes, but ignoring the pain, he rose to check the area for anyone nearby.  The forest was clear, with no sign of disturbance, but oddly silent.   _No doubt the presence of the predacons had driven away the native life forms._ Shaking his helm, finding a few more leaves in his hair, he groaned.  _Ugh, hair._   With the sun nearly directly overhead, he could only guess at a heading, but he chose what appeared to be the opposite direction of the lab and walked in close to a straight line.  He cringed at the feeling of his pedes giving way to the earth beneath him; the softness of his flesh.  He held his injured hand close to what would have been his spark chamber, wondering how long this body would take to heal.

As he walked, cursing the odd stick or stone underfoot, his mind drifted, plotting his revenge.  He wasn’t necessarily familiar with a human’s needs, but he would, unfortunately, have to learn.  He planned to survive.  Any desire to quit had been used up on the slab.  So now, he had to quickly draw out anything he could remember about humans, which was regrettably little.  He knew they needed water.  Organic foods.  As he sighed, not knowing what a human ate, he realized his best option was to find someone to help him, as much as he hated it.  Hopefully, he would find a human city soon enough.  _They plagued the entire planet; how far could it_ be?  He would coerce a human into sustaining him and then force the human to help him get back into the lab to undo what had been done to him.

Finding a human city, he learned, was much harder when your stride was cut down to approximately 2.5 feet at a time.  He traveled deeper and deeper into the forest, searching his processor for more ways to speed up the process.  At one point, he thought, _If humans need water, then they must need a water source, right?  Perhaps if I find a source, I can follow it to a human city._

The chitter of a bird snapped him back to the present moment.  Good.  He knew if he was far enough away from the lab that the local wildlife was active here, then he was likely out of their regular patrol range.  Listening more intently, he could hear a faint sound of running water.  The corners of his mouth drew up into a grin as he made his way to the source of the sound.  Entering a small clearing through the bushes, he found a stream.  Clear water dripped and stumbled over smoothed stones as it ran downhill.

His mouth watered, and his upper lip curled in disgust.  Knowing that humans need water is one thing.  Actually forcing himself to drink it is another.  He decided to settle on cleaning his wounds for the time being.  Lowering himself to his knees, resting on a mossy stone, he reached his servos in first.  He felt a shock at the severe cold temperature the water held, producing bumps across his skin as he shivered involuntarily.  He swore loudly, retreating.  He stared at his arms, amazed to see that each of the bumps on his skin had a fine hair in it.  He had never noticed that his entire body was actually covered in fine hairs, and he was both fascinated and disturbed.  Deciding to give the cleaning another go, he cradled his thumb in the water, quickly realizing the icy temperature actually made the injury numb.  He scrubbed happily, ridding himself of crust and dirt.  He even washed his pedes before rising again to follow the path of the stream.

The sun had been high in the sky when he awoke, but now the star cast an orange glow on the landscape.  Gray trees and brush now seemed gilded in the light.  Each speck of light through the dense needles of the trees was welcome for its warmth as he passed under.  If Starscream could have seen the sky through the trees, he might have observed its beauty.  For now, it only caused him frustration.  He had been walking all day and now even the environment was turning against him.  The temperature of the air dropped with the sun and any breeze made it worse.  He was especially annoyed as the wind knocked his silver hair in front of his face.  _At least part of him was the right color._ He had planned to march on through the night, but a shiver and a loud rumble from his midsection made him rethink, sitting on a log nearby.  He felt around his middle, hoping to find the source of the engine-like rumble.  Determining it must be hunger, he growled.  His voice was sore from the intensity of his shrieking before, and he noted that his intake was significantly drier than before.  Uncomfortably so.  What made it worse was that he appeared to be able to do nothing about it.

On the one hand, he could drink from the stream.  On the other…  He recalled on Cybertron the wells of liquid energon that would often contain too many contaminants to be considered potable without proper treatment.  He assumed the same would hold for any natural source of water.

Even worse, he understood the fundamentals enough to be frustrated at a simple solution that was out of his grasp.  He understood the properties of H2O, and that boiling it would be a way to distil it.  Of course, he was without means to create a fire or hold the water in a container over the heat.

Just thinking of heat was making him feel colder, the shiver returning.  Looking around at the stony structure at his back, he could see the makings of a shelter for the night.  Grabbing a nearby stick, he poked around in a dark opening underneath an outcropping of bare rock.  It appeared that part of the stone had eroded away, leaving a cave-like structure behind.  Crawling inside once his stick found nothing but rock, he double checked for any creatures or other unwanted things within.  Finding the shelter satisfactory, he gathered some loose foliage, mainly downed limbs of trees, to bar the front opening, keeping out the wind and any prying eyes.

He was proud of his make-shift home for the night, but another rumble had him groaning.  Deciding that sleep was worth the risk of poisoning, he took a sip from a handful, gathered from a mossy section of a pool in the stream.  He hated how satisfying and soothing the cold liquid was to his throat.  The water literally tasted of nothing.  How boring.  At least energon had some charge, he thought.  As he crouched to drink, filling his tank little by little, he perched on the stones lining the stream.  This proved to be a mistake, as he fell into the cold water with a howl and a splash.  He caught himself with his good servo but managed to reopen a wound.  Acting purely on instinct, he licked at it.  Before he could get upset at himself for trying that, he paused as he noted the metallic flavor of his blood.  Intriguing.

He wondered what other little things he could discover about this human body.  Having been preoccupied with his situation before now, he took the time to explore the sensations and sights as he washed his hand.  He wondered if he looked anything like himself.  It terrified him to think that he will not recognize his own face.  Tentatively, he ran a hand over his face, the first thing worth noting was the nose.  As soon as had become aware of it jutting from the center of his faceplate, it was the bane of his human existence.  It blocked a portion of his vision and he kept hitting it with his servo as he explored.  An unwelcome addition to his perfect face.  He still had something of the same shape to his face, best as he could tell.  He knew his long crest would be gone, but missed it just the same as he felt his helm.  His brow ridges were sorely missed, replaced by rows of hairs and reduced in size.

He looked over the rest of himself and he was immediately bewildered to find only a spike.  No modesty plate.  No valve.  And an unsightly… thing.  Dangling below.  All of it ringed with dark gray hairs.  _No wonder humans wear a protective covering_ , he thought.  Thinking it best to try and ignore the lower half of himself, as his pedes had been horribly disfigured in the transformation, he scanned the trees; partially to look for pursuers, but also to find some indication of civilization.

It appeared to him that he was still a long way from any sort of human habitation, with no road, no trails, or any signs of use of anything in the brush surrounding him.  With no HUD, he wasn’t sure which direction he came from or was heading.  He could only navigate with the sun, which had vanished below the horizon, and by the stars, which were shrouded by the forest, and foreign on this side of the galaxy.  With a sigh, he rose to return to his shelter in the growing darkness.  A sound overhead caught his attention.  An engine and a turbine sound echoing through the atmosphere.  Snapping his gaze upward, he sobbed openly.

A single plane flew across the sky, its red lights blinking softly against a backdrop of stars.

__

He was exhausted as morning broke.  He hardly slept the whole night from the cold.  He finally gave up and emerged with a stretch.  Dipping his injury in the stream once more, getting sufficiently numb, he resumed his trek.  He wanted to strangle the birds that mocked him as he walked.

“If I weren’t trapped in this body, I would fly circles around the lot of you!”

Shoving his hair back forcefully, and his nostrils flared in frustration, he knew it was pointless to yell at a bird, but it did help relieve his anger at his situation.  His pedes were sore, having taken several missteps, leading to more cuts and bruises to his ankles and legs.  As he took his first steps into the sunlight, he saw just how extensive the damage was.  The blood caked onto him again and he had more purple spots than he cared to count.  Grimacing, he dared to look at his injured servo, which was still purple and was much larger than before.  While unsure of why it was growing, he was sure it was not a good sign.  Another loud rumbling reminded him yet again that his tank was still empty.

He was quickly growing to hate this entire species beyond anything he thought he was capable of feeling.  He yelled out his frustrations, causing several birds to scatter in front of him.  As he recovered his breath from the effort, he heard a sound.  He heard several snaps, then whipped his head around to see several creatures leap across the stream he’d been following.  One of the graceful brown blurs stopped to investigate him.  He could see that it was bigger than the others and sported branch-like growths on its head.  A deer, he thought.  He’d read about them, but seeing one up close, from the perspective of a human, was wild.

It stared him down, seeming to judge whether or not he was a threat.  Feeling a need to defend himself, he opened his arms and lowered himself into a fighting crouch and bellowed.  The deer turned and fled, following the others.

_At least something is still afraid of me._

He traveled on for the rest of the day and into the night.  Once more he had to shelter himself from the bitter night air, this time in a hollow of a dead tree.  He hated the moisture gathered there, but traveling any further was unbearable.

He did not sleep that night.  The howling wind, however, much it reminded him of home, was too much for his small form.  His entire frame felt simultaneously stiff and jelly-like.  He rose with great effort, joints creaking audibly, knees nearly buckling.  He rose while mist still hung over the forest, leaving condensation on his skin and dirt.  His thumb throbbed.  At this point, it became clear that it would not heal on its own.

He continued on his way down the stream, periodically numbing his injury, when a few hours after the sun had returned, he reached a ledge.  There, below, was the main river that this stream fed into.  He sighed, not sure if this was a good sign or not.  Pinching his brow in frustration, he resolved to continue following the river.

He paused when he heard a sharp sound.

It was a distant call of some animal, but not one he’d ever heard in the forest.  One he’d heard near humans.  A dog.

“By the pit, this had better fragging be the right way!”  He sprinted toward the sound with renewed vigor at the hope of being close to civilization.  The trees passed in a blur, and his skin tingled with excitement.

Finally, he encountered a road.  An actual road, paved.  _Thank Primus!_   Lining the road were small domiciles.  Some made of painted wood, others of brick.  Many had vehicles in front of them and he knew that humans lived inside, likely still home.  He sighed, thankful to be out of the woods… sort of.  Now all he had to do was convince or coerce one of the humans into helping him, beginning with fuel.  _Shouldn’t be too difficult._


	3. First Contact

He had his mission: convince a human to give him shelter and sustenance.  Looking around the neighborhood, he spotted several humans getting into their cars, leaving for the day.

Acting quickly, he targeted a male human getting into a car a couple houses down.  Putting on his best smile, hiding his injuries as best as he could, he approached the confrontation as he would any other Vosnian political encounter.

“Excuse me,” he began, clearing his throat and flashing his most dashing grin, hands clasped behind his back.  Chin raised, he continued, “I’m in need of some assistance.“

The man turned, clearly not expecting to see another human standing behind him.  His eyes widened as he glanced over his naked form and he grew immediately cross.  “Get the fuck outa here!  Put some clothes on!”  The man was clearly offended by the intrusion into his morning routine.

“I don’t have any clothes,” Starscream droned.  “That’s the point.”

“Well go home!”  The man tried to shoo him off with his hands.  “Get off my property right now before I call the cops.”

Frustrated that this was clearly getting him nowhere, he lunged for the car door, preventing the human from entering.  “Just give me some clothes.  Or fuel.  Preferably fuel.”

The human was not interested in helping and forced his way into his car, throwing Starscream to the ground in the scuffle.  With a fluidity of habit, the man closed and locked the door, backing out of the driveway.

Indignant, Starscream rose.  Annoyed and sore, he strode over to the next human he could find, who reacted similarly to the first.  Screaming.  Fighting.  Fleeing.  This pattern continued until sirens could be heard in the distance and he turned to the latest human he attempted to coerce, in the middle of a struggle to enter their home.

“What’s wrong with all of you?  I’m asking for help!”

“Maybe the police can help you.”  The man slammed the door in his face, the sound of the lock clicking in finality.

He was panting from the effort and he grit his teeth, seething.  He glanced around at the neighborhood again.  The doors were all locked, and a few windows had humans staring at him from behind blinds and curtains.

“Is it illegal to have no clothes on or something?”

A voice from inside one of the homes answered, “YES!”

Pausing for a moment, he blinked several times.  He would have to rethink his strategy.  The sirens drew closer and he had no intention of dealing with human authority.  With a twitch in his right eye, he marched angrily back into the woods, to hopefully find a less difficult human to deal with.

He didn’t want to stay too close to the area, lest the police discover him, so he headed into town, crossing a set of railroad tracks, and climbing up a few steep embankments.  In another patch of trees, he kept an eye open for any other signs of humans outside of their homes but found that many of them were out.  Their cars were gone and there was no sign of life inside.

By this time, the temperature was dropping again, a sharper plunge than the day before as clouds had covered the sun early.  He shivered as he inspected the homes from behind.  Most of them had no cars, and likely no one inside.  He briefly considered breaking in but wanted to avoid any unnecessary injury or capture by the human police.  Body tired and aching all over, he decided to wait for them to return, settling behind one of the larger buildings to lean on a tree.  As he waited, he pulled his limbs in, curling in on himself.  He caught himself nodding once or twice, but knew he couldn’t afford to recharge here like this.

 

He awoke to a heavy bang, making him jump to his feet.  Apparently, he succumbed to the exhaustion and slept into the night.  The air was now bitter, biting at his extremities.  His hair hung limply over his face, and he angrily pushed it back.  It was wet.  Looking around, the ground was covered in a light dusting of snow.

“Wonderful…”

Looking back to the home he had settled near, many of the windows were lit, showing silhouettes of the occupants.  There were two levels to this home and he realized, once he spotted several entrances, that this must be apartments.

A howling wind bit at his skin and face, forcing him to curl up once more to preserve what little body heat he had.  His entire frame shook from the cold, but his pedes felt like they were burning.  Confused, he sat down, choking back a yelp as his skin touch the snow.  As the flakes fell softly, blown around in the air, he was stuck with being wet.  The moisture only made the wind more powerful in its attack on his extremities.  He felt desperate as the snow piled higher around him, only wanting to get warm somehow.  He could no longer stop shivering, to the point that even his denta chattered.  He kept an eye on the doors to the apartments, hoping that someone would emerge that he would be able to convince to take him in.

As time passed and lights were dimmed, Starscream could barely keep himself alert, covered in snow, starving, and exhausted.  With each light that dimmed, his hope faded with it.  He knew that he would die if he remained out in the snow overnight, but as he rose to make his way to one of the doors, his joints stiffened in protest.

He could barely open his eyes and felt that the combination of hunger and cold had taken his ability to focus from him.  As he nodded once more, he snapped up, having only thoughts of getting warm.  Watching his breaths fog in the air, he rose up, putting much of his weight on the trees.  At this point, he was going to find a way inside at any cost.  He fell several times, cursing Primus, Unicron, and anyone else.  The wind muted his hoarse cries and was unrelenting in its assault. He struggled to put weight on his arms, a mere few strides from one of the doors as he failed to rise.  He cursed Megatron with what little voice he had left.

He was barely conscious, trying to lift himself again as he felt something so warm that it felt like it seared his skin wrap around both of his arms, pulling him upright.  He fought back, feebly as he could, until he looked up to see a human face.  It was a woman, shorter than himself.  Her blond hair whipped in the wind, obscuring her face.  She pulled him toward one of the doors and as he began to understand what she was doing, he stopped fighting, letting himself be brought inside.

Before he could process the idea that someone had actually pulled him in from the cold, he found himself wrapped in a soft blanket and placed near a heater as the human skittered about doing who knows what.  He heard her voice say something, but he couldn’t make it out.  His ears and face burned from exposure, but he still shivered.  He’d barely begun to drift off when he felt a tug.  There was the human again, smiling softly at him.  He got a better look at her and noted her soft, rounded features.  Gently, she held his shoulders and wiped a strand of hair from his forehead.  If he weren’t so cold and weak he’d have been offended at the way she looked at him, but for now, he was comforted.  No sirens.  No shouting.  Just warmth.

She tugged again and he snapped up, embarrassed to discover that he had slipped into recharge again so quickly.

“Come with me,” she said, reaching out her hand to help steady him as he rose.  He lamented leaving the heater behind as she led him to a set of stairs.  “You’ll be warm again soon,” she soothed, feeling him shiver.  His knees hated him for climbing these stairs.  She guided his hand to the railing, leading him up to another room where a tub of water awaited.  The steam that rose from it needed no further explanation to Starscream as he headed straight for it.  “Let me know if it’s too hot-,“ she barely had time to finish the thought before he made an effort to climb in.  “Slow down,” she pulled him back.   “I don’t want to burn you or let you fall.  There’s no rush,” she added, helping him drop the blanket first, much to his dismay.

He was completely embarrassed at the way he was being coddled.  _Pitied._   What was more troubling than that was the fact he _enjoyed_ it.  He wasn’t sure what to expect of the tub and clung to the human tightly when his foot slipped.  The woman poorly hid her laughter but helped lower him slowly into the warm water.  Once he was in, he realized it felt like a hot oil bath, and he tried to cover as much of himself in the water as possible, loving every moment of the warmth.  The warmth permeated every bit of his body and he moaned in delight.

As he dipped his injured thumb into the heat, though, he yelped in pain.  Alarmed, she held the injury above the water’s surface to inspect it.

“That looks bad… What happened?”  She watched him for a response, expression full of concern.

He debated his answer, turning away, before simply shrugging.  He was not up for explanations just yet, just wanting to be warm.

She pursed her lips and felt lightly at the thumb, making him growl with pain.  “It looks dislocated.”

“What if it is?”  His hoarse voice clearly startled her.  It nearly startled himself at how raspy he’d become.

“It needs to be reset to heal.”  She studied his face, clearly curious about him.  Her green eyes scanned over him before returning to his face, searching for more injuries.

He frowned, but closed his eyes, murmuring, “If you think you can fix it, I won’t object.”

“It’ll hurt,” she warned, grabbing the end of the digit and his wrist carefully.  He winced, choosing not to look, but nodded.  She pulled the digit out and he screamed, thrashing at the pain.  She struggled to find the alignment, getting soaked in the process, but with a pop a few seconds later, she felt the joint slide back into place.  She rubbed, feeling the knuckle to be sure it set properly.  “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” she whispered, pulling him close and cradling his head.

“What did you do?!” he shrieked, jerking away from her.  He held his hand close to his chest, still throbbing with pain as he gaped, eyes wide.

“The bones in your thumb were out of alignment and it was straining your ligaments.”  He glanced down at the thumb, not fully understanding what a ligament was.  “If I didn’t reset it, you would lose the use of that hand.”  She glanced at the hand again.  “It’ll need a splint.  I’m going to go fetch some medical tape and pain killer.  I’ll be right back.”  She rose and left, concern still heavy on her features.

He snorted, still fighting off some residual shivers as he watched her, guarded.  Satisfied she would not return to hurt him, he began retreating under the water as much as possible.

When she returned, he was laying with his hand over the side of the tub, seemingly asleep once more.  He had stopped shivering, finally.  She kneeled down quietly, observing the now murky water.  _She had her hands full_ , she thought.  She debated letting him rest but reached out softly to his hand, and when he didn’t move, she began gently wrapping the thumb together with the index finger in a splint.

“…thank you,” he murmured, voice catching her attention.

Startled to see him awake and looking down at her, she cleared her throat and smiled, “You’re welcome.”  She felt frozen in the stare, so much softer now that he wasn’t in as much pain.  Sullen features relaxed, he broke the stare to look at what she had brought in.  “Take these,” she said, presenting him with two little white pills.  When he eyed her suspiciously, she added, “They’re for the pain.”

Unsure of how she meant to take them, he raised the pills to his intake slowly and she presented him with a glass of water.  He downed them quickly, hoping to be rid of the pain at last.

“I’ll tend to the rest of you once you’re done soaking.”

He nodded, reclining once more, though he observed her while she finished with his injury.  He studied her for a moment while she wrapped him tightly.  The way she concentrated, tucking away her long blond hair.  Her hands were smooth where their skin touched, and he had a fleeting curiosity about the rest of her skin.

Nudging those thoughts aside, he found himself wondering what she would want in return for all this kindness, but ultimately, decided that could wait.  For now, he was content to let himself relax and be taken care of.

She said something to him as she strode back out of the room, though he didn’t comprehend it.  He was too focused on the feeling of the warmth.  A feeling of being _safe_.  It was something he had not felt in a very long time and he wanted to savor it.

At some point she returned, asking him something he did not understand in his sleepy haze.  He had to force his eyes open to glance up at her.  She was wearing something different now.  Hand on her hip, she gave a half smile, and he forced himself to pay attention as she asked again, “Do you want more hot water?”

He realized now that the water was not steaming like it was when he got in.  In fact, it wasn’t even clear anymore.  “Yes, yes, more,” he pleaded softly, watching her.

She gave him a genuine smile and reached between his feet to drain the tub.  She turned the knob, then asked, “Do you need help getting clean?”

He blinked several times before glancing around, spotting several bottles and odd objects he did not recognize.  _How do humans get clean?  Is this not it?_   “…yes,” he conceded.  “But only because I’m injured.”

She laughed quietly and fetched a cloth from the cupboard.  Satisfied that the water was now warm and clear once again, she stopped the drain and turned off the water.  “Alright.”  She gently took hold of his arm and wet the cloth, putting some gel-like substance on it.  He watched her, carrying an air of superiority as he was pampered.  Carefully, she spread the suds across his skin, cleaning off any remaining blood and dirt.  To Starscream, it felt like a fine polish from before the war.  Feeling the gentle touch of her fingers on his skin, the way it gave a little under her touch only made him miss his home more.  He missed his body.  His people.  His wings.  His back ached at their loss.

As her ministrations continued from his arms to his shoulders to his back, he leaned forward, placing his hands on either side of the tub to support him.  Gasping as she brushed over the places where his wing attachments would have been, he nearly cried, alarming her.  She pulled away to ask him what was wrong, fearing she’d hurt him.  He grabbed her hands, forcing them back.  He begged her to continue.  The location retained its sensitivity.  It felt like a preening and it was all he could do not to sob again.

“I’m going to switch to your legs now, ok?”  Her statement pierced his thoughts as he realized she had removed her hands from him.  He turned away, wiping at his face with his good hand.  His cheek was wet, though she did not touch it.  He was leaking from his eyes.  He noticed she was still waiting for his approval and he raised one leg from the water, not looking.  If she noticed his tears, she made no mention of it, and for that, he was grateful.  She took her time in cleaning his legs, tenderly treating his cuts as she went, inspecting a few wounds and bruises along the way.  Once done, she moved on to his chest next, skipping over his groin.  He purred as the cloth glided across his neck, reclining, and as she moved to his cheek, he locked his gaze on her again, very much enjoying this treatment.  Blushing, she moved back.  He grunted, making her look back to him as he signaled to his groin.

“With respect, I’m not touching that,” she uttered, her face a bright red.

Grumbling, he took it upon himself to clean that area, snatching the cloth and forcing himself to ignore the weirdness of having his spike permanently on display.  As he ran the cloth over it, he was shocked at the sensitivity and found himself trying not to look like he was enjoying it. 

Clearing her throat, the woman got up and left, flustered.  “I’ll come back when you’re done.”

He marveled at the sensitivity of the flesh of this spike.  He gasped, nearly moaning as he explored himself.  His own skin started turning pink across his chest, he noted, just like her face had moments before.  Looking back at his spike, it looked… bigger?  Deciding now was not the right time for this sort of exploration, he placed the cloth on the side and sat up, noting to himself that this part of humanity deserved further study.

“I’m done,” he called.  She emerged in the doorway quickly, having not gone far.  His face was somewhat more himself, showing a haughty look that dripped with pride, however wounded that pride may have been. 

“Do you want me to help wash your hair?”  She knelt down, grabbing one of the bottles by the tub.

He simply nodded, leaning over to her hands as she poured a small amount of shampoo and set to work, massaging his scalp.  He bit back another gasp, having no warning that his hair cleaned would feel this good.  He felt like he was in a trance when she encouraged him to lean under the tap, rinsing him of the suds.  She covered his eyes with one hand, and he would have to ask her about that later or at least look it up on his own.

“Now let’s get you dried off.  Up you go.”

She offered him a hand in standing up, giving him support like she did before.  Now that he had thawed, he could feel how sore his feet were and stepped carefully onto the rug.  She pulled a towel from the rack and dried him quickly, tying the towel around his waist when she was done.  His tousled hair sat on his face and he huffed at it as she giggled.

Seeing his disdain, she apologized as she pushed it all back smoothly.  They made their way back down the stairs and to the couch, where she sat him down and went into the kitchen to fetch a bowl.  When she returned, she presented to him what she called “chicken noodle soup.”  He wondered how one would make noodles out of a chicken before taking a hesitant first sip.

It was nothing like energon, but it would have to do.  His stomach was louder than ever and he just wanted it to be quiet.  The liquid was not unpleasant, warm and salty, but the “noodles” were the vilest texture he could ever have conceived, all soft and gummy.

“You don’t have to eat it,” she laughed, noticing his grimace.

“I do if I want some peace and quiet,” he mumbled, swallowing the soup, noodles and all, quickly.

The woman kneeled at his feet with some sort of kit, he wasn’t sure when she’d grabbed it, pulling out swabs and a few tools.

His tense shoulders and down-turned mouth made her reassure him she meant no harm.

“I’m going to make sure your wounds are clean.”

With a delicate touch, she removed splinters, thorns, and grit from the many cuts and scratches on his feet, legs, and hands, applying a stinging liquid to each and bandaging the worst to ensure they stay free of infection.  Once done, she produced yet another blanket and draped it over him, encouraging him to lie down.  He could scarcely complain, still tired from his journey.

“Get some sleep,” she cooed, producing a pillow.  “We’ll talk in the morning.”  With that, she was gone.

He still had so much to ask, to learn, to achieve in order to secure his revenge, but for now, he closed his eyes, remembering the feeling of her touches to his skin in the tub.  Wrapping himself tighter, he smiled, knowing he was safe.


	4. Startling Revelations

Starscream awoke to darkness hanging like a shroud around him.  His body felt heavy, too heavy to lift.  His arms and legs refused to budge from where he lay as he panicked.

_No._

He heard the thrumming of his fuel pump increase in speed and power with each passing second.  He seemed to be able to move his head and neck, and looked to his side, seeing Shockwave’s red optic online in the dark.

_No, not again!_

He could feel the metal slab under him, cold and hard.  He could feel his hair raising on his neck.  Megatron’s booming laughter echoed in the room.  He couldn’t see the tyrant but somehow heard his voice right next to audio receptor.  He could have sworn he even felt the heat of his venting.

“Did you really think I would let you escape, Starscream?”

He screamed, or tried to, but no sound escaped his throat.  As hard as he tried, he was unable to scream.  His voice was sore, begging, pleading for his life silently.  He wanted so badly to scream and thrash and fight.  He could only watch as Megatron materialized over him, the sudden burst of blinding white light throwing his form into a deeply shadowed silhouette.  When one of the long silver claws touched the flesh of his arm, he jerked and clawed at the grip while shrieking.

A female scream pierced the darkness and in an instant, he opened his eyes and looked around again, unsure of when he had been released from his paralysis.

The world was slow to come into focus, but to his horror, the human who took him in and showed him kindness in the night was now on the floor, blood welling from cuts he just created on her hand.  Her eyes twitched, scanning him in confusion and fear.

Looking around, he found himself in the home of the human, still wrapped in a blanket on the couch.

_Scrap._

She hissed as she got up, her eyes watering.

_Scrap.  Please don’t._

“Please have mercy, it was an accident!  Don’t throw me out.  Please!  Don’t abandon me!”  He crawled to the floor to kneel beneath her in supplication.  His hands clasped feebly at the fabric of her clothing, and his pleas continued until she knelt to look him in the eye.

“I’m not throwing you out,” she assured him, face sincere.  He refused to look at her, shaking in fear.  She cupped his face and he flinched, but she held his face up to look at her.  “Are you ok?”

“M-me?”  His eyes snapped wide open, brows nearly lifting off his face.  “Why are you asking me?”  None of her actions made sense to him, still imagining Megatron’s punishment for such an injury.

“Because you were screaming in your sleep and I scared you while trying to wake you.  Are you alright?”  Her eyes widened minutely, hoping to somehow will him to understand that she genuinely cared.

He knew human emotions could very well read differently from Cybertronian, but from what he could see –her lips drawn into a thin line, her eyes scanning him, her brow ridges knit together- it looked like… concern.  His cheeks squished as he tried to remove himself from her hold, but her tight grip kept him there, so close.  He locked onto the green eyes, ignoring the effect of the color that was so close to the optics most of the autobots possessed.  He sighed, closing his eyes to calm himself. 

“I’m… fine,” he started, averting his eyes.  After several seconds, her hold of him slacked.  “What about you?”  He plucked her hands from his face, inspecting them.  He could see he had scraped at several knuckles which now leaked blood slowly.  Holding her hands like this, he noticed how much smaller her hands were than his, and one side of his mouth raised in a half-smile of amusement.  Slowly, and with a few grunts, he stood, the human following.  He opened his mouth to speak, but as he did, the towel from the night before came undone, falling to the floor in a pile around his legs.  Suddenly feeling sheepish, she turned her head and looked away, cheeks reddening quickly.

“I’ll get you some clothes today,” she added, flustered.  She turned, walking briskly into the kitchen.  “What would you like for breakfast?  Honestly, you’re kinda limited to either cereal or oatmeal…”

Gathering the towel and laying it on his lap as he sat back down, he realized he had no idea what either of those two things would be.  “Uh…  I’ll have whatever you have.”  When she emerged with a bowl of… colorful things floating in a white liquid, he forced a smile.

She settled next to him with her own bowl of cereal and happily began eating.  He cautiously mimicked her motions, scooping up a spoonful of the… things.  _What fresh slag is this?_   He swallowed thickly, already imagining the horror that awaited his intake.  He ingested the food quickly, finding with a shock that he enjoyed the sweet flavor.  It was a pleasant surprise after the chicken noodles.  He still wasn’t fond of the crunch, but it was more appealing than soggy noodles.  He glanced over at her unsure of how much of his thoughts had just been translated to his face.  When she smiled back at him, cheeks puffed out full of cereal, he nearly laughed.

“So what’s your name?” She asked suddenly.

“Star-“ , he choked.  _Don’t give her your real name, moron!_

“Star?” She asked, unfazed.

“No, er, that’s a…  a nickname.  My name is… Steve.”  He hoped that was a human name, and not just the ramblings of a certain Vehicon.

She laughed, leaning back into the couch.  “You don’t look like a Steve.”

He frowned, eyes narrowing.  He had hoped not to out himself so soon, but he had been lulled into this false sense of security.  He couldn’t afford another slip like that.

“Oh, come on,” she intruded upon his thoughts.  “Do you mind if I call you Star?  I like it.”

Taken aback, he pursed his lips.  “Fine,” he snapped.  Thinking he may have come off a bit rough, he added, “I prefer it, anyway.”

Smiling, without cereal cheeks this time, she responded, “I’m Caitlin.”

He turned to her as if her name had somehow changed her appearance.  “I suppose now you want …answers.”

She smiled softly, “Only when you’re ready.”

“And if I’m not?”

“Then I won’t press it.”  She returned her attention to breakfast, content to leave it at that.

He was stunned.  The war had taught him not to trust anyone, but here was this stranger.  Another planet.  Another species.  And she seemingly required nothing of him to give him kindness.  This was counter to everything he had experienced over the last several millennia, and refused to believe it.

“What do you want,” he asked, bowl lowered to his lap as he lifted his head to regard her.  He bit at his lips, his gaze focused and hard. 

“What do you mean?”

“You took me in, tended to my wounds and my hunger.  No one does that for a stranger to ask for nothing in return.  So _what_ do you want from me?”

Confused, she stared at him, “Nothing.  I just didn’t want you to die out there.”

“Why not?  …Were you afraid blame would be placed on you?”

“No,” she laughed.  “You were just …right out there, freezing to death.  And I was warm.  So…  You know, I didn’t want to watch someone die.”

He still felt she could be less than truthful.  “You have no clue who I am or what I’m capable of doing.”

“Are you saying I’m harboring a murderer?”  Her nervous laugh indicated she was only half-joking, and she studied him.

His mouth snapped shut, unsure of how to respond.  “…No,” he lied.  “I just don’t understand your motives.”

“Well, my motive is to help someone in need.  You were in need.  I have the means to help, and so I did.  I am,” she stumbled over her words.  She made a face he couldn’t read, pursing her lips tightly.

He didn’t believe what he was hearing, taking a moment to digest.  “…No one is that nice.”

“I get that a lot,” she sighed.

Staring down at his empty bowl, he took a moment to straighten his thoughts as they rushed through his processor; the only sound in the room was their breathing.  “I’m not ungrateful,” he added, barely above a whisper.

She offered him a smile.  “I didn’t think you were,” she reassured while touching his hand.  Grabbing at an object on the table in front of them, she turned to the black screen against the wall.  “So what do ya wanna watch?”

“Watch?”  He blinked several times, eyeing her and the object in her hand.

“Yeah, on tv.  I don’t have cable, but I’ve got Hulu and Netflix.”  She pressed a button and the screen flickered to life.

_Ah.  Entertainment._

He shrugged.  “Your choice.”

“You’re about as decisive as I am,” she chuckled.  She scrolled through several choices before throwing on something that showed humans failing at various things for the sake of laughter. 

 _I could get behind this_ , he thought.

He took great pleasure at the misfortune of the humans in the program, laughing heartily.  The two laughed together at the show for some time before she yawned, stretched, and stood.

“I’m going to get you something to wear.  You can’t use that towel all day.” She gathered the bowls and placed them in the sink.  “What size are you?”

“Human-sized,” he quipped without hesitation.

Laughing, she came back, placing a hand on her hip.  Her laugh was high-pitched and he noted a musical quality to the tone.  “Funny.”  She walked on, getting halfway up the stairs before adding, “I’ll be right back.  I might have some pants.”

She returned a few minutes later with something in her arms.  Once she was in front of him, she unfolded a pair of pink fuzzy pajama pants with some sort of cute animal printed all over them.

He took one look and curled his lip in a silent, judgmental snarl.

“Oh come on.  They’re the longest pair I have.  You’re so tall.  And skinny.  You’re lucky they have a drawstring.”  She held them out for him to take and he gave one more grunt before standing, yanking them from her begrudgingly.  The towel dropped, forgotten as he started to dress.  She moved to stand more to the side of him, avoiding eye contact with his exposed spike.  But as she moved, he noticed her staring at his backside.  He smirked. 

“You sure you want me covered?”

She covered her face, looking away quickly.  “YES.  Please, _oh my god_.”

Wearing a triumphant grin, he returned to pulling the pants up.  They felt nice on his skin, just like the blanket, but as he stepped forward in them they started to fall from his waist.  Pulling the drawstring tight and tying a loose knot, he cleared his throat.  _They still look hideous._

She peeked through her fingers, and upon confirming his state of dress, she sighed in relief.  Her relief was short-lived as her eyes lingered over his waist.  His hip bones were pronounced and accentuated by the way the pants hung low on his hips, the waistband too wide for his narrow middle.  The sight of the trail of gunmetal grey hair that led underneath the waistband sent a shiver down her spine, teasing.  Forcing herself to stare at his face, and just his face, she smiled, albeit awkwardly.

He chuckled at the look and straightened as she approached.  At his full height, he was at least one or two heads taller than she.  A good height for intimidation.

“You’re free to look, you know,” he smirked, looking to get a rise.

She sputtered, glaring at him.  “Sir!”

His laughter was full and rich, his voice having recovered from some of the trauma.  Reaching a finger from his good hand to brush her cheek, he leaned in, murmuring, “Pink is a good color on you.”

He thought her eyes would pop from her skull, the way she was gaping.  “I’M GONNA SHOWER,” she announced loudly, breaking away from the touch.  He heard the bathroom door slam, but not before she yelled, “Holy shit!”

He laughed deeply to himself, picking up the remote with a little flip in his hand.  “Good to know I look good no matter what form I take.”  He browsed his options on the screen again before settling for a documentary on military aviation.  “Perhaps if I keep her _interested_ she will let me stay longer,” he mused, taking a seat once more.  A small part of him felt bad for thinking that way, but he had learned to ignore that voice long ago.

In just a few short minutes, he grew bored of just sitting around and began poking at the trappings of her home.  Many books of varying content sat neatly on a tall bookshelf.  His fingers traced a few of the spines.  The idea of having information printed on the flattened pulp of organic plants was such a foreign concept.

==

Caitlin stripped down in a hurry, completely flustered with what had just transpired.  She hated that man for picking up on her embarrassingly obvious attraction.  Looking in the mirror, her hair was a mess, knotted, and her whole body it seemed was flushed with arousal.  Turning the knob to the shower, she stepped into the tub and let the water cool her head.

“Keep it together, girl.  He’s a stranger.  He’s just being nice.”  She snatched up the soap and lathered herself vigorously.  She briefly imagined scrubbing the dirty thoughts away, and laughing, shouted, “Begone, Satan!”

As she washed, she took a moment while circling her breasts to imagine what his hands might feel like on her instead, with his long slender fingers exploring her body instead of her own.  Catching herself as her hands wandered south, she growled.  How did this guy get to her so quickly?  She wasn’t normally this easily rattled.

 _Probably because he was helpless and naked_ , she answered herself.

==

He had no idea what she said, but he could hear that she was shouting and was in the shower with the water running.  Moving on from the books, he looked at a closed door.  Letting curiosity get the better of him, he opened it, finding another bathroom, but this one had two large boxy machines instead of a tub.  On the wall opposite the door, there was a mirror.  Catching a glimpse of himself, he looked away.  He hadn’t been ready to see his reflection look so different from what he knew.  Still curious though, he clenched his fist and bit his lip.  Gathering courage to really see what had been done to him, he chanced a look in the mirror.  He’d seen his reflection in fleeting moments until now, but he still gasped at the first real look.

His hair was bright silver, catching his attention, lighter on top than on the sides.  It was streaked, still pushed back, but starting to look a mess.  He thought it was reminiscent of his helm in color.  All signs of the red helm crest were gone, and he touched the place where it would normally sit on his face.  From there, his gaze slowly wandered down.

His brows were a dark grey, still thick and highly arched, especially compared to Caitlin’s, but these nowhere near as impressive as his true brow ridges.  Below them, his eyes were dark and deep-set into his face.  Even his eye color was wrong, he noted.  Where black and red once stood out against his features, now there stared back a dull brown, _the color of mud,_ he thought.  His nose, _which shouldn’t even be there_ , twitched as he snarled.  It was long and slender, much like the rest of his face.  Turning to the side, he could see that the nose had a ridge near the top of it, giving it a downward turn when seen in profile.  His sunken cheeks retained some of their former shape and appeared to crease easily as his mouth moved.  However thin, he had actual lips now and used them to frown.  Leaning on the sink for support, he moved closer.  He still had a hard time believing he existed in this alien form.  Shadows of his former self were all that remained.

 “Your face is fine,” Caitlin whispered behind him.

“Of course it is,” he lied, whipping around to face her.  He had no idea how long she had been standing there.  Thinking quickly, he added, “Otherwise you would have bandaged it like my other wounds.”  He made his way back to the couch, wrapping himself tightly in a blanket.  A very obvious sulk.

She laughed, crossing her arms.  He glanced up at her, seeing the blue bathrobe she wrapped herself in.  It was surprisingly short on her, stopping at mid-thigh.  The inspection did not go unnoticed as she immediately pulled the hem of the garment down in an effort to cover herself.  She cleared her throat before going back into the downstairs bathroom and emerging with more clothes in her arms.

“I forgot these were in the wash.  Excuse me.”  With clothes in hand, she wandered back upstairs to change.

He was still sulking in the blanket when she returned.  She was now wearing fitted pants and a dark turquoise shirt.  His face was a bit more pensive now, and she wondered what he was thinking about.  Sitting next to him, she felt unsure of what to do.  Hesitantly, she placed a hand on his shoulder, making him flinch.

She apologized, but he waved her off.

“Force of habit,” he admitted, hating his weakness.

Looking him over, she felt emboldened, asking, “Is it the scars on your back?”

“Hmm?”  She had his full attention now.  Raising one brow he lowered the blanket to look over his shoulder, trying to see.

“Do they hurt?  You cried last night when I touched them.”

He snorted, “I did no such thing.”  Both of them knew he was lying.  “Anyway, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“You don’t know about these?”  She traced a finger down each of the four scars running lengthwise down his back.

He whined, shivering, though he would vehemently deny it when she asked.  The touch was so intimate, tracing the wing attachments, or at least, where they should have been.

“Sorry, I should’ve asked first.”

“It’s fine.”  He was just ready to change the subject instead of dwelling on the loss of something so important to him.  “…I do know about them.  More than you know.”

He made it clear by his posture, hunched over and holding his arms close to his chest, that he wasn’t going to continue explaining.  Her curiosity was piqued.  Hoping he would be up to talking, she pushed a little.  “I know you’ve been through some trauma and I probably won’t understand, but you can talk to me… if you want.”

He only gave her a glance before he sighed.  “I have _no_ explanations you will understand.  Sharing won’t help.”  He straightened.  He stared ahead, thinking only of his burning hatred of his _Master_.  “All I require is shelter and fuel.” 

“And clothes,” she chuckled.

He made no response, but his lips curled into a smile against his will.  “Aren’t these enough?”  He gestured at the pajamas he currently wore.

“No.  I mean real clothes.  I can go get some for you.”  She paused, thinking.  “Or I could throw you in a jacket and you could come with me.”

He seemed hesitant.  True, he should probably obtain his own clothing, and the exposure to humans might help him blend in for the time being, but the reminders of his previous encounters with humans left a bitter taste in his mouth.  After deciding it was worth the risk, he nodded and stood.

She looked at his waist again, admiring the slope of his hips and his broad shoulders.  “Anyone ever tell you that you have the shoulder-to-waist ratio of a Dorito?”

Caught completely off guard, his shoulders raised with his brows.  “Is that some sort of insult?  I will not allow you to ogle me and then mask it with insults-“

“No no!  Not an insult!”  She waved the thought from the air in front of her.  Thinking fast, she picked up her phone from the table, unplugging the charger and pulled up an image.  She showed him the orange triangle and laughed.  “Dat you.”

He had no idea what his face was doing and was too confused to care.

She quieted down, slightly frightened by the twitch in his eye.  The woman took the opportunity to shuffle into her shoes and chuck a hoodie at him.  “Put this on.”

He snapped out of his daze, shrugging his way into the hoodie.  Caitlin snorted when she noticed it was backward, hood hanging below his chin.  She helped him pull it back off his arms and made sure he put it on properly on the second try.  She found herself creeping closer subconsciously and as the hem was pulled down, his head emerged.  He was embarrassed and angry, but she tugged at the hood, making sure it was in place, before letting her hands slide down to rest on his chest.  It felt solid.  Blushing, she backed away.

She missed the thin smile he made as she searched the pile for shoes, bending over to dig.  He wondered what her aft might feel like to squeeze but nearly gagged at himself once he realized what he was doing.  _Humans are squishy and gross and you are_ not _thinking about embracing that.  Ever._

Much to his chagrin, the pair found that his pedes were unable to fit into any of the shoes she owned, except for the goofy animal slippers.

_Of fragging course._

While she recognized it was funny, she apologized profusely, but that did nothing to change the shape of the footwear.

She promised new shoes would be one of the first things on the agenda.  Once ready, she led him outside the front door and Starscream sighed.  His optics took a few moments to adjust to the bright light, now seeing the other side of the home.  There were two mirror buildings that sandwiched a parking lot that appeared to need repair in a few places.  Having a new appreciation for human urban landscapes, he hoped it wouldn’t be a very long trip.  His pedes were still sore and he knew his body was still not recovered from his last few days of travel.  With a huff, he started walking, nearly tripping over the unsightly footwear several times.  He was nearly halfway out of the parking lot before Caitlin called out to him.

“Where are you going?”  He turned around and saw that she was leaning on a red car.

“I thought we were going to get clothes…”  As she stepped back, he noticed that the door of the car was open.

“It’s too far to walk.  Hop in.”  After he made no move, she shouted gleefully, “Get in loser!  We’re going shopping!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have decided not to set a schedule for this work, because I know as soon as I do, I'll mess it up. But I am working every day. I really am. Also, please feel free to talk to me, I swear I don't bite. ;)


	5. Continued Generosity

He shuffled back to the car, looking it up and down, feeling his face twitching.  The color and shape were reminiscent of Knockout, and he imagined what the grounder might think of him riding in such a vehicle.  He shuddered.

“I’m _not_ getting in that,” he growled.

“You are if you want to get real clothes that don’t have cats all over them.”  She wanted to smirk but his tone shift made her nervous.

He groaned, rubbing his face.  “How long will it take to walk?”

“Hours, probably,” she shrugged.

If he wasn’t sore before, he certainly was now.  He rubbed at his helm as a dull ache started between his optics and his feet begged him to sit down.

“…very well.”  He opened the door and climbed in, expecting the interior to be disgusting.  He was somewhat surprised it was cold inside but reminded himself that it wasn’t a Cybertronian.  No need for thermal homeostasis.  “After this,” he droned, “I will have no more rides inside of this… vehicle.”  He stroked the seat, the leather feeling smooth to the touch.

“Ok,” she shrugged.  Pulling out of the parking space, she reminded him to buckle up.  When he looked confused, she forcibly pulled the safety belt into place with a click.  “No tickets for failing to click it in my car.”  As she pulled out of the parking lot and onto the street, Starscream started to feel nauseous.  He was unsure humans could really pilot these vehicles when their consciousness did not reside within the machine.  How could they know how close they were to the edge of the road?  How did they know when to shift gears?  They couldn’t feel the tires gripping the road, the engine’s roaring, the wind rushing over the frame…  Granted, he knew little himself of how a grounder was able to travel safely, but watching her act so casual while controlling this machine that could easily lead to a fiery death if mishandled only served to frustrate him more.

To make matters worse, Knockout’s voice taunted his thoughts.

_“What’s wrong, Starscream?  Are you afraid to travel by ground?  Afraid you might enjoy it?”_

 

He winced.  He realized he had been gripping the seat and door so hard that he aggravated his injured hand, still wrapped in bandages.  He groaned, releasing his grip on the seat to rub at the painful area, but he quickly regretted it, grunting in pain.

“I’ve got some pain medicine with me.  I’ll get you a drink so you can take it when we get there.”  She glanced at him, noting more than a little discomfort in his posture.  “Are you ok?”

“Yes, just drive.”  He was not ok.  “Just focus on driving.”  Sulking, he raised the hood of the shirt he was forced into, imitating what he had seen earlier on the television.

He cursed how many times they were forced to stop at red lights.  Flying never required him to stop for traffic and it frustrated him to no end that all these stops were needlessly extending the duration of the torture.

Uncomfortable with the silence, she hoped talking might give him some comfort.  “So…  Were you hurt in a car accident?”

“Hm?”  He looked at her before understanding what she meant.  Looking at his hands, he responded,  “…Oh.  No, it was…  A robbery of sorts.”  _Not technically a lie._

Her eyes bugged out briefly.  “Oh, I’m so sorry!”  She reached out a hand to squeeze his arm reassuringly.  “Well, we’ll get you set up, ok?  You can talk to the cops later when we get back if you want.”

“NO!”  He gripped her hand, not letting go.  He took a deep breath, recomposing and trying to come up with a better response.  “Er, I mean, no.  I… am not fond of them.”

“You a criminal?” She laughed nervously.

“I assure you I have no record with your police force.”  He had learned long ago that the easiest way to lie was not telling the whole truth.

She thought that was an odd answer but shrugged.  “Well if you murder me I only ask that you make it painless,” she half-joked.

“I have no reason to kill you yet,” he said, yawning.

Another nervous laugh was all she could handle.  She decided not to continue conversing, instead focusing on finding a parking space.  As she pulled into the parking deck, Starscream shivered, the dark interior reminding him of the days he spent seeking shelter in the towers of Vos from rust storms.  When she stopped the car he leaped out of the vehicle.  He shuddered again, glad this experience was behind him.  He heard her laugh but he didn’t care.

“Let’s just get this over with,” he groaned, shuffling in his slippers.

She led the way, taking him to the mall entrance and taking a right.  Making good on her promise from earlier, she took him to the food court, _which is a ridiculous name as there is no trial held in a food court_ , he thought.  She asked him what he wanted to drink and he stared at her blankly while he tried to think of what humans drink.

Seeing his eyes widen, she held back a snort, walking him up to the counter of the nearest stall with a smile.

“You want a soda?”  He nodded.   “What kind do you like?”

He was tense as he grumbled and tried to make sense of the question.  “What…  What sort of soda do you prefer?”

“You act like you’ve never made a decision in your life,” she chuckled.  Her hand traced up his back absently, a comforting gesture.

Swallowing thickly, he looked up at the cashier and mumbled the first thing he read that seemed like it could be a drink, seeing that water was listed next to it.  With a flourish, Caitlin passed a card across the counter and a large cup was handed to Starscream.  He tried to smile, though it was crooked and unsure.  Taking a sip from the straw, he jerked in surprise at the bubbly nature of the drink, and couldn’t hide his amusement.  “I like this,” he murmured to himself.

_It has an electric quality._

Satisfied that he was happy, she handed him the pills and he quickly took them, sipping on his drink.  If it weren’t for the occasional odd stare at his outfit, he was almost… merry.

“You ready to shop?”  Her face was bright and full of expectation.

He looked down at her, straw still in his mouth.  He nodded and followed her through the crowd.  He caught himself humming a jaunty tune when he realized as he sipped his drink that the average human was still smaller than him and this pleased him greatly.

“You want to start here?”  She inclined her head at an opening to her right.  He shrugged.

“They’re all the same to me.”  _Literally._

“We’ve got to get you comfortable making decisions.”  She lightly tugged his arm, leading.  As they passed racks of shirts and pants she sighed.  “I wish I’d taken your measurements before we left.  I’ve never had to dress a man before.”

“Me either,” he deadpanned.

She slapped his middle in mock-annoyance.  “Just start me out.  What do you like to wear?”

“Clothes…”

“No, I mean what is your style?  What do you want to look like?”

“Myself,” he groaned.  His spark twisted in sorrow at the depth of his short answer.  He closed his eyes, unaware of her growing concern.

“Are you alright?”  Her touch on his arm was gentle. 

“No,” he started with a sigh. “But I will manage.  Just help me dress presentably.  Then we can move on.”  He just wanted to get this step over with so he could be one step closer to exacting revenge on his master.

She reached up to touch his shoulder but decided against it.

She turned her attention to underwear, realizing he’d need it to try on clothes.  After a bit of an awkward exchange with Star about his lower measurements, she realized he really did have _no_ idea what size he wore.  That led to another awkward exchange with a confused man who was shopping nearby.  Having something of an idea as to his size, she bought a couple of styles, neither of them knowing what kind he liked better.

Starscream still had no idea why this article of clothing was considered necessary, but conceded, putting them on in a restroom nearby.  Returning to the store, he was guided to the pants.  She convinced him to try on a few pairs of what were called jeans and found that he liked the tighter variety, to better see his figure.  She watched him turning to inspect himself in the mirror.  As he got used to his reflection, he couldn’t help but admire himself.  Even when he felt so disgusting, he could not miss the few lingering looks and turning heads.

His confidence boosted, he chose several sets of jeans in dark colors before selecting a couple in a lighter grey.  From there, the two looked at shirts, selecting primarily knits after he realized his injured hand and lack of familiarity with human closures hindered his interaction with buttons.  Buttons aside, Starscream was feeling fairly good about himself, thinking that he was beginning to understand human fashion.  To Caitlin, it appeared he was right.

Once they finished in the dressing rooms nearly an hour and a half later, she looked down at the massive stack of clothing in her arms.  “So are you ready to make your final picks?”

“Yes, that is all,” he droned with a dismissive wave of his hand.  He strode toward the counter and got halfway there before looking back to see she did not follow.  “Well?”

She shook her head.   “It’s too much, Star.”

“Too much?”

She nodded, insistent.  “Yes, I can’t buy you all this!”

“Why not?  You were the one who offered to buy clothes.  You helped pick them out.”

“Yes, but there is no reason I should buy you this $40 pair of pants AND a wool coat.”

“Why not?”  He was becoming frustrated that he would not receive all that he felt he had been led to believe.

“BECAUSE I’M NOT MADE OF MONEY,” she shouted.

He recoiled but snapped back.  He wasn’t sure how to respond, recognizing that he needed her help, but glared.

She sighed, seeming resigned.  “Look, I’m not rich.  I can’t give you everything you want here, but I can get you looking presentable so you can help yourself going forward, ok?”  She tilted her head to see past the long hair that had slowly covered her face in the heated discussion.

He thought about her response while puzzling over the choice to live with hair that reached to her hips.  Perhaps he misjudged the value of human currencies.    Or underestimated the human capacity for profiting on their own kind and their societal necessities.  “Alright, what’s the most expensive thing there?”

“The coat.”

“No no.  I’m keeping that,” he said noncommittally.  Striding back over to her, he silently sorted the pile, pulling out several items.  “Better?”

“Better.”  She clearly still had reservations about dropping this much cash on a stranger, but her generosity won out.  With a sigh, she paid for the items and they headed back to the restroom to change.  He emerged wearing the dark jeans, a grey turtleneck, and the black wool coat, looking much better, shoving the pajamas into her arms.  She looked down and noticed he was still wearing the slippers.  “Let’s get you a couple pairs of shoes while we’re at it,” she huffed.

Her eyes lingered on his form before she led the way to the next shop.  She had to admit, he looked good.  Running the math in her head, she hoped she could afford to get him _one_ pair of shoes.  As they walked into the nearest store, it was wall to wall shoes and Starscream felt overwhelmed.  He meandered around the store, marveling at the variety of options before settling before some heeled boots.  Of course they had to measure his foot for a size, but he immediately tried on several pairs of boots, not caring when others mentioned he also grabbed women’s shoes.

Caitlin pulled an employee aside and mentioned her budget options.  The man offered a sympathetic look and disappeared behind a door.  He returned with a pair of boots that were scuffed at the heel but otherwise fine.  They had been a display and received some damage.  Showing them to Star, she assured him she could polish them to look good as new.  At first dismissing her offer, he took a second glance as he noticed the glint of silver.  They had silver metal toes and accents extremely like his root mode and putting them on made him feel just a little less… lost.  Zipping them up to where they rested just below his knee, he strutted around to the check out and called her over to pay for the shoes.

Caitlin noticed the way he beamed, and despite this pair still being a bit outside her budget, decided to spoil the man.  Throwing in a few pairs of socks, she exchanged her card for the goods.  He was already tall, but the heels added a couple more inches of height, forcing her to strain her neck to make eye contact at times.  She insisted that he at least carry all his bags back to the car since she had spent all the money and he begrudgingly obliged.

“Feel better?”  She knew he did by his prideful walk, but she could admit to seeking validation for her efforts.

“Much.”  He smirked, feeling the teensiest bit more himself.

After he said nothing more she huffed.  _Not even a ‘thanks’_.

At the car, he loaded the bags into the trunk and reluctantly climbed into the passenger seat.  He knocked his toes together, catching his reflection in the metal.  He looked up at Caitlin as she got in and noticed her furrowed brow.

“Something wrong?”

“Yes, Star.  I just spent a ton of money that I couldn’t afford and I don’t even get thanked?”

Taken aback, he realized she was serious.  “I…  Thanks?”

She sighed, knowing he didn’t understand.  “You act like you don’t understand money. Or manners.  Or clothes, before today.  It’s… baffling.  Who are you?”

His blood pressure dropped, face blanching.  Stopping himself from sputtering, he spoke, “I am…  I don’t understand your currency because I’m not from around here.”  He searched her face to see if the lie stuck.

She seemed to accept this answer.  “So, where _are_ you from?”

_Scrap._

“That is… hard to explain.”

“Wait, is English your first language?”

“No,” he stated, matter-of-factly.

“Oh!  Well, you should have said something.”  A little embarrassed, she tugged at her hair.  She sighed once more.  “Still not happy to spend that much money, but I’m willing to help translate for you if you have any questions.”

“That won’t be necessary, I assure you.  Just…  Perhaps you could understand more of my _quirks_.”

She nodded minutely.  Checking the time, she asked, “You hungry yet?”

He wasn’t sure if he was but nodded anyway.

“This will be the last I spend on you today.”  She paused.  “After we get you toiletries.”

“Toiletries?”

“Yes,” she nodded, pulling out of the parking deck.  “You need a toothbrush and deodorant.  It’s not really hot enough to merit it, but eh…”  She shrugged.

He nodded hesitantly.  He focused his attention out the window, trying to forget his qualms about riding in a car.  He instead tried to gain a better grasp of where he was.  He found the town name easily enough on several buildings, but he wasn’t familiar with the location.  He could tell it was America but based on the accents, he could be anywhere in the southeast corner of the country.

“You ok with fast food?”  She interrupted his thoughts.

He nodded.  He found that it was easier to agree than to worry about making an assumption.

She pulled into a line of cars and turned to him while they waited.  “I’m going to leave this decision all up to you,” she smirked.

“Fine,” he lied.  As they approached the menu, he looked for something not entirely unappealing.  Finding nothing he desired to taste, he settled on asking for whatever was first on the menu.

Caitlin placed the order and asked what he wanted to drink, and he responded with the name of the soda he had in the mall.

“You like that one, huh?”  She mused.

“Yes.”  _Surprisingly, not a lie._

The pair settled for eating at home, rather than go on with getting his toothbrush. They lugged their haul in and flopped down onto the couch, each of them exhausted for different reasons.

He stared at the greasy burger and kept down a retch.  Working up courage, remembering that he ultimately had asked for this thing, he bit down into the soft bun.  The texture was unsettling like those noodles, _but he didn’t hate it_.  He was disgusted with himself until he assured himself that the taste of his human body was likely different than his regular self.  Once he was himself again, he would never have to eat another burger and that helped make the sandwich more bearable.

The fries on the other hand…  He could eat a dozen of the little boxes.

He was wiping his intake as he caught her staring at him again.

“You do know I can see you…?”

“Oh,” she blushed, “I was just hoping we could talk.”

“About what?”

“You.”

He raised a brow in question.

“I mean…  I can’t help but be curious about a man who shows up naked in my yard.  And, don’t take this the wrong way, but you act a little odd sometimes.”  She packed away the trash of the meal, curling her legs up under her at an angle to face him better.

He groaned, hunching.  “Well…  What exactly do you want to know?”

“Well, what about the basic stuff?  Like, where are you from?  How old are you?”

Thinking a moment, he gave a vague response.  “I come from a place too far for you to travel to and I can assure you I am older than I look.”

Her face flattened in frustration.  “Alright, is there anything that you actually want, to tell the truth about?”

He toyed with the idea of telling her the whole truth just to see her reaction but held back.  No, instead he decided to attempt to sound human.

“I am an officer in a foreign military,” he began.  “And as such, I cannot share with you my place of origin.  ‘Star’ is the only designation I will give, and I see no reason to keep track of my age.  Never have.”  Seeing that she wasn’t outright objecting to this explanation, he continued.  “And as for how I wound up here…  I have my leader to thank for this.  Stripped of my position, my name, my _wings_ -“ he paused, catching himself.

Caitlin sat with a pained expression, reaching a reassuring hand to his.  “It’s ok,” she whispered.

“I am, was, a pilot.  Air Commander, in fact,” he explained quickly.

“Sounds like you were important.”

He froze, face unreadable.  “I thought I was,” he murmured to himself.

Her heart broke, shoulders sinking.  “You’ve really got nowhere to go, do you?”

He shook his head.  “I’m afraid I’ve always made more enemies than friends.”

“Well…  I’m not gonna say ‘Well you got one now’, but I think you’re off to a good start.”

He looked back into her eyes, puzzled expression scrunching his forehead.  “You try to befriend anyone that shows up naked and half-frozen?”

With a serious face, she assured him, “No, just the naked ones.”  She burst into laughter and was surprised when she heard a chuckle join in.

He was surprised himself, but it felt good to laugh.


	6. A Little Bit of Research

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Warning! This is a sexually explicit chapter. Readers under 18 should not view this material.**
> 
> That being said, I am ecstatic to finally update. No idea when 7 will come but I'm not abandoning this fic anytime soon.

Starscream was content to spend the rest of the day relaxing in relative ease.  He reclined on the couch, legs stretched out before him while military dogfighting played on the tv.

It certainly wasn’t Caitlin’s cup of tea, but she humored him, opting to open her laptop to check a few blogs rather than let herself get bored.  As she browsed over images of cute animals and fun crafts she could hear some of the things the narrator would say about the maneuvers of the war planes.  Curious, she started looking up references of these moves to better understand the commentary.  She first caught him staring after a few minutes on a google page about maintaining the higher energy than an opponent.

“Ok, so I don’t know about planes,” she sighed.

He only grunted but continued looking over her shoulder.

“You’re making me nervous,” she glared back.

He smirked but diverted his attention back to the documentary.  “If you really wanted to understand a plane, you should ask _me_.”

Her lips pressed into a thin line, but her eyes remained warm.  “So Mr. Air Commander, what sort of plane do you fly?”  She made every bit of sass clear.

He leaned forward, puffing out his chest.  “An F-16.”  His eyes twinkled with pride as a grin split his face.  “Highly modified to allow for thrust vectoring and a higher service ceiling.  Amongst other things.”

She immediately looked up an image for reference.  “They look fast…”  After a moment she asked, “What’s thrust vectoring?”

Beaming, he proceeded to explain how he could control his flight direction based on several factors including but not limited to the direction of the thrust of his engine.  He was thoroughly excited to talk about flight and the various careful maneuvers he was capable of as she continued to ask questions.

She watched with joy as he became more and more animated and lively, illustrating his points with a wave of his hands and rattling off stats and specs that flew over her head faster than he could pilot.  She had great fun watching his face transform.  His joy about the subject was contagious and he felt full of excitement as he talked about flying.

He was only comfortable in sharing his personal specs because she had admitted beforehand to knowing little about aircraft.  Otherwise, he thought a human might question some of his abilities in the air as impossible.

 She supplemented his information periodically with data from web searches, asking him increasingly informed questions as time went on.  She learned the different types of rolls and took time in showing Star the humorous google barrel roll trick.

He marveled at some of the things she was able to parse out of the internet, having had some trouble with it before.  Seeing how easily she accessed real and useful information intrigued him and he was eager to access it again for some _personal_ research.

“May I?”  He gestured at the laptop hesitantly.

She looked him over and shrugged.  “Just don’t look up porn,” she giggled, passing it to him.

Recognizing that he would have to wait for a moment when she wasn’t watching to try and find the status of the rest of his species, he decided to show her some of his favorite aerial stunt videos on Youtube.  He at least could navigate that.

She gasped and awed at the capabilities of a plane like an f-16.  To his own surprise, he found that trait endearing.  As she tucked her hair behind an ear to better watch, the glow of the computer cross-lit her face, highlighting her rounded features and parted lips.  She seemed genuinely interested, to his surprise.  _Once I am myself again_ , he thought, _I will spare her life.  Perhaps I’ll even keep her as a pet._

As he set the computer down on the coffee table, having spent quite a while on the couch, he stretched lifting his arms high over his head.  The pain in his hand had slowly returned, but he was not unable to cope.

Caitlin could help sneaking a look at his exposed middle as the shirt lifted with his arms.  Rising, she cheerfully prepared them both sandwiches for dinner and the two were comfortable sitting quietly for the evening, switching back and forth between their choices of programming on the tv.  At one point, Starscream turned to ask something of Caitlin but found her eyes shut and mouth open as she fell asleep leaning back on the couch.  With the barest worry that she’d died, he recalled that humans often don’t moderate their own sleep, falling into it when they are exhausted.  The angle of her neck could not feel good.  He couldn’t stop himself from smiling at the sight but tapped her shoulder lightly.

She jerked awake, embarrassed to have fallen asleep on him.  As she sat up, she wiped a little drool from the corner of her mouth.

“Sorry.  Guess I was tired.”  She yawned and stood, eyes only half open.  “I’m just gonna go to bed.  You get some sleep too.”  She made her way to the stairs, wobbling on the way.

He chuckled quietly, “Will you make it up safely?”

“Shut up,” she yawned.  She waved to him, flicking off the light.  He could hear her heavy footsteps travel up the stairs as well as the creak and shift of her bed as she flopped onto it minutes later.

Waiting until he was satisfied she was asleep, he reopened the computer, quickly tracking down familiar websites he’d used when seeking shelter in the Harbinger.  Sparing a few minutes to laugh at dancing animals, he quickly found the underground web page for unexplained sightings of aliens and cryptids.  He skimmed the images quickly, hoping for some sign of his kind, Autobot or otherwise, still on this planet.  He was disappointed to say the least, but decided to continue exploring.  He looked into human genetics and found several scientific papers detailing discoveries in the human genome, hoping that he could find anything that might help him reverse this horror done to him.

He was aggravated at the phenomenon of a paywall and growled at the device when he could not read several papers that held information he knew to be relevant and useful.  Taking a deep breath, he tried to research instead what was expected of a normal human life.  Caloric intake, exercise, it all sounded so bland and needlessly complicated.  He ran across several types of deficiencies and diseases, ranging from acute to chronic and from benign to fatal.  Reminded that his new body would be dead in a short 80 years or so, he snarled, shuddering at the thought of being trapped in a dying body.

He tried fruitlessly to distract himself from this revelation.  Nothing could alleviate the anxiety building in his chest.  His hands trembled at the keys as he searched for anything that could keep him calm.  He read about soothing human anxiety but lacked understanding of much of it. _Stimming?  ASMR?  Why would a blanket help and what is tea?_   He returned to the flight videos, the sounds of turbines and rushing wind calming him more than he honestly expected.

He allowed himself to relax, lying on the couch on his side.  His mind wandered as his eyes closed, sending him to the clouds of Earth.  He loved to fly through the condensed water vapors of Earth’s atmosphere, the harmless droplets surrounding him as he admired the view.  He would dip his wings into the cloud layer below him playfully.  The light of the sun danced on the surface, gilding them.  He could almost feel the moisture in his seems before his body alerted him that he was actually moist.  Feeling under his clothing, he realized there was water forming on his skin.  He had encountered this before on the slab.  He chanced looking up then answer to this condensation on human skin and his nose wrinkled in disgust.

Sweat.

 _Wonderful.  My body secretes…._   The contents of said fluid were even more unsettling than the act itself.  Hating the sensation of his clothes clinging to him, he stripped.  It took more effort than he expected, but he managed to get down to his underwear within a couple minutes.  Feeling much better, he stretched back out, looking down his form once more. 

Noticing the bulge in the underwear, he pondered why in the pit a species would leave its method of propagation so vulnerable.  He scrolled through a few quick explanations of human reproduction, learning what the unsightly sack was.

_Testicles.  An ugly word for an ugly thing._

He was intrigued to learn that human sexual intercourse was so similar to interfacing.  Recalling the sensation of pleasure when touching his soft spike in the bath the night before, he entertained the thought of exploring that sensation.

 _Strictly science_ , he reasoned.  _A comparison of sensations from one species to another._

Pulling the band of the underwear down, he took the soft member in hand.  By the light of the computer, it was nothing impressive, but as he gave it a gentle squeeze, he grunted at the feeling of his grip on its surface.  _Not really similar_ , he noted.  Deciding to start elsewhere, he thought he could test the sensitivity of his body and in the process try to find its erogenous zones.  Fingertips of both hands grazed across various places around his lower abdomen, testing which parts of his new body were sensitive or derived pleasure from the touch.  He hated the coarse hair that surrounded his groin, but strangely delighted when he took it in hand and pulled.  It hurt but seemed to stimulate a pleasurable response.  The idea that he could pull hair to stimulate a large area at once was interesting and he filed that away for later. 

Moving upward, his long fingers traced across his belly making him hitch his breath.  Everything about this body was so soft and so sensitive, nothing like the plating he lived with for so long.  His hands wandered back down, smoothing over the surface of his thighs.  He moaned lowly, startling himself.  _This is supposed to be scientific_ , he reminded.  Deciding he’d explored enough, he moved to cover himself once more, pulling up his garment, but was impeded by his spike.  He’d neglected his spike in preference of testing other factors, but now it was _certainly_ larger than when he started.

Squeezing the spike, he bucked.  The soft little spike was now long as his hand.  It felt stiff and was getting warmer to the touch.  The electric feeling of the squeeze coupled with his curiosity convinced him to keep going with this little… experiment.

Adjusting his position to lean on his right elbow, he leaned forward to watch in curiosity.  He used his left hand to trace every line on his spike, the head, shaft, even fuel lines visible on the surface.  He shuddered, prompting him to grip around the base of the growing member.  He could feel his fuel lines throbbing beneath his skin, a completely new sensation that heightened the pleasure of this experience.  Everything was so familiar yet so foreign and he loved it.

 _Science_ , he chided himself.

Taking another scrutinizing look, his spike was much longer and had more width than before, leading him to conclude that this must be human pressurization.  _It is a far slower process, but the results are comparable_ , now that he had a true image for comparing old form to new.  He wondered if pumping the length would also be comparable to the same action in his true body.  Slowly, he gripped and tugged up the shaft, forcing a heady moan out of his throat as he exhaled.  “That…  Is pretty close.”

In fact, it might even feel _more_ intense than in his natural state.  _Further testing is required._

He watched the loose skin slide up and down as he pumped himself, amazed at the newness, and even more amazed that he wasn’t immediately repulsed by the idea of skin.  The head repeatedly disappeared and reemerged as the skin slid up and down the shaft.  His hips started moving of their own accord and as he began to buck periodically into his hand, he closed his eyes, biting down on his lower lip.  His skin was on fire and the sensation of arousal flooded his system.

_Scrap science.  This feels gooood._

Allowing himself to fully relax and immerse himself in the building pleasure, he increased his pace and the pressure of his grip.  Lying flat on his back, the fabric of the couch cushions rubbed at his wing scars, making him arch up with a loud vocalization.  He took a moment to calm down and catch his breath, hoping the owner of this home hadn’t heard.

He was covered with sweat now, but he didn’t care.  He knew he needed to overload and he was determined to make it happen tonight.  Resuming his pumping at a slower pace, he bit his lip, sucking it between his teeth to help keep himself quiet.  Making use of his injured hand, he ran the tips of his fingers across his abdomen, eventually finding a nipple as he moved up his chest.  He had no time to question the function of the structure.  His head rocked back as he pinched the nub, surprised at the response.  He worked himself up into a needy state, finding all sorts of interesting feelings and responses as he brought himself closer and closer to overload.   His mouth hung open, lip forgotten as his heavy breaths were the only sound in the quiet home.

A curious tug at his testicles nearly had him arching completely off the couch.  His voice streamed out of him in the form of whimpers and breathy moans as he neared his goal, his host long forgotten.  His hips thrust upward with increasing pace until he panicked, imagining Caitlin returning, standing at the bottom of the stairs to see him in this state, so openly reaching for overload.  With a surprised yelp, he clasped his hands over his mouth as he came, spilling ejaculate across his stomach.  His eyes screwed tightly shut, wrinkling the corners of them as he shook, breathing heavily between his fingers as pulsing continued in his testicles and spike.

Breathing deeply and finally emerging from the high of overload, he jerked his head to the doorway to the stairs, eyes snapping wide and sighed, relaxing to find it empty.  He laid himself back down and shook the thoughts of his host from his head, looking down at his body.  He started to sneer, but if he was honest with himself, the fluid that now coated him was not unlike his own transfluid.

Closing his eyes, he could still see the image of Caitlin standing in shock his mind had conjured.  _Nothing more than a figment of his imagination, of course_.  Still, he had trouble reconciling the fact that he overloaded in tandem with the vision of her.  Her wide green eyes, blush pink cheeks, soft lips open in a gasp-

 _Stop it_ , he willed.

Taking a deep breath, he rotated to sit up on the couch, focusing.  He rose, legs feeling less than solid, and made his way to the bathroom on the lower floor, seeing the barest evidence of his little experiment in the mirror within the darkened room.  Flicking on the light, he could clearly see his hair in tangles, some of it plastered to his forehead from moisture.  His belly was coated in the white fluid, and his skin was bright pink.  Unsurprisingly, his spike was already soft again, still hanging over the band of his underwear.  Grabbing a cloth from a shelf nearby, he used the sink’s warm water to clean himself as best he could.

Covered, cleansed and content, he sat on the couch to continue watching videos and tv because he had no intention of sleeping.  Not necessarily for fear of the nightmares, but that was a factor in his choice.  He always felt he was better awake than in recharge, even if it meant sacrificing a level of performance.  Recharge or sleep left him vulnerable and he had too much to do to worry about death coming in the night.  Sleep was one thing he refused to sacrifice control to after he had already lost so much.

\--

Caitlin rolled over in her bed, frustrated at her inability to get back to sleep in the middle of the night.  Despite the clock saying it was 3 am, her body seemed damned determined to let her think it was 7 am and time to rise.  She tried flipping over, flipping the pillow, drinking water, but nothing relaxed her enough to slip into slumber again.  She didn’t want to go downstairs to make tea and risk waking her guest, but there was little she could do to force herself to sleep.

Resigned to her fate, she tried to close her eyes and pretend.  Just as she finally started to drift, she was jerked awake by a sound from downstairs.  She thought it was probably just something he was watching, getting angry that it was so loud but reconsidered this theory when she heard a soft vocalization.  Her face heated at the thought of her guest possibly touching himself.  On her couch.  Downstairs.

Another lewd sound shot heat straight to her groin.

That is definitely a _moan_.

Before she could stop herself, she pictured his high cheekbones a bright pink, mouth gaping.

“Fuck,” she whispered.  She could still hear him, still getting himself off below her.  She struggled to get to sleep quickly and just forget that she knew what he was doing, but she knew that she had become attracted to him.  He was a bit older than her usual type, but she was willing to admit that he was uniquely attractive.  He carried himself with military pride and appeared almost aristocratic when he was composed.  She heard the couch springs creak rhythmically downstairs and decided to give in to desire.

She was entirely ashamed, but when her hand rubbed over her underwear, she sighed, arching into her touch.  She figured a good little bit of alone time might help her relax and get to sleep.

Spreading her legs wide, she traced herself, familiar with her body and where she felt best.  As she heard another whimper rise from her guest on the couch, she licked and played with her lip, thinking about what kind of kisser he might be.  Dominant?  Frantic?  Or restrained?  Eyes closing, she envisioned him stretched out, exposed and openly touching himself while she watched.  She pictured his slender fingers wrapped around himself, face twisted in the bliss of the moment.  Her hips moved in little circles under the covers of her bed, her body begging for more.  Her fingers pressed into her folds as she pictured him further, both of them hot and blushing deeply in her little fantasy.  She pressed into her clit, hiccupping out a moan of her own.  She chided herself internally, but couldn’t stop now.  As her ministrations increased, she progressed her imaginings, now thinking of him lying beneath her as she tenderly touched his body, carefully caressing around his wounds.  His broad shoulders, his chest, every surface was available to her.

She imagined _she_ was pulling those sounds from him, kissing and sucking on his neck as she would grind on him.  Another moan from downstairs made her increase her pace, imagining what it might feel like to take him into her, to feel her body give way to penetration.  She breathed heavily as she built herself up, now toying with her breasts with her left hand.  She even enhanced her fantasy by taking one nipple into her teeth, bending her neck down as she pushed the flesh up.  She licked at the peak and envisioned Star’s dark eyes staring up at her.

It was quiet downstairs when she climaxed, toes curling and thighs clenching shut.  She worked herself through it, whimpering, until she felt too sensitive and overstimulated to continue.

Panting, she resituated, legs stretching out, and let herself relax into a deep sleep.

\--

Starscream could hear movement upstairs after the sun rose and knew his host must be getting up.  He was surprised when she emerged looking ready to leave the apartment, fully clothed and searching for shoes.

As she pulled her hair into a high ponytail, she looked over and saw that he was awake.  Forcing down the shame of her nighttime fantasy, she offered up a smile.

“I’m surprised you’re awake.  Did you get much sleep?”  _I know you didn’t._

He shook his head, “No.”  Looking her over, he asked, “Going somewhere?”

“I’ve got to go to work,” she replied while slipping into plain black shoes and grabbing a coat.

“Work?”

“Yeah, Star.  I’ve gotta make money.  I work a couple jobs and today I work retail.  Hence the uniform.”  She gestured at her shirt which had the logo prominently displayed on the breast.

“…So what am I supposed to do?” He suddenly found himself nervous at the idea of being alone in the human apartment.

“There’s cereal, sandwiches, or soup.  Help yourself.  I’ll be back this afternoon.”  She grabbed her keys before turning to write a small note.  “Here.  I’ll leave my phone.  If you have any issues just call me at work with this number.  Be sure to ask for Caitlin because I might not be the one to answer.”

He raised an eyebrow, nodding.  He made a note to find out what “retail” means.  He really hated not having the mental clarity of his root mode.  He was used to being able to recall information perfectly.  Now he had to wade through a cloud of distraction to arrive at a vague thought.

 

She waved as she headed out the door, leaving him alone for the day.  Not wanting to waste any opportunity he was given, he continued his searchings among the various websites for conspiracy theorists and alien encounters, hoping to find out anything about the status of the war.  Still finding nothing after several hours, he grew bored and wandered the home, looking for anything to occupy his mind.  He turned to the bookshelf for a source of entertainment and found a book that sounded relevant to his current situation.  It was a thick hardbound book full of human medical knowledge.

 _Perhaps this was how she knew to treat my wounds_ , he thought.

Flipping through the pages, he digested the charts and descriptions while learning about his new anatomy.  Still disturbed by his mortality, he was cautious in his depth of curiosity.

His grumbling midsection interrupted his thoughts and alerted him that he was hungry once again.

 _Curse humans and their diet_.  He tried searching the kitchen for the cereal he had before but stumbled through several cabinets before smacking his forehead to see the box on top of the fridge.  The picture on the box was colorful and he somehow felt offended that he would choose to eat such a product.  In his quest for the box, he had found the cabinet that held the plates and bowls and selected a bowl he thought was suitable and poured.  Then came the problem of the white liquid.  He wasn’t sure why it wasn’t packaged together with the cereal to save a step in preparation but looked around and found something resembling what he recalled in a large container in the refrigerator.

 _Milk?  What is milk?_   He was sure he had read something about it when he first came to this planet but his human brain lacked the ability to recall accurate memory to aid him.  Growling, he splashed the substance into the bowl, found a spoon, and went back to the couch.  He became distracted by the medical book, learning about the multitude of ways he might die.  As he set down the empty bowl, he decided to look up what milk is.

\--

It was a fairly normal day at work for Caitlin.  There were boxes of stock to put on the shelf, customers with questions.  But she got a surprise when she was told to take a call on line 3.

“This is Caitlin how may I-“

“WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME?  WHY IN THE PIT WOULD YOU DRINK THE SECRETIONS OF ANOTHER LIFEFORM?”  If the volume was any indication, she’d say he was upset.

“Calm down!  What’s wrong?”

“MILK IS WRONG,” he shouted.

“What?  Did it go sour?”

She could hear his sharp intake of breath, “Sour?  IT GOES BAD?  UGH!”

“Star, you’ve gotta calm down so I can understand what’s going on.”

“Why do humans drink the milk of another animal?  Why do the animals produce it?  How could you not tell me that I was consuming a secretion?”

“Hold up, you know that secretion and lactation are different, right?”

“Regardless, why-“

“You didn’t know what milk was??”  It was her turn to be flabbergasted.

There was a silence at the other end of the line.  As she waited for his answer she looked over to see several customers and coworkers staring.  She blushed and he finally spoke up, “No.”

“Well, it’s got nutrients in it that are good for you.  It’s not something I thought needed explaining.”

More silence.

“I’ll be home in a couple hours.  Can we talk then?”  She didn’t understand but knew she couldn’t tie up the phone too long.

“Yes.”  The line went dead before she could respond.


	7. Dodging Bullets

Caitlin could hardly believe what she’d heard and spent most of the rest of her shift thinking about it.  _How do you live your whole life not knowing what milk is?_

And that wasn’t the only oddity about her houseguest.  Naked entry aside, he gave vague responses to any questions asked and seemed unsure of… _everything_.  Pushing her thoughts aside, she completed her shift and returned home, stopping by the store to grab the toothbrush and deodorant that she promised him as well as a few other items.

She entered the home, bag in hand and shook the moisture from the slush and melting snow from her shoes.  On the floor sat Star, looking worse for wear.

“…You ok?”  She could see that he was stressed, hands clasped to his head with his knees tucked close to his chest where he sat in the middle of the room.  There were dark circles under his eyes and several bandages on his feet hung loose, looking as if they’d been picked at.

He looked at her and nodded, contrary to his appearance.

He was far from fine.  He’d spent the day on the internet failing to find Cybertronians and reading the book about human medical emergencies.  He felt like he was radiating anxiety in waves and there was nothing he could do to alleviate it.  He hadn’t even bothered to put on clothes, still in his underwear and drenched in sweat.  He felt trapped in his own skin and couldn’t bear to add anything else to his cage.

Setting the bag down gently, she stripped off her coat and shoes to kneel at his side.  “You don’t have to lie to me.”

He watched her, unsure of her motives.  When she spoke, he felt terrified, quickly trying to make up a story to refute her suspicions.  He couldn’t afford to lose her trust.

Before he could speak, she asserted, “You’re _not_ ok.  What is it?”

“I’m…” He gulped.  “I’m fine.”  Her tone seemed sincere but he couldn’t believe anyone would care that much about him in this pathetic state.

“No.  You’re not.”  She sighed and added, “It’ll be easier for me to help you if you tell me the truth.”

 _This is it_ , he thought.  “The truth?”  The truth that he’s actually a 30-foot tall metal alien?

“Yes,” she sighed and cautiously placed a hand on his shoulder.

“The truth…  is…”  He shivered, anxiety mounting.  He debated bolting from the residence, ready to find another way to provide for himself when he felt her embrace him in a hug.

He was stiff, unsure of what she meant by this.  She let out a laugh and he felt anger building that she would have the audacity to laugh at him or to think of him as weak but quickly changed his assessment of the situation when she spoke.

“Star, did you scare yourself reading about necrotizing fasciitis?”

Sitting back, he glared at her.  “What?”

“I’m looking at the open book and there is this gross picture there!  Did you give yourself a scare?”

He turned, seeing the open wound in the image and gagged at the sight, but was thankful that he did not have to tell her the _full_ truth yet.  “…Yes.  Yes, that is what I’ve done.”

“Oh hun,” she cooed.  She cradled his head to her chest, a normal behavior she bestows upon any of her friends.  But as he grunted, face pressed to her bosom, she recalled the events of the night before and retracted hastily.  “You shouldn’t read about that stuff if it upsets you.”  She reached over to grab the book from its place on the floor.

“…What is necro…  whatever?”

“Necrotizing fasciitis?”

“Yes.”  He was intrigued.  His understanding of human languages told him it was scientific terminology and had something to do with death.

“It’s a term for when bacteria start eating flesh, killing the surrounding tissue.  Lots of bacteria can cause this, but it’s not a very common issue.”  The look of terror on his face made her stop.  “I should not have told you that.”

“But what…  Why do you know about it if it isn’t common?”

“Oh, I did a presentation on it for a microbiology course,” she acknowledged, shoving the book back into its home on the shelf.

“Microbiology?”  He knew what it was by breaking up the word, but wanted to see what she knew.  Why would she have studied this?

“The study of life too small to be seen by the unaided eye,” she rattled off as she continued straightening up the home.  Star left a mess of blankets and dirty cups wherever he went.

He wasn’t sure what to make of this information.  “So are you a medic?  Is that why you studied this sort of thing?”

“Pfft, no.  I just had to take microbiology for my zoology degree.”  She returned to the room from putting away dishes ad disappeared into the bathroom, closing the door.

“…what is zoology?”  He waited at the door for her response.

“Study of animals,” she called through the door.  She emerged seconds later wearing jeans and a yellow sweater.  “I’m _clearly_ using my degree,” she laughed.  “I make crafts for a living at both jobs.”  She glanced at his bandages and retrieved the first aid kit from the under sink storage.  “But I do need to fix you up.”

He tilted his head, intrigued.  “You studied your own kind, but do not use this knowledge in your career?”

She pursed her lips.  “Not exactly.  I mean, yeah, humans are animals, but I find other animals far more interesting.  Like…  birds are my favorite.”

“I don’t like birds,” he grumbled, recalling his own encounters with the filth in his engine.  He could still feel the goop in his gears.

“But they’re so cute and pretty!  And so perfectly adapted for what they do.”

Starscream rolled his eyes, standing up and pushing his hair back into place, fighting with a couple locks that seemed not to obey and stood up at odd angles.

“Ugh, I forgot…  You need to shower.”

“What?  Why?”

“Because…  You just need to.  Your hair is getting greasy.”  It wasn’t that bad, but she didn’t want to mention that she knew what he had done in that set of underwear and why she wanted him to change.

“…Alright.”  After all the sweating he’d done in the past 24 hours, he thought he could understand the need.  And surely a shower wouldn’t be that hard to figure out.

She encouraged him to remove the old bandages before he stepped under the water and left him a change of clothes by the door.  Fishing in the bag from the store, she handed him a new bottle of soap and shampoo and hung a towel and wash rag on the rack.  She briefly contemplated listening in, but decided she didn’t need a repeat of last night if things got hot.

Starscream wasn’t sure how this would play out, but removed the last piece of clothing on his body and attempted to start the water.  He fiddled with the knob for several minutes to get the perfect temperature and convert the stream to shower.  It was similar to the washracks on the Nemesis, he found.  Stepping under the stream, he sighed at the warmth and sensation of the water pounding his skin.  It was soothing and reminded him of the first night in the apartment and the tender treatment Caitlin had given him in the tub.

_Let’s not go down that rabbit hole._

Instead, he chose to focus on the present.  He needed to get clean.  Trying to recall the steps he went through in the tub, he grabbed the rag and found the bottle labeled body wash.  He scrubbed hard at his skin, irritating it with the rough treatment, but he wanted to rid himself of any grime and the porous nature of this body made that task difficult.

After he felt his body was cleansed, he focused on his hair, using the new shampoo.  This cleaner had a different scent to the one she’d used on him before, and it made him wonder why she selected a different bottle for him to use.  Deciding it must be that she felt uncomfortable with the two of them smelling the same, he shrugged and rinsed himself facing the stream.  As he stepped back and opened his eyes, he found that they burned.  Screaming, he rubbed at them and ran them under the water, not knowing what else to do, but within a few seconds, they felt better.  Not all the pain had subsided, but now he understood why she shielded his eyes when rinsing that night.

Once the water was stopped he toweled himself off and opened the door to find the clothes.  He was disappointed that the boots were not included with the stack but noted that Caitlin had rarely worn shoes within the home and assumed it must be some rule of human houses.  Wearing a pair of dark grey pants and a black shirt, he headed for the kitchen where he noticed a strong smell.  Not a bad smell, but not one he could identify readily.

_Par for the course._

“What is that?”  He leaned over her shoulder to see the pan she held on the stove top.  It was full of white and green chunks he couldn’t make sense of.

“Stir-fry,” she chirped happily.  “I felt like cooking tonight.”  She shuffled the pan, flipping some of the food with a flick of her wrist.

He could see some of it was meat as well as plant matter.  Human diets being so varied was such a foreign concept, but one he was starting to accept.

“Feel better now that you’re all clean and wearing clean clothes?”

He nodded with a grunt and watched her, fascinated as the food sizzled.  She shook a small container of flakes onto the food, grimacing.  The fascination didn’t last so he moved back to the bookshelf to try reading again.  Ignoring the medical book, he found several books pertaining to natural life forms and decided to pick up one on birds, remembering her statement earlier.

The book was actually a field guide and he found it hard to parse through as he was not sure of much of the terminology.  It was difficult to grasp such a strange lifeform, but he was genuinely curious what she found so interesting about them.

Just flipping through the pages he was flashed images of full-color illustrations and he started to understand the oddity of this planet’s biodiversity.  Each section from owls to birds of prey to waterfowl to songbirds differed in ways he could never have noticed before and he could only imagine the diversity of other species.  He recalled reading at some point that the minuscule insects were the most numerous.  He had yet to encounter even one at his reduced size and wondered if he had read wrongly.

Caitlin had seen him holding the field guide and felt her heart skip.  _Stop it_ , she warned herself.  Instead, she looked at his posture, slightly hunched, reducing his height, and fully enrapt in his reading and thoughts.  She concocted a dangerous idea.  Watching him, she could see he didn’t know he was being watched.  Sneaking silently up behind him, she gave in to the urge to see if his ribs were ticklish.  She wasn’t sure why she thought this was a good idea, but when she found herself pinned to the floor with a hand at her throat, she realized just how wrong she’d been.

“STAR!  Stop, I’m sorry!”

He realized belatedly what he was doing.  They were on the floor in one fluid motion, book forgotten.  His free hand was reared, open and ready to claw at his assailant.  She squirmed under him and pawed at his hand as well as his knee on her chest.  She was breathing raggedly, her respiration inhibited by his firm grip.  His face scrunched in anger.

“What the slag was that?!”  He gritted his teeth, not moving his hand from her throat, but easing off on the grip.  He could feel her pulse intensifying in her throat.  He felt guilty for the threat, but being caught off-guard had deadly consequences for those around him, and he had learned to defend himself from any manner of attack as a result of the experiences of others.

“I’m sorry!  I just saw you standing there so engrossed in the book and I thought I could tickle your ribs and-“

“I could’ve killed you!”  He inhaled sharply, holding it in.  His face twitched, betraying his silent fear.  He’d acted out of instinct and he was now painfully aware of the fact that he had his _gracious_ host pinned beneath him in a deadly hold.

“I can be…  touchy-feely with my friends, and I thought…  You…”  She paused for a shaky breath.  “I shouldn’t have done it and I won’t do it again.”  The level of fear within her shaking form was visible from across the room.  _I fucked up_.

He sat quietly, removing his knee from her.  “…I’m not used to ‘tickling’,” he admitted, removing his hand slowly.  He sat back on his heels, looking away.  “What is tickling?”

“It’s…  It’s that sensation you get from a light touch…  Like, when your hair touches your face and it’s not just the touch that bothers you…  It’s kinda like an itch that makes you laugh.”  _He doesn’t do tickling_ , she noted with a deep breath in _._ “Sometimes people have ticklish sides, like I do, and you can tickle them there to make them laugh.”

“And this is acceptable behavior?  This is something you regularly do to people around you?”

“Well usually to just friends and family.  It’s supposed to be fun.”  She gulped, rubbing her neck, and propped herself up.  “Some people can’t handle the feeling and sometimes I don’t have enough boundar-IIIIIEEEES!  AAAhHhAHAAAAA!” 

She flailed when he started tickling her ribs.  After a near-miss to his face with an elbow, he set his weight on top of her and held her in place.  His face was still pensive and serious as he studied this phenomenon until she let out a snort.  He nearly snorted himself, thinking, _I can see the humor of this._

“STAR!  PLEASE STOP I CAN- I can’t take it PLEASE!”  She tried to turn her body away, but he grabbed her shoulder to keep her still while he continued the torture.  Their hips met and their groins pressed together as she struggled.  She could already tell he was aroused as she squirmed against him and felt the bulge in his pants.  Panicking, she tried to force him to stop the playful torture before it turned into something else.  “STOP OR I’LL PEE,” she threatened.

He did _not_ want to experience that.  He released his hold and helped her to her feet swiftly.  Only then did he realize the growing problem that developed.  He turned away quickly, clearing his throat.

“Thank you,” she sighed, breathless.  “Oh my god, I thought I was gonna die.”

His brows raised and knit together.  “From tickling… or the…”  He made a motion of strangulation.

“Yes.  Just yes.”  She laughed again, cheeks sore from laughing so hard.

He winced but decided her laughter signaled that he would not see severe repercussions for his threatening display.

“I think dinner is ready,” she called, still giggling periodically.  He followed, watching as she set the pan down on the table on a potholder.

“Thank you,” he spoke softly, taking a plate from the table and filling it with food.  He felt subdued after such an emotional series of events.

She encouraged him to sit as she filled her own plate and rubbed at her throat before taking a bite.  She hummed contentedly as she ate; particularly pleased with the flavor she’d created.

Taking cues from her, he took a bite, praying to primus he wasn’t about to eat some other gross thing like milk.  Almost reading his mind, she laughed.

“Do you know how hard it is to explain that a grown man has no clue what milk is?  That was so wild.”

He paled, dropping the fork.  Any thought of the good flavor was gone.  “Er, about that…”

“Don’t worry about it,” she waved him off.  “I didn’t tell them much of anything.  I told them you were an old friend visiting.  Didn’t mention your name.”  She got down a few more bites before continuing.  “…But really,” she said, stifling another giggle.  “How does a grown man not know where milk comes from?”

His eyes darted, unsure of his answer.  “I… I never had a need to know.”

“Oh come on, everyone knows this.”

“WELL I DIDN’T,” he asserted with a slap to the table.

She was about to retort but stopped herself.  “Well, I guess that’s not so weird.  I had a friend that didn’t know how sex worked until high school,” she mumbled.

The relief was swift as he realized she wouldn’t continue to push the matter.  He’d dodged several bullets today.

When the two finished eating, she cleaned up and encouraged him to sit so she could check that his scrapes had healed and checked on the dislocated thumb.  She knew it would take weeks to heal but she was pleased that the pain was ebbing.  She rebandaged the thumb to his index finger and redressed the worst cuts on the rest of his body.  He thanked her again and marveled at the regrowth of the skin; the new skin being pinker and smooth.

Caitlin picked up her computer, eager to spend some time relaxing.  With the option of trying to find his enemies online gone, he moved to pick up the bird guide once more.  A couple of pages had folded from the act of being dropped on the floor, and he smoothed them hastily.  She noticed him and smiled to herself, pleased that he seemed interested. 

As she started entering text into her web browser, an odd result popped up, indicating a previous search.  Not remembering that search, she clicked it, turning up a page about phantom cars, highlighting photos and sightings of driverless cars or vehicles that behave mysteriously.  After a few minutes, he turned and saw the page she was scrolling through and tried to distract her.

“How can a bird achieve lift without thrusters?”

Taken aback by the sudden thought, she blinked several times before answering.  “Their wings generate lift.  Most birds capable of flight have incredibly powerful muscles associated with the wing as well as light bone structures to reduce the weight and therefore the required lift.”

It was his turn to be surprised.  “You do know a lot about birds, don’t you?”

She nodded, smiling softly.  “If I like something I will obsess and learn as much as I can.  I can tell you the basics of bird flight, but planes I still don’t get.”

Genuinely interested at this point, he continued his line of questioning, “So tell me, why do these birds all have multiple names?”

She cheerfully shared with him much of what she’d learned in college, stating that the study of birds was greatly facilitated by laymen bird watchers and that common names were easily understood in the field due to that circumstance.  She then explained scientific nomenclature and taxonomy, the concept of species on Earth, and the identification of birds in the field.

“I have the ability to identify bird calls and tell you what bird made them, a trick that nailed me extra points in vertebrate taxonomy.”

He was less fascinated with the information and more in the idea that this human enjoyed science.  The bright eyes and rapid and energetic movements that helped endear her to him didn’t hurt.

“Have you ever dealt with chemistry?”

“I had to, yes.  I had general and organic chemistry.  Not really my favorite area of study.”

His mind began rapidly forming ideas of ways he might use this girl to his advantage.  She could help him study his new body chemistry and genetic makeup.  Perhaps she could be the instrument to restore him to his rightful form.  “What about genetics?  Did you deal with genetics in your studies as well?”  His excitement was growing as he became hopeful.

She nodded.  “I mapped out some of my genes through PCR and I’ve pulled DNA from a strawberry before.  You can’t really study zoology without getting into some genetics.”

He beamed, feeling lighter.  He suddenly found himself with an enormous amount of luck; the first bit of luck in a very long time.  Not only had this stranger taken him in and devoted herself to bringing him back to health, but she was actively or subconsciously oblivious to his oddities, and now it seems she could assist him in his quest to restore himself.  It was far too good to be true.

While he seemed introspective, she took a moment further to look at the odd web page.  _Why would this be in his search history?_ She opened the full history and was surprised to see so many sites on paranormal sightings.

“So, Star,” she started, snapping him from his triumphant thoughts.  “Why are you so interested in the paranormal?”

His eyes became saucers instantly.  “I, uh, like to laugh at the insanity of the claims,” he stuttered.  He cleared his throat loudly and added, “It’s just a hobby, nothing more.  Not that I believe any of that-“

“It’s ok if you do, you know.”  She shuddered with contained laughter.  “Seems you have a thing for ghost cars…”

“Uh, well…”  What could he say?  “Yes?”

She opened several links and scrolled through them casually.  “It’s funny, you don’t seem the type to chase ghosts.”

He sat back, relaxing slightly.  “I’ve been chasing many throughout my life,” he muttered.

Unnerved by the cryptic statement, she closed the computer.  Feeling emboldened to get to know her house guest better, she asked, “Do you feel up to a walk?”

He looked at her, the room, then back to her.  “A walk to where?”

“Just around the neighborhood.  I think it’ll be good for both of us to get some air.  Sitting around the house being cooped up is a drag.”

“Didn’t we get out of the house enough yesterday?”

“Pfft, oh come on,” she tugged at his arm with a smile.  “Just you and me.”

He noted the barest hint of pink on her cheeks.  Realizing she was making either a romantic or sexual advance, he decided to humor her.  “…Fine.”

She handed him his coat and a scarf with a smile and as he put on his boots, she put on a heavy coat and a hat as well as boots of her own.  “It’s still snowy and I love seeing it on the tops of the mountains.”

He grimaced.  “I don’t like snow.”

“Well…  We don’t have to go.  But at least you won’t be naked in it this time.”  She gave him a wiggle from her eyebrows.

He glanced at her, smiling minutely.

They embarked into the parking lot, passing the dreaded car.  Most of the snow that hadn’t fallen on the roads had melted by now but there were still shadowed places where it clung to existence.  He was pleased to find that his body was largely free of pain and as they walked he let his mind race.  He plotted out the steps to recreate the process that had robbed him of his wings.  He knew breaking back into the bunker where he awoke was not a viable option due to the hidden location and lack of weaponry.  He would have to study human DNA structure and perhaps the internal defense systems that mirrored the Cybertronian nanites.  He could only assume that Shockwave was smart enough to conclude that hijacking the body’s own systems was less work than creating a brand new method of converting matter.  How he survived the conversion in the first place was a point of thought he hated to imagine, reaching the ultimate conclusion that there must have been some sort of manual aid in vital function during the transition.

While the shock of waking at the end of the process was great, he could only imagine the horror he had been blessed in missing should he have been awake and aware during the shifting of his body.  He would prove to Megatron and to Shockwave that they were erroneous in using him as their test subject and in assuming he could not reverse the effect.

While he was plotting his revenge, he should have been plotting the steps of his feet more carefully.  He realized too late when he slipped on a patch of ice and landed flat on his aft.

Caitlin was terrible at hiding her laughter but was quick to help him up.  He growled, crossing his arms and sulking, taking much more careful steps.

“I’m sorry for laughing,” she stated.  “But that was just so sudden, like…  One minute you’re here,” she held her hand up toward his face, “and then I just see your feet!”  She snorted while trying not to laugh again.

“I’m so glad my pain amuses you!”

She winced.  “That’s not what I’m laughing at.”

He stared at his feet as they walked, unsure of why he even agreed to this.  He should be spending his time researching and trying to learn what he could to fix his situation.

“You ok?  Are you mad?”

He sighed.  “No.  But …I have to do something to restore myself.”

“I understand.  I’d like to help if I can.”  She looked up at him, feeling guilty for not knowing what to do to help.

He was surprised at her open offer.  “Actually… Do you have access to a laboratory or laboratory equipment?”

Her eyes bugged, “Nope.”

His shoulders sank.  Every step in this process seemed even more insurmountable, but he held on to the little spark of hope that his luck might hold this time.  He spent much of the walk moping, face dark as he watched his feet. 

“What do you need a lab for?”  She could see his pain and hoped to bring him back around.

“I …I can’t say exactly.  But it would aid my pursuit of my old life.”

She wasn’t sure what to do.  Part of her was still afraid of this man.  He’d assaulted her and refused to share any personal information.  She knew she would regret helping him but her heart wouldn’t let her turn him away.  And it didn’t help that she was attracted to him.

A birdcall caught her attention and she smiled.  “Listen.”

He paused, tilting his head to her.  When he heard the streaming call, he tried to find the source.

“That’s a mockingbird,” she claimed.

“You sound certain.”

“I told you, I know birds.  I can tell it’s a mocker by the song.  It’s patched together from other birds’ calls and songs from around this area.  Beyond that, it’s a very erratic pattern.  So I know it’s not its cousins the brown thrasher or the catbird because those two are fairly consistent with their number of repetitions.”  As she spoke, the bird flitted down to a branch within sight, flipping in the air.  “It’s looking for a mate,” she observed out loud.

The small grey creature was not much to behold in Starscream’s eyes.  “Underwhelming.”

“I know he looks drab.  What’s fascinating about those birds is their ability to mimic other birds.  Right down to the movement of their larynx.  Just listen.  There’s cardinal, robin, song sparrow…. Chickadee.  Even blue jay in that song.  If we sat here we could probably name every native bird and even car alarms.”

He raised an eyebrow.  “Car alarms?”

“They mimic anything.  Not much escapes them if it’s a regularly heard sound in their environment.  I heard one in college mock an alarm clock.  I did my final research experiment on them.  I tried to determine behavioral response to auditory and visual stimuli.”

“Were you successful?”

“No.  But that’s part of science.”  She stared at the bird a little longer.  “I miss science.”

“Me too,” he murmured, relating.  “I used to be more than a military pilot.”

 _Finally_ , she thought.  _He’s opening up._   She offered a sympathetic look as they continued walking.  “Hopefully both of us will get a chance to get back to it someday.”

“Perhaps together.”


	8. Parallel

“Well that walk didn’t help at all,” Caitlin sighed.  “I thought it would lift the mood but instead it just got heavy and sad.”

“It’s not your fault.”  He shrugged off his coat and scarf but opted to keep his boots on.

She took the coat and scarf and hung them by the door.  “What is something we can do to relieve stress?”

“I don’t know.  Honestly, I’ve been trying.”  Short of waking up and everything from the bunker to now being nothing more than a dream, he wasn’t sure anything could have any lasting effect.

She glanced at the tv.  “Let’s watch a movie,” she shrugged.  After a few moments, she added, “No war planes, please.”

He shot her a look.  “Well, what do _you_ suggest?  A _love_ story?”  He flopped dramatically onto the couch, crossing his arms with a grimace.

“I don’t like rom coms if that’s what you’re implying.”  She grabbed the control and browsed.  “You know what, I haven’t seen this in years…”  She paused her browsing to marvel at the title.  “You like werewolves?”

He shrugged, clearly not interested in anything other than moping as he stared at the wall.

“Well I’m watching this,” she asserted with no small amount of exasperation.  “You do what you want.”  She watched him for a few seconds before adding, “Except for putting your dirty shoes all over my couch!”

He grumbled but lowered his feet to the floor.  He did his best to ignore the movie and continue to stew in his own mind but found little else to be as engrossing.

“Alright, what is this?”  He slid off the couch and sat on the floor next to her.

“American Werewolf in London.”

“What…  What is that?”

“What, a werewolf?”

He nodded.

“It’s a myth about a man who becomes a wolf in a full moon.”  She nudges him, “Do you not know anything beyond military stuff?”

Taking a chance, he shrugged.  “Not really.  I am certain my upbringing was _vastly_ different from yours.”  When she laughed, he joined her.  _If only you knew_ , he thought.

Once the main character was attacked by the wolf and started having dreams of running nude through the woods, Starscream winced at the sudden familiarity of that particular situation.  If she noticed, she didn’t let on.

As the film progressed, he was startled that he shared several experiences with the main character.  He spent much of the film being amazed; he was taken in by a woman who appeared to care for him, in a foreign place, and the nightmares…

Then they came to the inevitable sex between the man and his love interest.  Caitlin and Starscream both felt embarrassed and more than a little uncomfortable, but neither decided to look away.  Or to each other.

Caitlin tried to play it cool, but her face was burning as she watched the scene.  She saw much of herself in the nurse’s character and recognized how crazy it was that she took in a stranger so quickly into her home after seeing it so plainly illustrated in the film. 

Beside her, Starscream felt warm too and could feel his pants tightening.  He could only hope she wouldn’t notice, fearing that any movement to hide it might give him away.  He was curious as to why he reacted so strongly to this imagery.  Why should human sex arouse him?  He bit his lip, ignoring the way the woman’s breasts appeared so soft to the touch.  As he watched the gently sloping curves bouncing on the screen, he tried to sneak a look at Caitlin.  He was curious to see if she was paying attention and gasped.  She turned to him at the same moment and saw him biting his lip and made eye contact, her face getting even hotter.  They both struggled to be adult about the situation with darting eyes and red cheeks.  Caitlin bit her own lower lip in subconscious response and Starscream could hardly contain himself, his hips nearly jerking.

She was glad to see the effect it also had on him and felt a wave of relief.  Hoping to diffuse the tension, she joked, “Would _you_ sleep with someone that soon?”  She held her breath, half-serious.

He cleared his throat, bringing his knees to this chest to hide the worsening situation in his groin. “No,” he squeaked, voice breaking.  As she giggled at him, he asked in turn, “And why would you attach yourself to someone others seem to think crazy?”

“For real!”  She laid herself down onto her elbows, trying to relax and escape his gaze all at once.  She had the urge to stare at his face and his groin and the situation was too close for her comfort.

He sighed quietly, relaxing now that she couldn’t see his rather shameful situation.  He tried to will the pressure to go away, embarrassed that he’d been so easily aroused.  As he breathed deeply, he couldn’t shake the small twinge of hurt that she had scoffed at his question so easily.  Her kindness is extraordinary, but that is all it is.

She noticed his slumping posture and felt bad for laughing at the question, only just realizing that he resembled the man in his question.  An almost unperceivable tightening of his body seemed to confirm her suspicion.

“I don’t think you’re crazy.”

He jerked up, looking down at her.  He scoffed, returning to his sulk.

“I really don’t,” she asserted, sitting back up.  “I mean, you’re a little weird.  A lot weird,” she chuckled warmly.  “But not crazy.”

He studied her face, trying to find any trace of dishonesty or patronizing.  Satisfied that he found none, he relaxed slightly.  Feeling the pressure in his groin dissipating quickly, he lowered his legs.  He opened his mouth to respond but was interrupted by the main character’s screams.

Caitlin relaxed and grinned.

“What’s happening?”

She told him that this was the big transformation scene and encouraged him to pay close attention and explained how amazing the special effects were for their time, and still are.  He was repulsed by the scene, grossed out by the hair and bone structure shifting beneath the flesh.  The pain of the transformation was off-putting for him.  Once he was past the disturbing qualities, Starscream marveled that humans would go to such great lengths to create realistic effects for pure entertainment.

A little further into the movie, Caitlin turned to Star and laughed.  “I bet this seems familiar.”

The main character had just awakened from his first transformation and, while recognizing the absurdity, Starscream had to agree.  He knew exactly what running naked through a populated area was like.

Caitlin couldn’t control her laughter, getting caught up in the comparison.  “Dat you,” she laughed, pointing.

He laughed, agreeing.  “I’d been thinking it for a while now,” he admitted.  She nudged him playfully.

“You’re not a werewolf, right?”

He snorted, laughing deeply.  “I’ve had my fair share of… transformation.  But I’m not a werewolf.  You can trust me on that.”

As the plot started to spiral out of control, Starscream felt uneasy.  The main character was not able to ultimately hide what he truly was.  He was unable to stop himself from hurting others.  He couldn’t even stop himself from hurting someone he cared about.  He turned to Caitlin who appeared to be blissfully unaware of his internal struggle upon seeing this parallel to his experience meeting such a sour end.  _It’s just a stupid human movie_ , he reminded himself, though he remained unsure.  He prayed to Primus that he hadn’t seen a vision of his own future.

“So would you date a werewolf,” she asked out of the blue.

“Uh…  I don’t know.”  _Why would she ask me this?_

“Just curious.  I mean, I probably wouldn’t mind.  Just so long as he told me the truth up front.  Probably.”

He was unsure how to respond, but as she stretched and yawned, he recalled the awkward feelings he’d experienced and turned away quickly, hoping to avoid any resurgence of his libido.

Seeing his discomfort and feeling rather sleepy, she excused herself and told him to get some sleep.  Turning off the light, she left him downstairs and retreated to her room.

Starscream could feel himself heating up again as he stood quietly and watched her ascend the steps.  His eyes focused on her aft as it shifted with her gait and he berated himself as his pants tightened once more.  He made sure he heard her get on the bed before stripping down to his underwear again.  He felt troubled at his body’s reaction but decided that he could rid himself of the troubling thoughts faster if he gave in to the urges.  He reclined in a sitting position on the couch and immediately took himself in hand.  Focusing on keeping his vocals to a minimum, he vigorously pumped, hoping to get it all over quickly.

It only frustrated and confused him further when his mind started replaying the scene from the movie.  Instead of the characters, it was his and Caitlin’s faces.  He could clearly picture taking her up in his arms, her soft body pliable beneath him.  He felt truly disgusted that he’d developed an attraction to an organic lifeform.  However, his disgust did nothing to stop his fantasy.

In his mind, he could picture her face as she gasped and moaned under him, his hands cupping her chest as he leaned down to meet her lips with his.  He wondered what little noises she’d make as he explored her body and filled her with his spike.  This whole thing sickened him, but when he imagined her taking over the pace to ride atop him, he moaned out her name and overloaded into his hand.

He felt sick _.  I must be ill_ , he thought _.  This body is corrupting me_.

He knew it wasn’t true.  But what else could it be?  He’d never entertained these thoughts about an organic before.  He scarcely even serviced himself before.  Now here he was in a human body, fantasizing about a human and overloading two nights in a row.

He cleaned himself again and grumbled, opening the computer for a bit of productive behavior.

\--

Caitlin sat awake in her bed, waiting to hear whether her guest would be up to no good again.  She rolled her eyes at herself for even thinking that phrase.  But really, what good could come of this?

Disappointed after several minutes, she gave up listening and decided to try to sleep.

Her mind refused sleep, instead asking too many questions.  _Why would he be thinking of you anyway?  He was probably imagining someone else last night.  Then why did he pop a boner?  It was a response to the actress, obviously.  There’s no way he’d be interested in you._

Then she heard him call her name.

_Holy shit._

She debated going down to check on him until she heard the water, signaling just what she thought.  He was cleaning himself up after the act. 

_He just called my name.  Why did he do that?_

There was no doubt it was sexual from his tone of voice and the drawn out syllables.

She was too tired to entertain the idea of pleasuring herself, but replayed the sound of his voice over and over in her head and well into her dreams.

\--

                The next morning, Starscream made sure to dress himself before she woke.  She came down in her work uniform after emerging from the shower and he knew it would mean more time to himself that day.  Somehow, he dreaded being alone.

She spoke her goodbye and let her gaze linger before closing the door to go to work.

How in the hell am I going to tell him I heard what he did?  Do I really have to?  I mean, that would be the right thing to do…  Why did he have to say my name?

The day felt much shorter now that Starscream knew what to expect.  He ate a sandwich for lunch instead of cereal, still wary of milk.  And he managed to research the human body, teaching himself the proper terms as well as some basic care.

He felt quite accomplished despite not finding any traces of Cybertronian activity on Earth when she finally returned home.

“You doing better today, Star?”  She moved to the kitchen after changing and prepped dinner.

“Very much better,” he chimed.  Moving to stand next to her, he inquired as to the fare.

“I thought we might try pasta tonight.  No cheese if you don’t want it.”

“That would be appreciated.”  He watched her boil water and add the noodles before prepping the sauce.  “What goes into that?”

“Tomatoes, onion, beef, spices…  Why?”

“Is there… anything I can do to help?”  He wasn’t really interested in helping but offered mostly out of boredom.

“Uh, sure.  Get the onion over there and chop it for me.”  She pointed to a round white object by the corner.

“…Alright.”  He hadn’t expected her to accept.  He fumbled around until he found the cutting board and a knife and began chopping the onion into small pieces.  After a minute or so of cutting, he noticed a burning sensation in his eyes and when they began to water he grew concerned, calling Caitlin over.

“What?  What’s wrong?  Did you cut yourself?”

“No, it’s my eyes!”  He rubbed at them, the beginning of panic taking hold.  She took his hands away from his face and she checked him over.

“I bet it’s just a reaction to the onion,” she sighed.  Moving him to the side, she stood over the board and gathered the vegetable he’d chopped to add to the saucepan.  She whooped at the smell as the pieces splashed into the pan.  “That is a really loud onion, I am so sorry!”  She turned to him, eyes red and watering.

He felt relief that it wasn’t just a personal malfunction.  “Why is that onion ‘loud’?”

“I don’t know, I’m not good with plants.  I just know that there’s something in the aroma of freshly cut onion that can make people cry.”

“Could make an interesting weapon,” he mused.

She laughed and shooed him from the kitchen, finishing the meal soon after.  They ate in relative silence, save the occasional small talk about their day.  Starscream still wasn’t sure about noodles but enjoyed the flavor of the sauce well enough.

Once dinner was done, Caitlin stored the leftovers and cleared the table.  As she returned to the main room, she suggested another movie night.  This time, she insisted on having a movie marathon.  When he begrudgingly agreed, she settled on Alien.  Starscream was more than a little worried at the title, but relaxed when he discovered the alien was organic.  He also felt less relatability to these human characters.

As the film progressed, he glanced over at Caitlin.  She seemed to be invested and he didn’t want to interrupt her to ask about the things he didn’t understand.  Upon the next glance, he realized she had leaned closer to him.  Their arms touched as she brushed against him.  Feeling the tension as their eyes met, she offered to make them some popcorn.  He didn’t know what it was but said he’d eat some if she made it.  The sound startled him and he went to investigate.

She told him the sound was normal and showed him the bag, then emptied it into a large bowl for the two to share.  He carefully took a kernel into his mouth, humming at the salty flavor.  The texture was not unpleasant and he had fun tossing the little bites into the air to catch them in his mouth.  Caitlin laughed at him, tossing a few kernels his way.  He caught several of them before they hit the floor.  Her tickled laugh at the display was oddly comforting and he found himself smiling broadly back.

Clearing her throat, she remembered they were watching a movie and had to rewind it to where they last paid any attention.  They leaned on each other on the floor, the bowl of popcorn between them.

The eggs on the screen were disgusting to behold.  He could feel her tensing and turned to ask why when he shrieked at the face hugger latching onto the astronaut.  Popcorn flew into the air as his hand and leg knocked the bowl and in seconds they were both covered in the fluffy foodstuffs.

Caitlin was quick to comfort him with another high-pitched and musical laugh.  The sound forced him to smile as he plucked several pieces out of her hair.  She returned the favor, but he lingered a moment in his task.  His fingers brushed through a tress of hair and he marveled at the texture.  It was softer than he expected since his own hair was coarse and thick.  He noticed she was staring and withdrew, feeling foolish as he cleared his throat.

She joked with him about how easily he startled at the face hugger but latched onto him later as the alien burst from the victim’s stomach.  He was surprised when she chose to remain attached to him long after the scene, holding his arm tight, but he did not suggest she move.  Her warmth was… welcome.

Feeling her tense as the scenes grew more and more dramatic, he watched her more than he watched the movie.  He wondered for a moment if such an alien lifeform could really exist and shuddered at the idea of being infected by parasites.  It is a very real possibility in this body, he noted warily.

As the movie drew to a close, she let go of his arm and the pair paused to discuss the plot and rationalize some of the actions of the characters.  After a while, they talked about the design of the creature.

“I know it’s weird, but…”  Caitlin picked at a loose thread on her clothes, unsure if she wanted to reveal what she thought.  “The xenomorphs are kinda…”  She stopped, too embarrassed to continue.

“They’re …what?”  His eyes darted to her hands.

“Hot.”  Her face was beet red and she couldn’t raise her head to meet his gaze.

“…Oh,” he whispered.  He blanked, then remembered her question from the previous night.  “So…  Would you date one?”

She gave him a wild-eyed stare.  “I…  I don’t know?  I mean, what sort of scenario are you implying?  Like, all the xenomorphs have been murderous to other life forms.  Even parasitic.  Are you suggesting an alternate _type_?”

He thought for a moment, phrasing the next question very carefully.  “If any alien were interested, be it xenomorph or some… other species, would you be open to their advances?”  He immediately regretted the question.

“I…  I usually fall in love with the person, not their appearance,” she started.  “But physical attraction is a factor.  However, I do have weird tastes-“

“Would you frag one,” he blurted.  His processor was filled with his internal screaming as he clasped his hands over his mouth in terror that he just let a sentence like that slip from his vocalizer.

She sputtered but desperately forced her brain to process the idea.  After several tense seconds, she nodded slowly.  “Like I was saying-I have weird taste…”

He felt his heart do a flip.  It was silly to be excited by this.  _Why was this so important?_   If she seemed suspicious, he couldn’t tell; he was too busy mentally celebrating the possibility for their future interactions.

Caitlin snapped him out of his reverie and suggested they continue watching alien-themed movies, but he hardly paid any attention.  Every movie featuring aliens painted the foreign species as hostile, warlike species that sought to eliminate humanity.  And while that wasn’t far from the truth of the Decepticon faction of Cybertronians, he hated living up to a stereotype humans had created.  _There’s more to us than that._

They took breaks between films to talk again, but as the night wore on, Caitlin noticed Star becoming more distant.

“Is something wrong?”

“Why do humans have this idea that every alien species is out to get them?”  The candor in his voice was alarming.

“It’s just a bunch of scary movies, Star.  Why does it matter?”

“It doesn’t,” he asserted.

She could see the struggle in his eyes but touched his shoulder for comfort.  “If it means anything, I don’t expect alien contact to be hostile…” _Is that what he wanted to hear?_

He smirked to himself and tried not to laugh.  “So would _you_ like to be Earth’s ambassador?”

She shoved him, clearly thinking he was joking.  “God no.  I’m not cut out for that.”

“Don’t sell yourself short just yet.”


	9. Breaking Routine

The next several days progressed in something of a pattern.  Caitlin worked at one job or another and would prepare dinner or lunch depending on her schedule that day.  Starscream still tried fruitlessly to find evidence that Cybertronians were still on Earth.  He even resorted to finding a way to create an account on several forums to seek out humans likely to have had contact the other cybernetic organisms on the planet.

Caitlin caught him searching through alien abduction/encounter web pages several times and started to worry.  She did her best to ignore his odd behaviors since he seemed to panic from the slightest thing.  Despite all his absurd behaviors, she found herself looking forward to him at home after work.  The idea of having someone to come home to was comforting.  Her coworkers and family expressed interest in the mysterious stranger- some curious and others warning- but she gave as many excuses as she could dream up to protect him from being too well-known.  She knew he needed protecting, but from what, she wasn’t as sure.

What she was _entirely_ sure of was that her curiosity built up every day- every _moment_ \- she spent with him.

The repeated failure to find any sign of his species on Earth led Starscream into a dark place in his processor.  Even in his time alone in the Harbinger, he never struggled so much to find one single sighting or scrap of proof.  And to make matters worse, he had no way to gain access to necessary tools to begin work on a reversal to his situation.  He was trapped and cut off completely.  It was a thought he increasingly revisited.  Eventually, after another failed afternoon, his despair weighed him down and pinned him to the floor.  His mind swirled with the repeated mantras of his doomed situation and inevitable demise and loneliness.

Caitlin arrived home to a silently sobbing Star and instantly felt terrible.  Her heart sank like a stone into her abdomen at the sight of him.  His body showed signs of wear- eyes sunken and dark, increased need for warmth and blankets, and his energy levels had dropped with each day.  She knew he hadn’t been sleeping for some time.  Now here he was: crying on the floor.

“Star, this has got to stop,” she stated, kneeling.  Up close, he looked even worse.  He started to curl in on himself.  He was embarrassed.  His face was already pink from the exertion of crying, but as she approached, he took on an even deeper shade.

“I’m trapped and alone,” he whispered.  “And I can’t even explain it to you.”

She was puzzled by his statement but pulled him up off the floor sit.  “Look…  Staying here and spiraling isn’t helping you.  I think-“

“Don’t send me away!”  He wrapped his arms around her and trembled.

“That’s not what I mean!  Star, you can’t do this to yourself.”  She pulled him back and forced him to look at her.  “I don’t know what’s going on, but I know that you aren’t sleeping.  You can’t avoid sleep forever.  This isn’t healthy.”

“Yes I can,” he mumbled.  He pulled her closer, finding her scent and warmth both were comforting.

She hugged him tightly, rocking slightly.  “Is it the nightmares?”

He nodded.  “You have no idea what it’s like.”

“I could if you told me,” she whispered.

He shook his head.  “I can’t.”

“I’m not going to judge you for your dreams.”  When he remained silent, she continued, “You’ve just been spiraling.  I know what that looks like, Star.  I’ve been there.”  Hesitantly, she nuzzled his hairline with her cheek.  “You’ve got to break the cycle.”

He refused to acknowledge that she was right but he didn’t know what to do.  He deflected the subject instead, unwilling to talk about himself for once in his life.  “What do you mean you’ve been there?”

“Star…  I have depression.” 

“Everyone gets depressed; what does that matter?”

“I mean I have clinical depression,” she insisted.  He looked up at her, surprised.

“But you’re always laughing.”

“Yes, and I’m medicated daily and I’ve been through therapy to help me overcome a chemical imbalance within my body.  But I have to struggle daily to combat unhealthy thought patterns.”

“Medicated?  Chemical imbalance?”

“Yes.  I have a prescription that I take every day.  Do you not know what clinical depression means?”  He shook his head.  She sighed, continuing her explanation.  “I repressed emotions from my younger years that came back to bite me in the ass.  A situational depression turned into a real physical problem in my body.”  He could feel her heartbeat elevate, missing several beats.  “But trust me when I say that I know what you are feeling.”

_You have no idea what’s happened to me._

“Do you want to get out of the cycle?”

He sighed and nodded.

“Alright.  What is one thing that makes you feel better?”

He thought about it for a moment.  “Bitching to a …co-worker.”

“Oh.”  She paused.  “Do I count?” He shook his head, no.  “Is there someone you can contact, then?”

He shook his head.  “No.  I have no way of reaching out to anyone and I doubt I’m on good terms with them anyway.”

She pursed her lips, frustration building.  “Ok, so that one’s out.  What else helps?”

“…High-grade.”  He winced at the word that flew from his mouth, forgetting the human equivalent momentarily.

“High grade?”  The confusion in her voice was sharp to his ears.

“Um…  Alcohol,” he mumbled into her shoulder.

“That is a terrible idea.”  She frowned, loosening her hold on him.

He withdrew, his arms crossing over his chest.  His eyes screwed shut, wrinkling the corners and his nose as he wished for nothing more than to wake up in his berth with his wings restored.

With a sigh, Caitlin relented, shoulders sagging.  “Look.  I always feel better when I get out of the house and break routine.  Tell you what- let me get into better clothes and we can go to a bar or something.  It might be nice to go out to eat.”  He nodded, but remained crouched on the floor, unmoving.

She sighed and went upstairs to change.  He started to wonder what was taking so long after she was gone for 20 minutes, but was relieved when she came back down the stairs to find Star in the exact spot she left him.

He looked up from his moping to see Caitlin giving him a sympathetic look, which he resented.  Before he commented on it, he took in her appearance and paused.  Her hair was pulled back into a low bun and her face had a new glow, eyes appearing bigger and brighter with a hint of color around them.  As his eyes traveled down, he saw a tight red top with a low neckline that accentuated her chest.  He must have blushed because she laughed, extending a hand to help him up.  As he stood, he noticed her lips were glossy and now sporting a deeper shade of red.  He licked his own subconsciously and cleared his throat.

“You look, uh…”  He stopped himself as he wasn’t sure how to complete the thought.  He couldn’t say she was _attractive_.  _Of course not._   He couldn’t be attracted to the appearance of a lower lifeform.

“Yeah,” she blushed.  “I kinda wanted to look nice.  Been a while since I wore makeup.  Do you think it looks ok?”

He could feel his face heating up and started to reconsider his idea of attraction.  “It looks fine to me,” he gulped.

“Alright, well get ready, you.”  She grabbed her coat and turned to see him bend over.  She smirked and stared openly at his ass as he bent over to put on his boots.

“Do you mind,” he asked, not looking up.

“No,” she chirped, grinning.

He shot her a glare.

“What happened to ‘you’re welcome to look’?”

He smirked, already feeling a bit better.  “Touché.”  Straightening to his full height, he pulled on his coat and scarf.  “So where are we headed?”

“I thought you and I could walk to the bar down the road.  That way you don’t have to ride in the car, which you seem to hate, and I don’t have to drive and worry about my alcohol intake.”

He beamed.  “Good plan.”  As she opened the door, he took notice of a flash from her ear.  He instinctively reached out to the reflective surface and as his fingers brushed the skin of her neck, she gasped.  “Sorry.”

“It’s fine.  I don’t wear earrings that often.”  The little teardrop stone swung freely as he removed his hand.  “You like them?”

He nodded.  “They frame your face well,” he mumbled.

The two headed off together, bracing against the cold.  “I may have underestimated the temperature,” she winced at a particularly cold burst of wind.

He turned and nodded.  A loud rev of an engine in the distance made him jerk.  Despite the lack of evidence, he still feared discovery and termination should an Autobot learn the truth of his situation.  Though, given how this mess started, perhaps Decepticons would be worse…

Seeing his discomfort, Caitlin leaned in, taking his arm.  “That’s a little warmer.”  She searched him, hoping he was alright with the contact.

The unexpected touch startled him but he was relieved to see her.  The corner of his mouth raised in a shy smile as he moved imperceptibly closer.

He had to admit he was surprised by the short distance they needed to travel to reach such a lively area of businesses and development.  Each building was lit within and without and the raucous sound of laughter filled the atmosphere.  Caitlin pointed out the sign for the bar where she intended to take him.

As they approached the entrance, he felt the nerves rising in his abdomen.  He had heard the sensation called “butterflies in your stomach” by humans and realized how accurate that description was as they stepped inside.  He’d have to be on his best human behavior.  He wasn’t sure of his ability to pass as human, but tonight he’d give it all he had.

They both groaned when they saw the line that butted up against the door.  Both had wanted a more private booth to sit in but opted to ask for bar seating so they could be seated faster.  Starscream shoved his hands deep into his pockets, avoiding contact as much as possible with the crowd while they waited for her name to be called.  He quietly observed how the humans all moved, what they talked about, all the while trying to draw as little attention to himself as he could.

“I’m sorry about the wait,” Caitlin offered, “I didn’t know it would be so packed tonight.”  She stood closer to him.  “I don’t really like crowds.”

“Me either,” he responded and moved to put an arm around her, stopping with his hand floating above her shoulder.  “Is this alright?”

She leaned in with a nod.  As his arm closed over her shoulders, she offered, “If you don’t want to wait, we can go get the car and try somewhere else.”

“No,” he answered a little too quickly.

She giggled.  “Why do you hate cars, anyway?”

“Its…  Complicated.”  He looked down and realized she expected more of an answer.  “I don’t trust anyone as a pilot or a driver except for myself.”

“So you’re not just distrustful of _me_?”  She raised a sly eyebrow at him.

“I trust you,” he admitted hesitantly.  “I just don’t trust the vehicle.”

She snorted, amused by that answer.  He could feel her laughter as her shoulders bobbed and it made him chuckle.

They shared some small talk for a bit, feeling awkward considering they were both acutely aware of the state Star had just been in.  They fell silent after a few minutes and Starscream flapped his free arm at his side, not knowing what to do.  Looking around, he caught sight of a man that made him laugh.

“What’s so funny?”

“It’s…  It’s nothing.”  He cleared his throat, trying to maintain composure.

“No really,” she insisted.

“Ugh…  Look over there,” he tried to nod to his left discretely.  “That man has tried hitting on at least three different women since we’ve been standing here.”

She followed his gaze and saw the man cower as a much larger man approached to defend his girlfriend.  She snickered to herself.

“And look over there,” he gestured to the right.  “Pants aren’t zipped.”

She snorted at the sight of the shirt poking through the zipper.  “You’re terrible.”

“Well, you’re laughing,” he grinned.

They decided to people watch while they waited, laughing at imagined drama and social faux-pas.  Before long it was their turn to be seated, the hostess showing them to an open place at the bar.  There, Star felt at home.  It felt much like the bars on pre-war Cybertron, in the days of his youth.  It was loud and based on the behavior of those who’d been drinking, his assumptions were confirmed about alcohol having an effect like high-grade.

He looked to Caitlin to help pick out food when the server addressed them.

“Are you super hungry?”  She slid her coat off to rest it on her lap.

He nodded as his stomach churned; reminding him that he had forgotten to eat that day.

She looked over the menu quickly, eyeing the appetizers.  “How do you feel about nachos?”

He shrugged, not knowing the answer.

“Not this again,” she groaned with a roll of her eyes.  “Just give us the sampler,” she told the server.  “We’ll make up our minds later.”  She turned to Star, who was also studying the menu.  “Well, do you have an idea of what you want to eat?”

“Something completely new.  That is the point of tonight, right?  To break with routine?”  He smirked to himself, and added, “But I still need a drink.”

“Yes.  We’ll get that in a minute.  Do you at least know what sort of drink you want?”

He froze.  “Uh…  No.”

She laughed.  “Ok, do you know what sort of alcohol you like?”

_There’s more than one type of alcohol?_

She must have seen the horror on his face and asked, “Clear or brown?  If you want liquor.”

“Which is better at getting me overcharged?”

“…You mean drunk?”

Rolling his eyes, he pursed his lips and nodded.

“It depends…  Excuse me,” she grabbed the bartender’s attention.  “Could you get me whiskey on the rocks?”  When they nodded and grabbed the bottle, she turned to Star.  “I’ll let you take a sip of mine.  Tell me what you think.”

He watched the entire process and focused on the glass as she took it and sipped.  Her satisfaction made his mouth water with anticipation.  She handed it over with a grin and watched him.

He took it with great delight, drinking more than his fair share from the glass.  The burn was familiar and he craved more of the sensation.  Before he realized it, more than half the liquid was gone.  “Sorry…  I didn’t expect to enjoy that so much.”  He attempted to pass it back, but she waved her hand.

“Keep it.  I’ll order another.”  She called to the bartender and smiled upon receiving her glass.  “I honestly thought the burn might get you.”

“It reminds me of what I used to drink at home,” he admitted with a grin.  “I can usually handle more of a burn than your average, uh, person.”  He took another sip.  “It is more familiar than I anticipated.”  He smiled at her, feeling the warmth radiating quickly through his system.  The appetizer arrived quickly due to the kitchen being in full force for the dinner rush.  Investigating the food presented to them, Starscream picked up something that looked like a stuffed boat.

“Potato skins are one of my favorites,” she chirped while quickly downing one of them.

He carefully took a bite and decided they were satisfactory before moving on to the triangular things coated in a yellow liquid.  Making an obvious grimace, he lifted one of the triangles and the liquid stretched.

“Nachos,” she told him.  “When the cheese does that, you know it’s good.”  She ate several as he placed the chip back down with disgust.  “Oh,” she realized, “cheese…”

“Yes.  That… _thing_.”  He stuck his tongue out, ruling out the nachos.  He moved then to the last choice on the plate.  A sauce coated several pieces of what he identified as chicken.  He’d eaten chicken before.  He’d seen Caitlin use it frequently, but as he studied it, he started to doubt his choice.  “This is chicken, right?”

She nodded.  “Buffalo chicken wings.”  She carefully took a bite, avoiding smearing the sauce on her face.  “It’s spicy,” she warned between bites.

He smirked, “Didn’t you just hear me?  I can handle a burn.”  With that, he took one in hand and bit a large chunk from it.  He could feel the sauce sliding on his fingers and his nostrils flared with disgust.  He took in the aroma.  His eyes grew wide as he swallowed and she thought he was in pain, but his face split in a wide grin and he quickly started eating the rest of the wings.

_Birds taste better when they aren’t in your turbine._

She laughed to herself and watched him eat, creating a little bit of a mess.  For such a neat and orderly person to be covered in the red buffalo sauce was quite the sight.  She passed him a napkin quickly.

Wiping himself down, he glanced at the glass that was empty.  “I liked that drink.  Think I could have another?”

She nodded and requested another from the bartender.  “Better make it two,” she added, noticing the low amount of her own glass.

Starscream loved the taste of the spicy wings but couldn’t rid his face of the slippery sauce with the flimsy napkin provided.  He heard her stifled chuckling and knew he was being laughed at.  It only frustrated him further and he growled in frustration.

“Just go to the restroom and wash it off,” she suggested.

“And where is that?”

She pointed to the corner and giggled as he stormed off, hands covering his face.  She started the second drink, feeling the floaty sensation of the alcohol sinking in.  “I probably should have waited to eat more before drinking,” she said to herself.

A loud roar of an engine made her and several others at the bar turn around.  She couldn’t see outside and was in the process of returning to her drink when she saw a shock of red flash through the door.  His dashing smile that he flashed to all those around him was blindingly white and his posture was straight as he looked on everyone with heavy-lidded eyes.  She could tell he practically oozed confidence.  _This is a man who knows he looks good._

The man chatted with a few people, moving from group to group as he seemed to be searching for something.  He obviously wasn’t there with anyone but assumed he had told the hostess he was, since he was wandering around freely.  She noticed him eyeing her as she had been watching and she quickly turned back to the bar.  The power of his charm was too intense.  She was staring at the menu when Star finally came back and sat back down.

“I hate feeling sticky,” he mumbled.

She smiled and turned to him, realizing that the mystery man was in the background behind him.  She tried to ignore him and asked, “Have any idea about food yet?”

He glanced over the menu and selected a barbecue dish with his finger.  “Don’t think I’ve tried anything like that yet.”

She nodded.  “I love barbecue.”  Her eyes drifted to the bright red- _really red_ \- hair of the man in the distance.  To her horror, he appeared to be walking to the bar where she sat.  She looked back at Star, who had a questioning look, one brow raised and mouth crooked.

“Sorry.  I’ll flag down the waiter and get the order in.”  She took a few more sips of her drink, hoping to ignore the man.  When the order was placed, she resumed staring at the bar.

“Are you alright?”  He took a good swig of his drink, sighing.

“I’m fine, there’s just…”  She looked over her shoulder, double checking.  “There’s a ridiculously attractive dude back there and I can’t stop staring.”  She was an honest person to begin with but she wasn’t sure the alcohol hadn’t had anything to do with that admission.

Intrigued, he turned to look, spotting the man right away.  He didn’t have to understand human beauty standards to pick him out of a crowd.  He snarled slightly, seeing that the man wore a bright shade of red, matching his hair, and that there was a small crowd of women around him.  _It was too much like a certain sports car._

He turned around back to Caitlin and caught her staring at the man and grunted.  She focused her attention back on Star and blushed, feeling guilty for leering at a stranger while she was out with him.  _But it’s not exactly like we’re an item… right?  This isn’t a date._

He couldn’t explain why, but he felt jealous of her paying such attention to anyone but him.  He recognized that it was silly, but it hurt.  Especially since that little tart behind him seemed so keenly aware of himself.

They both tried to ignore their feelings and worked on their drinks, finishing both surprisingly fast.  Caitlin worried that she’d make a fool of herself.  Normally she limited herself to one drink per sitting, but Star was so quick to down his that she felt a silly need to keep up.

The food arrived and surprised the pair as they each had been so wrapped up in their own thoughts.  Each of them stuttered a thank you to the server and leered at their own plates.  Star was cautiously optimistic by the look of the food and took an eager bite.  He determined he enjoyed the barbeque and ate it quite happily until he dripped some of the sauce onto himself.  Grumbling while she laughed herself into a wheeze, he excused himself to the restroom to clean up again, leaving Caitlin to sigh in relief as she felt the alcohol hitting her hard.

She heard a creak beside her and looked to see that the red-clad man had sat beside her and was now flashing the full force of his smile on her.  Her heart flipped as she tried to conceal her panic poorly.

“I noticed you eyeing me from across the room and thought I might come have a chat.  I can’t say I blame you for looking,” his teeth practically glowed.  “So, who are you, my dear?”

She tried to swallow but her throat had dried up.  Clearing it several times, she heard him laughing.  “I’m here with a friend,” she managed.

“Surely you don’t mind a little light conversation?”  The barest hint of dimples on his cheeks made her swoon.

“Well what- er, I mean… hehe,” she stumbled over herself.  “What’s _your_ name?”

“I asked you first,” he tisked.

“Caitlin,” she blurted, realizing she’d never even stood a chance of being smooth.

“Lovely name,” he purred.  His voice sounded like a soft purr and had her quickly becoming a puddle in the stool.  “Was that so hard?”

She was sure her whole face was red as his hair.  “What brings you here?  Now?  Tonight?”

“I’m in town looking for someone,” he casually waved into the air.  “I’m not having much luck at the moment, but there is a little race I found that makes up for it.”  He stared ahead, eyes flashing with excitement.

“Race?”  Now that he mentioned it, his style of dress was reminiscent of something she’d expect of a professional racer.

“Yes, I enjoy the rush of speed on the road.  And winning never hurts.”  He puffed up, giving a dangerous glare.  “Never hurts me, anyway.”

Taking a deep breath, she tried to contain herself and act more like a human than a stuttering mess.  “You race… cars?”

“Oh yes.  I have my car outside if you’d like to take a look.”

Alarm bells were ringing quietly in the back of her head.  Changing the subject quickly, she asked, “Who are you looking for?”

“Oh, just someone I talked to online.  We never made any _plans_ to meet but I thought I might surprise them.”

“Ah.”  She was a little heartbroken that he was taken.  “So you just flirt because you can despite being with someone?”

“Ouch,” he winced.  “So quick to bite?”

“If you’re looking for someone, I don’t think it’s me.”

He looked her up and down and shrugged.  “Well, mind if I stay here?  I’ve done a lot of walking and talking.”

She nodded and felt a shadow behind her.

“Actually, I mind,” Star hissed.  She turned and stared like a child caught in the cookie jar.

“Star!  This is, um…  I’m sorry, I don’t remember your name.”

“Call me Jofy,” he purred.  If he was intimidated by the taller man, he didn’t show it.  Instead, he reclined, appearing at ease.

“Jofy?”  Starscream paused, glancing at him.  It sounded familiar, though he couldn’t place it.

“He’s looking for someone,” she added.  “Do you know their name?  I live here, maybe I could help.”

“I don’t know their name, but they go by a silly online handle.”

“What website do you use?” 

Star sat while she spoke and she hoped he wouldn’t start something, feeling the tension.

“Not a dating site,” he assured her.  His confident façade cracked briefly.  “Actually it’s a forum about aliens.”

Star froze in place, alarm bells sounding loudly in his head.  He tried to tug discreetly at Caitlin’s sleeve but she ignored him.

“Oh really?”  She giggled lightly.  “Seen any yourself lately?”

He smirked.  “Regularly.”  He glanced at Starscream, making him twitch.

“Oh really,” she laughed.  “Close encounters?”

Starscream felt his insides crawl as the conversation took a dangerous turn.

Jofy didn’t answer her, instead looking directly at Starscream.  “Something bothering you?”

Starscream seethed, hating this man.  “Nothing at all,” he lied.  “Although Caitlin and I were just finishing up,” he pulled at her arm.  “Weren’t we?”

She giggled and pulled away.  “Oh come on, Star.  We’re just having fun.”

As he looked her over again, he could see she was wobbling on her chair, balance offset by the drinks.  This had been a mistake.  She clearly couldn’t handle as much charge as he could.  He stood to try to get her to listen, but she shrugged him off as he wobbled a little himself.  He cursed his human body yet again for being so easily affected by alcohol.

“Sit down, _Star_ ,” Jofy teased.  “Let’s have some light discussion.”

He begrudgingly sat, angrily staring at Jofy.  “I don’t think it’s polite to take advantage of her at this time,” he grumbled.

“Dear me, I would never!”  He feigned shock.  “I’m not a brute.”

Caitlin blushed, staring openly at him now.  “I’m fine, Star.”

He felt …betrayed.  Here she’d been admiring _his_ physique for so long and now…  He wondered if he had ever really been attractive to her at all.  _NOT THAT IT MATTERED._

“I’d hate to leave you thinking I was rude.  Allow me to buy you both a round.”  He easily drew the attention of the bartender and within seconds, he exchanged cash for the drinks.

Caitlin happily obliged, loving the flavor and ignoring her impaired judgment altogether.  “Thank you,” she sang cheerfully.

Starscream wanted to rip it from her hand, growing angrier by the second.

Jofy waited for her to settle before resuming his line of questioning.  “What about you, my dear?  Have you ever had an alien encounter?”  He rested his chin on his hands and leaned in.

She laughed, head rolling back.  “I don’t think so but if you hang out with Star long enough, you might feel like you did.”

He paled, trying to hold it together.  He refused to drink, thinking only of getting out safely.

“Is that so?”  He chuckled to himself.  “Why is that?”

“Can you believe a grown man doesn’t know what milk is?”

He was caught off guard, laughing genuinely as his hands dropped to the counter.  “What?”

“He had no idea!”

Starscream considered just leaving her and disappearing back to the woods for a while, but…  He couldn’t leave her.  She was an asset.  And the aftermath of someone potentially learning too much was too great a threat to let stand.

Caitlin was growing more and more giddy by the second, third glass now empty.  “I haven’t had this much fun in ages!  I feel like I’m back in college,” she beamed.  The bill arrived and she fumbled in her coat pocket for her card.  She passed it back to the waiter and sighed.  “I don’t want to go home.”

“But we should,” Starscream answered firmly.  He wrapped an arm around her protectively.

“I don’t want to walk home in the coooold,” she whined.

“I could give you a ride,” Jofy offered with a predatory grin.

“I would love you,” she blurted.

Try as he might, Starscream could not convince her of the danger.  He fought her all the way out the door until the roar of an engine sent a chill down his spine.

There, right in front of the bar, was a red sports car with purple tribal pattern down its flanks.

“Hop in,” Jofy grinned.


	10. Adrenaline and Honesty

Starscream’s eyes bulged from their sockets as he could hardly believe what he saw.  Nearly two weeks of searching, desperate to find _any_ sign of Cybertronian life on Earth.  And now.  _Now.  NOW._

If it hadn’t been for Caitlin squealing and fawning over this grounder, he would have leapt on the man that he was now certain to be a holoform.  He didn’t even know Knockout had an avatar, though of course now, it made sense.

Caitlin ogled her ride home for an entirely different reason.

“Oh my god!  Look at this,” she marveled.  “What type of car is this?”

Jofy radiated pride.  “Aston Martin.  Customized, of course.”  He watched as she marched in a crooked circle around the car.

“ASTON MARTIN?  Who are you!?”  She couldn’t stop staring.  “I’m not really a car person but I’ve seen enough Top Gear to know this is a sweet ride.  And expensive…”  She gingerly ran a hand along the backside of the car, tracing the lines.

Jofy shuddered, obviously feeling a chill from her touch.  Starscream seethed.

As she rounded the backside of the car, she stared at the license plate and giggled.  “Jofy…”

Starscream groaned.  _I should’ve known…  Knockout’s license plate._   He rubbed his hand down his face, wincing.  “Listen, _Jofy_ , I know she might be excited but I doubt if she were sober that she would be willing to accept the ride from a practical stranger.”

“Speak for yourself,” she scoffed.  “I’m not gonna throw away a chance to ride in an Aston Martin.”  She helped herself to the front passenger seat with a wide grin.  “Besides, Star, I took you in when we were strangers.  My judgement is terrible to begin with,” she giggled.

Growling, Starscream reached for the door.

“Uh, no,” Jofy interjected with a sneer.

“What, are you denying me a ride?”  He glared at the shorter man, sparing a quick glance in the side mirror for an extra sneer at the hidden optical receptor there.

“Star hates cars, let him innnnnn,” she whined.  “You’re lucky he’s interested.  You should be flattered!”

Jofy’s lip curled in frustration as the driver seat folded suddenly and the door flung open, narrowly missing the car parked next to him.  “In the back,” he barked.

Presented with the reality that he would actually have to climb inside of _Knockout_ , Starscream’s face twitched.  Caitlin beckoned him, oblivious, and the engine roared to life, grumbling impatiently.  This was very much a waking nightmare.  With a gulp, he climbed inside and sat up straight, tense with nerves.  He made as little contact with the seat as possible, folding his hands in his lap with a small sigh.  “Take us home.”

Jofy leapt in and Caitlin whooped as the car revved loudly.  Laughing, and appearing manic, Jofy gripped the wheel and shifted into reverse, narrowly dodging other cars as he sped off.

“You didn’t even bother to ask where we live,” Star shouted as he braced himself on the driver seat with his arms outstretched.

“Who cares?  I can navigate just fine from anywhere.”  He pointed to the gps on the screen.  “So what’s the address?”

Acting quickly, Star clasped a hand over Caitlin’s mouth, legs scrunching uncomfortably into his chest.  _I still don’t know if he can be trusted._   “Just get us back on Fairview Road.  We can walk from there.”  He tried to glare at her to take the hint, but she laughed.  His jerked his hand back to his lap as soon as he felt her tongue touch his palm.  “EXCUSE YOU??”

She cackled, enjoying her little prank.

“She seems to know how to have fun,” Jofy chuckled.  “You could learn from her.”

Starscream watched the mirrors turn to keep him in Knockout’s sights and snarled.  “I’ve changed my mind!  Let me out!”  Much to his dismay, Knockout only increased his speed.

“How would you feel about watching me race, instead of just going home?”

Caitlin lit up.  “Hell yeah!  Let’s go!”

Star groaned and gripped the seat sharply as the car whipped around a turn and headed out of the city.  “Slow down!”  He realized the irony of the situation.  He used to fly at much higher speeds than this.  When the car only increased speed and fishtailed around several turns, he shrieked.  “Are you trying to get us both killed?”  He did not want to die like this.

“Oh come now,” the avatar hummed.  “As if I’d end the fun so soon.”

_That sounded ominous._

The businesses and homes grew fewer and further between as they traveled at blinding speeds.  Before long, they entered an area of roadway surrounded by trees, and then one side of the road sank into a mountainside.  Both Star and Caitlin were unnerved by the speed at which they turned the narrow and sharp corners with the side of the mountain teasing at the tires.  They eventually arrived at a deserted mountain road that appeared worse for wear, having not been properly maintained for some time.  The pavement was old and cracked beneath the tires as they slowed to join a small group of drivers and onlookers.  None of them looked particularly trustworthy.

Starscream realized he’d been dragged to one of those _jaunts._   He ground his teeth as the window lowered, the avatar making final arrangements with the humans hosting the event.  He recognized the shady legality of such a race and avoided making eye contact, and prayed to the universe that none of this would come back to haunt them.

 _I need to talk to him,_ he thought _, but I don’t know where we stand_.  _Last I saw of him was when he stabbed me in the back_.  _And_ , he added _, I can’t risk revealing any of this to_ her.

“Hop out.  You’ll only slow me down and I’m not fond of losing,” Jofy commanded.

The door opened on its own and Caitlin marveled, not suspecting the sentience of the car.  She started to unbuckle but her hand was held fast in place by Star.

“No.  I refuse to let you send her- us- out.  We will stay in here.”

Jofy was not amused.  “What?  Just a minute ago you were practically begging to get out!”

Star leaned into the driver and angrily whispered, “I will not let you leave us with a crowd like that.”  He pointed to the men huddled around behind the car who appeared to be whispering about them.  “And _if_ we survive, I _may_ be willing to talk.”

Intrigued and resigned, he sighed.  “Fine.  Stay inside and try not to soil the interior.”

Just to spite him, Starscream rubbed his hands all over the seat, earning a frustrated grumble from the engine.  He smirked.

Caitlin stared ahead then back to Jofy.  “This is kind of a narrow road…”

“I know,” he crooned.  “Makes things more interesting.”

All three of them seemed completely still as the cars lined up at the start.  Starscream took several deep breaths, anxiety rising with each thundering beat of his heart.  His hands gripped at the fabric of his coat, knuckles white.

Engines roared as each of the drivers taunted the others with revs, shouts, and honking, but Jofy remained grinning, staring only at the road ahead and the flag.  His eyes burned bright and Starscream could tell now why he wanted them out while he raced.  The holomatter flickered for a split-second.  It would only be noticed if you were looking, but the race hadn’t even begun.  Knockout wasn’t sure he could maintain the avatar while his attention was on the race.

As the flag dropped, time slowed for all three of them.  Each of their eyes shot wide open.  Caitlin suddenly regretted every decision that had brought her to this point of her life.  Starscream was living a nightmare wrapped in a layer of hell.

Knockout was about to have the time of his life.

His tires screeched loudly, making Caitlin clasp her hands over her ears, gasping.  He peeled out, laughing loudly, and if Caitlin had been listening, she would have heard the laughter coming from within the car itself.

Starscream dug his nails into the seat, making the car jerk in response.

“What did I say about the interior?”  Jofy growled.  While focused on the sensation in his backseat, he lost a place to another driver, angering him further.

Starscream would’ve smirked if he weren’t occupying himself with staying intact.  “You race like this all the time?!”

Jofy scoffed, rolling his eyes.  He accelerated and Caitlin braced herself on the ceiling and dash.

“I didn’t drink enough for this,” she lamented.

Jofy spared her a sympathetic look.  “Then why don’t we end it quickly?”

The other racers that pulled ahead early were easily overtaken as Knockout passed each one.  One of the drivers in a navy car clearly knew of Knockout’s reputation and pulled aside to let him pass when he spotted him in his mirrors.  It only made Jofy smile as he passed, saluting the driver on the way by.  Soon, only two remained as they rounded a tight corner.  He attempted to pass one of the other cars, but was pushed back aggressively when the driver slammed the brakes.

Jofy’s form flickered again as Knockout growled and revved his engine.  He accelerated, aiming for the right side of the rear bumper, sending the orange car into a tailspin around another tight corner.  The driver struggled to regain control, but Knockout growled and slammed the side.  The car sailed down the steep embankment, and Caitlin shrieked in terror, gripping the door and dash with all her might..

“Holy shit I want to go home,” she whispered.

Starscream released his grip on the driver’s headrest and braced himself on the ceiling to reach out to her, but slammed his face into the seat when Knockout was forced to brake around another bend in the increasingly narrow road.  When he clutched his face in pain, he snarled.  “End this now!  There’s no need for torture!”

“It’s not torture- this is _fun_ ,” Jofy insisted.

Caitlin screamed as they closed in on the last car.  “Star, I’m so sorry!”

He grunted when he winced, wrinkling his bruised nose in confusion.  “What the frag are you apologizing for?”

“I got us into this mess-“

He touched her shoulder as best he could amidst the chaos.  “It’s not your fault; it’s Knock-“

“I never should have been on that stupid website!”

Both men jerked their heads round.

Almost completely ignoring the race, Jofy was the first to break the awkward silence.  “…Wait, are you Livingwithanalien263?”

 Starscream felt his heart skip several beats as she stared at him.

She nodded at Jofy.  “I didn’t want it to happen like this,” she gasped.

Starscream’s voice could scarcely be heard over the engine.  “Living with an alien?”

“I thought it was funny!”  She insisted, eyes begging him not to be upset.

“…You think I’m an alien?”  His shoulders sagged.  He thought he did well in concealing the truth.

“Well, yeah…  You’re from another country, right?”  She was slightly confused, and it showed in the slight wrinkle on her brow.

He snapped up in realization.  _Oh_.  _Not that kind of alien._   He laughed nervously to hide his relief.

It didn’t fool Jofy.  He redirected his attention and stared straight ahead at the taillights in the distance.

As they rounded what would be the last corner before completing the loop back to where they began the race, Jofy grumbled, blazing past the last car with plenty of room to spare.  He hadn’t needed to resort to physical violence and displayed none of the drama or flair he’d so readily enjoyed earlier.

Some of the onlookers were clearly displeased at the outcome, but Jofy didn’t care, his face frozen in a pensive frown.  He spared only a moment to celebrate by gloating through the open window before collecting his winnings and screeching back down the road.

Starscream cleared his throat, knowing that Knockout would expect that little ‘talk’ he’d offered before the race.  However, he had some questions that needed answering.  Now that she’d sobered up considerably, he clasped her shoulder, squeezing it.  “Caitlin, my _gracious_ host, can you tell me exactly why you appear interested in aliens?  And why _Jofy_ ,” he growled, “has decided to find you?”

“I…  I thought…  You were abducted by aliens,” she murmured, now entirely aware of the ridiculousness of her claim.

He blinked.  “You what?”

“Well, you showed up at my house naked, you search those weird websites, and you’re not willing to talk about what happened.  So I thought…  Aliens.”  She tried to hide her face feeling extremely embarrassed.

His face slowly cracked a wide grin as he relaxed into the back of the seat.  “You’re not wrong.”  He chuckled to himself before seeing the dangerous look from the driver.

Without much warning, the car turned sharply and mowed down a no trespassing sign on a gate to head down an old abandoned dirt road.  Neither Star nor Caitlin had any time to react as Jofy disappeared and the car broke apart around them, reforming.

Starscream rolled across the ground several times, coming to rest right in front of Knockout.  He coughed up dirt and looked around for Caitlin, frantic.  A scream above his head caught his attention and he saw her in Knockout’s hand, terrified.  He gulped, unsure of what Knockout intended to do.

“Hey!” He rose, dusting himself off, dust and leaves fluttering to the ground.  “Let her go.”

Knockout sneered and turned to look at her in time to see her body go limp, eyes rolling as she passed out.  “…perfect.”  He rubbed between his optics in frustration.

Starscream swallowed any fear he may have felt and marched forward.  He looked diplomatic with his hands clasped behind his straight back and face stiff.  “Knockout, she’s not the one you want.”

“That’s funny, since she was the one who- wait,” he froze, staring down at the relatively small human.  “How do you know my name?”

“I know much more than your name.”  He glanced back at Caitlin’s limp form, hoping she would not remember this.  “Release her and I’ll tell you.”

Knockout glanced at her and sighed.  Crouching, he presented her to the human who took her carefully, holding her close to his chest.  She didn’t stir, but Starscream could see the rise and fall of her chest that indicated she was, in fact, alive.

“Thank you,” he grumbled under his breath.

“So, care to tell me why I’ve been seeing excessive searches for very specific forms of extraterrestrial life coming from an IP address in this area?”  He didn’t stand back up, choosing instead to remain close to eye-level with the human.

“Despite recognizing her username, _I_ am the one who has been searching for Cybertronians on Earth.”

“Why?”  Knockout’s headlights flared brighter as his engine roared.

“I’m not affiliated with MECH if that’s what you’re worried about.”  He stared him down as solidly as he could.  “But I’m curious as to why you care about this.”

“If I and my kind are in danger, I need to know!”  His fist slammed the ground and Starscream could feel the ground’s vibration.

From this angle, he could see how intimidating a Cybertronian could be to humans.  He spared a look to Caitlin before taking a deep breath.  “I am in danger.”

Knockout leaned back on his knees and heels, folding his arms.  “What?”

“I know we weren’t necessarily on good terms when we last saw each other, but I need your help.”  He sighed, watching for any reaction.

“Who are you?  Your face doesn’t match any of the humans I’ve ever interacted with.”

“Because I wasn’t human before.”  He bowed his head, the impact of what he would say still uncertain and hanging in the air, choking him.  Breathing deeply, he risked himself by sharing, “Megatron has taken many things from me, but now he has taken my wings.”  Stinging tears clouded his vision as he tried to rally more words from his throat.

Knockout’s optics darted across his form.  Leaning in, he could see the man’s knuckles turning white where he clutched the sleeping woman tightly.  “I don’t understand.”

He trembled, grip only increasing.  “Is there nothing left of me that you recognize?”

Knockout studied him, optics narrowing.

Seeing no recognition, he was unable to control his rising emotion.  “Perhaps you’d recognize me with the immobilizer smacking the back of my helm!”  He snarled in frustration.

A look of horror fell upon Knockout’s face.  “…Starscream?”

His hands trembled, making Caitlin stir.  He winced, hoping she would stay unconscious just a little longer.  “Yes,” he squeaked.  “I need your help.”

Knockout seemed incredulous at first but leaned in closely to look at him again.  “My scanners indicate that you are fully human.  You-you’re not holoforming…  But…”

“Yes, I am human,” he sighed, wincing.  Before Knockout could ask, he added, “And Megatron and Shockwave have done this.”  He shivered.  “I need help in reversing what’s been done.”

He stared in disbelief.  “That’s… not possible.”

“Unfortunately it is.”  He closed his eyes.  “Just… tell me whether or not you will help me.”

Knockout stood back up, rubbing his helm.  “How?  How in the…”  He looked back down at the small form of his former commander.  “I don’t know,” he admitted honestly.  “You haven’t always been easy to follow, you know.”

Starscream bit his lips, resolve faltering.  “Surely you can’t leave me here like this…  This body is torture!  I can’t fly, I have to deal with all these _fluids_ , and…  I’m dying!  I lost my wings, my name, _everything_.  Please,” he begged.  “Don’t leave me like this.”

Caitlin groaned, trying to roll over in his grasp.  She clutched his coat and buried herself in his chest.

“She doesn’t know?”  Knockout watched her carefully.

He shook his head.

“So why are you with her?”  His curiosity was only growing.

“She took me in,” he started.  He pulled her closer.  “I tried to coerce several humans to help me but failed miserably.  She saw me utterly helpless and alone and immediately helped me without any prompting or even a promise of reward.”  He looked at her and smiled.  “She’s a little judgmentally challenged…”

“Sounds like you’ve made an attachment,” he mused with a cheeky grin.

“Not- of course not.  Not anything like that.  But she is an asset.  She has helped me blend in with humans.  And beyond that, she’s studied in genetics.  She could assist us in restoring me to my proper body.”

“That would require telling her the truth.”  His head tilted, dripping with sass.

He swallowed thickly.  “I know.  But…  I have reason to believe she’d still help.”

Knockout had to think about this.  “You know…  Things have changed since I last saw you.”

He waited to hear more, but Knockout only watched him silently.  Taking that as a ‘no’, he sagged.  “If you won’t help, then at least take us home.”  He closed his eyes, head low.  “It’s a long way to walk on these little legs.”  The sound of a t-cog activating made him look.

“Come on,” Knockout coaxed, passenger door open.  The seat slid forward to allow access to the backseat.  “Before she wakes up.”

Starscream was completely deflated.  _Of course he won’t help.  Why should he?_   He climbed in, opting to sit in the back with her head in his lap as she lay across the seat.  He made Knockout swear to secrecy about the address of her home before telling him where to go.  For a long time afterward, he sat in complete silence.

“I am sorry, you know.”  The rearview mirror focused on Starscream’s face.  “For what’s happened to you.”

“Oh,” he grimaced.  “I thought you meant for stabbing me in the back.”  His face was a look of utter devastation.

Knockout sighed, air pushing silently out of the vents.  “I’m not necessarily proud of that.  But you could stand to learn to respect me and what I’ve been through.”

The ride so far was much smoother and less chaotic than before, and Starscream found that he could relax as they conversed.  “If you’re looking for an apology, fine.  I am sorry.  I guess.  But I was doing what I thought was best for the cause.”  He glared.  “I always do.”

“Even at the expense of others.  Be honest, Starscream, were you working for the Decepticon cause, or just your own?”  When his passenger was silent, he continued.  “Or, let’s talk about your temper.  Tell me, how long will it be before you strike _her_ in anger?  Or has that happened already?”  He was in a place of power in their relationship for once and he intended to use it- _if only for a moment_.

Meanwhile, Starscream’s stomach turned over.  “Was I so terrible?”  He felt very small.

He studied his face for several tense seconds.  “Not all the time,” he admitted, tone much lighter.  The seatbelt wrapped around Starscream suddenly, tightening until it was snug, but not uncomfortable.  “I am sorry.  I mean it this time.  About… betraying you.”  He heaved another sigh.  “I mean, mostly I feel guilty for not trying to get through to you sooner.”  Starscream could hear the smirk.

Starscream’s eyes narrowed as he pinched the seat, feeling the car jerk in response.  He laughed, feeling hollow.  Caitlin turned again and he hesitantly ran a hand over her hair.  She groaned softly, arching into the touch.  Her hair had lost most of its styling from the action that night and on a whim, he removed the tie and pins that held it in the bun.  As it spilled over his hands, he marveled at the softness of it. He played with the long tresses between his fingers with a soft smile.

Knockout groaned loudly.  “Fragging bleeding spark…”

“If you’re not quiet she’ll wake,” he warned.

“Fine.”

“Fine?”

“Fine, I’ll help.”  He rumbled his engine.  “Not even _you_ deserve this fate.  The human treatment.”

Starscream stared directly into the rearview mirror.  “…You’ll help?”

“I can only imagine the misery of being forced to live this way.  Especially for a seeker.”  He approached the residence quietly, even his engine maintaining a low volume in the parking lot.  “And that new face of yours is somehow far more sympathetic.  You look miserable.  Just… _awful_.”

“It’s…”  He looked at Caitlin once more, her hair still wrapped around his fingers.  “It’s not as terrible as I first thought.”


	11. A Natural Observation

Caitlin’s head Throbbed in pain, signaling two things: one, she was awake, and two, she had _way_ too much to drink.  She groaned, hating herself, but as she tried to roll over her neck creaked in stiff protest.  Blinking her eyes open, the blurry forms of her living room took shape.  From what she could see, she appeared to be alone, but as she stretched her legs, she felt something connect with her feet.  The object grunted and she looked up to see Star, sitting quietly on the end of the couch.

“Good morning,” he said casually.  He watched as she nodded and rose, clutching her head.  His slid a glass of water down the coffee table.  “Knock- er, Jofy says that you should drink plenty of water.”

“Jofy?”  She played the night over in her head several times.  “Ugh, did…  Did we ride in his car?”

Star nodded, but gestured at the drink.  “If you don’t drink it, I’ll make you.”

She grumbled, but took the glass, downing half of its contents.  She stared at the glass for several seconds in her hands before asking, “What happened?  How did we get home?”

He sighed in relief, shoulders dropping as he relaxed.  “Jofy did finally bring us home.”

“Oh.  Good.”  She rubbed her forehead with her face scrunched up in pain.  “I remembered the screaming.”  She groaned again.  “This has the makings of a migraine…  Will you fetch me the aspirin?”

He pushed the bottle over from its place on the table.  “He mentioned that, too.”

She gulped them down and side-eyed Star.  “Sounds like you two had quite a chat last night.”

He gulped, “Not too long.”

“He didn’t happen to mention coffee, did he?”

He sat up straight, shuffling his hands into his lap nervously.  “Er, he did.”  He looked down to his hands, fidgeting.  “I didn’t know how to make it,” he mumbled.

She massaged her head and rose.  Thinking better of it, she sat back down.  “Can you manage toast?”

“…We’re out of bread.”

“Fuck,” she groaned.  “Can you at least fetch me peppermint oil?”

He stared at her, not processing her request.

“It helps.”  She watched as he glanced around, slowly rising.  Just as he made a move for the kitchen, the door swung open to a cheerful figure beaming.

“Who wants breakfast?”  Jofy raised a bag, beaming.  Caitlin groaned.  “Too loud?”  He looked over to her with an apologetic look.

Caitlin, straightened, looking him over.  “Well…  I mean don’t just stand there.”  She beckoned him in, patting a place on the coffee table for the bag.

Starscream stood still, seemingly bewildered.  “Where did you get that?”

Jofy handed over the breakfast sandwich from inside the bag and grinned as Caitlin salivated over the bacon.  “Consider it an apology for last night. Oh-“ he turned back to the door, passing Starscream, who prickled.  Jofy whispered discreetly, “If you want to get on a human’s good side, use bacon.”  Seconds later he re-entered with two cups of hot coffee.  “For both of you,” he crooned softly, offering one of them to Starscream.

“I…  thank you,” Starscream sputtered.  He hadn’t expected Knockout to bring him anything.  Or even to show up.

“You’re welcome,” he responded with a sympathetic look.  “There’s a sandwich in the bag for you, too, you know.”

Starscream gave him an incredulous look before chancing a look into the bag.  He grabbed the sandwich and unwrapped it carefully, seemingly suspicious of whether Jofy was telling the truth.  When he was satisfied that it was as it should be, he took the first bite and rolled his eyes back at the flavor, understanding what Jofy meant about bacon.  “Why don’t we ever keep bacon to eat here?”   He would be embarrassed for talking with his cheeks full if he weren’t enjoying it so much.

Caitlin turned to him, patting the couch for him to sit.  “I just don’t think about it that often.  I can start getting it for you if you want.”

He nodded, sitting and enjoying the meal and coffee.  He glanced up, noticing Jofy standing with his arms folded, smirking at them warmly.  He shot a glare at the avatar, who only smirked wider.

“Mind if I cut in?”  Jofy hopped the table, squeezing himself between the two of them on the couch.  Both of them largely ignored him, focusing on the food and drink.  “So, how are the lovebirds,” he asked, draping his arms around the pair.

“Lovebirds???,” they exclaimed in unison.

Jofy laughed heartily.  “I kid, of course.  But I would like to apologize for any …inappropriate behavior last night.”  He looked to Caitlin as she licked her fingers clean, grabbing a napkin from the bag.

“All is forgiven since you brought me breakfast.”  She massaged her left temple, but looked up with a smile.  “Good god, I hate that you look this good in the morning.”

Jofy beamed, flashing his teeth.  “I always look good.”

She groaned, but this time, not from pain.  “I look a mess.”

Star shot her a look from around Jofy.  “Why do you think that?”

“Ugh, my hair is full of knots, and I slept in my makeup.  I _know_ I look bad.”  She hid her face.  “It’s embarrassing…  Let me go try to wash up,” she pleaded.

Jofy shrugged and removed his hand from behind her.  “Need me to exit?”

“No,” she exclaimed hastily, making her blush.  She rose and backed herself to the stairs.  “You can, uh…  Make yourself at home.  I won’t be long.”  She hurried herself as much as her head would allow.

After she ascended the stairs, Jofy crossed his legs wide and snuck a glance at Starscream.  “So perhaps it’s _not_ just you.”

“What?”  He gave him a suspicious glance.

“She has a habit of taking in strangers.  Aliens,” he chuckled.

Starscream elbowed him, sulking and crossing his arms.

“Oh, relax,” he said, rolling his head back.  “Since she’s not shrieking in terror at the sight of me, I’d guess she doesn’t remember much about last night.”

“No.  She seems to recall the riding with you, but not much else.”  He heaved a sigh of relief.  They sat in silence, hearing the sink upstairs.  “You didn’t have to bring breakfast,” he mentioned quietly.

“Well, if you really want her help, you need her to like us.  As in _both_ of us.”  He waited a beat before adding, “And of course, we do need to tell her the truth.”  He glanced at Starscream, brow raised.

“Not yet.  Just…  Procure me the proper equipment, like we discussed.”  He withdrew into himself, dwelling on the fact that, as far as anyone knew, the war that had consumed so much of his long life was over.  Knockout aligned himself with the Autobots now.  Cybertron’s core was revived, thanks to the sacrifice of Optimus Prime, and the surface was now under reconstruction.  _But as for himself…_   Still trapped on a foreign world in a foreign body- by the hand of the leader that _supposedly_ conceded and sent himself into exile.

_Exile my-_

“Okay, that’s better,” Caitlin chimed, descending rapidly and breaking Star’s chain of thought.  “I feel better, too.  Thank you, Jofy.”  Her face was clean and hair pulled back neatly as she rejoined them on the couch in a new outfit.  “So, tell me, did you win last night?  I remember you saying something about a race.”  She looked up to Jofy in awe.

Jofy’s face flattened.  “I did.  But it wasn’t as exciting as I had hoped.”

She pouted her lips.  “Sorry.  …Did you at least find who you were looking for?”

 “I did,” he began.  “I found you.”

She turned more red than his car at the words.  “Wha…  Me?”

He chuckled as he felt the deadly glare he was getting from Starscream behind him.  “Yes, you, little lady.  You blurted out your username during the race.”

She looked away, smacking herself.  “Sorry,” she squeaked.

“Jofy…”  Starscream was not prepared to deal with revealing the full truth.

“You also mentioned that you believed Star here was abducted by aliens.”

She hummed nervously to herself, wishing to disappear.  “Shit.”  Her hands covered her face as she panicked.

Jofy pulled her hands down from her face.  “Don’t fret.  You were… almost right.”

She looked at him directly before looking past him at Star.  He withdrew, eyes darting and appearing uncomfortable.  “Star?”

“Hm?”  He refused to look at her.

“…Do you think,” she cleared her throat, “I mean…  Is that right?”

He glared at Jofy, but softened as he turned his gaze on her.  “I’d… rather not talk about this.”

“…Just tell me I’m not stupid.”

He smirked and shook his head.  “You’re just… clever.”

She wasn’t sure how to take that, but turned back to Jofy as he rose.

“Well, I believe I’ll show myself out.”  He saluted them both, but she stopped him at the door.

“You’re welcome to stop by while you’re in town.  I really appreciate the way you took care of me.  Even if you did scare me a bit,” she smiled.

He offered his own, a genuine smile this time, and bowed as he spared one last glance at Star.

When he was gone, engine rumbling out of the parking lot, an awkward silence fell over the home.  Neither occupant wanted to look at each other, and for several minutes, neither did.

It was Caitlin who first made an attempt to break the silence.

“Is there… anything you’d like to do today?”

His eyes stayed focused straight ahead, but his mouth twitched while he thought.  “I could use a distraction,” he thought.

“Like… what?”

“Take me somewhere _you_ like,” he requested.  “I have a hard time deciding such things, you’ve noticed.”

“Yes you do,” she smiled.  “How about…  A nice walk through the zoo?”

“You feel up for it?”  He looked her over, unsure of the state of her headache.

“Yes…  I may take some medicine with me.  But yes.  It’s been a while since I’ve been and the fresh air should do us both good, I think.”  She grabbed her phone and checked it, frowning that it had died in the night.  “Poop.”  She plugged it in and picked up her computer.  “Looks like it’ll be a warmer day…  Good.  I didn’t want to get us caught in the cold again.”

He nodded, but his gaze remained distant.

“You ok?  I know you seem to hate Jofy but-“

“I don’t hate him,” he corrected.  “We merely have a …complicated history.”

She raised her brows in surprise.  “Like… last night, or-“

“We knew each other before…  Before you found me.”  He finally locked eyes with her.  “We worked together before…  Well.  Before.”  He watched as she smiled softly.  “What?  What are you smiling about?”

“Thanks for sharing.”

He tilted his head.

“I genuinely want to get to know you better, you know.”  She stood, but turned away, leaving only a glimpse of the pink on her cheek for Star.

“…Why?”  He wasn’t aware he’d said it aloud until she turned back to him.

“I dunno…  I just… like you.”  She shrugged.  “And, you know, you’re kinda living in my home and eating my food and-“

“Alright, that’s enough.”  He glared at her.  “…Haven’t you learned enough about me by now?”

“Well, I still don’t know your native language, your favorite food, your age, full name, ideal date- I MEANT… shit.”  She blushed but tried to just move on, grabbing at a lighter scarf on the rack.  He was mercifully quiet, but she dared not turn in case he gave her a knowing look.  “Alright.  Get ready to go.”

He wasn’t so much smirking as he was confused.  _Did she really care how he liked to court?_ Shrugging it off, he put on his boots and prepared to go.

It didn’t take long for the two of them to get ready, but they both had a moment of pause at the door.

“We have to drive there, don’t we?”  He frowned.

“Yeah.  I did not take that into account.”  She looked up at his face.  “We don’t have to go there, we could-“

“No.  We will go.  I think after last night, I trust you.  Anyone.  Anyone but Jofy.”

She laughed, and agreed, promising to drive more carefully than he had.

Star found this car ride much more relaxed than the ones before, only grunting once at a sudden stop that took him off guard.  Once at the zoo parking lot, he wondered if this trip was a good idea.  He would be surrounded by organic creatures, and worried that it would remind him too much of the predacons.  Caitlin interrupted him, taking his hand to lead him up the steps to the entrance hall.

“I need to warn you, most people hate taking me to the zoo,” she mumbled.

“Really?”

“Yes.  Since I was a zoology major, I tend to know a lot about animals and that tends to mean me spouting every fact in my head about the animal we’re looking at.”  She stared at the ground as she chewed her lip, obviously recalling past experiences.

He recognized the look.  “You shouldn’t let others make you anything less than what you are.”

She looked up at him, lips slightly parted in surprise.  “Thank you.”  She puffed up slightly, purchasing two tickets at the desk.  “Just tell me when I get annoying.”

“Trust me when I tell you that I’ve experienced far worse prattling in my time.”  Both Megatron and Optimus were known for their long-windedness.

She chuckled.  “Well.  Let me give you an earful today and then see how you feel.”

She pulled him into the building that served as the entrance and first exhibits.  He had to adjust to the dim lighting, but as she lit up at the sight of a small animal behind glass, he grinned.  She rattled off the scientific name of the creature, though he wasn’t sure what to make of it.  It swam around by wiggling back and forth, looking rather helpless.  How anything managed to survive long enough on this planet to evolve sentience was completely beyond him.

She turned to him. "Do you know anything about salamanders?”

He glanced at her and shook his head.

“The mountains here are rich with salamander biodiversity.  It’s a fantastic place to study speciation and adaptation.  It’s a shame I’m more into birds and mammals, or I’d probably study these little guys.”  She wiggled her finger in front of the glass, cooing.

She took him around the room to each glass tank.  He followed her, slowly gaining interest as she filled his head with information about amphibian life cycles and the difference between a frog and a toad.  As they rounded a corner, they noticed a crowd of onlookers, and upon closer inspection, they found a keeper with a creature Star could only identify as a ‘snake’.  It was small, rust-colored, and wound its way around and through the fingers of the keeper.  Star was ready to walk on to the next exhibit, but turned as Caitlin volunteered to hold the snake.

“Star, look!”  She held the animal up as it explored her hands.  Her eyes were wide with delight, beckoning him closer.

“What are you doing?”

“Holding a hognose snake,” she chirped happily.  “Look at him go!”  She watched the snake for a few moments before looking back up at Star.  He stood stiff, hands behind his back as he feigned interest.  “You want a turn?”

He grunted, “No, thank you.”  He looked elsewhere, frowning.

“Are you mad?”

He relaxed instantly, turning to face her fully.  “No.  Why would you think that?”

“Oh good,” she sighed.  “I just thought…”

“I don’t want the, uh, what did you call it?”

“Hognose snake?”

“Yes, _that,_ anywhere near me.”

“Are you afraid of snakes?”

“What?”  He sputtered, trying to think of the words.  “I’m not afraid!”

“Then hold him,” she sneered, watching him with a smirk.

He opened his mouth to speak, but decided against it, grumbling as he approached.  He stuck out a hand, rolling his eyes.

“No, both hands, out like this,” she coached, showing him the proper way to handle the snake before she let it slither gently into his hand.

He grimaced, not sure what to expect, but relaxed as it wandered, leaving a cool and smooth sensation on his skin.  “It’s not so bad,” he thought aloud.

“I knew you’d like him.  See his little tongue?” He nodded.  “He’s not tasting, he’s smelling.  That’s how they gather scent.”

He tilted a brow, thinking that method odd.  He held the creature up higher, closer to his face so he could observe it better.  “It feels nice,” he admitted.  “It’s belly is so smooth.”  The snake turned and faced him for a moment and he froze.  “What?”

The keeper tapped his arm, motioning for him to lower the snake.  “He’s nervous, see how the neck flattens?  It means you’re too close.  He’s not sure whether you’re a predator.”

“Whoops,” Caitlin yelped.

He handed the snake back, but his gaze lingered.  “I didn’t know their plating was flexible.”

“Plating?  You mean scales?”

The corner of his mouth pulled down as he rolled his eyes again.  “Yes, scales, then.”

They walked over to a snake behind more glass as she smiled up at him.  “Well, they have to be so they can move around.  They have strong muscles that move in waves or ripples to propel them forward.”

“I meant the,” he put his hands up to either side of his neck to mimic the flattening, “thing.”

“Oh, actually, that’s pretty unique.  Cobras have full hoods, made to make them look bigger to potential predators.  They actually flatten their ribs to expand the hood.  Hognose snakes only have a pseudo-hood, and it isn’t as impressive as the cobras.”

He smiled, thinking of how the little creature reminded him of Cybertronian life.  The scales felt like plating he was familiar with and the hood reminded him of wing language among seekers.  _I puff up, too, little… thing._

“But you aren’t afraid of snakes, then?”  She stared at the enclosure, not focusing on anything.  “You were so against holding it, but then you kinda looked like you liked it…  Why didn’t you want to hold it?”

“It was…  Not a familiar experience, I guess.  Holding something like that.  But no, I’m not afraid.  …Should I be?”

“No.  Hognose snakes aren’t really aggressive.  But we do have a few venomous snakes that live in the area.  Like copperheads.”  She had put a lot of effort into investigating the tank in front of her, but puffed out an exasperated sigh and moved on to the next pane of glass.

“Wait, no information on this one?”  He pointed to the animal in front of him.

“I couldn’t find it…  Is it in there?”  She rushed back, leaning in as they touched shoulders.

“It is,” he huffed.  “In the back, under the litter.”

She peered in for several seconds, squinting.  A few seconds later, she grunted, finding nothing.

Seeing her disappointment, he tried to help her see what he saw.  “The glint of its scales is just below that branch.  It’s the same color as the log next to it.”  He steered her head, lifting her chin to help her get the angle to see the light reflect on the scales.  Her skin was so soft to the touch, and he found himself staring at her face as it tensed in focus.  He observed the minute movements in her eyes, nearly hidden by the lids and lowered brows.  The sight of her lip captured in her teeth had his face and ears burning.  He thought he should retract his hand, but he captured the moment her eyes connected with the hidden snake.  The tension he felt under her skin dissipated and her lip broke free as the corners of her mouth pulled into a smile.  Her eyes, widened and glistening in the dim light, turned to him before the rest of her face.

He withdrew immediately, clasping his hands behind his back as he straightened to his full height.  His face tried to snuff the smile he hadn’t known he was wearing.  Clearing his throat, he stated flatly, “You found it.”

Her hand covered her mouth as she laughed warmly, snorting.  He watched as her fingers lingered on her chin before she lowered her hand.  She’d traced the spots where he touched her.

Snapping out of the focus, the two of them continued, one teaching while the other learned, until in the back of the building, Caitlin whipped out her phone and squeaked at a pitch Star didn’t think humans were capable of.  She rushed over to the large glass enclosure and awed at the tiny white blur that roamed the floor.  He watched as she took several pictures of the thing.  As he directed his focus to the animal, it seemed snake-like and long, but it was soft.

“What is it?”

“Least weasel!”  She giggled as it ran around the pen.  “Look at him go!”

He observed the animal as it ran, but couldn’t make out many features.  “What is a weasel?”

“It’s a mammal, like us,” she started, missing his cringe at “us”.  “They’re vicious little predators, but you’d never suspect it with a face like that.”

As if on cue, the weasel stopped to scratch its head and stared up at them.  He could see the fur and short legs.  He wondered briefly how “mammal” could apply to both humans and this thing.  He turned to ask her, but she was gone.  He whipped his head around to look and spotted her by a large tank filled with water jutting from the wall.  She immediately crouched under it, baffling him.

“What are you doing?”

“They have a hellbender.”

“…What?”  He bent over the tank and observed the darkness that settled over the corner of the room where it was nestled.  He thought he spotted movement and directed his attention to the shadow in the bottom of the tank.  “What is a hellbender?  Sounds like a weapon.”

“Another salamander,” she responded, dreamily.

He inspected further, looking for the tiny creature with the incongruously intimidating name.  Reminded him of a few bots in the war who took on more threatening names.

“See it?”

“Not yet,” he sighed.

Feeling cheeky, she poked lightly at the glass under the tank, causing the shadow to rise and move.

Star jerked back when he caught sight of the beast.  “I thought you said salamander!”

“This is the largest one native to North America,” she laughed.  Scooting forward, she sat up from where she had laid down on the floor but wound up facing his crotch.  She blushed but felt his hands curl under her arms and help her up.  “You’re…  Uh, stronger than you look.”

He just smiled and motioned for the door leading outside and to the rest of the zoo.  She nodded and blinked at the bright sun as they emerged.

“Ugh, why don’t humans have glare reduction built in?”  To Star, it felt like emerging after the first break in rust storms in Vos.  He sighed wistfully.

“You ok,” she asked.

“Hm?  Oh.  …I don’t like confined spaces.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.”  They walked ahead, hearing a commotion and seeing another crowd up ahead.  “I bet the otters are out.”  She grabbed his hand and pulled him along quickly, stopping at the edge of the crowd, standing on her toes to see the otters playing jovially in the water with some toys.

He chuckled at her softly for standing on her toes, as he only needed to stand straight to see over the others.  He remarked how these looked similar to the weasel, which was followed by a lesson in Carnivora and Mustelidae.  He watched her struggle to see over the crowd, huffing continually.  When a large man wedged himself in front of her, blocking her view completely, Star grumbled.  His hands looped under Caitlin’s arms, lifting her up to watch over the man’s shoulder.  She struggled, flailing in his grasp until she realized what he was doing.

“…Thanks,” she whispered.  Ignoring the looks of the other members of the crowd, she smiled and took pictures of the otters until she looked back at Star and nodded.  He carefully lowered her to her feet, her head leaning back into his chest.  Looking up at him, she watched as he raised a questioning brow.  Acting quickly, she turned around and grabbed the neck of his sweater, pulling him down so she could place a kiss on his cheek.

Shocked, he intended to respond, but she bounced away to the next exhibit.  He followed her several seconds later, still unsure of what just occurred.  She bounded over to a wooden boardwalk that overlooked the largest enclosure.  When he approached, she was leaning on the railing.

“What was that?”  He leaned over next to her, posture a bit more awkward due to his height.

“It was just… spontaneous.”  She glanced up at him and he could see how red she was.

“Was that a kiss?”

Her lips pressed into a hard line and she nodded.

“Is that normal human behavior?”  He internally smacked himself for the question, but she only shrugged.

Neither of them spoke again for several minutes, instead focusing on the grassy clearing below.  Disliking the unease between them, Star asked, “What’s supposed to be down here?”

“Deer.  White-tails.”  She stared ahead as a cool breeze tossed her hair about behind her.  “They’re pretty skittish during the day.  We probably won’t see them until sundown,” she added.

As she turned to him, she smiled.  Star had closed his eyes to feel the breeze on his face and she could appreciate the luster of his silver hair as the sun highlighted the many shades on his scalp.  His face was smooth and serene, a rare sight in her brief experience with him.  She sighed, startling him from his personal moment.

“Hm?”  He blinked his eyes, appearing dreamy and far away.

“Star…”  She wasn’t sure what to say, but couldn’t stop smiling.

He returned to focus bit by bit, face slowly hardening back into his usual scowl.  “Yes?”

She looked down, heart beginning to pound in her chest.  “Nothing.”  Losing her nerve, she motioned for him to follow her.  “Let’s keep going.”

He was curious as to what she was going to say but nodded and followed.  “What’s next?”

“I’m gonna take us around to the carnivores, then down to the birds.  Then we’ll see.”  She offered him a smile, picking up pace.

He offered her a lopsided smile in response, easily keeping up with his long legs.

They passed by the otters again, pausing to laugh at their antics.  Star was smiling, but more at Caitlin and her gleeful response to the animals than at the animals themselves.  She led him past the water-filled enclosure and around a bend in the paved path into the trees.  They could hear an odd sound ahead, but couldn’t see the source.  It was almost rhythmic and sounded small.

She spotted the next exhibit and immediately started describing her personal encounter with the animal she identified as a bobcat.  The animal didn’t look very intimidating from his view on the opposite side of a fence, but she assured him that even her short time playing with a juvenile was potentially injurious.

He gave her an incredulous look, but she smacked his chest playfully.  “Oh like you’d pass up the chance to play with an unusual animal.”

_In fact, I would._

As they continued on, passing raccoon, fox, and coyote, Star wondered to himself about the diversity of life on Earth.  Some of the thought must have made its way to his face.

“You alright, Star?”

“How many animals are there?”

“Well, we still have the wolves, the birds, the bears, the-“

“No, not… Not the zoo.  I mean the planet.”

“Oh…  Billions,” she answered quietly.  “I mean, probably more, but-“

“That many?”  He stopped walking to process what she just said.

“You’re surprised?  I mean, there’s billions in Arthropoda alone.  Not to mention bacteria and archaea…  You ok?”

He nodded, eyes darting as he tried to imagine an ecosystem _that_ full of variation.  “It’s… a lot to take in,” he gulped.  “There aren’t that many creatures where I’m from.”

“I bet there are more than you think.”

 “Really, there isn’t.”  _Especially not now._

The odd chirp-like sound from before still repeated intermittently, only much closer now.

“What is that racket?” He increased his pace, peering around the corner.

“Come see!”  She tugged his arm and brought him to the next enclosure, where he saw a creature with a vaguely familiar shape.

“What is that?”

“Cougar.  Mountain lion.  Puma.  Take your pick.  There are a lot of names for it.  He’s hungry.”  She snapped some pictures and a video with her phone, charmed by the cute chirrups the cat made.

He felt a chill through his spine as the creature reminded him of two separate fears.  Ravage, and more recently, the predacons.

“The wolves are next,” Caitlin informed him.

“Wolves,” he repeated.  “Yes, please take me there and away from this noisy pest.”  He gestured at the mountain lion with distaste.

However, the wolves weren’t much better for the sour Star.  Only when he focused on Caitlin did he crack a smile.  “What is it?”

She looked like she might burst with nervous energy.  “I’m… debating.”

“Debating what?”

“Whether I should howl…”  She appeared to be embarrassed.

“Why would you do that?“  He was interrupted by a short melodious howl.  When she stopped, she waited, watching the wolves patiently.  After about a minute, she sighed and turned to walk away when one of them howled back.

“Oh good!  I have seen them howl back before!”  She let out another howl, looking downright giddy.

Starscream laughed at the sight of a girl howling with captive wolves, but it made him surprisingly happy.

When she finished her ‘conversation’, they made their way to another corner where the path diverged.  At her insistence, the two took the path that led to a hiking trail in the woods.

“I suppose you’ll want to discuss plants now.”

“No, no.  I’m not good at plants.  I’ll stick to animals.”

“Hm,” he quirked a brow.  “Well, let me ask you…  What were you going to say up on the platform?”

Blushing brightly, she looked down at the trail.  “I…  Well, I was gonna ask what were you thinking about when you closed your eyes.  You looked… peaceful.”

He thought for a moment, shoving his hands in his pockets.  “Home.”

“Oh,” she sighed.  “I suppose it’s a moot point to ask, but, what’s your home like?”

He glanced at her and she thought she caught a glimpse of a smile.  “It was a beautiful city once.  Tall spires, active military training, thriving arts.  It was truly a gem to place on the crown of my people.”

She was shocked that he actually shared something so personal.  “It sounds wonderful.”

“It was,” he swallowed thickly.  “The wind would howl through the buildings and at times, they would sing.”  He smiled.  “The wind is an important part of me.”

“What’s the city called?”

He glanced at her, fully intending not to answer, but the sight of the warm and expectant grin melted his spark.  “Vos.”

“Vos,” she tested the word on her lips.  “Have you not been able to return for a while?”

His expression grew pained.  “It was… bombed off the face of the planet.”  His lips pressed tightly into a flat line.  “I lost many friends that day.”  His eyes narrowed, reliving the moment.  “I have nothing to go back to.”

Her eyes grew wide as she gasped.  He refused to look at her, but leaned into her touch when she wrapped herself around his arm.  He removed his hand from his pocket to give her more room, but was surprised when she attempted to lace their fingers together.  He let his arm hang slack, not reciprocating the action until their eyes met, both of them realizing they had stopped walking.

“It was long before you were born,” he whispered gently.  “I’m fine.”

“Loss like that isn’t so easily forgotten.  I’m sorry I asked.”  She squeezed his hand tightly.

“But I must move forward.  I can’t afford to spend so much time looking back.”  Outwardly, he appeared stoic, though internally he was shaken.

“If you need to- to mourn…  You can do it with me.”  His head whipped to look down at her, tilting.  “I mean, if you want to.  I won’t judge you or think that you’re weak…  I mean,“ she sighed, “I know the damage that not letting yourself feel can do.  Even if I don’t fully understand what you’ve been through, I want to help.  I want you to be healthy.”  She could feel herself heating up from embarrassment.  “I’m sorry.  I’m terrible at being comforting.  I haven’t got the right words.”

“Why?”

She looked back up, seeing his concern.  “Why what?”

“Why do you want to help?  Why do you care?”

It was her turn to be surprised.  “I…  I, well, I might…”  She swallowed thickly, nerves making her hands feel numb and her chest felt like it would burst.  “I just care about you.”  She bit her lips, trying not to shake.  “I like you,” she shrugged.

His brows knit together, darkening his eyes.  “Tell the truth.”

“I- that’s it!  That’s the truth!”

“I’m not someone that people just like.  I’m not warm.  I’m not friendly.  I’m a liar and a coward…”  He trailed off and pulled back, but let her hold onto his hand.  “I’m not what you think of me.”

“Well…  You…”  She faltered, unsure of what to say.  “You sell yourself short.”

“How so?”

“Well, you did help me see the otters back there.  I didn’t even ask for that.”  She laughed softly, hoping to lift the mood.  “That was thoughtful.”

He sighed, glancing her way.  His face was sullen, but he forced himself to smile.  “You will learn with time.  You’ve known me so briefly.  But you will learn the truth.”

She came closer, leaning into him with a nudge to his ribs, squeezing his hand again.  “So does that mean you’ll tell me more about yourself?”

He let loose a shallow laugh.  “Fine.  If it’ll make you see the reality that I’m not a good person.”

“Good people do bad things,” she murmured.

He remained silent, standing still.  After several moments, he looked at her with a weight on his spark.  “How can you begin to understand this?”

“Well, I haven’t lost my entire home, but I know pain and death.  I know it well.”  She paused to bite her lips.  “I told you I have depression.”  She glanced around, feeling silly that she should be checking for anyone listening.  “Part of the source of that came from my inability to allow myself to grieve.”

“Grieve what?”

“My grandparents.  I lost my Mom’s mom to suicide, and to my own detriment, I didn’t process it.  I locked away my emotions so I could help my family cope.  I had to be the emotional rock for my family and I still suffer for it.  I was the rock through her death, my dad’s mom’s death, his dad’s death, and now my last grandparent passed away last year.”  Tears formed in her eyes as she spoke.  “I even had to go through my parents’ divorce as the rock.  No teenager should have to bear the weight or responsibility I did.”  She looked up at him, not knowing if he understood.

“Your… grandparents.  You were close to them?”  He had some idea of human familial relations but had no first-hand experience to draw from.

She nodded, wiping at her tears.  “But that’s just how I am.  I’m working on it.  I’ve made progress.  I’m learning to help and listen to my family and friends without carrying their problems like they’re my own.”

He felt numb.  Over the course of a day, he realized that he’d come to see this small, practically insignificant life form as more than just a tool.  An asset to help him recover.  A means to an end.  No, today, somehow, he had seen her as a person.

It frightened him.

“Star?”

He grunted, thrust back into his body, standing in the woods, just to the side of the path.

“I said do you want to go home?”

Something in him broke.  Tears burned on his face as he crumpled in on himself, pulling her down with him.  Caitlin was alarmed, but wrapped her arms around him, leaning her cheek into his.

“I can’t go home,” he sobbed.  The weight of the loss of his trine, his city, his planet, his _people_ …  All of it crushed him at once.  It all affected him in a way he hadn’t allowed it to for millennia.  He grieved.

Caitlin held him tightly, unsure of what else to do.  “I’m sorry.”

“It’s not you,” he managed to say between sobs.  “You weren’t…”

“I should have said that differently.”

“Stop it.”  He took her head into his hands and rested his forehead on hers.  “This has nothing to do with you.”

Her thumbs massaged at his shoulders as she let him cry.  She thought she heard him mumbling something indecipherable.

In truth, he was stating everything he missed that the senseless war had taken from him in the best semblance of his Vosnian cant he could muster without his proper vocalizer.

She listened to the musical quality of his sobs in silence, only speaking after he fell silent.  “…What do you need?”

He wiped his face, sobs subsiding.  “Probably water,” he sighed.  “Judging by how much I’ve just lost.”  He sniffled, feeling disgusted by his body and all the fluids he’d just produced from his eyes and nose.

She stood, glancing around.  She was content that no one else had taken the path behind them and saw no sign of anyone ahead.  They had been alone.  “It’s another half mile back to the main zoo,” she started, “so I can either go get water and bring it back to you here, or you can come with me.”

He wiped his face with his sleeve, frowning at the residue it left on the garment.  “I’ll come with you.”  He rose, surprised by how weak he felt.  “Maybe.”

She rubbed his back softly, offering a smile.  “It’s ok.”

_It’s not._

“Hey,” she coaxed him to look at her.  “Even if it isn’t ok, you are still alive.  There is still hope.”  She didn’t know what he should be hopeful for, but he seemed to take it to heart.

He gave her an uncharacteristically soft smile.  “Thank you,” he answered meekly.

They strode off together to complete the loop back to the zoo.  Once at the gate where the wooded path rejoins the pavement, Caitlin offered to go get some napkins and a bottle of water so he could clean up before facing the public.  He offered his thanks, appreciative that she took care of his image.

Once cleaned and somewhat rehydrated, he followed her to the last enclosure, eyes still puffy and red.  The overlook they had been on before split, he discovered, and went over two separate fenced in areas.  The one they walked over now housed several large black creatures.

“Black bears.  They’re facing loss of habitat as humans encroach on their forest homes.  Especially around here.”  Caitlin admired the slow-moving creatures.  “There’s at least one that frequents my neighborhood.”

Star looked at her incredulously.  “Isn’t that dangerous?”

“A bit,” she giggled.  “But there’s not much you can do other than stay out of its way.  They have powerful jaws and huge claws but for the most part, they’re pretty chill.”

Star paused for thought as he realized he could have encountered one in his time alone.  “Do they hunt humans?”

“No, no.  They’re opportunistic.  They eat plants as well as meat.  But they could if they were desperate.  Normally they only attack humans out of fear.”  She noticed he seemed perturbed.  “Hey, around this time of year they are pretty scarce.  It’s the time of year where they are still in torpor in the wild.”

“Torpor?”

“A pseudo-hibernation.  They reduce their body function to a minimum and essentially sleep through the roughest part of the year.”

“Sounds like a decent plan,” he chuckled, feeling tired himself.

She snorted, laughing at his response.  He grinned.  “Let’s see if the deer are out,” she chuckled, leading him along the boardwalk.

To both of their surprise, the herd was grazing openly below them.  Star recalled his own encounter with them in the wild and turned to Caitlin.  “These live here.  I saw them before I found you…  And you said the bears live around here, too.  And the salamanders…  How many of the animals here are native?”

“All of them.”

                His brows raised in surprise.

                “Pfft, you look like an owl when you do that.”  She gasped, just remembering something.  “THE BIRDS.”

                “Must we,” he asked in monotone.

                “We must!”  Without hesitation, she grabbed his arm and practically dragged him back up one of the forks in the pavement.  The lines of cages and enclosures made her bounce with joy, but she squealed when she saw another handler with a hawk on her arm.

                Star laughed at her display.  He watched as she inched closer through the small crowd to see the bird.  He kept his distance, still uncomfortable with the creature.  She turned, looking for Star and beckoned him eagerly.  He shook his head and declined, crossing his arms.

“Oh come look at the murder feet,” she pleaded.

Taken aback by the description, he sighed and walked toward the bird.

“This is a sharp-shinned hawk,” she told him, pulling him closer.  “Look at the talons.  It’s a bird of prey,” she informed him, watching for his reaction.

He observed the talons as well as the angry look of the bird and couldn’t help but smirk.  “You like this bird, don’t you?”

She nodded emphatically.  “Next to mockers, I love birds of prey.  They’re terrifying and precious.”

“Terrifying and precious?”

“Sweet little murder birbs.”

The handler laughed and spouted off several statistics about the bird and how this particular animal came into their care via vehicular strike.

“I know bird strikes all too well,” Star muttered.

“What was that?”  The handler looked in his direction.

“He’s a pilot,” Caitlin answered, undeterred in her fascination.

“Ah. Well, your plane poses a greater threat to her than she does to you.  Care to pet her?”  The bird tilted a glance in his direction as the handler extended her arm slightly.

“No, I-“

“Can I?”  Caitlin couldn’t control her volume, feeling like a child.  With a nod from the handler, and a little coaching about how to approach the bird, Caitlin cautiously extended her hand and beamed.  “So soft…”

Star laughed quietly to himself, thinking that it was funny how she so readily approached this dangerous bird.  He stopped to realize he had much in common with the winged beast.  _Perhaps_ , he pondered _, if she so readily drops her defenses to this creature…  And she did praise its talons…  Perhaps she could appreciate his natural form without fear._

But the real question that plagued him for the moment…  _was why did he care?_


	12. Worries and Cares

The next couple days progressed slowly, but back to their previous routine.  However, both seemed a bit lighter and open to touch.  Starscream noticed that Caitlin was reading her field guides and grinned.  He still hoped that she might be useful in his restoration.

Jofy returned by the third day, now sporting a black tee shirt and jeans.  It was late in the afternoon, just before Caitlin was due to return home from work.

“Did you procure the lab equipment?”  Starscream was eager to learn of what progress his former comrade had made.

“No.  And it looks like it may be tougher to pull off than I thought,” he admitted with wave of his hand.

“Knockout,” he shouted, surprised.  “You know that I cannot wait for this!”  His eyes blazed from within his darkened orbits.

“Of course I understand that, Starscream, but…  I have to be careful.”  He didn’t cower even as the taller human circled him.  After all, he wasn’t actually standing there, but parked in the front of the building.  “I have kept your secret to myself, but that may hinder my progress.  I have to answer to Ultra Magnus now.  I’m supposed to be a law-abiding citizen.  Do you know how insufferably strict he is?  I can scarcely twitch without him lecturing me about some odd ordinance.”  He ran a hand through his hair as he inhaled through flared nostrils.  “I have to be discrete.  Discretion means patience, which in turn means that I have to plot this out carefully.”

Starscream growled.  “You can’t at least procure the human machines and supplies?  Humans are not so observant.  _I should know_.”

Jofy winced at the reminder of the situation, but puffed out a sigh and turned to Starscream with a softer tone.  “I understand your impatience.  I’m trying, but I don’t want to alert either the Autobots or Agent Fowler.”

Starscream looked him up and down, then stepped back.  As he crossed his arms, his face slackened.  “So why are you here,” he asked calmly.

“I came by to let you know that I am looking into it.  I’ve made progress and I want you to know that I’m not just twiddling my thumbs.”  Starscream rolled his eyes, but Jofy continued.  “I’ve selected a few manufacturers and refurbishers I could hit or scavenge as well as some under-the-table dealers of used equipment that I think I can con.  I am confident that can get the centrifuge, the gel electrophoresis kits, and probably the pipettes and test tubes. But we have to take this slow.  I’ll get it from different locations so as not to raise suspicion.  Then we can focus on a locale for the necessary experimentation.  And later on, we’ll scrounge Cybertronian tech.”

“Have you considered searching through Shockwave’s old labs?”

“If what you told me is true, and that he’s behind… _this_ ,” he said as he gestured at Starscream.  “I don’t want to risk it.”

Starscream snarled.  “I’m sure more for your vanity than for the fact we’d _both_ be in this mess.”

Jofy stood silently for a moment.  After several tense minutes passed, he raised his brows in sympathy.  “I …can only imagine what you’re going through.”

Starscream looked up and sneered.  “I don’t need your pity,” he mumbled.

Jofy growled, fingers curling in front of him in dramatic frustration.  “You are impossible to deal with!”  He turned away, hologram flashing several times.  He regained his composure and turned around, smoothing over his brows with his thumbs.  “I’m trying to help you.  I’m risking my own neck, here, you know.”

“I’m sorry,” he started.  “I’ve just… been under a lot of stress.  Understandably.”

“Wait, you’re …apologizing?”  Jofy’s eyes widened.

Starscream nodded, appearing reluctant.  “I… haven’t exactly expressed gratitude.”  He looked at him directly.  “I appreciate the effort.  Honestly, it’s more than I would have done had our roles been opposite.”

Jofy stood still, raising his brow and chin in surprise, mouth askew.  “You’re worse off than I thought.”

Starscream sputtered.  “What?”

“Starscream, apologizing?”  He rested his hands on his hips.  “And you’re not even being threatened…”

“Oh, shut up.”  He glared.  “I just… realized I can be-”

“Insufferable?  Irritating?  Ungrateful? Ann-“

“Unlikeable,” he lamented, eyes closing.  He turned away with a melancholy frown.

Jofy flickered and flashed in shock.  “You’re worried about being _likeable_?”

He shrugged, folding his arms tightly and staring at the floor.

“I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t like you a little.”  He offered a weak smile.

The sound of a car door outside distracted them both.  The door swung open to Caitlin, who was already smiling.

“Jofy!”  She laughed.  “You’re still in town!”  She removed her jacket and placed her keys and a small box on the desk.

“Ah, yes, well…  I can’t leave just yet.  I have a few little _errands_ to run.”  He glanced at Starscream before looking back to her.  “Actually,” he approached her while he spoke, “I meant to ask you for your number the other day.”

She whimpered, clearing her throat to hide it.  “Uh, s-sure.  It’s-“

“It’ll be easier if you hand me your phone.  I don’t have mine on me.”  He reached out a hand and smiled as she placed the device in his grasp.  He punched in a few commands, smirking as he passed it back.

“There you are,” she stammered, heart fluttering as she read the contact information.

“And here I go.  I’ve got quite a lot to do, but I do hope to see you both again soon.”  He gave her a wink, just to see her squirm.

Starscream rolled his eyes again.  _And_ I’m _the intolerable one._

With Jofy out the door, she sighed in relief.  “You two get along?”

“…Somewhat,” he answered vaguely.

“You said you used to work with him, right?”  She looked to him with bright eyes as she marched over to where he was standing.

“…Yes.  Where are you going with this?”

“I just wondered what you were talking about while I wasn’t here.”

“Oh.”  He looked at her, scratching at his arm.  “He’s… helping me,” he admitted.

“Helping?”  Her eyes seemed exceptionally green today, he noted, and they appeared to widen, as if she could absorb knowledge through them like a ground bridge directly to her brain.

“Yes.  To recover my rightful place.”  It appeared he was weak to the effect she had on him.  He would have to increase his guard.

“Oh,” she answered, visibly let down, but why, he wasn’t sure of until she continued.  “So you won’t need to crash here anymore.”

“It won’t be for a while,” he assured.

“Well, good.  So I have a question.”  She bit her lip, twisting back and forth as her hands rubbed together.

“Yes?”

“How comfortable are you with staying here alone for a few days?”

The thought distressed him more than it should.  “What?  Where are you going?”

“I’m going to visit my family.  My birthday is in a couple days and I wanted to visit them for the occasion.”

“Birthday?”  He tried to recall what he knew of the human tradition.  “What if I don’t feel comfortable on my own?”

“Then… You’d have to come with me.”

He grimaced at the thought of how many lies he’d have to tell at such an event.  “Do they know about me?”

“They only know that you’re a friend I’m letting crash at my place for a while.  I’ve intentionally been keeping you to myself.  I mean, keeping the details to myself.”

His face allowed for a slight upturn in the corner of his mouth before going sour.  “When do you leave?”

“Tomorrow.”  She gave him an apologetic look.  “I should have told you sooner, I just forgot.”

“Let me think about it,” he said lowly.

She nodded.  “I’ll get dinner started.”  She made her way to the kitchen, trying to stretch out her shoulders.  Her face scrunched in discomfort.

“Something wrong?”

“Ugh, no.  I just get really tight shoulders after I spend so long hunched over at work.  I’ll be fine in a minute.”

She continued flexing and stretching throughout the cooking process and started to grunt as they sat down to eat.  The level of discomfort was rising straight through dinner and her apparent lack of self-care aggravated Star.

“Why don’t you do something about it if you’re hurt?”

“I’m fine,” she asserted, picking up her plate.  She stood over the sink, grumbling quietly.  She felt a hand on her back.

“You’re not fine,” he insisted as she grimaced at the touch.  His hands smoothed over the surface of her back and shoulders.  “Where does it hurt?”

“Right between my shoulder blades…”  She turned to look up at him.  “Are you offering a massage?”

He rolled his eyes.  “Don’t make it weird.  Just relax.”  His hands explored the upper surface of her back, learning the anatomy.  He felt the edges of her scapulae and spine, likening the structures to wing attachments and struts.  As the surface became familiar, he inspected deeper, pressing into her flesh.  He grew frustrated with the fabric and tried thrusting his hands down the collar of her shirt but the tension of the material prevented it.  He switched and opted to approach from the bottom, settling his hands back over the area to inspect the fascia and muscles there.

She gasped at his efforts to get under her shirt but told herself it was just for the convenience of the massage.  Nothing more.  She closed her eyes and leaned into his hands, holding back a purr at the warm touch.  Her brows knit together as his fingers pinpointed an area that felt tight.

“Right here?”  The tips of his fingers rolled over the surface of a knot in the muscle.

“Mmhm…”  Her hands grasped the sink as he pinched and pulled at the tissue of her back.  He found it was similar to the cabling that a seeker contains in their wings, and was able to use that to his advantage.  As he worked over a particularly troublesome spot, she moaned, eyes tightening.

His breath tickled her scalp as he leaned in to ask, “Too much?”

She looked back at him, slightly embarrassed at the lewd sound he pulled from her.  “No, that felt great.”

“Let’s move this to the couch,” he said, coaxing her toward the cushion to sit.  Once they were seated, he worked harder, making her bend over the arm of the couch, shirt pulled up high to reveal her skin.  She blushed at the moans and hissing she made but it felt too good to ask him to stop.

After what felt like an hour, she roused as he pulled away, her eyes blinking.  “That felt so good.”  Stretching, she sighed.  “Thank you.”  She looked down and blushed at the sight of her bra, tugging her shirt back down to cover herself.

“You’re welcome,” he responded softly.  “You should rest to prevent more injury.”

“When did you get so nurturing?”  She gave him a warm but sassy glance.

He straightened, jaw setting.  “I’m not.  Now rest.  I’ll clean up.”  With that contrary remark, he rose and got to work on the dishes.  Amidst the clatter of the plates and running water, he didn’t notice Caitlin rising and speaking.

“I think I’ll take a bath.  I got a bath bomb in the mail today from a friend.  I wanna try it out.  A hot bath always makes me feel better after a massage.”

He nodded with a grunt, not really listening.  He returned to the living room a while later, finding it empty, and assumed she was upstairs and probably asleep.  Preening had that effect on some people.  He contented himself to read one of the textbooks she left out while he awaited her return.  After the sun’s light had left the sky for a few hours, he checked the clock, thinking if he let her sleep much longer, she would never sleep through the night.  He quietly ascended the stairs but was surprised to hear laughter.

He realized he could hear her talking and paused just outside the bathroom door and listened as Caitlin spoke to a disembodied voice.

“I really appreciate the bath bomb, Sarah.”

“I’m glad you like it!  Now please accept it as my bribe and tell me more about this mystery guy!”

“Oh my god,” Caitlin groaned.  “I told you-“

“No, for real.  Like, why won’t he tell you anything?”

“He’s probably just a private person,” she huffed in an excuse.

“Ok but like…”

“Don’t say it.”

“…Is he withholding information or can he not remember?”

“Sarah.”

“I mean a guy shows up naked in the woods.  No name.  No age.  No place of origin.”

Caitlin sighed.

“He could have been abducted by fairies!”

“Good lord, no.  I embarrassed myself already by saying I thought he was abducted by aliens.”

“Same thing!  Seriously, do you know how many themes are shared between alien and fairy abductions?  Loss of time, loss of memory, a change of personality…  Does he drink a lot of milk?”

“No,” she laughed.  “He didn’t even know where milk came from!”

“He could be a changeling.  Or just glamouring. He could be a selkie!”

“In the middle of an inland mountain range?”

“A kelpie, then.”

“SARAH.”

“Look, this sounds like the beginning of a folktale.  A naked man who happens to be attractive shows up to a lonely woman-”

“Stop.  Honestly, he’s been …nice.”

“Ok but-“

“And today he gave me a lovely shoulder massage.”

“That’s seduction.  He’s luring you in.  He’s a kelpie.”

“Ugh…”  Caitlin massaged her head, feeling like she was beating on a wall.

“Hey,” Sarah sounded sincere as she continued, “you’re my friend and I love you and I don’t want you to be lured into abduction or death.”

With a sigh, Caitlin calmly stated, “I appreciate the concern, but I don’t think it’s fairies.”

“KELPIES.”

“Star is not a kelpie!”

“Ooh, so his name is Star?”

Caitlin clasped her hands over her mouth in shock.  “Shit.  Forget I said that.”

“Not a chance.”

“I’m hanging up,” she threatened.

“Nooooooo!”

Starscream could take no more of this conversation.  He burst through the door with a scowl.  “Stop talking about me!”

Caitlin shrieked, water splashing all over the room as she rushed to cover herself in the tub.  “Get out!”

Star immediately backed himself out as she grabbed the nearest towel.  He made no effort to stop staring, however.  The disembodied voice of Sarah poured from the phone set to speaker but no one answered her concerned shouting.  Caitlin wrapped herself hastily and pushed Star back, slapping him.

“You creep!”

He rubbed his cheek, eyes wide as he processed the fact she had just done that.  “How was I supposed to know you were naked?”

“I TOLD YOU I WAS GETTING A BATH.”  Her face was red, but this time he knew it wasn’t embarrassment.  This was rage.  Her furrowed brow, narrow but wild gaze, and toothy snarl was enough to indicate her fury.

He backed up, scowling.  “Well, you saw me naked!  How is this any different?  What’s the big deal?”

“Maybe I don’t want you to know what I look like!”  Her face was practically glowing as she shoved him again, loose bun on her head bobbing.

He gasped as he felt himself falling backward, grasping at anything he could.  He was about to fall backward from the top of the stairs and Caitlin instantly regretted her behavior and reached out to catch him.  Seconds stretched to minutes and when all was settled, Star caught himself leaning backward, long legs bridging several steps in a lunge position, but stable and supporting his own weight.  His hands had latched onto her arm and her towel.  His eyes locked onto hers as he panted as the panic subsided.

“Sorry sorry sorry!”  She trembled, breathless as she gripped his arms tightly.

“It’s alright.  I’m not going to fall”  He relaxed his grip but didn’t let go.  As he looked at his hands, processing his position, he stared up at her, eyes wide.

Her hair formed a golden halo around her face, backlit by the light fixture on the ceiling above them as she stared at him in concern.  Her eyes darted as she tried to make sure he was alright.  He hadn’t realized he had been smiling.  Just below her face, he caught sight of her chest, just barely contained by the towel that his hand had inserted itself into.  His lips curled into a smirk as he stared.  He tugged playfully.

“Don’t. You. Dare,” she warned.

He laughed maliciously.  “It’s only fair.”

“I said no!”

He released his grip immediately, hands raised in surrender.  “I do apologize.”  A glimmer in her eyes made him suddenly feel a weight in his gut.  “Really, I do.”

“It’s… It’s fine,” she mumbled.  “Just go back downstairs.”

He nodded, making his way down slowly, but turned just in time to catch sight of the curve of her aft as she dropped the towel and shut the door.  He wondered how long it would be before she came down.

Caitlin called Sarah back in a panic, explaining what happened and reassuring her that she didn’t need to call the police or the men in black.

“Just promise to touch him with iron for me,” she called before Caitlin hung up.  She sighed, reclining against the wall as she sat on the floor.

She replayed the night’s events for probably the fifth time.  Her teeth closed around her lip as she thought of his stupid smirk while he threatened to tear off her towel.  _That smug idiot._   Her hand playfully toyed with her breast as she imagined what might have happened if she’d let him explore.  Her other hand played with the other breast as she stifled a moan.  _That idiot.  He had no right looking so attractive._ As her hands wandered lower across her body, a familiar creeping shadow made its presence known.  She tried to ignore the feeling, hand passing over the fold in her stomach, but she was forced to stop by the anxiety and shame.  _He couldn’t be interested.  Not in this_.  She looked down at the fat she carried and grimaced, imagining his response.  _He’d be disappointed.  He wouldn’t want this._

She gave up in her efforts to pleasure herself and sighed, rising to towel off and dress.  The menace of self-loathing and body image were some of Depression’s strongest weapons against her mental health.

When she came downstairs, Star was sitting with his nose in a book.  He glanced up to see her in her night shirt and fluffy pajama pants and smiled.  She gave him a half-hearted attempt at one in return.  His smile fled at the change he could see in her posture: her sunken face, lowered shoulders, all of it spoke to him the way the wings of another seeker would.  He set down the book and motioned for her to join him.  She sat a couple feet from him, immediately flipping through the options on the tv, one knee tucked into her chest.

“Did I upset you?”  He knew the answer was yes, but wanted to be delicate in his approach.

“No,” she whispered.  “I’m just… not feeling too hot.”

Clinging to a slim hope, he asked, “Did the preening not help?”

“The what?  The massage, you mean?”

“Right, of course.”  _Massage.  Yes._

She puffed a stray hair from her face and sat her chin on her knee.  “It did.  This isn’t related.”

He watched as she idly flipped through the lists on the screen, his stomach churning in guilt.  “If this is about seeing you naked-“

“Drop it.”  She didn’t want to look at him for fear of looking foolish.

“I didn’t see much… if that helps at all.”  When she didn’t respond, he leaned in, “Please, tell me.  I want to do better.” _…Wait.  I do?_

She looked at him, appearing desperately broken.  “I’m just…  Struggling.”

He tried to understand, but couldn’t.  “I’m sorry.” 

Her eyes were glassy and her eyelids seemed puffy to Star, and it was a sight he wished to erase from his memory banks.  Hesitantly, he opened his arm, inviting her to lean in.  _She holds me when she sees me upset_ , he thought.

Without a word, she collapsed into him, tucking her legs in under her.  She drew herself in, appearing as small as possible.

He was surprised that she accepted his offer, but pleased.  His hand closed around her arm, holding her to him as he took the remote.  He selected the funny videos they had watched when he first came to her, hoping the humor might help.

She smiled, but she didn’t laugh.

It broke his spark.

“I told you…”  He sagged.  “I’m not nice.”  When she didn’t respond, he felt disgusted with himself.  He looked down at her, expecting tears, but was shocked to see her eyes closed, asleep.  Not knowing what to do, he petted her head, fingers gently tangling in her hair.  He smiled softly at the soft texture of the freshly-cleaned hair, watching the light of the tv bounce off the locks in changing and shifting colors.  The faint scent of her shampoo made its way to his olfactory receptors and he sighed.  He actually felt… happy.  He was happy that she could be comfortable enough with him to sleep against him like this.

It was an unspeakably tender moment.

\--

She awoke in the morning with a lingering sadness, recalling her feelings and actions from the night before.  As she stirred, she felt her pillow move _.  That’s weird_.  She looked up, eyes still blurry with sleep and drying tears and saw Star leaned over the arm of the couch, cheek pressed to his fist to prop himself up.  He appeared to be asleep, face squished by the weight of his head, and lips parted.  She could feel his chest expand in a deep inhale and watched as the corner of his mouth curled into a smirk.  His eyes opened shortly after and he gave her a loving look.

“Good morning,” he grinned, unmoving.

“Good morning,” she answered.  She tried to unwrap her arms from around him where she’d cuddled him in the night, but he held her close.

“You don’t have to get up if you don’t want to.”

She laid back down, hugging him.  “I’m sorry I got so upset.”

“I should’ve kept out of your business.”  He cautiously stroked her hair.

She whimpered and leaned into his touch.  “We’ll laugh about it later.”

He nodded, but kept stroking her hair, making her skin break out into goosebumps from the sensation.  She may have mumbled something, but neither of them knew what it was.

She awoke again a couple hours later, still wrapped around his middle.  This time she sat up, finally pulling away.

He sat up next.  “Sleep well?”

She nodded, blushing.  “Listen, last night…”

“Say no more.”  He waved his hand, casting the subject away.  “Actually I decided… I want to go with you.”

“You…  What, for my birthday?”

He nodded again.  “If you aren’t mad at me, that is.”

She scratched her scalp, surprised.  “Well, alright.  …I guess I’ll let Mom know to expect company.”  She yawned, stretching her arms high.  “My shoulders feel a lot better.  Thanks for that,” she conveyed with a shy smile.

He stood, stretching his own arms.  “Do you work today?”

She shook her head.  “Not today.”

“Good,” he muttered, largely to himself.

They both worked together on preparing a full breakfast, happily munching on bacon, toast, and bananas, amongst other things.  She told him that bananas and bacon were mood-boosters and thanked him for suggesting them.  He didn’t tell her he’d contacted Knockout that night in concern.

They each got dressed and she reminded him that he needed to pack if he was to travel.  “And it’s a two-hour drive.  Are you sure you’ll be ok?”

He nodded, gulping thickly.

As she hurried around the house to pack, he discretely borrowed her phone to message Knockout.  He arrived in minutes as Caitlin retrieved her phone from the table to talk to her parents upstairs.  She waved at Jofy before disappearing.

“You wanted to see me?”  He tilted his chin with a hard-to-read look.

“I’m… heading out of town.”

“What do you mean?”  Jofy’s face twitched momentarily in concern.

“She’s leaving to celebrate her birthday with family and I’m going with her.”

Jofy blinked, eyes wide for several moments.  “What brought this about?  Don’t you hate ground-based travel?”

“I can handle it,” he squeaked unconvincingly.  “Anyway, I just wanted to notify you that I won’t be here for a few days.”

Jofy’s eyes narrowed.  “Just so we’re clear, you’re going to meet her parents?”

Star nodded.

With a smooth grin, the holoform leaned in.  “You made it that far already?  I must say I’m shocked and impressed.”

“What do you mean,” he asked, giving the other a suspicious look.

“Meeting the parents is a part of human courtship rituals,” he purred, extending a hand.  “Surely you knew this.”

His look of surprise was answer enough.

Jofy laughed heartily.  “She must like you a lot to invite you to meet her family.”

He blushed and quickly turned away.  “I’m sure it’s just convenience.  But I am… concerned.  I may need you to help me not trip up and accidentally reveal the truth…  That is, if you really are as well-versed in human behavior as I am led to believe.”

“I know a considerable amount, but I’ve not been quite as steeped in it as you, mon frer.”

“I’m just-“

“Nervous?  I noticed,” he droned.  “But again, just so we’re clear…  Are you afraid of being found out?”

He nodded.

“You _were_ in a military caste before the war, yes?”

Again, he nodded.

“So, what, you don’t know how to defend yourself all of a sudden?”

“Come again?”

“I _mean_ , are you telling me that someone so completely steeped in military training and experience spanning their entire lifecycle is incapable of fighting off an organic attacker?”

“I can defend myself, yes.  But that is not the issue and you know it.”

“So, you want to avoid confrontation?”

“Obviously.  That would be advantageous given the circumstances.”

“Then don’t go.  That is the most advantageous option.”

“I don’t want to do that.”

“Then what?  You want me to find a place for you?  A new human?”

“NO.”  He bared his teeth in a snarl.

“So then, you just don’t want to embarrass yourself in front of _this particular_ human.  Is that it?  I’m just trying to fully grasp the situation.”

Star’s chest rumbled as he growled.

Jofy only smiled wider.  “Just admit that you want her to like you.”

“Why do you think that is what I want?”

“Why else would you worry about being likable or impressing her family?”

Before he could answer, Caitlin could be heard making her way back down.  Starscream made no move to acknowledge anything Jofy had just said.

Jofy diverted his attention to the girl, but a smug look still hung on his face.  “So I hear you two are headed out of town.  Mind if I ask where?”

“Visiting my family for my birthday.”  She inspected him, adding, “You really do always look good,” she grumbled.

“Don’t hate me for being beautiful,” he mock-pouted.  “Where do your parents live?”

“A small town about two hours from here.”

“Which is where?”

She was surprised by his insistence.  “Are you worried about Star?”

It was his turn to be flummoxed.  “Of course not.  He can handle himself.”

She wrote down the address, passing the note to him.  “So you don’t worry,” she stated.

Star raised a brow at Jofy, who appeared a bit sheepish suddenly.  “ _You_ worry about something other than your appearance?  Shocking,” he sneered.

Jofy stuttered but regained composure quickly.  “Just let me know that you arrive safely.  Otherwise, I’ll be busy _shopping_.”  He bowed slightly and made a hasty retreat.

Caitlin laughed softly.  “So.  Are you ready to go?”

He nodded, gulping.

“Nervous?”

“N-no…”

“Because _that_ sounded so confident,” she joked.  “Are you more nervous about the drive or my family?”

“Right now, the drive.”

“It’ll be fine.  Help me load up.”

They loaded the trunk and back seat with clothes and toiletries.  Caitlin even insisted she bring her computer and a few books for his sake.  After they double checked, she sent out texts to her family and settled into the driver’s seat.  Star hesitated.  Did he really want to do this?

“Come on,” she coaxed.   “I’ll drive safely.”

He climbed in delicately, regulating his breathing to control his anxiety.  As the car began to move, Caitlin looked over.

“Are you alright with some music?  These longer drives can be boring.”

He nodded and watched as she connected her iPod to the stereo system.  The interior soon filled with the sound of a human song he didn’t recognize.  Not that he recognized many.  He chuckled to himself as he noticed Caitlin bobbing along to the rhythm.  Neither spoke for several miles, though Caitlin’s dancing continued.  He allowed himself to relax as he began to feel he was not in imminent danger in the car.  As a particular song ended and another began, he noticed Caitlin slowly turn to him, eyes and mouth wide in excitement.  He sighed in relief as she looked back to the road, but before he could ask what that look was about, the next song started up with a guitar riff and Caitlin practically bounced in her seat as she bobbed and danced.

“CAN’T EXPLAIN ALL THE FEELINGS THAT YOU MAKING ME FEEEEEL,” she suddenly burst out, singing and dancing in a way that was altogether hazardous for a person operating heavy machinery.

Star was amused and afraid.

“MY HEART’S IN OVERDRIVE AND YOU’RE BEHIND THE STEERING WHEEEEEEL.”  She laughed loudly in between lyrics.  Her hand rested heavily on his shoulder as she sang, “Touching youuuuuu.”  She stroked her seatbelt.  “Touching meeeeee.  Touching you ‘cause you’re touching me.”

Star recoiled into the door, wondering what sort of madness had taken her over and how could he get her to stop.

“I BELIEVE IN A THING CALLED LOVE!”

“What are you doing?!”

“SANGIN’,” she shouted before carrying on.

He couldn’t make out the lyrics at the speed they were sung, but he admitted internally that this behavior was amusing.  He endured the entire song in a state of terror spotted by moments of laughter.

As the song ended, Caitlin cackled at a high pitch, bright red from the effort.  “Sorry,” she wheezed.  “I just can’t handle not singing in the car and I like being weird to my passengers.”  She glanced over, smiling a little less wildly.  “You ok?”

He nodded, straightening in his chair.  “You call that singing?”

“Hey, that’s my goofy voice.  I can do better.”

“Prove it,” he dared her, brow raised.

“Fine.  You want opera or pop?”

“Whichever would be the opposite of what we just experienced.”

“Just know that once I start singing in the car, I won’t stop.”  She played with the buttons on the steering wheel to select a new song.  She cleared her throat, suddenly nervous.

He crossed his arms, curious to see if she could really sing and not just bounce and shout.  A soft cadence led right into the first lyric of the song, and as Caitlin mirrored the vocalist in the recording, he stared.  The words weren’t English, but he recalled the sound of it.  After some searching in his brain, he recalled that the language was Latin.  He focused on the sound of her voice as she rounded the vowels and enunciated consonants.  He thought his heart skipped a beat when she built in volume and reached a high note effortlessly.  If she had been Cybertronian, he mused, she could have learned the Vosnian cant.

Caitlin felt hot but carried herself all the way to the end of the music.  She took pride in her voice but wondered what her company might think.  As the song stopped, she paused the music and glanced at him.  “Well?”

He was silent for several minutes and she winced, head lowering as she stared ahead.

“I don’t listen to music much these days,” he began softly, “but I enjoyed that.”  He smiled to himself.  “Please continue.”

She immediately puffed up, looking much like the little birds she fancied so much as she turned a remarkable shade of pink.  “Thank you.”  With a sigh, she resumed the playlist.

She was happily singing through her choice of music for the rest of the trip, Star relaxing and enjoying the private concert.  She certainly had some… odd tastes.  A wide range of music was in her repertoire, spanning every conceivable genre it seemed.  As she took a break to breathe, he asked her to wait.

“I’d like to ask some questions about… what I’m getting into.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, for starters, what do birthday parties entail?”

“Well, with my family, there’s cake.  And the birthday person chooses where we go to eat to celebrate.  And there are presents of course.”

“Presents?”

She gave him an odd look.  “Yeah…  You know, a gift that’s usually wrapped and stuff?”

“Why?”

“Why,” she repeated.  “I dunno.  It’s just fun to see what you get.  The mystery, and such.”

“No, I mean, why do you get presents for your birthday?”

“Wait, really?  Are you saying you’ve never experienced a birthday party?”

Sheepishly, he nodded.

“Shit…”  _Maybe he is a fairy._

“My culture is vastly different to yours, you know.  Why do you get presents?”

“I dunno,” she answered truthfully.  “I always see it as your loved ones showing appreciation for you making it another year,” she laughed.  “Though that’s probably just it.  Just your family and friends showing their love for you on a designated day through material means.”  She gave him a glance.  “You never had a birthday party?”

He shook his head.  “Not in my culture.”

“So just what _is_ your culture?”

“Vosnian,” he answered vaguely.

She sighed.  “So you’re back to the vague answers.”

“Why do you want to know?”

She thought for a second.  “I thought we went over this.  I like you.  And I tend to obsess and learn everything I can about the things I like.”  She offered a shy smile.

“…Fine.  Here’s a little fact about my ‘upbringing’,” he punctuated the word with air quotes, “I grew up in a society built upon the idea of a caste system.  I was lucky to be placed into one of the higher castes that afforded me more luxury than some.  As such, I was able to seek out some cross-caste past-times.  I had a fondness for the arts of my home city, taking pride in what my people could do.  One of the endeavors I allowed myself in my free time was a bit of informal dance training.”

“You can dance?”  She seemed surprised.

“Yes.  It isn’t as technically perfect as those who were in the artisan caste-“

“I want to see it.  Sometime.  Eventually.”  She blushed.  “I’ve always liked dancing, but never really learned how.”

He cleared his throat.  “Well… Perhaps someday.”  He looked back at her after a quiet moment.  “So what else am I up against?  Tell me about your family.  Are they more or less like you, or…?”

“Oh, right.  Well, first you’ll meet Mom.  She’s pretty chill with everything.  Not judgmental.  She is a lot like me but maybe more …withdrawn?”  She shrugged.  “And then my brother….  Hoo boy.  He still lives with Mom and you’ll see more of him at night than during the day.  He’s either working or asleep then.  He can be abrasive and I would totally understand if you didn’t get along.  He’s young and hot-headed.”

“Younger than you?”

“Yeah.  He’s not so bad deep down and most of the time he’s pretty great.  He’s just insecure and takes it out on others.  Kinda selfish.”

Something in that statement stung.  “I know the type.”

“Anyway, then there’s Dad.  He doesn’t live with Mom.  He’s nearby, though.  He’s remarried to another woman but… eh.  She’s nice enough.  Very materialistic.  Both of them are.”  She paused.  “You may want to keep an eye on Dad.”

“And why would that be?”

“He’s the overprotective type.  If he suspects you and I are a thing, and trust me, he will, then you’ll have to watch your back.  He has threatened my exes before.”

“Exes?”

“Yeah…  What, ya jealous?”

“Of course not!”  He sputtered, folding his arms in a huff.  “Ridiculous.”  He couldn’t hide his blush, especially since he didn’t know he was blushing.  “Threatened how?”

“Polishing his shotgun,” she answered nonchalantly.

He leered at her.  “Thanks for the warning.”

She chuckled.  “Of course you have nothing to fear since we aren’t a couple.”

“Right.”  He nodded in double assurance.

She serenaded him for a few more miles before turning the volume back down.  “We’re almost there.”  She checked with him.  “You alright?”

“I’m fine,” he answered quickly.

“Just remember, I told them you’re an old friend from college.”

“I can lie when I must.”

“Good,” she sighed.  “I can’t.”

He quirked a brow.

“I’m crap at lying.”

This girl would be the death of him.


	13. Meet the Family

The pair exited the car with a little hesitation, each grabbing armfuls of bags and exchanged sighs.  The home was one of many like it on the street, multi-color bricks creating the outer wall.  The overall impression it gave off to Star was… average.  Just an average human habitation.  Caitlin led him to the side door in the adjoined carport, passing a silver car inside.  The wood door opened and Star watched as Caitlin lit up at the sight of her mother, smiling openly and shouting greetings.

He followed her inside and was startled by wet noses at his pants and dropped his bags, shrieking in terror.  Caitlin and her mother each restrained the two animals as Star regained his composure, hands still in the air.

He clutched his chest, shouting, “Why didn’t you warn me about those?”

Caitlin gave him an exasperated look.  “I didn’t know you were afraid of dogs!”

He straightened, arms tightening, stiff at his side.  “I’m not afraid!”

She gave him a flat look.

“I’m not,” he insisted.  “…Are they vicious?”  He eyed the dogs warily.

The women laughed and shook their heads, letting the dogs go.  Caitlin petted one as they approached Star again.  “This is Bishop.  That’s Rook.”  She took his side, nudging him.  “They’re just big curious huskies.”

He remained stiff while they sniffed and licked at him and his clothing.  His body only moved as Caitlin’s mother approached.  “I can shut them up in the living room if they’re trouble,” she offered.

He shook his head, seeing the black and white dogs lose interest.  Seeing Caitlin petting and cooing the large dogs helped in clearing away thoughts of death or harm.  Predacons still haunted his dreams and made it hard for him to trust any animal with teeth.  He momentarily drifted into his past, reliving the terrors of Predaking and Shockwave’s other cloned monstrocities.  He returned to the present with a jolt and took in his surroundings.  As he noticed the bags where he left them on the floor, he quickly seized them, apologizing.  Caitlin chuckled and led the way to the back of the house, opening the last door in the dark hallway.  She flicked on the light in the room and as he entered, he felt a cold chill.

“Mom and Devon like it colder than I do, so the air stays on or heat off, rather.  So this room, since the door stays closed, is always like a freezer.”

He shivered, but followed her direction on where to place the bags in the cluttered bedroom.  The red walls spoke of warmth and the stack of plush animals in the corner made him smile.  They were the markers of a childhood lived out.

Once the bags were settled, Star felt a tap on his shoulder.  He spun around to see Caitlin’s mother again.  He stumbled over himself, “Right, hello, um…”  _Now the lies start._

“I’m Caitlin’s mom, Susan.”  She immediately hugged the tall man.  “Welcome.  Sorry for the mess.”

“Hi, uh, Mom.”  He tensed and stepped back once released.

“He’s not a hugger, Mom,” Caitlin whispered awkwardly.

The woman laughed.  “You can just call me Susan.”

“Susan, then.”  He blanked, just staring at her, not knowing what to talk about.

“So, you’re staying here with us,” the older woman stated.

He nodded.

Susan indicated for him to follow her, speaking while they walked back to the living room.  “You’re welcome to stay on the couch.  Or did Caitlin already work something out?”

He shrugged, noticing some of the features on her face that matched those of her daughter.  The nose, eyes, and overall face shape lined up perfectly and he smiled to himself at the comparison.  The older woman’s hair was far darker, however, and her age manifested itself in a way that Star knew to be inevitable for her species in her skin color and firmness.  Caitlin was turning a year older and he knew it wouldn’t be long before she displayed some of the same aging as her mother.

“Your name is Star, then?”  Susan inspected him as they sat down on the large L-shaped couch.

He nodded, looking to Caitlin as she joined him.

“He’s not much for sharing,” she sighed.

They discussed little things like the trip and the plan for the coming days between the mother and daughter while Star mostly listened.  The dogs started playing roughly with each other and growled loudly.  Caitlin didn’t miss the tension that it brought out in Star.  She nudged him and asked if he was alright.

“I’m just nervous.”

“About my family or the pups,” she asked quietly.

“The …pups.”  As he spoke, an orange cat made its way over to his lap.  He tried not to move, unsure of what to do.

“This is Sunny.  He’s old and fragile.”  She leaned in, resting on Star’s shoulder to pet the cat.  “Just a sweet lil’ old man.”

“Are there any more animals I should know about?”

“Another cat, Sassy.  She’s fat.”  Caitlin laughed and loved on the animal as it settled into Star’s lap.

He cautiously extended a hand to pet the cat’s head and Sunny arched into the touch.  Star’s eyes widened as the corners of his mouth curled.  “He’s so soft.”  He continued petting the cat, grinning at the little creature’s softness of fur and personality.

“So you’re more of a cat person, I take it,” Susan grinned.

“I suppose I am.”

They all settled into the couch, watching something on the tv that Star paid no attention to.  All of his attention was on the cat.

“Devon will be home soon,” Susan stated.  “Have you decided where you want to go for dinner?”

Caitlin nodded.  “I want sushi.  I haven’t had any in a long time.”

Star roused from his observations of the cat.  “Sushi?”

“You ever had any?”

He shook he head.  “What is it?”

Susan laughed.  “Raw fish.”

“Mom.  It’s more than that, but yeah,” she turned to Star.  “Raw fish and a special rice.  I love it.”

“But you don’t refine it?”  Seeing her blank stare, he clarified.  “No cooking?”

She shook her head.  “That’s the beauty of it.  The simplicity.  The freshness.”

He set his jaw, curious.  “I can appreciate the idea.”

The side door slammed, exciting the dogs.  They barked and ran to greet Caitlin’s brother as he came in.  All the commotion was too much for the elderly cat who jumped off Star’s lap to join his partner Sassy in the corner.  Star grumbled.

“I’m home,” Devon called.  He walked in shortly after, playing with the dogs.  “Who’s that?”  He pointed at the tall man seated on the couch.

“This is Star,” Caitlin informed him.

Star nodded, observing the newcomer.  He was much taller than the women but still shorter than himself.  He sported some facial hair and piercings in his nose and ears, and glasses sat on his face.  This human was nothing like the other two.  _Genetics can be fascinating._

“Star?  That’s your name?”  He gave an incredulous look.

“It’s a nickname,” he droned.

“How’d you get that,” the redhead asked.

“It’s a short version of my full name.”

“…Which is?”

“Not your business.”

Devon wasn’t amused.  “Wow.  Ok, so, why is he here?”

“He was my friend in college.  He is with me because I invited him along,” Caitlin said calmly.

Devon rolled his eyes.  “Okay.  Lemme go get a shower, and then we can go.”  He exited hastily.

Caitlin turned to her guest.  “Star?”

“Hm?”  He looked her over and realized she was curious about his name.  “Oh.  …I’ll tell you later,” he whispered.  _Yes, she can be trusted with my name_.  The thought of her saying his name, his full name, sent a spark of excitement through him.

When Devon finally returned, stomachs were growling.  The group headed for the car, but there was some trepidation when it was decided that Devon would drive them in his own car.

Looking to avoid any confrontation, she looked up at her guest.  “Star…  I can drive us.”

He raised a brow in surprise.  “You’re not going to vouch for his safety on the road?”

She looked back at her brother, who had an annoyed look on his face as he waited.  “Nnnno.”

Star was shocked but laughed.  “Shall I tell him I won’t ride in his car?”

“I’ll do it.”

Star watched as she walked over and exchanged words with her family.  It was odd, to him, to think that the three of them were _related_.  Family dynamics were not a familiar concept, at least not in the genetic sense.  To think that there was a group of beings that were forced to interact with each other from an early age…  He heard a shout as the door slammed in Caitlin’s face, her brother accelerating out of the driveway with his mother in the passenger seat.

Caitlin looked hurt as she made her way back into her car.

He recalled her description of her brother from before.  “The short temper…”

“Yeah.  Sorry.  He’ll get over it pretty quick.”  She focused on the road, driving them to the restaurant of her choice.

Star looked at her, and noted, “I don’t have a present for you.”

“It’s fine.  We barely know each other.”  She appeared to be bashful, which only served to endear her to him more.

“I can give you one thing.  The only thing I really have left.”

“What’s that?”

“My name.”

She beamed excitedly.

“If I tell you my name, you must swear to me that you will keep it a secret.”

Her eyes widened momentarily.  She nodded.  “I swear.”

He sighed, closing his eyes.  “My name is Starscream.”  He opened his eyes, expression dark as he watched her for a reaction.

She seemed not to believe him.  “Starscream?”

 _It sounds so_ foreign _when she says it_.  “Yes.  Of course, that’s the translation of my name into English.  But I cannot risk my name in its native tongue just yet.”

“Oh.”  She was disappointed, he noted.  “So.  Starscream.”  She thought about it.  “Where does that come from?”

“I can’t tell you.”

“I mean, your name means something, right?  Why were you given that name?”

“Oh.  I can share the origin, I suppose.  Actually, I’m named for the radio frequencies given off by stars.  The stars literally scream my name,” he puffed out his chest in pride.  “It’s also a reference to an ancient poem.  The poem is about the wind that blows through the spires of my city.  In context with the poem, my name can translate to “the wind whistling through the heavenly spires”.”

Her eyes sparkled in wonder.  “That’s beautiful.”

He glowed, beaming.  “It is, isn’t it?”  He enjoyed sharing his name, but began to wonder about human names.  Particularly hers.  “What about you?  Is there a meaning to _your_ name?”

“Oh, yeah.  Caitlin is Irish in origin, and it means ‘pure one’,” she giggled.  “It’s actually a reference, though.  Like yours.  Mom wanted to name me Catherine after her favorite fictional character.  Catherine was the main character from the Beauty and the Beast tv series and Mom loved that show.  Dad shot that idea down early, so she snuck and named me Caitlin, which is actually an Irish form of Catherine.”

“So your parents name you?”  It was more a general question about humans than about her own family, but she interpreted it to mean the latter.

“Yes,” she sighed.  “It’s a bit unfortunate.  There are sooooo many ways to spell my name, so inevitably, I have many monogrammed things that are wrong.”

He chuckled to himself.  “I understand your pain.”

“How so?”

“There are many different ways to _pronounce_ my name.”

“Oh.  Neat.”  The car came to a stop in a parking lot.  “ _Starscream_ ,” she said once more.

He grinned, enjoying the sound of his full name on her lips.  He was glad he chose to share this part of himself with her.

They made their way inside, joining her family in the lobby.  The group of four seated themselves in a booth with Star and Caitlin sat opposite Devon and Susan in a darker corner of the room.

“So Star, you gonna try sushi,” Susan asked.

“I will try it.  As long as there isn’t a dairy element to it…”

“No,” Susan laughed.

“Actually,” Caitlin corrected, “some rolls have cream cheese.  I’ll help pick some starter rolls for you.  Don’t feel pressured to enjoy them.”

They each read the menus as the family conversed, sharing their experiences since they had seen each other last.  Starscream silently cursed his human brain.  He could read the Japanese, thanks to the initiative he took early on in his time on Earth to learn the most common of the planet’s languages.  The only problem he had was picturing the food items.  There were many food-related terms that he did not bother learning beyond placing the words in the category of ‘food’.

“You need any help?”

He glanced at Caitlin briefly.  “No…  Scrap.  Yes, please.”

Caitlin giggled and explained a few things like panko, teriyaki, and udon.  When it came time to order, she eagerly ordered a sushi entrée and a couple different basic rolls for Star to try.

Devon and Susan tried to start some small talk with Star, remarking how they had never heard of him before now.

Caitlin stuttered a half-baked excuse, but Star interjected on her behalf.

“The truth is we barely knew each other at the college.  We met a few times when I came to guest-lecture on astronomy, engineering, and chemistry.”  Caitlin looked at him with an odd stare as he glanced over with a smirk.  “Recently, I lost my home to arson and theft, and she graciously took me in.  I’m working to restore myself to my life the way I knew it before.”

This answer seemed to satisfy Susan.

The brother was not so easily persuaded.  “So…  You’re a professor?”

“A pilot, actually.  And military leader.  I’m not native to America, but in my home country, I was an air commander.  I have extensive training and experience in the field as well as some background in science.”  He made a dismissive wave with his long fingers.  “I’m sure it isn’t anything you’re interested in hearing.”

“I’m just proud of my girl for helping you out.”  Susan smiled.  “Caitlin’s always been a kind-hearted person.  She’s my bright shiny light.”

Caitlin cringed slightly.  Star noticed, recalling what she’d told him about emotionally supporting her family.  _To some extent_ , he thought _, she’d naturally done the same for him_.  It actually made him feel a minor pang of guilt in his spark for adding to the weight she already carried.

The rest of the evening went by without much incident.  Starscream was pleased by the presentation of the raw fish foods, finding them visually appealing.  He had expected to see the whole fish, but to see the decorative little rolls was a relief.  He popped one into his mouth and nodded in satisfaction before eating several more.  He was baffled by the wooden sticks he had been presented, but watched as Caitlin expertly used them to lift her sushi from the plate.  She offered to teach him, but he insisted on learning on his own.  She shrugged, but he kept his eyes on her hand and the motions she used.  Within seconds he was using his own chopsticks like a pro, easily grasping the principles behind their design.

As the food disappeared from their plates, the conversation waned, but the one thing that did seem the center of everyone’s focus was his place of origin.  They couldn’t pinpoint an accent or appearance associated with any country they knew.  He expertly dodged the issue by asserting that his full name and home country were classified due to his work with the government.  Again, he noted that Devon seemed to doubt him.  _This boy will be trouble._

When Caitlin excused herself from the table, Star almost panicked.  Almost. 

 _Don’t leave me alone with them_.  Just before Devon could start questioning him again, Susan flagged the waiter down as he passed by and mentioned that it was her daughter’s birthday.  With an understanding nod, he whisked back to the kitchen just before Caitlin returned.

Not long after she sat down, a song and clapping could be heard approaching from the kitchen.  Caitlin hid her face, recognizing it at once and blushing at all the commotion.  Star watched, fascinated at the concept of the celebration of becoming a year older being so public.  A small bowl of ice cream was left for Caitlin on the table with several spoons, as well as the bill.  Susan offered to cover it for the whole table, but Caitlin insisted she would pay for Star’s portion.  He thanked her and eyed the dessert.

Star was curious about ice cream, _but the thought of more dairy…_

He overcame his disgust, _just this once_ , to try this frozen treat.  Taking up a spoon, he hesitantly took a bite, at once falling in love with the texture and taste.  Caitlin laughed but happily shared the treat with him.

“I wish we could find a way to do this with frozen energon,” he mused to himself.

Devon perked up, curious.  “Frozen what?”

“A, uh, food from my native country.”

A short while after the ice cream was gone, they departed, returning home.  Starscream felt a sick churning in his stomach as he thought about Devon.  A sense of foreboding settled on him that he couldn’t shake.  Caitlin glanced at him as they made their way home.  “You ok?”

“I think your brother may cause me trouble.”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t know exactly, but I could tell he didn’t buy all my lies.  He’s a crafty one.”

They didn’t have time to discuss it further as they pulled in, rejoining the family once again inside.  In the house, the lights were dimmed and there was a cake waiting with candles lit.  Caitlin mock-groaned, complaining that she’d had enough sugar for the night.  She thanked her family for not singing, making them laugh.  Each of them claimed a piece, even Star, whose piece was particularly large.  Caitlin warned him not to get sick, but he shrugged it off.  He hummed while he consumed the piece quickly, infatuated with the sweet confection.  A few gifts were then presented by the family, and Caitlin happily tore into them, receiving clothes and some merchandise from series that she liked.

Everyone retreated, packing the cake away in the fridge for the night.  Devon secluded himself in his room and Susan only remained in the living room for an hour before turning in.

Star felt a rumble in his gullet that made him shudder.

Caitlin looked over with a knowing glance.  “You ok?”

“I don’t know.”  Another rumble.  “Urgh…”

“I bet you had too much sugar.  It made you sick.”

He shook his head, but clasped a hand swiftly over his lips as he felt a wretch.  “Oh I’m going to purge my tank…”  He shuddered again as he felt something rising in his throat.

Caitlin wrapped an arm around him, escorting him to the bathroom in the hall.  She rubbed his back as he wretched repeatedly, fighting the rising fluids in his intake.

“Fighting it only makes it worse,” she chided.

Susan peeked in, asking if he was alright.  Caitlin shooed her away, insisting that he was just sick from the sweets.  Her mother nodded, reminding her where the pepto was.

When they were alone again, Caitlin leaned in, whispering, “I vote you come sleep in my room tonight.”

He fought back another contraction.  “What?”

“There’s a half-bath in my room.  You wouldn’t have to travel very far if you get sick in the night.”

He groaned.  “…I’m sorry.”

“What for?”

“For being a burden.  You’ve been exceedingly generous- urg- to me.”

“Forget about it,” she murmured, still rubbing the expanse between his shoulders.  “Seriously, Star, just let it come out.  You’ll feel better when it’s over.”

He didn’t think he could have held it back much longer anyway, and finally let himself purge, clutching the bowl of the toilet.  When it was over, a few aftershocks still making their way through his system, Caitlin gave him a dose of pepto and escorted him to her room.

“I’m dying,” he moaned.  From the look on his face, she half-believed him.

“No, you’re not dying.  You’re just sick.”

“Purging like this is a bad sign.  My mouth is burning.  If my body can’t keep down nutrients, I’ll die.”  He stretched on her bed, legs dangling off onto the floor in dramatic fashion.

“Not really,” she mumbled, a bit thrown off.

“Do humans do this often?”

“Humans?”  She was taken aback by his choice of words.

His eyes turned into saucers for a moment.  “I don’t know what I said.”

She sighed, hoping he was just being silly.  “You can sleep on the bed next to me.  Just don’t tell Mom or Devon that we shared the bed.”

“I’ll just,” he hiccupped, “sleep on the floor.”

“No.  I’m not going to do that to you.  There’s no room on the floor, anyway.”

Star looked around, noting the stacks of bins, furniture, and knick-knacks.  When she’d moved out, the room was turned into storage space.  Surveying the floor, there really wasn’t much of it left to see.  She was right.  She encouraged him to put on his pajamas while she went into the bathroom to do the same.  He was sitting on the edge of the bed in a loose grey shirt and plaid pants when she emerged in a blue shirt and shorts, both covered in colorful fish.  He let out a shallow laugh at her ensemble.

“You’re lucky I brought the shorts.  I normally just sleep in a shirt and underwear.”  He blushed but choked back a burp.  He looked absolutely miserable with a pink nose, dark eyes, and pained expression.  Looking lower, she noticed her phone in his hand.  A message opened on the screen.  “Who is it?”

“Jofy…”  He looked up at her, wiping sweat from his face.  “…I have to tell you something.”

“Can it wait until morning?”

He shook his head.

She took initiative to sit next to him.  Her arm wrapped around his middle, pulling him close.

“Jofy has made some progress that means… I may need your help.”  He was clearly struggling within himself, physically and mentally.

“Whatever it is, I’ll help.”

“No, this is…”  He didn’t want to tell her, that much was certain.  “I …I’m not,” he started several times, trying to think of how to say this.

“You’re… what?”

“I’m not human,” he blurted, looking her in the eye.

She laughed, the weight of what he said soaring far above her head.  “No, you just don’t feel good-“

“I mean it.”  He leveled his gaze, stiff features locking into an intense stare.

Her smile faded slowly.  “Oh my god,” she breathed.  “You’re a kelpie.  Sarah was ri-”

“A what?  No,” he corrected.  “I’m… an alien.”


	14. Familiar

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the bit of wait after the cliffhanger! Had a bit of a mental health downswing, but I'm back at it and I am going to keep writing. As always, I'll give no guarantees on when I update, but I am writing!
> 
> Thank you to my audience for leaving kudos and such lovely comments. Each one of them makes me smile. :)

“You’re an alien?”  She glanced at him.  “Like… foreign?  Illegal?”

He nearly growled, baring his teeth.  “ _No_.  I am not from this _planet_ ,” he whispered harshly.

“I…  Why are you saying this?”

“Because it’s true.”  His gaze remained even.

“But…”  She didn’t believe what he was trying to tell her.  “You look human.  You’re…  You can’t…”  She could feel her heart racing as her mind made several connections all at once.  _Dairy.  Humans.  Lack of history and origin._   The list went on.

“I’m human now, but I’m not supposed to be,” he admitted.  “Jofy has been helping me try to recover my true form.”

“Jofy…  Shit.”  She pulled her arm back to her side, away from him.  Her mind had made one last connection.  If he was being honest, then she had to admit that she was attracted to an alien.  After several long moments, she inhaled deeply, running fingers through her hair.  “So… I almost had it right?”

“Hm?”  He shifted nervously.

“About the whole… alien abduction thing.”

He smiled to himself, nodding.  “This isn’t- hurg,” he clutched his stomach in pain, “the way I wanted to tell you,” he murmured, facing the floor.  “I just…  After trusting you with my name…  And after the other slips I made tonight…”

She looked at him, feeling a twinge of regret at removing her comforting touch.  She reached over, smoothing his hair back.  “So you…  You’re looking to go home, right?”

“What?”

“I mean, back to your planet.  Wherever.”

“It’s not that easy,” he sighed.  He felt another deep churning in his stomach.  When the feeling repeated itself seconds later, he stood and made a beeline for the toilet.  He wretched into the bowl, purging again.  “You’re sure I’m not dying?”

He didn’t expect an answer as he panted against the cool porcelain surface.  He was sure she either thought he was crazy or disgusting.  Truthfully, he didn’t know which would be worse.  He jumped at the feeling of her hand that moved his hair back from his face.  Looking up, he saw Caitlin with a soft smile on her lips.

“You’re not dying.”

He stared back at the bowl, gaze unfocused.  “I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“For this.  For using you.  For lying.”  _For everything._

She knelt down and wrapped her arm around his shoulder.  “It’s ok.  …Maybe not _ok_.  I don’t like being lied to.”  _And I probably should be sure someone is actually human before I go taking them in._   “It’s…  I understand why you hid the truth from me.”  She squeezed him slightly.

 _Surely she was just being polite._   “I swear I’ll leave in the morning.”  He closed his eyes tightly.  “I’m sure you won’t want to sleep with me now that you know the truth.”

Even as he was fighting off the sickness, she could read the dejected look and frowned herself.

He thought she couldn’t possibly be alright with this.  He’d been so sure he could tell her the truth in the beginning.  So sure she would help him.  He whined, hating how much he’d let his barriers down around this human.

“What made you tell me the truth _now_?”

“I’m… Jofy- he, he mentioned he was doing some errands to you?  I sent him out to get me the equipment I need to reverse…”  He indicated his body with his left hand.  “And he, apparently, got it done.  He just sent the message.”

“How did it even happen?”

He shrugged, not ready to share the dark bunker that still haunts his sleep.

”You sure it’ll work?”

He heaved, but nothing came out, most of it long since out of his system.  “I don’t know.”

She remained silent for a moment and Starscream looked up again.  They locked eyes for a tense moment.  He was surprised to see the look of hurt and concern.  “Do you have to go so soon?”

“I don’t understand…”

“I mean, I don’t…  I don’t want you to leave me yet.”

He wiped his mouth, eyes wide in shock.  “You’re…  Not mad?”

“I mean, maybe a little,” she whispered.  “But… I don’t want you to leave.  Not yet.  I like you.  I like having you around.”  She took shallow breaths, afraid of his response to her sudden admission.

He looked at her, thinking, analyzing.  “You want to live with an alien?”

She tried not to snort.  “That’s my username anyway.”  She smiled broadly and asked, “You’re still Starscream either way, right?”

He let a weak smile play at his lips.  “I had hoped that you might want to help me recover my normal self…  Would you be interested?”

“I…  What could I possibly do?”

“I need your understanding of genetics and the human body.  It could be the key to finding out how this was done and how to undo it.”

“You have a lot of faith in my abilities…”

“Regardless of skill level, you are familiar in a way I could never hope to be.”

She sat back, feet going numb.  “I don’t know that I’ll be what you’re looking for, but… I’d love to help in any way I can.”

He gave her a genuine smile, sighing.  “You have no idea how relieved I am that you’ve been so kind.”

“That’s just who I am,” she sighed, expression falling.

“No.  Kindness is a choice,” he rumbled, voice low.  “And you have a strength and resolve that I’ve not seen in quite some time.”  He stood, cleaning his face in the sink.  Once he was toweled off, he turned and offered her a hand.  Pulling her up, he shyly asked, “…Does this mean I can still sleep on the bed?”

She giggled and nodded.  “I don’t know how I could take it back.  You look terrible.”

He sulked.  “Thanks.”

She tugged him back to the bed.  “I mean, I admitted to being attracted to aliens before,” she reminded him.  “I can’t take that back.”

“So you did…”  He laid himself down gently next to her on the mattress as she pulled the covers up.  He looked over at her, brows high.  “You sure you’re ok with …me?”

“I am,” she nodded, turning over to look him in the eye.  “But I just gotta know…  Tentacles?”

He jerked his head back, taken by complete surprise.  “As in, do I have them?  No.”

She tried to ask him several questions about his normal appearance but he turned away, insisting upon telling her more in the morning.

\--

As the dawn cast its first light onto the couple on the bed, Caitlin was the first to stir.  She fluttered her eyes as the wild revelation of the night before flooded back into her mind.  As she started to move, she realized there was a weight across her middle.  Starscream was holding her, spooning.  His knees had folded neatly into hers over the night, and the feeling of his deep breaths at her scalp made her heart flip.  The security she felt with his warmth at her back made her smile, placing her hand on his arm.

She tried to go back to sleep, but she appeared to be awake for the day, brain not cooperating and leaving her restless.  Sighing softly, she tried to shuck herself from the cuddler, but he only pulled her tighter.

“Star?”

No response.

“Star.”  She shuffled, trying to turn.

His face buried itself in her hair.

“Starscream,” she tried a little louder.

This did the trick as he whined, inhaling deeply.  It took him several attempts to open his eyes, rolling them free of the stronghold of sleep.  “What?”

“Good morning,” she giggled, the vibrations rocking them both.

He stiffened, realizing the situation.  “…Good morning.”

He didn’t move, so she took the initiative and rolled over to face him.  He withdrew, burying his face in the pillow in embarrassment.  “It’s not what you think.”

“I didn’t peg you for a cuddler.”

“I’m _not_.”

“Well, that’s funny since you were the one wrapped around me.”

He whined again, pitifully.

“Hey, it’s ok.”  She forced him to roll back over to look at her.  “It felt nice.”

He felt sick, but this time not from the sweets.  He was replaying the night over in his head and remembering everything they had said.  “You…  Last night.”

She put a finger to his lips, inching closer.  “I’m ok with it.  With you.  And cuddling,” she hummed.  “I’m actually glad you trusted me with the truth.”

He fell silent, wanting to believe that she could be that nice.  After several moments, he finally spoke.  “I don’t know that I can offer you anything in return for all your kindness.”

“You don’t have to.”  She cautiously cupped his cheek, thumb tracing his cheekbone.  “Just promise me…  You’ll let me see the real you.  Before you go.”

The butterflies in his stomach exploded to life.  His head started swimming as he tried to think of a response.  His words failed him, so he nodded, his own hand covering hers in this moment of vulnerability.

Feeling emboldened by the closeness, Caitlin leaned forward and placed her lips on his.

Starscream’s heart skipped several beats as he stared blankly at her, unmoving.

“I’m sorry,” she hastily apologized, retreating.

In an instant, he chased her, returning the kiss.  He watched her response, feeling unsure.

She relaxed, nuzzling into him as they shared the warmth of the covers.  “I don’t want to get up yet.”

“Me either,” he admitted.  However, he his pants suddenly felt tighter and he worried that she might notice his growing erection.  He cleared his throat, sitting up.  “I suppose we should start the day, though.”

She frowned as he rose, but as he gathered his clothes, she caught a glimpse of the bulge and blushed, mouthing, “Oh.”  She sighed and rose as he shut the bathroom door, silently hoping they might continue that encounter later.

When he emerged seconds later, topless and sweater in hand, Caitlin jumped and gasped, clutching her shirt over her topless form.

His eyes bulged from their sockets as he apologized profusely and turned to face the wall, recalling her reaction in the tub.  “I didn’t see anything.”

She looked at herself for a moment before shrugging and lowering the blouse.  She looked up at Star, who had turned around to put on his sweater.  She saw the muscles of his back flex as he raised his arms up over his head and she licked her lips in response.  She threw her blouse on quickly and moved to stand behind him, her cold hands running up his back to trace the long scars.

“So what are these?”

His muscles tensed under her touch as his skin reacted by breaking out in chills.  “They were… my wings.”

“Wings?”  She traced the longest scars in tandem and felt him shiver.  He reached out a hand to brace himself on the wall.

“Don’t…”  His breaths became ragged as his knees felt like they would buckle at any moment.  “They’re...”

She withdrew quickly.  “That was rude.  Sorry.”

“N-no, it…  Hng,” he grunted, hand moving to his crotch.  “They’re, uh, er- uh, ero…  gen…”

“Erogenous zones?”  She blushed, feeling hot.  “I’ll, um, just go.”

He nodded, leaning on the wall, panting, as she made her way out of the room.  Once the door closed, he retreated to the bathroom, freeing his erection from his pants with some effort.  He told himself that he would just wait.  Just allow his body to calm down.

That didn’t last long.

He closed his eyes, imagining the feeling of her hands at his back, tracing his wing attachments and reliving the feel of her fingertips.  He wrapped his hand around his member, leaning on the wall behind the toilet for support.  He buried his face in his sleeve, trying to remain silent as he modified his fantasy.  Caitlin played at his back in his mind, reaching around to grab his erection.  He envisioned the curl of her lip as she smirked, stroking him with increasing pace as she leaned against him.  His knees buckled, but he caught himself with a grunt.  Just the thought of her lips lit a fire in his belly, and soon his fantasy had her on the floor, kneeling as she played with his spike, kissing the tip, smearing his precome on her lips.  The idea was enough to have him shudder in overload, releasing himself into his hand.

He leaned on the wall, panting for several minutes.  He felt guilty for using her image.  In his spark, he knew it was wrong.

_But it felt so good._

 

He entered the living room with a bit of pink on his cheeks, unable to make eye-contact with anyone.  Caitlin patted the space next to her.  He gulped and sat, staring at the floor awkwardly.  He could feel the shudders of her poorly-contained laughter.  He elbowed her into silence.

“So,” she started, “We’ll have lunch with Dad today.”

He grunted in acknowledgment.

Devon rolled his eyes.  “I hope he leaves Kelly at home.”

“Kelly?”

“His wife.”  Caitlin bit her lip.  “So, remember the warning I gave you in the car on the way here?”

He nodded.  Caitlin watched as he paled, face slowly contorting in fear.  “Scrap.”

“Yeah.”

Devon and Susan both looked at him with a look of curiosity.

“It’s nothing,” he waved in dismissal, but his face remained concerned.

 

Caitlin tried to explain to Devon that Star was sensitive about car rides, leading to more conflict before the three of them piled into her car to meet her father.  Star gulped, feeling nervous.  Before last night, _and especially this morning_ , he thought, he could easily have others believe they were nothing more than acquaintances, but now…

His heart skipped more than one beat before he dared to admit anything more.

Caitlin prepared him to meet more jumping dogs at the door, which he appreciated as the lanky black dog and a small fluffy dog barked and jumped excitedly.

He inspected the tall blond man that greeted them at the door just behind the dogs.  He could tell immediately that the man was related to Devon, sharing many of the same facial features and complexion.  Even the growth of facial hair was similar.  But as the man smiled, Star couldn’t stop his own from forming.  He recognized that crooked grin all too well.

“Dad, this is Star.  He’s… a friend.”

Devon cringed.

“As she said, I’m Star.”

“Call me Tim,” he appraised the newcomer.  “You, uh, interested in my daughter?”

“Not in that way, I assure you.”  He relaxed considerably as he realized the man was not half as large or fearsome as he’d believed.  _You’re no Megatron_ , he thought.

“He’s just a friend, Dad.”

“Good,” he leveled a stare at Star, who only smirked.  “He’s too old for you.”

She gaped at the statement, slapping his chest.  Star felt indignant, _though I guess you could say a few million years difference is a bit of a difference._

“Hey,” Kelly called from the couch.  As they rounded the corner to greet her, Star made note of the thick makeup and large volume of styled hair.  Her skin was darker than the others, but not naturally, and the roots of her hair indicated she was not a natural blonde.

Star could see that Caitlin was already becoming nervous, especially as her father plucked some animal hairs from her clothes.  Tim asked about jobs, reiterating his concern for his children, and suggested that they make plans for the future.  Caitlin nodded, repeating the “I know” she had grown so accustomed to telling her father.  Devon attempted to explain that the economy isn’t what it was, but gave up quickly.  Tim and Kelly made some last-minute adjustments and got ready to leave. 

Once outside, dogs still whining for them not to go, Star was less than pleased to find out they would all ride in the SUV in the driveway and that Tim would be driving.  Caitlin did her best to assure him that her father was a good driver, but he still held the seat tightly as they started moving.

Star discovered she was right, as the man moved the slowest he’d ever seen on the road.

The place they went was a small local restaurant, specializing in southern food.  When they sat down, Star was pleased to find barbecue was on the menu.  As the joking and small talk started, Star suddenly found himself curious.

Turning to Caitlin, he asked, “How old does this birthday make you?”

“I’m turning 27,” she answered.

 _So young!_   “Yes.  I’m too old for you.”  He panicked internally.  _27._   “You’re a child,” he uttered in surprise.

“Hey,” she warned.

Tim seemed to relax, chuckling.  “And how old are you?”

Star blanked.  How old did he look?  Humans live such short lives.  “Older than you,” he quipped, hoping it made sense.

“Really?  You look good besides the grey hair.”

He raised a brow, glancing at Caitlin.  _Did I guess incorrectly?_

She only raised an eyebrow, making a mental note to ask him for the truth later.

“If I looked that good I might have traded her in for two 25’s,” Tim joked, nodding at Kelly.  She glared playfully.

“Why would you want to trade someone you care about?  Especially for two children younger than your own daughter?”  He was appalled that the man could say such a thing, not understanding the joke.

Tim could read the sincerity.  “It’s just a joke,” he explained.

“A poor one,” he sneered.  Devon snorted, concealing his laughter.

Caitlin grabbed his hand under the table, appreciative of his response.  He turned to her, giving her a shy smile.

After they each placed their orders, the conversation continued, and Star noticed long awkward pauses in between topics.  The children and their father had quite different interests and found it hard to relate to one another.  _Families are so bizarre._

Star was made to repeat his military background and lie about how they met.  But as he praised Caitlin’s kindness and intelligence, he could see father and daughter both puff up with pride.

“Now if she would just use her degree,” Tim chuckled.

“Hey, I’ve looked.”

“I know.  I still think you should’ve majored in music.  I miss hearing you sing.”

She blushed, but her smile didn’t reach her eyes.

The rest of the meal was… uncomfortable for both Star and Caitlin.  He cringed at the way her father hounded her about getting a husband and giving him grandchildren while simultaneously claiming he was doing no such thing.  Kelly was no better.  And it wasn’t just her, as Devon became the target of their discussion, bringing up questions about a girlfriend that he had recently broken up with.

There was plenty of humor and laughter as they talked, but Star became more and more enraged at the way Tim treated his daughter.  He watched as she became more and more withdrawn, even appearing to cow before him.  All the while, the rest of the people at the table seemed not to notice.

His rage peaked when her father insinuated that she couldn’t attract anyone because of the way she dresses.  It wasn’t particularly harsh, but the meaning was well understood.  When she retorted that she dressed for herself- even though Star knew that to be false simply based on how she’d dressed nicer for her father than her mother- he continued to dig and mention her health as it related to her weight.

He managed to contain his anger through the rest of the meal, remaining silent out of respect, but he had hoped Caitlin might fight back, but she just kept repeating “I know, I know” and it killed him to watch the light in her eyes fading. They returned to the house and split up, giving hugs and hopping back into her car. 

Once they said their goodbyes and parted ways, he looked at her, letting part of his rage show.  She cowed from him too, and it broke his spark to see her like this.  He regretted not speaking out about it, but pulled her into her room and locked the door once they got inside.

“How could you let him treat you that way?”

“What are you talking about?”

“Your father,” he seethed.  “He picked you apart and you just took it.”

“He’s just like that-“

“But if you had spoken up he might not be!”

“I love my dad-“

“He makes you less than what you are!  He’s the one that made you afraid to show just how smart you are.  He is foolish to believe he has any claim to your body and how you choose to present it.”  He snarled in his rage, hands thrown in the air.

“Why are you so angry about this?”

“Because I watched a beautiful young woman shrink into a husk of herself.  Into a facade.  Afraid to speak.  Afraid to be seen or heard.  He never let you be who you are and because of that he never got to see just how talented and smart and kind and beautiful you are!”  He paused, breathing heavily as he looked away.

Caitlin sat breathless on the bed.  “Starscream?”

He turned, suddenly sheepish, but still out of breath.  Her eyes twinkled as tears formed at the edges of her eyes.  He gasped, kneeling in front of her and hesitantly reached a hand to her face but stopped just before contact.  His hand trembled as it hovered in the air.  “No, no.  Don’t…”

“Do you really think that?”

“I…  I’m sure your father is not all bad-“

“No, I mean…  You think I’m beautiful?”

He looked like a deer in headlights as he replayed what he said.  He hadn’t been thinking when he’d said it.  _But he did say it_.  And if he was entirely honest with himself?  “Yes.”

In one fluid motion, she wrapped her arms around his neck and crashed their lips together.  He watched her in stiff disbelief for a few seconds before he closed his eyes and cradled her head and returned the kiss.  She trembled as the tears fell, leaving wet trails down her cheek and his.

They pulled apart slowly, each feeling breathless as they stared at each other wordlessly.

A knock at the door broke the silence.

“You alright?”  Susan leaned into the door, concerned about her daughter.

“Yeah, Mom,” she called out.  With a few sniffles, she wiped the tears from her face.  “I’ll be out in a minute.”

They heard the woman make her way back down the hall, each of them sighing in relief.

“Thanks, Star.”  She smiled, fighting off a sob.  “I’m sorry I got all-“

“Don’t apologize.”  He lifted her chin as he pressed their foreheads together.  “Just take your time.”

She hugged him tightly, crying into his shoulder.


	15. Trust

They sat together silently as she calmed down, periodically wiping her eyes with her hands.  He gave her a squeeze before rising and bringing her back some tissue from the bathroom.  She thanked him, trying not to let him see how gross she felt.

Repositioning themselves to sit side-by-side on the bed, the sobbing subsided, and they began talking lowly.

“I’m really sorry that you had to see that,” she started.

“No.  I’m sorry that you were made to feel this way.”  He lifted her chin with a finger.  “I may not understand the way a family works, but I do know how you feel.”

She gave him a half smile, her eyes still puffy and red.  “Do you feel like sharing?”

He removed his hand, placing both in his lap.  “I’ll spare much of the details, but I know what it’s like to be made to feel inferior.  Weak.”

“So if not from family, then… where?”

“I told you I have been in the military…”  The inflection of his voice made the statement sound more like a question.

She nodded.

“I was second in command of my army.  I _would_ have been the leader if I could take out the tyrant at the top.  However, it appears that was not meant to be.  He enforced me calling him Master.  It was degrading.”  His fists clenched.  “He had no regard for actual military strategy.  His entire focus was on himself, making grand statements and seeking some sort of personal vendetta on the enemy faction’s leader.  I achieved my place in command due to my skills on and off the battlefield and still he treated me as nothing more than a replaceable pawn.”  He was panting by the end of his explanation, eyes burning in buried rage.

She recoiled slightly, fearful of the darkness he hid within himself.  “So what happened?  Did he do this to you?”

He nodded.  “Even after he had a self-described change of heart, imposing an exile on himself.  He left me for scrap along with the rest of our cause.”

She frowned leaning into his shoulder.  “Well, you’re not ‘scrap.’  And you’re certainly not weak or helpless.  I mean you survived hypothermia and several injuries before you came to me.  And you orchestrated a way to fight back all while pretending to be human.  You did all that yourself.”

He grunted, not moved.

“It’s pretty impressive.”  She placed a hand on his.

“You remind me of myself when I was younger,” he murmured after several tense seconds.

“Really?”

He nodded.  “I used to be bright.  Have goals and aspirations beyond my place in the status quo.”  He turned to her with a pained expression.  “I used to have such high hopes and expectations.  I was never particularly _nice_ ,” he added, smirking, “but I can’t imagine if I had met my current self when I was young that I would even recognize me as the same being.”

She was quiet for a moment before nudging him with a cheeky grin.  “Especially now that you’re a different species.”

He chuckled, sighing with a release of the tension in his chest.

She glanced at him, now taking his hand in hers.  “Mind sharing about your species?”

He squeezed her hands, clearing his throat.  “In time.  I am sure your family will want to see you’re alright.”

“You are gonna have to tell me at some point,” she warned, pointing.

\--

When she emerged, Devon had retreated to his room and Susan, mercifully didn’t ask.  They enjoyed some light conversation while watching tv.  Starscream mused that the device seemed to be on no matter where he went, even in public.  Eventually, as dusk set in, Devon rejoined the three of them and they all settled on a movie to watch together.

When it was over, Devon played a video game and Star was amused by the virtual world humans created.  It seemed to him that humans craved constant stimulation and entertainment. 

When Caitlin yawned, Star took the initiative to send her to bed.  She looked cautiously at her mother and offered to let him sleep in her room so he wouldn’t have to wait for everyone else to leave the living room.  Susan laughed, telling her daughter that it didn’t matter whether she let him sleep in her room.  “You’re an adult,” she reminded. 

Now feeling sure her mother thought Star was a lover, she excused the both of them.  He followed her back down the hall as they went to Caitlin’s room.

Safely behind a locked door, Caitlin begged him again to share more, but he was unsure.

“What if we’re overheard?”

“We haven’t been thus far.”

She could see the reservations he had about sharing, then had a thought.

“Are you afraid I will be repulsed or something?”

He dismissed the idea verbally, but his face still indicated doubt.

“Come on.  At least start with your wings.”

A hand rubbed the back of his neck.  “Perhaps when we are back on the road.”

Disappointed, she nodded.  She escorted herself to the bathroom to put on her pajamas for the night.  She returned to find him trying to see the lines on his back in the long mirror mounted to the wall.

“Do you miss them?”  She approached quietly.

He turned with a start, surprised to see her there.  “Yes,” he sighed.  “I enjoyed flying.  Feeling the wind on my wings and in my vents.”

She smiled, but a thought made her retreat, biting her lip.  “So, uh, about this morning…”

“Oh, yes.”  He blushed, donning his shirt.  “I apologize.  It seems the neuro net for my wing attachments was preserved in the transfiguration.”  Her confused expression encouraged him to share.  “It’s common practice to preen wing structures amongst those you trust.”  He cleared his throat.  “It’s been a very long time since I’ve trusted anyone to do it.  They’re a bit… oversensitive.”

She nodded and decided to climb into the bed.  Starscream turned off the light and slid in next to her.  They lay facing each other for several moments, unsure of what to say.

Caitlin broke the silence.  “Would you trust me to do it?”

His eyes widened in surprise.  “Do what?”

“Preening.”

He propped himself up on an elbow to look down at her.  “Why?”

She shrugged.  “Just curious.”

He pondered for a moment.  “I might,” he admitted softly.  “Though it’s largely a moot point.  I don’t have my wings and you aren’t familiar with their anatomy anyway.”

She frowned, but her body jerked as she made a connection.  “Hey, you called it _preening_ when you gave me that massage.”

His blush was barely visible in the darkness.  “Old habit.”

“By your logic, you didn’t know my anatomy.”  His unchanged expression made her grin.  “You preened me.  If you can still feel it, I can preen you.”

“I…  I don’t think you’re prepared to handle the consequences.”

“Like… arousal?”

“Well if we want to be blunt about it,” he grumbled, free hand massaging his face.

She reached up to pull his hand from his face and sat up, closing the gap between them.  She opened her mouth to speak, but closed it immediately, losing her nerve.

“What?”  His tone and expression were much gentler.

“I…  It’s nothing.”  She pulled away, turning to lay facing the wall.  “Get some rest.  We’re leaving in the morning.”

He wondered what she might have said as he laid himself down.  He stared at the back of her head and wondered if she was upset.  _Had he said something wrong?  Was she embarrassed?_   After her grip on the covers had just begun to slack, he snuck an arm around her, pulling their bodies close.  His nose rested at the top of her head as he spoke, slightly muffled by her hair.

“Do you mind?”

Her contented sigh and subtle motion into his body was all the affirmation he needed.

\--

 

The two awoke in unison to the sound of the alarm on Caitlin’s phone.  As they each alternated blinking and yawning, they started to notice they were not where they had been when they fell asleep.

Caitlin had rolled in the night to face him, nuzzling into his chest and wrapping her leg around one of his.  Panicked, she started to apologize and pull away, but his firm hold on her tightened.

“Where are you going?”

Caitlin shivered from the reverberations of his voice in his chest.  “I, uh, it’s time to get up.”

He pulled her in, legs locking onto her.  “Not yet.”  She could feel him smirking into her hair.

“Star?”

“Don’t make me get up yet,” he whined.  “I so rarely have peaceful dreams.”  His voice was muffled, but warm.

She sighed, relaxing.  “You get 20 minutes.”

 

Star awoke to the sunlight illuminating the room brightly.  Glancing down, he could see and feel Caitlin’s deep breaths against his chest.  There was a slight whistle to her breaths that made him smile.  He used the arm he had draped over her to brush the hair from her face.  He could see her eyes rolling gently behind her lids and the tender moment made his spark melt.

“Caitlin?”

Her lids fluttered as the sound reached her.

He chuckled softly at the notion that she had been so ready to rise earlier.

The movement in his chest caused her to stir, but to his surprise, she only cuddled tighter, nuzzling herself further into him and hiding her face with her shoulder.

He tried to reason with himself, insisting that she only did this in her sleep. This cuddling was not a willful action.  _But sleep can be a window to the subconscious_.  He bit his lip, insisting to himself that she did _not_ trust him.

He tried once more to rouse her, gently stroking her shoulder.  “Caitlin.”

She groaned softly, nearly squeaking as she stretched.  “You’re so warm,” she mumbled, eyes still closed.

“You warmed me up,” he joked, feeling a little uneasy.

She smiled, though a light rose color painted her cheeks.  “You smell nice.”

He quirked a brow but let that slide.  After a few moments, he petted her hair and spoke, the low rumble of his hoarse voice tickling Caitlin’s nose where it rested against his ribs.  “I think…  I would trust you.”

“Hm?”

“I would trust you with my wings,” he clarified, sounding much more confident.

She pulled back just enough to look up at him.  Instead of speaking, she pulled him down, or, rather, pulled herself up to place a gentle, chaste kiss to his lips.

Kissing is not something Starscream was entirely familiar with, but he felt a warmth spreading in his chest at the intimate act.  He cleared his throat, looking across the room uncomfortably.  Before she pulled back, face already downcast, he sat up.  “I find trust to be in short supply these days.”  He moved, now leaning over her as she laid on her back.  “Thank you.”  He placed a kiss on her forehead and rose, the blankets falling off his middle.

She had a stupid grin on her face as she rose to gather her clothes, but as she glanced at the time, she swore under her breath.  They’d slept for an hour.

 

Within 20 minutes they were out of the house, Caitlin having whispered a quick goodbye to her mother.  They loaded the trunk quietly and strapped themselves in, preparing for the journey home.  They spared a glance at each other as the car started moving.

“2 hours alone,” she started.  “Plenty of time to discuss a few things…”

He swallowed thickly.  “Yes…  I suppose you’ll want some explanations.”

“If you don’t mind.”

He scratched at his head nervously.  “Where should I start?”

“Well…  Do you mind telling me how much you’ve told me has been a lie?”  Her face remained steady except for a twitch in her lip.  She was nervous.

“What I told you has been half-truths.  I _am_ from the city of Vos.  It _was_ bombed off of the planet.  Just not this one.”

“You’re not a pilot, though.  Not if your wings are a part of you.”

“Technically, no.  But I do fly an F-16.”

She gave him a flummoxed glare.  “How does that work?  You can’t say you fly a plane but you’re not a pilot.”

“Of course, you make a logical point.  But consider if I _am_ the plane.”

She stared at him, the car swerving dangerously and inciting a honk from another driver.  She swore, staring back at the road.  “What do you mean you are the plane?!”

“My kind,” he paused voice cracking in passing fear.  He cleared his throat, trying again.  “My kind is not organic.  We are not carbon-based.  Not biological, in the sense that you are familiar with.”  He glanced at her, carefully assessing her reaction.

She was silent, face unreadable for a long time.  “So is this what you were worried about telling me?”

He nodded.

She remained silent for a beat.  “It’s wild…  I mean, what…  What are you if you’re not biological?”  She gave him a quick glance.  “I mean that’s probably a silly question to you, but I’m having a hard time visualiz-“

“Technological.  Autonomous robotic lifeforms. Or something.  I’ve always found any human vocabulary to be deeply unsatisfactory in its ability to describe myself.”

“So this has been… quite an adjustment for you, then.”

He nodded, frowning.  “I’m smaller, squishier, and more vulnerable than ever,” he moaned.  “Though,” he added, “you have made the whole ordeal just a little more manageable.”  He offered her a slim smile.

She blushed.  “So you’re used to being bigger?”

“Much.  I could hold you in my hand.”  He watched her eyes widen and he wondered if he should have kept that to himself. 

“So you’re… You’re a jet?  Wait, but how do you have hands?”

“Transformation.  My species can alter our form.  In root mode, I have… similar enough features to your species.  However, I carry my wings on my back.  And I’m _much_ more appealing to look at,” he sighed wistfully.

She giggled and he shot her a look.  “I might be in trouble.”

“What?  Why?”

She bit her lip.  “If you’re right…  I mean I already think you are quite handsome.”

He narrowed his gaze.  “You know, I haven’t heard anyone say that in a long time.  Besides from myself, of course.”

“That’s a shame,” she said, “because it’s true.”

He leaned back, a smile on his face.  “Just wait until you see the real me.”

“So just what does the real you look like?”

“Elegant.  Silver metals with red and blue accents.  Sleek lines and sharp angles.  I’m slender but strong.”

“It’s hard to picture you if you aren’t specific.”

“I… don’t know what humans would consider distinguishing features.  …My face is relatively similar.  Though silver and framed by my vents.  None of this unicron-spawned nose nonsense.”

She giggled at his disdain for the facial feature.

“And my optics…  They are not this dull mud color.  They are bright red.”

“I’d call them chocolate, not mud.”

“Regardless, I do miss my bright red crest.”  He rubbed his forehead with an exaggerated frown.  Lamenting his fate once more, he turned to look out the window.  His expression faded into one of longing.  “I don’t want to be in this body.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Not that there’s anything for you to lament,” he quickly added, fearing he might have offended her.

“Eh,” she shrugged.  “Humans aren’t that great.”  She glanced at him with a smirk.  “I mean my dad is a shining example of the faults of humans.”

He laughed but trailed off.  “Cybertronians can be worse.”

“Is that what you’re called?”

“In the best human pronunciation, yes.  We hail from Cybertron.”  He shot a quick glance upward.  “Our homeworld is long since dead.  And so very far away.”

“Dead?”

“War killed it.  We exhausted resources and ravaged the surface of the planet.  It was a strain too great for the world to bear.”  His hand rubbed at his chest before he added, “From what I hear, Jofy says it may have been able to host new life, though I have yet to see it for myself.”

“Jofy?  He’s been to Cybertron?”

Starscream shut his mouth tightly.  He wasn’t sure if it was his place to out Knockout to her as well.  “Let’s not discuss this anymore.  I hate to dwell on the past.”  He rolled over, practically lying on the seat.

She sighed quietly but allowed it to pass.

 

When they completed the drive, Starscream was surprised to see Knockout parked in front of the apartment.  He got out and rapped on the glass of the driver side window with a knuckle, but received a grumble of an engine in response.

“Everything ok?”  Caitlin leaned around her own car to see what he was doing.

Starscream shrugged, but the door to the apartment flung open to reveal a very flamboyantly dressed Jofy.  A large red coat hung on his shoulders, the large fur-lined collar reminding Starscream of Knockout’s root mode.

Jofy pushed a pair of mirrored sunglasses off of his face and up into his hair with a toothy grin.  “So, have you two been behaving?”  Caitlin’s blush made his smile darken.  “I hope not.”

Starscream sputtered and pushed him inside.  “How did you even get in?”

“You think a stick can stop me?”  He pointed at the back door with his thumb, where the stick that had formerly been blocking the sliding glass door now rested against the wall.

Caitlin peeked in, “Since you let yourself in, you can help us unload.”

Jofy rolled his eyes, but moved to help, gathering armfuls that Caitlin thought should have made him stumble from the weight.  Once everything was inside and settled, Jofy directed his attention to Starscream.  “I thought that I might make you an offer.”

He raised a curious brow.  “I’m listening.”

His face straightened, appearing more serious.  “I realize that it’s probably been a long time since you could fly…”  A rare look of sincerity played on Jofy’s features.  “And I know it’s no substitute, but if you would allow me, I’d be happy to take you on a drive.”

Starscream was less than amused.  “I’ve just been in a car for two hours.”

“I know, but, I don’t think Caitlin can replicate flying quite like I can.”

Starscream wasn’t sure what to make of the dangerous look in his eyes, but he had to admit he did long for the feeling of the wind at his wings, especially after talking about them so much over the last two days.

“Just trust me.” 

Starscream glared, recalling the last time he trusted Knockout on the Nemesis.

Jofy cleared his throat and tried to appear genuine, despite the awkward energy.  “You’ve got to celebrate the little victories, right?”

Obviously, he was referring to the recent capture of necessary medical equipment, but Starscream shrugged.  “The last ride I took from you made me thankful to be alive.  What makes you think I would willingly trust you?”

Caitlin watched the exchange with hidden curiosity, itching to learn more about their relationship and Jofy’s true identity.  _Surely there was more to him than meets the eye_.  As the two stared each other down, and Star backed away, she sensed Star’s potential distrust.  Letting her curiosity get the better of her, she made the brash decision to encourage the ride.

“Give him a shot.  I don’t remember much about the race, but I do remember he knew how to handle his car.  …We lived, anyway.”  She took Star’s hand in hers, using her other hand to stroke his shoulder.  She looked up with pleading eyes.

Starscream groaned, eyes rolling, but nodded.  “Fine.”

Jofy smirked.  “It looks like you’ve developed a weakness, Star.”


	16. A Brief Conversation

“Dude, I didn’t expect a government agent to call.  Is this guy really dangerous or something?”  Devon waited for the reply of the man on the phone, nervous that his mother might hear him from the other room.

“I don’t know yet, son.  You said he went by Star?”

“Yeah.  He claimed to be a foreign military pilot, but…”

“I read your description in the emails.  Is there anything else you can tell me?”

“Yeah, I know I wrote about hearing this, but I swear to you I thought I heard him say something about aliens.  Like…  the non-human kind.  I overheard him talking to my sister.  Like, he’s getting her involved in some weird shit.”

“Could I speak with her?”

“That’s the thing, she took him back home with her.  She’s housing this creep.  Who knows what danger he’s put her in.  I even found her blogging some weird shit lately.  Like, cryptids and aliens and-”

“Where does she live?”

As Devon rummaged through his phone, he grunted.  When the address was read aloud for the man on the phone, he heard the government operative mutter something.

“What was that?”

“Nothing.  Just…  I have a feeling your worry was properly placed, son.”

He couldn’t be sure, but Devon thought he heard the man say, “I had a tip on that location already.”

“ _Shit_ , er, sorry,” he backpedaled.  “I don’t normally swear in front of… whatever you are.  Just… make sure my sister is safe.  She’s not too good at picking up on things.”  When the man didn’t respond, he added, “I mean she is a terrible judge of character.  She’s good at observing some stuff, but socially, she has no clue.”

“I’ll be in the neighborhood to investigate personally,” he assured.  “Thank you for the information.  I’ll make sure to contact you when I’ve uncovered anything.”

The man hung up before Devon could thank him.  “I should have asked him if aliens landed at Roswell, he mumbled.

 

Agent Fowler set down the phone and rubbed his forehead, looking once again at the report on his desk.  Inside, amongst the pages of written reports, there was a photograph of a red car parked in an apartment complex parking lot.

“What in Abe Lincoln’s beard is Knockout up to?”


	17. Adrenaline Rush

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a heads-up: There be some scenes of explicit content in the latter half of this chapter.
> 
> *eyebrow wiggles* you know what it is

Starscream’s face remained in a tight frown for the duration of the drive to whatever location Knockout had in mind.  He couldn’t believe he had agreed to this, but he could admit that this ride was considerably less _terrifying_.  He checked the mirror, seeing Caitlin, who had come along.  She and Jofy had made him sit up front while she sat in the back this time.

“Have you been on the Parkway before, Star?”

He shook his head, huffing.  _You know better_.

When Starscream didn’t answer verbally, Jofy pouted.  “Hey, I’m doing you a favor, here.  Do try to enjoy it.”

“I do not enjoy ground-based transportation.”

Jofy snarled but glanced back at Caitlin.  “How are you, my dear?”

“I’m great.  Not gonna scream this time.”  She smiled back at him.

He chuckled at the joke, flashing her a grin.

As they merged onto the Blue Ridge Parkway, they encountered several signs warning of closings up ahead.

“Too bad,” Caitlin sighed, leaning back in her seat.

Jofy only smirked, increasing speed as the only vehicle they passed disappeared around the curve of the mountain.  He glanced up, observing the gathering darkness.  Clouds covered the sky, obscuring the view of the higher peaks they passed.  “The weather is perfect for this.”

“So how exactly does this replicate flying?”  Starscream crossed his arms, frown deepening.

“This isn’t it.  We have to get a little further, then I can show you.”

Starscream huffed.  Minutes later, they came to a gate that blocked off further travel on the parkway.  The car came to a halt and Jofy hopped out, opening the gate.  Without the driver, the car inched forward until Jofy could close the gate behind it.

Starscream glared at him when he sat back down in the seat.

“What?”  His eyes widened, as he realized what he’d done, glancing back at Caitlin who was suddenly starting to feel uncomfortable in the car, withdrawing herself to touch as little of the seat as possible. 

Starscream leered at Jofy with a low rumble.

He winced but offered a crooked smile.  “Let’s move forward.”  Sitting back down and shifting gears quickly, the car roared down the curvy passageway, increasing in speed and elevation as they drove.

The clouds, hanging low in the sky, drew nearer and nearer.  He’d never admit it, but Starscream could feel his heart begin to race at the sight.  He wondered how close they could get to the water vapor on this road.

“I know I can’t match your speeds,” Jofy started, voice low and soft, “but I hope it helps.”  He watched his passenger relax slowly.  “Close your eyes.”

“Why?”

“Please?”

He gave a half-hearted pout but complied.

With a burst of horsepower, Knockout revved and roared his way up the mountain, expertly navigating the sharp turns and blind corners.  Caitlin clung to the seat for dear life as she swayed from the force of the turns, whimpering.  As the road grew slick from the light rain, the car drifted, tires kicking up high splatters of water behind them.  Just as Starscream began to squirm, feeling nervous and slightly antsy, Jofy tapped his arm.

“Have a look.”

The windows rolled down to let in the burst of wind from the speed of travel.  Starscream jumped from the sudden impact, but instantly relaxed at the sight of the grey mist surrounding them.  If it weren’t for being inside of the vehicle, he could imagine he was flying.  Nothing existed beyond a few feet of road ahead or behind them.  An innocent smile developed on his lips as he closed his eyes to inhale the air.

Jofy smiled at the sight.  Caitlin was amazed at the ability to steer in such extreme conditions and worked quickly to restrain her wild hair as it was battered by the wind.

“There’s one more trick,” Jofy grinned.  With a sharp turn of the wheel, Caitlin and Starscream grunted at the impact with the dirt as he turned sharply into the slope of the mountain.  Before either of them could ask what he was doing, the car’s shocks were put to the test as they traveled at an angle.  The car swept up the somewhat smooth rock of the side of the mountain, a remnant of the humans clearing the way for the paved road.

Jofy beamed but flickered slightly.  It took great focus for Knockout to maintain his position, nearly perpendicular to the road.

Simultaneously gripping the seat, Starscream reached a hand out the window, smiling at the cool moisture that condensed on his skin.  He could imagine the bumps from the texture of the rocks were turbulence as he traveled in the air.

Caitlin felt her seatbelt tighten on its own as she clutched it for dear life, heart racing in equal parts excitement and fear.

The trio enjoyed the stunt until Jofy swore and flashed violently as the hologram momentarily disappeared, making Caitlin scream.

A rivulet of water cascading down the bare rock had taken Knockout by surprise, throwing him off course, skidding down toward the road.  With a shout, Knockout tried to regain control, fishtailing before he slid off a sharp bend, sending the vehicle airborne.

“This is a bit closer to flying than I think is safe for a human,” Starscream shrieked, bracing.

The seatbelts burst out of their slots to wrap around the passengers several times, keeping them both stiff and secure as the car broke through the tree line that had been invisible in the fog, resulting in several grunts from Knockout himself as his body slammed into trees, shattering them and leaving a trail of broken wood behind him as he tried desperately to stop on the steep and wet incline.

When everything finally stopped moving, Caitlin opened a cautious eye to see Jofy swearing under his breath as he got out of the car.  The windows, she noticed, had rolled back up at some point in the fall.  How the car hadn’t sustained more damage, she had no idea, but as she squirmed, the seatbelts slackened, retreating on their own.  She climbed out and Jofy was on her in an instant, inspecting her for injuries.

He clutched her shoulders, looking over her, asking, “Are you alright?”

She nodded before turning to look back at Star.

He climbed out the driver side as well, snarling and growling at the driver.  Caitlin looked over to see the reason for his clumsy exit: a large tree was blocking his door.  Before he could start ranting at Jofy, she wrapped herself around Star’s waist, breathing deeply.  His rage temporarily slackened as he pushed her back to look her over.

“Were you hurt?”

When she shook her head, tears just starting to form in the corners of her eyes as she took deep, panicked breaths, he returned to his anger and held her close

Growling and spitting at Jofy, he shouted, “What were you thinking?”

His hands raised to placate the irate human.  “Cool your jets-“

“NO!  You could have killed us!”

He winced but retorted, “You were enjoying it before I slipped-“

“You were careless!  Look where we are!  We can’t even get back to the road from here.”  He pointed back to the steep path they had fallen down.

Caitlin clung to Star, squeezing him as she tried to stop shaking.

Jofy noticed her trembling and remained silent, giving a wide berth to the couple where they stood to walk around them, inspecting the scrapes and dents on the hood and undercarriage.  He knew the wood hadn’t hurt his plating, but it did scrape his paint.  He groaned, imagining how long the buffing might take.  What _did_ hurt, stinging as he’d flown nose-first down the slope, were the rocks and jutting boulders.

Starscream radiated heat as he boiled in rage.  His racing heart refused to slow, especially when he felt the equal race of Caitlin’s heart at his middle.  She started to tremble as she held on to him, and he felt her knees threaten to buckle as her breaths became erratic.  Acting fast, he scooped an arm under her back and the other under her legs, instantly lifting her.  She gasped and gripped his neck for support as she felt the ground whip out from under her.

“You sure you weren’t hurt?”  The concern on his face made her heart flutter.

Her voice was painfully small and airy.  “I’m… I’m just rattled.  I’ve been in several car wrecks.  They freak me out.”

He clutched her tighter to his body and walked to Jofy.

Jofy stared dejectedly up at the slope, following the path of destruction.

“Do you have a plan to get us out of here?”

“Uh…  Well, I do.  But I doubt you’ll like it.”

He sighed, waiting for him to describe the plan.

“We walk.”

“It’s a shit plan,” he remarked.

“I mean…  All of us.”  He glanced at the car.

Starscream raised a brow.  “You sure you can’t just turn around?”

“Not when I’m wedged in between several trees.  There isn’t enough room for anything in alt mode.”

Starscream took another look at the environment, sighing.

Caitlin perked up, recognizing the vocabulary.  “Alt mode?  Does that mean your car is Cybertronian?”

Jofy recoiled in surprise, blinking several times.  “Where did you learn that?”  He stared up at Starscream, knowing the answer.

He smirked.  “Did I forget to mention she knows?”  He let out a small chuckle.  “I told her the truth about what I am.”  His gaze softened as he spared a look at her.  “She wants to help.”

“Well, in that case, I’m almost hurt you didn’t talk about me.”  Jofy disappeared as the car trembled and reconstructed itself into a bipedal form.  He plucked a few splinters from his plating, then kneeled.  The white face grinned silently down at the pair where they stood.

Caitlin trembled, staring with her mouth gaping.  For a moment, the giant’s smile faltered as she made no sound.  She struggled against Star’s hold until he set her down gently.  She approached the leg of the new lifeform in front of her and he froze, eyes glancing all around, unsure of her response.

“Uhh,” he leaned back as she placed a hand on his plating, her face hidden by the angle of his stance.

“Holy shit,” she whispered, stepping back.  “You’re beautiful.”

His eyes widened, then narrowed again with a relieved grin.  “Thank you.”  Feeling much more relaxed, his posture slackened.

Starscream approached her from behind, equally relieved she wasn’t at first afraid.  “This is Knockout.”  He placed a hand on her shoulder.  “Cybertronian medical officer and automobile enthusiast.”

Knockout puffed up slightly at the acknowledgment of his pastime.  “I’d say it’s nice to meet you, only we’ve met before…”

“I thought it was a dream,” she murmured.  “I thought I’d dreamt that you could turn into a giant robot.  Or, well, whatever the correct term is.  Cybertronian.  I didn’t mean to offend.”

“I told you,” Starscream smirked, “human language is dissatisfactory.”

“Where did Jofy go, though?”  She searched around the trees, confused.

Knockout smiled as Jofy materialized in front of her, expression inhumanly blank.  “He’s my holomatter avatar I use to interact with humans.”  He disappeared in a flash of light.  “Essentially a tangible hologram.  I programmed him myself.”

Starscream raised a scrutinizing eyebrow.  “I didn’t know you were so adept at it.”

Knockout nodded.  “I’ve made several outfits for myself.  The hardest part is keeping focused on it while I drive.”

Caitlin beamed, at once full of wonder at the things this alien race could do.  “So are we walking out of here?”

Knockout nodded, extending a hand.  “I hope you don’t mind riding.  I have a bit of a longer stride than either of you.”

Caitlin climbed onto his hand with some trepidation, sitting on the palm and clinging to his fingers tightly.  She yelped as he brought her up to his shoulder.  Taking the hint, she transferred herself slowly and carefully, sitting and gripping the gold radials on his shoulder.  After making sure she was secure, Knockout reached out his hand to Starscream, who only turned away.

“I can walk on my own,” he huffed.

“I can get you there faster.” 

Starscream pushed the hand away, pouting.

Knockout stood and placed a hand on his hip.  “You’re being ridiculous.”

“I don’t care.”  He stubbornly marched forward, climbing over fallen trees and scaling the steep slope, swearing as Knockout passed him in two strides. He could hear the two of them laughing as he struggled, slipping back down as one of the fallen tree trunks began to roll with him on it.

In one swift motion, Knockout scooped him up and placed him on the opposite shoulder.  Starscream grumbled, but held on as Knockout climbed back up to the road with far less effort.  He peeked over the edge and once he made sure the coast was clear, he hopped back onto the pavement, seamlessly transforming to contain them both in the back seat.  Caitlin giggled at the sensation, feeling as if she’d been thrown into the car.

“Sorry,” Knockout mumbled, setting out significantly slower than before.  “I’ll be sure to avoid the trees on the way back home.”

Starscream sulked, disappointed that his fantasy flight was over.

Caitlin leaned over the driver seat to address Knockout.  “I’m dying to know how you drive.  How do you see?”  She grinned as the steering wheel lit up as he spoke.

“Hidden optical receptors in the mirrors as well as a couple facing forward near the headlights.”

“Can you feel us riding in here?”

“Mmhm.  And I think Starscream might feel better if you were strapped in.”  The seatbelt snaked around her waist, pulling her back into the seat as it locked.

“Woah…  Starscream,” she turned, tugging his sleeve.  “Are you as big as Knockout?”

He regarded her with an odd look.  “Taller… why?”

“I’m dying to ask all sorts of questions!  I can visualize it so much better now, oh my god…”  She bounced in the seat, nearly vibrating.  “This is so cool!”

Knockout laughed, and Starscream couldn’t help a chuckle.

“Tell me more!  I need to know more.  I have to know everything so I can be of some use.  I want to see Starscream!”  She shook the driver seat, growing more and more agitated.

“Hey, easy on the interior,” Knockout warned.

Starscream lit up, gawking at her.  “You’re that excited?”

She nodded enthusiastically.

Starscream blushed, brows raised high over his lopsided grin.

 

The journey back was filled with bouts of Cybertronian physiology and comparative anatomy with humans.  Caitlin “oohed” and “ahhed” at the marvels of the t-cog, intraspecies diversity, and the phenomena of living metal.  As they exited the parkway, she focused her questions down to one request from Knockout.  The one question that she really wanted the answer to.

“How would you describe Starscream’s appearance?”

He paused to think for a moment.  “Taller than my root mode.  Thinner.  At least round the middle.  His frame is much slighter than mine.  He’s not quite as brilliantly shiny as my finish, but then on a jet, that look doesn’t work so well.  He looks a bit top-heavy if I’m honest, due to the width of his wings and shoulder pauldrons, but he does have an air of grace in the way he moves.”

Starscream side-eyed some of the comments, but nodded.  “I do have an elegant way of doing things.”

Knockout would have rolled his optics.  “Well, besides that, his best features are probably his legs.  On the occasion he does polish his pedes, he can turn still turn helms.”

Starscream blushed.  “I didn’t think you’d noticed.”

“Of course I would.  You don’t think I haven’t been jealous?”

“…of me?”

“Not everyone is gifted with natural beauty.  I _work hard_ to look this good.”

“You’re blowing smoke out your tailpipe.  You just want to get me wound up.”  Starscream folded his arms, pouting.

“Hey, I’m serious.  I’m sure you would look much better if you actually took care of yourself, though.”

He blushed, making Caitlin giggle.

“I do like men with nice legs.”  When he looked away, suddenly bashful, she turned back to the steering wheel.  “What else can you tell me about him?”

“His transformations and flights are full of flair.  Much like my driving, his flights always show off his expertise in the air.”

“But what about his appearance?  That’s more what I’d like to know.”

“Hmm…  He doesn’t have many visible biolights.  The only ones I’ve noticed are at his wrists.  …I suppose his ‘hands’ deserve mention.  He keeps his digits filed to a sharp point, perfect for slicing or stabbing through his enemies’ plating.”

Surprisingly, the word “Cliffjumper” never came from either of lips of Starscream or Knockout’s vocalizer.

They pulled into the parking lot, Knockout using Jofy to open the door and allow the two passengers to climb out.

“I’m going to go scout some locations for our little… project.  With any luck, I’ll be back tomorrow to go over some choices with the both of you.”

Caitlin was still buzzing with energy as she stumbled into her apartment.  Starscream stayed behind for a moment, leaning into the driver, holding the door open.

“I… wanted to thank you.”

Jofy was surprised but suspicious.  “You’re thanking me?”

“I did enjoy myself before the, erm, incident.”  He avoided eye-contact, feeling awkward.

“Is this genuine or are you just setting me up?”

He forced himself to look at Jofy directly.

“…Well, you’re welcome.”  He reclined and added, “Hopefully I won’t have to take you out again.  We’ll get your wings back soon.”

Starscream nodded, face failing to hide his smile.  He turned and rejoined Caitlin inside as Knockout left.

Caitlin was humming, taking down her text books, notebooks, and anything she thought might be useful.

“What are you doing?”

“Getting started.”

“On what, exactly?”

“Working on a plan!  I gotta work out what I can do.  How we can convert the organic matter back into Cybertronian metals.”

His spark flipped.  “You want to start now?”

“I’m dying to see the real you!”  She plopped the pile of books onto the table, immediately writing down steps to take and key vocabulary she didn’t want to forget.  She sat quietly, biting her lip as she wrote.

Starscream sat next to her, watching and reading.

“Oh, you probably want to do this, too.”  She passed him a pen and notepad.  He eyed it with reluctance.  “Or not?”

“I don’t trust any writing of mine to be legible.  On Cybertron, we hardly practiced writing with a stylus.”

“Oh, then take the computer.  You can use it as much as you want.”

He didn’t move, instead watching her as she drew connections and wrote out questions and specifications.

“This is a lot of math,” she whispered under her breath.  Before she could finish her writing, she felt hands on her shoulders.  Without a word, Starscream had her turned and kissed her roughly, crashing his face to hers.  He pulled back a few seconds later, appearing sheepish.

“I, um…”

“Don’t stop now,” she pleaded softly, mouth open and panting.

He pressed his lips to hers again, finding her lips still parted, he paused.

“Too much?”  She looked him up and down for the reason he pulled back.

“I…  I’m not sure-”

“Sorry.  I’ll stop-“

“No,” he interrupted.  “I mean…  I don’t have a lot of experience with… this,” his hand waved between their lips.  “Organic kissing.”

She perked up.  “Oh.”  She closed some of the gap between them.  “I’ll show you.”  Her heart skipped, beating erratically as she placed a hand on the back of his neck, pulling him to her as she attempted to show him what she wanted.

He remained rigid, starting to wonder if initiating this contact was a wise choice.  When he refused to open up, she changed tactics, placing wet kisses long his jawline.  This elicited the response she was looking for as she felt his pulse race.  He moaned as she approached his throat.  His body shivered, breath hitching as she licked and sucked at the vulnerable places, teasing the soft skin.

Thinking he had the idea, he reconnected the kiss, parting his lips in an invitation she took all too readily.  He grunted at the force of her entry, the sensation too foreign to be comfortable with just yet.  She worked slowly, waiting for him to build the courage to reciprocate.  When he did, she moaned into him, her hand working up into his hair.

He grunted, shoving her backward onto the couch as he straddled her, taking her by surprise.  Holding himself up on an elbow, they continued their exploration into new territory.  He wondered how much she might let him explore, and raised a hand to her shoulder, caressing her gently.  From there, his fingers traced her collar bone to her sternum… then to the soft crevice between her breasts.  Her breath hitched and she watched as he pulled back, curious.  He gave a questioning glance and she nodded, biting her lip.  He placed his palm cautiously on one side, marveling at how soft it was.

Caitlin squirmed, craving more than a gentle squeeze.  She pulled him back for another savage kiss, taking what she wanted from him.  When they were both breathless, she let him breathe.  “Is this…  Is this going where I think it’s going?”

He licked his lip, curious.  “Intercourse?”

She blushed, turning dark red as she nodded.

He pressed his forehead to hers.  “…Do you want to?”

She nodded vigorously, making him chuckle. 

“Don’t laugh at me,” she whined.

“I’m just admiring your enthusiasm.  I _am_ still an alien.”

“And I’m still… human.”  The light in her eyes faded.  “Please don’t tease me.”

He sat up, looking serious.  “I’m not.  While there are many things I may lie about, _this_ is not one of them.”

“I’m…  I’m nervous,” she admitted, face downturned.

He smiled softly.  “We don’t have to do anything.  It’s alright.”  He pulled her up, rearranging to sit next to her again.

“I want to, I just…  I worry that I’m not what you’ve built me up to be.”

He snapped to attention, confused.  “What do you mean?”

“I’ve… heard you,” she admitted quietly.  “I’ve heard you say my name at night.”

He leaned back, embarrassed.  “It’s not… I mean, uh-“

“I do it, too,” she whispered.

They both stared at each other for several minutes, unsure of what to do with this revelation.

 _She knew?  She let it continue?  Why?  Well, I_ know _why.  She admitted to doing the same thing.  She’s attracted to me…  Or at least to this human body.  But …I am attracted to a human?  What if I_ am _attracted to a human?_   He nearly shut down, lost in his thoughts when he heard her ask, nearly silent, “Mind if I watch next time?”

 _Wait.  Did I hear her correctly?_   “You… want to watch me?”

Her lips disappeared behind her teeth as she nodded.

“You want to watch me… self-service?”

She nodded again.

If he wasn’t hard already, he certainly was now.

When he didn’t immediately answer, she stuttered, “If it’s too much, I mean, it’s personal, I get it.  Don’t-“

“Just…  Let’s maybe…  Hng,” he tugged at the pants, trying to keep them from constricting any tighter.  Her eyes flicked down and saw his straining erection.  In a resurgence of confidence, he looked up at her.  “Is now a good time?”

Her eyes widened, but she nodded eagerly.

He kissed her once more before rising and stripping off his clothing piece by piece, his eyes never leaving her face.  Before long he was standing in front of her in nothing but his underwear.  He smirked at her heated expression.

With a smoldering look, his hands floated above the waistband.  “You’ve seen it before, remember.”

“Not like this,” she noted, voice affected by her arousal.

With a heated grin he freed himself and stepped out of the final garment, moving to sit back down, facing her with one leg on the couch, bent at the knee.  He appeared confident, but in truth, he’d never put himself on display like this before.  Her eyes were laser-focused on his spike, making him laugh.  She didn’t seem to notice his amusement as she took in every bit of his anatomy.  With no small amount of satisfaction, he watched as she squirmed, hips rocking slightly on the cushion as she anticipated his hand moving to the base of his spike.  As he began feeling his length with his fingertips, only teasing the sensitive skin, she licked her lips.

“You seem to be enjoying the show.”

She nodded, not looking up.

“Any thoughts?”

As if snapped from a trance, she looked up to his face.  “I, uh…  I…”

“Speechless?  And we’ve only just started.”  He gave himself a good tug, grunting at the warm friction.  Closing his eyes, he wrapped his hand around himself and squeezed, rutting into his own hand.

When he finally started pleasuring himself in earnest, Caitlin thought she’d never remember to breathe.  His head rolled to one side, cheeks flush with arousal, and other hand clutching the back of the couch was a sight she thought she should frame.  As she glanced back down at his hand on his erection, his thumb rubbing across the tip, her tongue darted out across her lip again.

“Star…”  He looked at her through heavy-lidded eyes as she leaned in.  Her hand rested on the cushion, only just out of reach of his groin, as she leaned in to kiss him deeply, pushing him back slightly from the force.  He released his grip on the couch to slide a hand up the back of her shirt.  She keened at the touch, arching back.  With a groan she stopped him.  “Wait.”

He froze, not a muscle moved on his body except the rise and fall of his chest as he panted.  He watched her carefully, fearing he’d done something wrong.

Taking a deep, calming breath, she sat back and peeled off her shirt.  She trembled as she waited for him to appraise the view.

His face slowly split into a relieved smile.  As he felt the tremors from her body, he cupped her cheek.  “What’s wrong?”

“I’m just…  afraid.”

“Afraid of what?”

“That I’m not…”

He slowly started to realize her fear.  His head tilted as he spoke, “You have a naked alien servicing himself in front of you and you’re worried that you’re not attractive?”

The relief was instant, a hand coming up to cover her face as she snorted, laughing at herself.

Starscream allowed himself a quick laugh, bringing his forehead to hers.  “Why are you so worried?  What makes you feel so afraid?”

“The standards of society,” she half-joked.

“Well aren’t you lucky?”  He smirked, though his eyes remained soft.  “You happen to be talking to someone who doesn’t subscribe to human society’s standards.  Never have,” he chuckled.

She smiled, closing her eyes as she rested against him.  “I did get lucky.”

“Not yet, you haven’t.”

She laughed again, completely relaxed as he touched her shoulder, dragging the bra strap down her arm.  He repeated the motion on the other, tugging the structure.  Taking the hint, she removed the garment, sighing.  He grinned as she complied, but stared at her bare form, making her blush, turning her head away.

He ran his hands up her sides, making her muscles contract.

“Be careful,” she gasped.  “I’m ticklish, remember?”

He hummed, smiling.  “So you are.”   Slowly, he felt his way up her chest, his hands resting just under the curve of each breast.  “May I?”

She nodded.

Finally allowed to pursue his curiosity, he cupped the supple mounds, a moan catching in his throat as he gently squeezed.  “So soft.”

“Mm…  Harder,” she blurted, instantly biting her mouth closed, staring at him with wide eyes.

Smirking, he squeezed harder, kneading her into a moan.  He loved the sound.  Emboldened, he pinched at a nipple, making her mouth hang open.  He explored, testing how she felt, how she reacted, and reveling in the sounds he produced out of her.  She pressed a hand to his shoulder, trying to keep herself upright, but when he leaned in to place a wet kiss at the tender flesh of her throat, she fell onto him, wrapping her arms behind him to keep him close.

His hands finally left her chest, weaving a path down to her thighs, massaging.  He gripped her legs, lifting her while she held onto him to flip and lay her back down.  She wondered what he was up to, but the adoration in his face as he took in her form was enough to keep her still.  When his fingers started opening her jeans, she inhaled quickly, holding her breath.  Before she started to protest, he massaged at her shoulder, shushing her.

“You need this more than I do.”  He squeezed her thighs reassuringly and when she started to relax, breathing again, he started pulling her jeans down off her hips, lifting her legs to remove them completely.

Feeling acutely aware of her body, she fought against herself.  _He’s clearly into you_ , she shouted in her own mind.  _ENJOY IT_.  She forced herself to focus on his face, praying that the look of desire was genuine.

His teeth caught his lip as he slid a hand down her belly, trailing all the way down to rub at her through the final layer of cloth.  He could feel her twitch, making him purr.  He spared a glance up to see her conflicted, but needy expression before hooking a finger under the fabric.  Pulling it aside, he took in the appearance of her valve, the skin pink under the dark, coarse hair.  He glanced up as she whimpered, her face now hidden behind her hands.

“May I?”

She peeked between fingers.  “What?”

He licked his lips in an exaggerated look.  His index finger rubbed around her opening, teasing the soft folds back and forth while he waited.

 _Oh shit._   “Please?”

Once the final article of clothing made its way to the floor, he leaned over, hoisting each of her legs up to rest on his shoulders as he lay on his belly.  His face hovered inches from the hot flesh, his breaths making her shiver.

“Just relax,” he cooed, massaging one thigh.

She nodded, but stared at the ceiling.

 _I’ll have to break her of this fear_ , he thought.  _This insecurity is unbefitting of a queen_.

For that’s exactly how he envisioned her.  By his side: ruling.

As he began placing wet kisses along her thighs, she sighed, and felt her arousal rising from where it had waned from her worry.  He worked her skin, leaving wet trails and light bruises where he sucked at the pale surface of her thigh.  His mouth traveled down each leg, then laved around her lower abdomen, paying close attention to the subtle cues her body provided.  The way her temperature rose, her breaths grew shorter, her hips twitching…  All because of him.

His teasing had done the trick.  She was no longer focused on any perceived shortcomings.  Now all she wanted was to feel his tongue on her clit and she was growing impatient.  Her hips swayed, trying to lure him in to where her inner walls clenched on nothing, squeezing the evidence of her arousal out in glistening beads.

When she whimpered, arching and practically dripping with lust, he relented.  His tongue pressed against her valve, broad surface covering much of the area.  Her eyes clamped shut as her mouth hung open.  She bucked, desperate for more sensation.

He purred into her and dipped his tongue to lick a stripe straight up the middle, dragging it slowly.  As she moaned, voice high and full of air, his tongue moved back down toward her entrance.  He lapped up her juices, hungrily pulling her hips closer to give him a better angle.  To his surprise, one of her hands clamped down on his head, her fingers gripping at his hair.  His voice lowered to a deep growl as he worked her into a frenzy, a thin sheen of sweat forming on every bit of her skin, shimmering in the light.  His nose bumped against her clit and her breath hitched, forcing her voice higher.   He groaned in pleasure at the sound, the sweetest yet.  _So this silly thing does serve a purpose_ , he mused.

Her climax was approaching fast, and while he worked on her, sucking and licking, she raised her hand that wasn’t buried in his hair to her breast, toying with the nipple, pinching as the pain melded with pleasure.

Seeing her working herself made his spike twitch with want, but he ignored it to pursue the goal of her completion.  Circling his tongue around her entrance once more, he prodded gently, the slick opening giving way readily to him.  He slid as much of his tongue into her as he could and was rewarded with several loud moans, her hands pawing at his head to keep him there.  He curled the tip up and he felt her clench around him, but still no release.  No overload.  _That won’t do_.

He reached around to thumb at her clit, what he would call her anterior node.  The swears and strained arching told him this was exactly what he wanted.  He rocked the little bud of nerves back and forth, until finally, she nearly ripped his hair from his scalp as she cried out, knuckles turning white.

He removed himself only after she had calmed down and released her grip.  She lay back, panting and limp on the sofa.  When she tilted her head up, she saw him leaned against her thigh, face split wide by a satisfied grin.

“What are you grinning at?”  She laughed, wiping her forehead of the hair that glued itself to her face.  “This was supposed to be you.”

Brushing her legs aside, he crawled up to lean over her.  “I don’t think you realize how lovely you sound when you’re consumed with lust,” he purred.

She pursed her lips, turning away.  “You’re surprisingly good with your tongue considering you don’t know how to kiss.”

“Kissing is not a common practice in Vos.”

She looked back in his eyes, confusion apparent.

“Among seekers like myself, it is far more likely you would see us pressing helm crests together,” he explained.  “So when I hold you like this…”  He pressed his forehead lightly to hers before finishing the thought, “It means I’m giving you affection the way I know how.”

Her heart swelled, and she cradled his head to place a kiss to his forehead.  “A happy medium?”

He closed his eyes in a cock-eyed grin.  “I’ll go clean up,” he murmured, rising slowly.

She eyed his still-hard erection and leaned to sit up.  “You’re not going to take care of that?”

He chuckled, shaking his head.  “You needed it more.”  He shut himself in the bathroom and Caitlin sighed, feeling a brief aftershock rock her body before standing and ascending the stairs to clean up, herself.

Once alone, Starscream leaned against the door, the cool wood almost unbearable on his searing skin.  He panicked, afraid of the attachment he’d developed in such a short period of time.  He could hardly believe he’d just done that, but the evidence was still on his lip.  He washed his face in the sink as his erection waned, quickly retreating as arousal turned to fear.

 _I am not falling for her_ , he asserted.  But his spark flipped at the thought of her repeating the soft kiss on his helm once he was restored.

 _Would she still have the same desire for him once he was himself_?  So many questions and scenarios played out in his head that he had to sit down, unable to process the feelings that threatened to overtake him.  He tried to blame his feeble human body riddled with human hormones, but even that theory had flaws.

When she knocked on the door, he was certain that his mind hadn’t been altered, considering his memories, personality, and goals were intact.  He was certain that somehow, he’d developed feelings for this human.  An alien spawned on the husk of Unicron.  He was also certain that she hadn’t manipulated him into these feelings.

_Primus._

“Star?”  She knocked again.  “You ok?”

He opened the door and saw that she had showered, towel wrapped around her hair, and a fresh shirt covered her form.  More time had passed than he thought.  “I’m fine,” he lied.

“You gonna shower?”  Her eyes flashed to his naked form.

He nodded, thinking it would be a fine idea.

“I just want to say thank you, by the way.”

His chin tilted back slightly.

“I, um…  I’ve never let anyone…  see that.  Do that.  Before,” she stammered.

“Wait…”

She nodded.  “I’ve never let anyone…  Um…  I’ve never let anyone near this,” she said as she waved a hand at her groin.  “No one’s ever made me orgasm.  ‘Cept these,” she laughed, wiggling her fingers.

“I’m your first?”

She nodded.

He swore internally as his fuel pump- no, heart- skipped a beat.  “You’re welcome.”


	18. Conflicted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry for the wait, but if you still need a fix, PLEASE check out the sweet one-shots that Trademarkian did!  
> http://archiveofourown.org/works/10922499  
> http://archiveofourown.org/works/10922478
> 
> I fully endorse and condone reading them, as they fit in and don't really affect the plot of this fic.
> 
> SHE DID SUCH A GOOD JOB PLEASE READ THEM THEY MADE ME SO HAPPY
> 
> Anyway, enjoy the chap. Feel free to critique since I struggled with this one.

The shower did little to clear his head.  If _anything_ it made matters _worse_.

He could try to deny it, but he had imagined her at his side.  _As a queen_.

He could not reconcile the feelings within himself, and when he returned downstairs to find her lounging with her notepad, working, he could feel the weight in his chest building.

She glanced up, ready to ask him a dozen questions, but frowned at the dark expression on his face.  “What’s wrong?”

He opened his mouth but hesitated _.  What’s wrong?  Only everything_.  No.  He couldn’t bring up his concerns with her.  “I’m alright.  …Just exhausted.”

“Oh…”  She sighed, setting the notepad aside.  “You going to bed early?”

He rubbed the back of his neck.  “I suppose.”

She stood up, offering him the couch.  He thanked her and bid her good night before settling down, hoping some sleep could help give some insight to how to resolve the turbulent emotions inside him.

 

He awoke to the apartment, still on the couch.  It was dark within, but the warm glow from the curtained window indicated it was clearly daylight outside.  Stretching, he felt surprisingly good, having slept soundly through the night.  The notepad was gone, and he assumed Caitlin had taken it upstairs with her.  Rising, he decided to check on her.

He had never been allowed into her room, but the door was only a step away from the last stair.  He opened the door as quietly as he could, but was surprised when she wasn’t inside.  The sunlight sprayed through the window illuminating the dust particles in the air.  His blood ran cold as he realized she wasn’t in the apartment.

He called her name, running through each room of the tiny habitation, with no response.  He burst through the front door, finding Knockout.  He shouted at him but received no response from the vehicle.  In frustration, he forced open the door but the interior was… empty.

Not just void of passengers, but void of any seats, flooring, or lights.

He backed away slowly, a sense of dread permeating the atmosphere.

“What’s wrong, Starscream?”  Caitlin’s voice rang loud in his head.  “Aren’t you glad to be rid of the human?”

He shook his head.  “No,” he whimpered.

“But this is what you wanted.”

“No.  This isn’t…”

“You have your wings back,” the voice taunted.

He looked at himself and realized he had his own body back, the black talons trembling in fear.  “This isn’t what I wanted.”

Knockout transformed and approached him.  “You didn’t want to be yourself again?”

He scrambled away, falling backward as he stumbled and crawled away from the _thing_ that looked like Knockout.  “I did!  I did!  But where is Caitlin?”

The thing that still looked like Knockout grabbed Starscream’s wrist, pulling it within view.  He heard it speak in Knockout and Caitlin’s voice in unison.  “She’s here.”

He saw her lifeless body covered in blood in his palm.  Her glassy eyes locked into an accusatory stare.

“You betrayed her to regain your body.”

“I didn’t-“

“You did.”

“No, I-“

“You did this,” Caitlin rasped, blood pouring from her mouth as she spoke.

He could take no more, closing his eyes and shrieking at the top of his vocalizer.

 

He sat bolt upright, covered in sweat, his shirt clinging to his skin.

_Skin._

He ran his hands across his form, confirming that he was still human, and still on the couch.  It was still dark outside, but in a crazed state, he snapped up and bolted up the stairs to find the closed door and barged in.  He strained to see in the dim light and his hands clawed at the wall to find the switch to illuminate the room.

In an instant, Caitlin was revealed, wrapped in blankets and shielding her eyes.

“Ugh…  Star?  What-“

He leaped onto the bed, holding her, wrapping his body around her in a desperate need to feel her.  To know that she was real …and alive.  He pressed his forehead to hers, slamming his eyes shut as he shook.

She wrapped her arms around him, stroking his hair.  “Star.  Star, what’s wrong?”  Her voice was even and strong, but full of underlying emotion, so unlike the monotone of his nightmare.

He shook his head, unable to speak, shaking uncontrollably.

“Star…  It’s alright.  I’m here.”  She held him close, feeling the cold sweat.  “It’s ok.”

He could feel dry sobs shaking his chest.  “I…  I…”  He could barely breathe, scaring him further.

Not knowing what else to do, she stroked his hair with one hand as the other moved to his back.  “It’s ok.  Take your time.”

Fighting the sobs, gasping, he managed to speak.  “I…  killed… you…”

Starting to understand, she massaged at his neck and back.  “It wasn’t real.  I’m here, Star.  It’s ok.”

Her fingers brushed over his wing attachments and he whined.  She tried to follow the seams down his back and the effect was instant.  His body slackened as she massaged at his wing attachments, taking comfort in the familiar sensation.

As the sobs subsided, he pulled back to look down at her.  “I’m sorry.”

“You’re having a panic attack,” she stated, rubbing his cheek.  “It’s ok.  I’m here for you.”

He groaned pitifully.

“It will pass.  It’s temporary.  Just like your dream.  That’s all it was.”

He nodded, but still appeared wild.

“Come here.”  Caitlin pulled back the covers to invite him into the bed.  He shuffled himself into the blankets eagerly and clung to her.  His arms and legs circled her, locking his body to hers as he shook.

She tenderly kissed at his face, still stroking his skin slowly to calm him.

 

He awoke after the sun rose and started to leak through the window.  Taking in his surroundings, he sighed at the sight of Caitlin in her bed, sleeping up against him.  He squeezed her tightly, making her grunt and hold onto him.

“Feel better?”

The sound of her voice surprised him.  “Yes,” he answered meekly.  “I’m sorry for the intrusion.”

“It’s alright.  You don’t have to worry.  You were having a panic attack.”

“I don’t entirely understand what that means.”

“It’s one of the brain’s ways of handling stress.  Typically, it includes intense emotion or lack thereof.  Each person experiences it differently.  If at all.”  She shrugged, looking back up at him.  “There can also be hyperventilation and other physical symptoms just like what you experienced last night.”

“How do humans survive?”

“Who the hell knows,” she sighed.  “But it is just your brain cycling through stress.”

He tried to scoff, but the image of her lifeless form flashed in his mind, making him whimper and hold her closer.  “I’m still haunted…”

“It will diminish with time.  Don’t dwell on it.”

“I’m sorry.  ..I don’t know how you remained so calm.  I’m sure you were expecting a normal night’s sleep.”

She sighed, but admitted, “You did scare me.  But I usually have this lovely loophole in my own fear or anxiety that allows me to put it off if someone needs me.”

His chest hurt, feeling like his heart tangled itself into knots.  “I didn’t mean to frighten you.  Or impose.”  He buried his nose in her hair and inhaled a deep breath of her scent.

“I must say I’m glad I just washed my hair.”

“I like the way you smell,” he admitted quietly.  _It calms me._

“Do you smell?”

He reared back, taken completely off guard by the question.

She giggled.  “Sorry.  I meant, do Cybertronians smell?  …Shit,” she rolled her eyes.  “Olfactory senses.  Do you have them?”

He snorted, but nodded.  “We have the capacity to detect odors.”

“But you don’t have a nose?”

He shook his head.

“So how does that work?”

“All Cybertronians have vents.  While we don’t need to breathe in the way lifeforms of Earth do, we have the capacity to cycle air through vents to cool our systems and to learn about our environment.  Seekers, like myself, have particularly strong olfactory receptors and ventilation systems.  We need it for flight.”

He saw her sleepy grin and paused.  When he appeared confused, she shrugged, “I like hearing you talk about yourself.”

“You’d be the first…”

She raised a brow.  “Why do you say that?”

His eyes tensed as he answered, “I’m used to being told to shut up.”

She chuckled.  “You sound like me at the zoo.”  He frowned, but she continued.  “I want to know more.  Tell me more.”

“What do you want to know?”

“Everything.”

 

They talked for hours until a text from Knockout interrupted them.  Caitlin read it quickly, repeating it for Starscream.

“He wants to show us a few locations for the lab.”

“Ah, yes.  He mentioned it yesterday.  We should probably get out of bed and get dressed.”

“Yeah…  But I have to go back to work today.”

“Do you have time to come with us?”

“I have to be there in a couple hours, so no.”  She lamented missing out.

As they readied themselves for the day, eating a light lunch, Knockout arrived, sending Jofy in to fetch them.

“Wanna play hooky?”

She laughed, but shook her head.  “I need the money.”

“Pity,” he pouted.  “Starscream?  Care to ride solo?”

He glanced back at Caitlin but nodded.

Caitlin stayed behind, muttering her displeasure at the situation.  She spent most of her day moping and trying not to get distracted.  Several times throughout the workday she had to will away thoughts of what Starscream’s natural form looked like, or worse, how he looked while his tongue was buried inside her.

She whined dramatically when she arrived home, the boys still out at the end of the day.  She busied herself by making sure she had dinner ready for whenever they returned and when there came a knock on the door, she called out for them to come in, glad to see the pair.

But when she rounded the corner from the kitchen, she saw a very large man in a suit standing in the doorway.

“Mind if I step in and ask a few questions?”

She eyed him warily, not moving.  “Who are you?  I thought you were someone else.”

“I’m sorry for the intrusion.  I won’t keep you.  I’m Special Agent William Fowler,” he smiled, offering up his identification.  “I just wanted to know if you’ve seen this vehicle lately.”  He handed her a picture that she took with some hesitation.

She tried to hide her surprise at the sight of Knockout.  “I’ve seen it around but not recently.”

“I’ve heard from several of your neighbors that this car has been seen here several times, parked in front of your apartment.”

She tried to spin a yarn quickly, returning to the kitchen to sneak a text to Knockout, telling him to stay away.

“Do you know the driver?”

“No.”

“Ma’am, the car has been _exclusively_ parked in front of your apartment.”

“That doesn’t mean it’s my guest.  We have limited parking here, you know.  He’s probably visiting someone else who knows I only use one space.”

“He?”

She swore under her breath, but reemerged, leaving another warning before setting down the phone out of sight.  “It’s a masculine looking car,” she shrugged.

“Alright, alright.”  He retrieved the picture but maintained eye contact with the comparatively diminutive woman.  “So, tell me about Star.”

She paled, turning away to set the table.  “Star?”

“Yes.  Your neighbors have also confirmed that you’ve had a new roommate for the past several weeks.”

“So I have.”  Her eyes twitched, trying to piece together a convincing lie.  “Honestly, it’s just a boyfriend.  You know how it is.  You hook up and then next thing you know, you’re moving in together.”

Fowler frowned.  “…You like aliens?”

Shocked, she spun around.  “What makes you say that?”

He nodded at the cryptid and alien encounter book on the shelf as she turned to face him.

“Oh, that’s just a gag gift from a friend.”  _Mostly true._

“So is this friend of yours on the same close-encounters forums?”

“On what?”

“Are you not Livingwithanalien263?”

Her heart raced.  “I don’t have any idea what that is.”

“I know about Star, Caitlin.”

“…How do you know my name?”

“You have people that worry about you.”

She opened the door, holding it as she leveled a defiant look to him.  “…Get out of my house.”

He put up strangely little fight as she showed him the door.  “Just… remember what I said.”

Once the man was gone, she locked the doors, feeling light-headed and out of breath.

\--

 

While out on their mission to scout a place to work, Starscream tried to relax.  Despite finding several places suitable for their needs, his face remained sour.

It was enough to make Knockout curious.

“We’re making progress.  Why so glum?”

“Glum?  I am no such thing.”

“Starscream, you’ve been moping the whole day.  I’m used to your constant frowning but you’ve been… uncharacteristically quiet.”

He sneered at the dashboard.  “Do you actually care to know?”

“Come on, Starscream, I thought we’d moved past hating each other.  Tweet the deets.”

He gave a quizzical look.

“…A human expression.”

“I don’t think I want to share.”

Jofy phased into existence.  “Did you have a falling out with our human accomplice?”

Starscream sighed, rolling his optics.  “Not exactly…  quite the opposite  …in fact.”

He gave him an arched brow, not saying a word.

Starscream slumped in the seat.  “I think there’s something wrong with me.”

Jofy’s head tilted.  “I’m… not very well-versed in human medicine, but maybe I can help.”

The human groaned, turning away.

“I _should_ probably study human biology,” he mumbled to himself.  Glancing back over at Starscream, he sighed.  “I do want to help.”

“Do you… think it’s possible that the… change could have affected my processor?”

“Well, first of all, it’s called a brain.”

He growled, sulking.

“Easy.  What makes you think something is wrong?  You have to be specific.”

“I just wonder if the hormones or some other biology might be clouding my judgment.”

“It’s possible, I suppose.  Though I haven’t really noticed any change.”

“…that’s what I was afraid of.”

“Are you _aware_ of any lapses in judgment?”

“…yes.”

“And that would be?”

“I might have…  developed feelings.”

“What sort of feelings?”

“The dangerous kind,” he muttered.

“So when you said you ha the opposite of a falling out with our little lady?”

His cheeks were red as he tried to ignore the holoform’s grin.

“C’mon, Star, don’t leave me hanging.”

“I think you get the gist of it, pervert.”

“No need for name-calling.  And I think I do…”  The interior lights dimmed as the radio suddenly blasted “Careless Whisper” while Jofy grinned.

Starscream was insensed and glared at Jofy while he slammed his fist into the dashboard with force.

“OW,” the car shouted, horn blaring momentarily.  Jofy’s nostrils flared as he shot daggers with his eyes.  He grumbled as drivers stared at him on the road

“So you see my predicament,” Starscream hissed.

Before Knockout could respond, the car skidded to a halt, angering human drivers who honked and swerved.  He grunted in surprise as a message flashed on his dashboard screen.  “FOWLER?!”

“What?  Fowler-“  He caught sight of the text and felt his blood pressure drop.  “No.”

Knockout growled, engine roaring.  “If the Autobots find out I’m helping you then they’ll throw me back into confinement!”

Starscream felt the vibrations of the engine rocking the bot’s entire frame.  “We’ll have to get back to her.  She’s no good at deception.”

Knockout shouted an expletive in his native language.  “What was I thinking…”

“Knockout?”

He remained silent, ignoring his passenger’s pleas.

\--

 

It was nearly half an hour after the government official had vanished when Knockout squealed into the parking lot.  Starscream felt the car push him out, seat rearing forward as Jofy emerged and forced him into the apartment.

“I can’t believe I let you talk me into this!”  Jofy raged, pacing inside the apartment.

“He doesn’t know what you’re doing or he wouldn’t have come asking,” Starscream assured.  His hands were raised to placate the bristled holoform.

Jofy would hear none of it.  “No.  I can’t risk my hide for you anymore, Starscream.  I can’t risk getting punished by Ultra Magnus and the others.  I have a right to a chance at freedom and I’m not going to let you jeopardize it for me!  Not again.” His eyes searched through an imaginary horizon, recalling several painful memories at once.

Caitlin tried to stop him, but he stepped aside.  Before any argument could be made, the irate hologram stood back in front of the door.  “You’re on your own, Starscream.  I’ll leave you what I’ve got in one of the spaces we looked at today, then I’m through.  I don’t want you contacting me.  …I don’t want to end up a prisoner again.”

Caitlin stood flabbergasted at the outburst, turning to Starscream as the door slammed.  “What just happened?”

“…He abandoned me.”  His hand rubbed the back of his head, the memory of the immobilizer fresh in his mind.  “Again.”

Caitlin tried to offer him comfort, but he largely shrugged her off.

He was a veritable hurricane of emotion.  Rage at Knockout for turning on him once more, resentment at Agent Fowler for ruining his streak of luck, a fair amount of self-doubt, and a growing concern over his attachment to Caitlin all swirled violently within him.

His turmoil was not unnoticed.

“Star, why don’t you eat?”

He shook his head and lifted the computer into his lap to begin typing furiously.  “I’m just going to work.  I’ll have to work twice as hard now that we’re down a player.”

She stood, watching him for several moments.  “Who is Fowler?”

He paused, and turned with a sigh.  “He is a government liaison for Cybertronian affairs.  He sticks his nose into situations he fears might reveal our species to the human public.”  With a frown, he added, “I have not had a good working relationship with him.”

She sat down, leaning on his shoulder to tell him the details of her interactions with the man.

He thought on his parting words for a moment.  “One of you family must have reported me.”

“But why?  And how?”

“I don’t know.  But it sounds like he doesn’t know much…  If he returns, I do hope you keep him in the dark.”

She nodded, resting on his shoulder.  “I’ll do my best.”

He thought he heard something about men in black when she clutched him tighter.  She stayed there for a long time, making Starscream look over at her as he finished an equation to check on her.

She appeared to have dozed, face squishing against him.  He smiled and started to move her, but she woke.

“Sorry,” she mumbled.  “I think the lack of sleep last night got to me.”

His face warmed.  “Go get some rest if you need it.”

She looked up at him but seemed to be appraising him.  “No,” she rebutted.  “I’m not leaving you.”

He was taken aback, but pulled her to him.  “I’m… not used to hearing that.”

She smiled, nuzzling her way across his chest.  “I can tell.”  She watched as he tried several times to continue working, but his fingers would still as he became distracted by troubling thoughts.  “What’s wrong?”

“This isn’t the first time Knockout has chosen his own safety and freedom over mine.  Can’t necessarily say I wouldn’t do the same…  But…”

“It still hurts.”

He nodded.  “And I had hoped his expertise could be of use.”  _Medical and otherwise._

“You’re so tense,” she commented, her hand feeling his chest, admiring the taught muscles beneath the fabric.

“Careful,” he smirked.

“Why?  Are you ticklish?”

He shrugged.  “But you know what happened last time you tried to find out,” he smirked.

After several moments passed, she looked up, asking, “May I… help you relax?”

He looked down, curious.

She appeared shy as she sheepishly asked, “Would preening help?”

She felt the sharp intake of breath as he thought.  “Perhaps…”

She eased the computer closed, setting it aside as Starscream waited for further instruction.  “Take off your shirt and turn around.”

He complied, still unsure if this was wise, but as he turned and the warm fingers massaged at his shoulders, he sighed in contentment.  His shoulders released, sagging from their elevated stance as she hummed behind him.

She started near his neck, massaging the muscle in the way that she knew to be pleasing to herself, easing away any tension she could find.  Slowly, her hands massaged little circles across the top of his shoulders, careful to avoid the remnants of his wing attachments, not daring to illicit the severe response she suspected it would bring.  Once she’d made her way across his shoulders a few times, she withdrew.  He whined as she removed her hands, but was pleased to feel them again at his lower back.

He slowly realized she was avoiding the sensitive lines on his skin and felt at once relieved and frustrated.  He wanted to feel like himself again, to feel her touching a place on his new body that still felt and reacted so much like his original self.  But he dreaded the loss of control it might bring out in him.

All the while, her fingertips traveled up, and when she just barely touched the bottom edge of the longer scars, he arched, humming.  Making sure he was calm, she carefully treated the area on either side of the darker skin.

He closed his eyes, feeling the need rising within his gut.  He knew if she were to give in and touch at the overly sensitive joints, he would be subject to arousal, but the frustration that was mounting made those thoughts quiet.

By the time she had made her way back to the top of his back, he was twitching, itching for her fingers to slip and touch the sensitized areas.  Seeming to sense his need, her fingers stilled and he let out a needy whine.

Then he felt her lips at his neck, pressing a kiss to his skin as her thumbs brushed at the tips of the larger scars.  He shivered, encouraging her.

“Please,” he whispered.

She delicately traced the longer outer lines, then ran her fingers up the smaller, inner pair.  The reaction was immediate, his breath hitching.  He tensed at the sensation and she braced her hands on his shoulders.

“Just relax, Star,” she whispered into his ear.  Her hot breath reached into his ear, making him shiver.

As she was satisfied that he had relaxed, she resumed.  He moaned as she started a slow massage at the former home of his wings, her fingers finding knots below his marked skin and smoothing them gently.

He hadn’t felt this good in a long time.  As long as it had been, however, this was certainly making up for lost time.  As he feared, he could feel the pleasure plucking at his core, blood rushing to his groin.  His posture slackened and he leaned over his lap, seeing the bulge in his jeans.

For a moment, her hands left him, and he squirmed before feeling her leaning against him to look over his shoulder.  Before he could ask, her hands wrapped around his middle to work at the waist of his pants, relieving the pressure on his groin.

Realizing this was a near-perfect reflection of his fantasy from that morning in her mother’s home, he vocalized loudly, eyes screwing shut as his voice raised in pitch.

She pressed gently at the thin fabric beneath his jeans and hummed, the vibration touching his back as he hissed in pleasure.

He turned to her, finding her pleasured grin at his shoulder.  He tried to speak, but wasn’t sure he managed much more than a desperate, “Please.”

She shushed him, retreated back out of his sight with a quick peck on his lips.  When he started to protest, she pressed a warm kiss to his right side, mouthing at the right-most wing line.

He leaned back, chest exploding in emotion at the intimate act.  He could feel the clear fluid starting to leak from the tip of his spike and he pulled it free, clumsily pawing at the fabric.  Caitlin purred, pulling away to look at him.  When her hands wrapped around the newly-freed member, his breath hitched.  He watched in disbelief as she stroked him, her mouth and tongue busy at his sensitive back.  It was an intense sensation that seemed to rob him of all coherent thought.

He was completely at her mercy as she continued her two-pronged assault at his nervous system.  His head rolled back, leaning on her.  His voice came out in short grunts as he tried to fight the haze clouding his mind.  His mouth hung open as he panted, feeling her fingers trace each bump, crease, and vein on his human member and in that moment he painfully longed for his body back.  He didn’t want her to know and memorize this soft and pliable form, but instead imagined her tracing each ridge and biolight of his spike.  _His true spike_.

And as he imagined further, he pictured what she could do with the _full_ surface area of his wings and he shuddered in a sudden wave of pleasure.

Her hands stilled and he whimpered, pleading with her not to stop in a near-incoherent stream of half-formed words.

She shushed him once more and purred, “I don’t want you coming just yet.”

His spike twitched, throbbing with need, but her hands remained still, holding the base.  He bucked, thrusting himself in and out of her grip once before she completely pulled away.  The sound he made would surely be embarrassing to him later, but he didn’t care.  All he wanted was for her to touch him and bring him to overload.

He opened his eyes, not remembering when they’d closed, and found Caitlin on her knees, encouraging him to swing his legs around to sit on the couch properly.

Her pupils were blown wide, making her normally bright eyes dark.  Her lips, a little fuller than usual, curled into a cheeky grin.

“It’s your turn.”

He could barely make sense of what she’d said before her lips pressed to the underside of his spike, her right hand holding it upright as her left braced on his still-clothed thigh.

She lapped tentatively at the tip, where some of the fluid still sat, beading from the slit.  He groaned, watching her taste it, grinning up at him.  The sight made him weak, but he made sure to watch, even as she closed her mouth around the darker flesh of the tip.

His voice climbed higher as she sucked, her tongue swirling inside her mouth as she tried to take more of him in.  She only managed to get a third of his length into her mouth before she gagged, pulling off of him with a loud, wet pop.

He nearly overloaded at the sound.  If he thought he could trust his body to respond without collapsing, he would have ripped the clothes from her body and ravished her into the floor.  However, as it took effort to remain coherent, he was content to allow her to continue her present efforts.  She did her best to keep him just on the edge of completion, making him twitch and moan in constant want as her mouth and tongue explored his length.  As she sucked again, her hand ventured lower, releasing the base of his erection to squeeze lightly at his balls.

He had just enough presence of mind to hold back, not willing to come straight in her throat.  Before he could ask or move to pull her away, her left hand wandered to his back.

He jerked her head back as his body tensed, releasing ropes of the white evidence of his overload across his stomach as he shrieked in ecstasy.

She thought she heard him say something in a language she couldn’t recognize as he panted, his hand pressed to his forehead as he rode out the orgasm; aftershocks making him grunt and shudder.  She remained seated on the floor, staring up in admiration at her work.

When he finally opened an eye, the look on her face nearly made him hard all over again.  His voice came out as a strained groan before he tried to restrain himself.

“So…  Good preening?”  She bit her lip, arms propping her up on the floor, her chest squeezed between them.

He laughed at the question, catching his breath.  Leaning forward, he placed a hand on her cheek.  “That was far more than preening.”  He kissed her lips, catching her by surprise.

Appearing more her usual self, she winced.  “You’re not grossed out?”

He shook his head.  “Oh… Primus.”  He leaned back, observing the copious staining of his middle.  “I’m not sure I can stand up.”

Without another word, she disappeared, returning with a warm cloth.

He wiped himself clean, feeling light-headed and giddy.  “I don’t know how you got so good at this.”

“I’m a lonely girl,” she shrugged.  “I watch porn.”

He snorted, shoulders bobbing in silent laughter.

 

Content that Starscream had, in fact, relaxed, the two cuddled up to each other on the couch as Starscream resumed working out equations and filling gaps in Caitlin’s knowledge.  He hadn’t bothered to redress, remaining in only his boxers, his pants discarded.  Caitlin certainly didn’t mind, pressing her cheek to his warm middle.

After a few minutes of silence, save the typing on the laptop, Caitlin looked up at Starscream.  “What is an Autobot?”

He paused his typing for a second.  “The opposing faction of the civil war that killed our planet and the majority of our people.”

“So…  What was your faction called?”

He briefly considered lying.  “…Decepticons.”

“…That sounds like bad guys.”

“Everything is relative.  Especially in war.”

She remained silent, but just as he worried he would have to explain himself, she asked, “…Why are you on Earth?”

“Earth has some of the best energon reserves in the galaxy.  We need energon to survive.  Or at least…  We did.  Apparently, the formula for synthetic energon may be operable.  There are other reasons, but that is the chief one,” he droned.

“Since you’re made of metal, do you have issues with moisture?”

He was surprised that she was so talkative.  “That’s a broad question…  What do you want to know specifically?”

“Can you handle submersion?”

He nodded.  “In water, yes.”

“Do you rust?”

He shivered, nodding.  “It’s a very real threat.  Especially in Vos.  Massive rust storms blow through seasonally, forcing us indoors.  It’s miserable.”

“I suppose that’s kinda like the dust storms in our deserts on Earth.”

“Yes.  Very like.”

“Is there thunder in your storms?”

He glanced to the side.  “Sometimes.  Not so often in rust storms, but there were other storms that were high in electricity.”

“Since you don’t need respiration for survival, but there was weather, did Cybertron have an atmosphere?”

“You are listening,” he grinned.  “No.”

”So how do storms happen?  Did it rain?”

“Our storms had more to do with magnetism and structures on the surface than with any atmospheric phenomena.  And yes, we had acid rain.  Entirely corrosive and to be avoided at all costs.”

“Have you ever been struck by lightning?”

He chuckled.  “Many times.  Here, and on Cybertron.”

“What’s it feel like?”

“My systems flicker, but for the most part, my extremities just feel a passing numbness.”

“Is there water on Cybertron?”

“In a few locations.”  He paused.  “Despite the unpleasantness of _this_ world, I suppose I could say that …one thing I do find quite beautiful is your clouds.  Earth’s water vapors can capture such interesting and varied hues, especially when the sun is on the horizon.  I was relieved to discover the rain on Earth is harmless water.  I can fly through your storms with ease and admire the beauty of the structures from within in a way I never would dream of trying on Cybertron.”

She sighed happily, laying herself down in his lap.  Instinctually, he played with her hair.

“Perhaps I should take you flying when I am myself again.”

“I don’t know…  I’m afraid of flying.”

He frowned, looking down at her.  “I suppose it makes sense for an organic to be frightened, but don’t you trust me?”

“Of course I do, Star.”

He gasped at her admission.  _Perhaps you shouldn’t._


	19. Talk Nerdy to Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry about the title.
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> No I'm not.

Knockout forwarded the chosen address and Caitlin and Starscream traveled to the site to confirm that all the medical machines were left in the otherwise empty space.

Their lab-to-be was an empty business building, likely formerly housing antiques, as is so prevalent in the area.  What made the space unique, though, was that the ground floor had rotted, opening holes to the basement.  This suited their purpose perfectly since the added height from removing some sections of the flooring would allow Knockout to stand upright while working.

“Oh,” Starscream paused.  “Right, just you and me, now.”

She gave him a sympathetic look, but he waved it off.

“It’s fine.” 

She stared him down, not buying it.

“Really,” he asserted.

Which she knew meant he _wasn’t_ fine, but wasn’t going to talk about it.

She kicked a loose board of the floor.  “Looks dangerous.”

“Probably.  Though this will do nicely.”  He peeked over the edge of one of the rotten holes, seeing the machinery tucked into the dark corner.  “There it is.”

“How are we supposed to get down there?”

No sooner had she asked then did she see Star fluidly leap down and land perfectly on his feet.  _How does he do that shit in heels?_

“The stairs are shot but I think we should be able to construct a ladder.”  Seeing that the rest of the basement was in order, he made his way back up, bouncing a leap off the wall with his long legs to get him to a place to reach the floor above.  He hoisted himself up easily, noticing the way she stared.  “What?”

“You’re just a freaking gymnast, apparently.”

He laughed softly.

They spent hours cleaning up and opening up the rotting floor of the open space.  Between sweeping, moving, and hauling debris, the two worked up a considerable sweat, despite the cold air.  They spent so long on just preparing the space that they were forced to head back home, exhausted, long before they could start any of the machinery to even test if it worked, or if the power was still running to all of the outlets.

They each cleaned up and settled into the couch for a bit of discussion before bed.  Slowly, the conversation drifted back to Cybertron.

Caitlin’s knowledge of Cybertron and its lifeforms grew bit by bit as the two exchanged comparisons from their own species.  Starscream was thrilled to have someone so eager to listen for a change.

He smiled warmly.  “You remind me of the newsparks I used to train in the Air Command.”

“That’s your youngin’s right?”  She giggled at his reaction to her word.

“I…  Well yes.  But you’re so full of wonder and questions…  It makes me miss my old life.”  He looked back into his past, a wistful expression removing years from his face.

“You trained newbies?”

He looked back at her and nodded.  “Part of being Air Commander.  I had a bit of a reputation for nasty insults… Colorful ones,” he chuckled.  “But my pupils were always prepared and equipped to handle any situation.”

“Oh, so you were like Gordon Ramsay?”

“Who?”

“…Nevermind.”

 

It would be a few days before Caitlin had another day off and the two of them could spend any time working together in the makeshift lab.  They killed time until then by prepping themselves and chatting about their plans.  Eventually, they were able to make their way back to the open basement and test their new “toys”.

Caitlin found out there was a high-powered microscope and immediately started looking at everything she could under magnification.  Starscream groaned, but she just laughed.

“Just having a little fun.  Science can be monotonous.  Gotta break it up somehow.”  She studied the slide she’d fixed from a cheek swab in her own mouth, excited to have free reign for once.  _No assignments.  No deadlines.  No instructions._

That last point troubled her a bit, but at least she could actually spend time making sure she got things right, instead of rushing through tasks like in her school lab assignments.

Starscream grumbled and passed a slide over to her.  “Here, be useful.”

Surprised, she inspected the new slide.  The red color made her double-take, checking the slide.  “Is this blood?”

“My blood,” he confirmed, waving his finger to show a fresh cut on the skin.  “We _are_ supposed to be finding a cure, remember?”

She nodded.  “Ok, ok.”  Placing the slide under the lens, she hummed, adjusting the focus until she could see features emerge.  “We should probably be wearing more than just gloves for safety…  What the?”  She stepped back with alarm as she saw something moving in the lens.  “Star??”

He stepped over to her quickly, “What?  What is it?”

She pointed at the microscope, uneasy.

As he gazed into the ocular lenses, he smirked.  Tiny robotic structures wiggled and moved about amongst the fluid.  “So, my nanites survived the transition.  That actually helps.  I theorized they reprogrammed my nanites to restructure my frame…  But how did they facilitate survival?”  He stepped back over to the computer, talking lowly to himself, typing with mad purpose and updating his findings.

“Nanites?”

He jerked, pulled back from his thoughts.  He watched as she focused her gaze on him.  “Yes, they function to repair damaged mesh and keep out infection.”

“So, like human immune systems?”

He nodded, filling in an equation.  “The very fact that the nanites are present and still functioning is a good indicator of how they possibly engineered this change and provides us a decent vehicle of reversal.”

She smiled.  “So basically, if we can throw them into reverse, you’ll be back to normal?”

He paused, straightening.  “Oh.  That makes far more sense than what I had in mind.”  He turned and nodded.  “Thank you.”

The two meticulously tested the machinery and took inventory until the afternoon.  The mass spectrometer didn’t work, and there were key components of the gel electrophoresis kit missing.  All in all, they were working with a massive handicap.

They started by researching the techniques needed to run the tests they needed.  Caitlin, having a little experience, helped Star as best she could.

“We’ll need a bigger blood sample,” Star mumbled, face washed in blue from the light of the computer screen.  “I need as many of the nanites as I can get so we can try to access the changes in their coding and test the method of reprogramming.”

Caitlin scrounged the various medical equipment, finding a small packaged needle.  The idea made her nervous, but she looked up at Star.  “How much?  I think I have a 10mL tube here.”

He turned, watching her dig in the stacks of packaged sterile tools before thrusting up the collection tube.  “I suppose that will do for now.”  He returned to his computer, arm outstretched.

“Star, I want to do this properly.”  She approached with a sterile wipe and the collection tools.  “I’m gonna need you keep your arm straight and make a tight fist.”

He did as instructed, watching curiously as she rolled up his sleeve.

“Oh, shit.”  She hopped away, coming back with a tourniquet.  Wrapping it securely above his elbow, she repeated the instruction.  Removing a glove, she pressed her fingers to his elbow, trying to palpate for a good vein.

“What are you doing?”

“Trying to find a larger vein to draw blood from.”

“Is it that hard to stick the needle in and draw it?”

“Yes.  You’re not just full of blood sloshing around under your skin.”

He grumbled, returning to the computer.

Satisfied that she felt a good vein, she put on a new glove, preparing the elbow and needle.  He could feel her hand shaking where she touched him.

“What’s wrong?”

“I’m just…  Not used to this sort of thing.”

“It’s just a sample.  I can cut it open myself-“

“NO.  Do not do that.  You’ll cause needless harm to yourself and contaminate the sample.”  Taking a deep breath, she steadied her hand.  He winced as the metal pierced his skin.  When Caitlin attached the collection tube, nothing came out.  “Fuck.”

“Problem?”

“I didn’t hit the vein.  Let me try again.”  She palpated, feeling the proper source, but as she pricked his skin again, she experienced the same result.

“You act like you’ve never done this before.”

The look she gave him an exaggerated look of worry that made him chuckle.  “If you’ve never done it before, then how can you expect to do it perfectly the first time?”

She sighed, relaxing.  “I don’t know.  I just thought it’d be easier.”

“Take a deep breath.  Maybe go look up a tutorial.”  He gave her a soft smile.  “I have faith in you.”

The soft vote of confidence was not what she expected, but she placed the bandage over the failed puncture site and discarded the needle.  “Sorry.”

A few minutes later, she returned, having studied several videos and diagrams.  As she knelt at his side, he started to roll up his sleeve, but she asked for the other arm instead.  Rather than fuss with it, and feeling a bit naughty, he removed the shirt completely.  Caitlin shot him an amused glare.

“Just making the job easier,” he shrugged.

“No, that is the opposite of help.  Now I’m distracted.”  She leered at his chest, tongue darting across her lip briefly.

A devilish smirk emerged.  “Distracted by what, exactly?”

 _A broad expanse of skin and muscle that I want to claim_ …  She decided not to answer as she started to tie on the tourniquet and swab the joint.  She appeared far more comfortable this time as she opened a new needle.  Holding her breath, she aimed for the vein.

Swearing when the blood didn’t come into the tube, she palpated, then tried once more.

On the second try, she managed to get blood into the collection tube.  Starscream beamed with pride.  “See.  I had the utmost faith in you.”

She shot him a harsh look, but a smile snuck out.  “Shut up.”

He couldn’t help but notice that her touches lingered as she wrapped his elbow in a bandage.  Before she could pull away, he grabbed her wrist and pulled her in for a short but intense kiss.

Feeling breathless, she blinked several times.  “What was that for?”

“A reward for your efforts,” he purred, allowing a finger to trace her jawline.

She giggled, leaning in.  “I like this reward system.”

His low chuckle rumbled in his chest.  “Figure out a way to separate the nanites from the sample and maybe there will be more.”

Caitlin laughed and pulled back, eyes leering at his bare chest again.  “Already done.”  She transferred the sample into several smaller tubes and loaded them into a rack next to the centrifuge.  “The nanites are made of Cybertronian metals and likely much heavier than the blood cells.  Running the sample through the centrifuge should separate out the different elements of your blood by weight.”

Intrigued, he approached the rack.  “Well, what are you waiting for?”

“The blood has to clot for at least 30 minutes,” she explained.  “I’ve been doing my homework.”

Arching a brow with a smirk on his lips, he loomed over her.

“So…  That reward?”  She felt small beneath his dark gaze, making her shiver.

Thinking she was cold, he walked her back to his chair.  He sat down and pulled her onto his lap.  He groaned deep in his throat as he pulled her middle flush to his.

She gasped, but looped her arms around his neck.  When she pressed her forehead to his, his eyes closed as he smiled.  Leaning a little closer, she pressed her lips to his.

He grinned and hungrily lapped at her lips.  She gave way immediately, pressing herself into him as much as she could while they kissed, wanting to touch every part of him.  He was a quick study, swiftly bringing a moan from her as he delved deeper.

Eventually, she pulled back, the combined smacking making her grunt and shift uncomfortably as her arousal spiked.

He smirked again, knowing the effect he’d had on her.  She huffed at the prideful expression and reached a hand down to his wing lines, making him hiss before he grabbed her wrists and pushed her back.  Before she could ask what was wrong, he’d spun them around, forcing her to sit.  He released her arms and lifted her legs to wrap them around his waist, effectively pinning her to the flimsy office chair.  Their mouths met again, lips and tongues sliding across each other, rapidly tasting, touching, and committing each other to memory.  The wet sounds and heavy breaths filled the empty room.

Caitlin inhaled a gasp as she felt his hands creep up under the hem of her shirt, running light touches across the skin of her belly.  She instinctively pulled away, but he chased her, hands committing to the touch, rising up to her chest.  He relished in the purring moans she released as he squeezed her breasts.  She squirmed, clinging to him as her head rocked back, mouth hanging open to gasp for air.  Starscream took this opportunity to slip his hands under the bra, massaging the soft curves.  His mouth laved its way down her neck, teeth grazing her flesh, making her gasp.

He chuckled lowly as all she could do was hold on for the ride.

Without warning, he pulled back, leaving her panting and writhing on the chair.

“S-star?”  The look on her face, hair tangled around her shoulders, every bit of it was his doing.

“I’m sorry, my wanton little love, but I believe the samples are ready for centrifugation.”

He watched as her eyes focused and her breaths calmed.  Her face, contorted from confusion, relaxed into one of realization.  “Oh.  Right.”  She looked at the time and cursed quietly.  “You fucking tease,” she hissed, adjusting her shirt and bra.  She shot an evil scowl at Star as she noted his complete control.

The only sign of the heated moment they’d shared was the slight tinge of color to his chest and face.  He flared his nostrils, taking a deep breath as he gave her a daring look.

“How can you be so calm?”  She stood slowly, a bit hurt at the denial.

“Because I have _discipline.”_   He watched as she resumed her work, loading and starting the centrifuge.  He crowded her silently before whispering in her ear.  “I could teach you.”

Her eyes shot wide open with a whimper.  His hands snuck around to her front, picking up where he left off.  She leaned on the counter, biting her lip.  “Star?”

“Yes,” he rumbled.

“I would love to do this…  But maybe…  We should probably focus…”

He lowered his brows, seemingly surprised at himself in introspection.  “Right, yes, of course.  This is hardly the time or place,” he grumbled with a cough.  _This was supposed to be a reward system.  If they didn’t stop now…_

Caitlin cleared her throat and turned around.  “If I didn’t have to keep a steady hand…  _I’d absolutely_ finish whatever this was leading to.”  Her finger pointed between both of them to indicate her point.

They separated to calm down, though both of them wondered and fantasized about what might have developed.

After the machine had run its course for 15 minutes, she showed Star the tubes, now sporting four distinct layers.

“Why are there four layers?  I was expecting two.”

“Plasma at the top, a thin band of leucocytes in the middle, then the actual red blood cells, _then_ the nanites.”  Using the pipette, she quickly separated the varied components into different tubes.

“You do have a steady hand,” he remarked.

“Thank you,” she grinned.  Glancing in his direction, she added, “And you still don’t have a shirt on.”

He only laughed.

 

They tried to move forward, sampling the nanites under magnification once again, but encountered several roadblocks in their plan.  Upon viewing them under the microscope, Starscream visibly sagged.  Without energon as a fuel source, his nanites were slowly shutting down.  He noted many that were non-functional or significantly slowed.  With a sigh, he tried to find out just how toxic energon might be to his current body, but ran into the issue of a lack of human research.  And, as they didn’t have any samples- refined, crystalline, or otherwise- they could not conduct their own research on the matter.

His frustrations grew as they had no way to gain access to the programming of the nanites that were left.

“So we can’t find the programming that infected your nanites without a Cybertronian medical scanner?”

He threw his glove into the bin with a growl.  “No.”  Snarling, he picked up one of the empty beakers to inspect it.  “And with Knockout gone,” he growled, “we lost our _only access_ to Cybertronian tech!”  He punctuated his sentence by throwing the beaker, smashing it against the nearest wall.

He caught Caitlin’s flinch out of the corner of his eye.  It wasn’t what he wanted.  He didn’t want to frighten her but his emotions were out of control.  He was livid. 

“How dare he do this to me?!”

Another glass shattered.

“Of course his precious finish is more important than me!”

The pile kept growing.

“He’s probably busy buffing himself as we speak.  Does he even know what this is like?”

He chucked two more with an angry yell.  He stood, eyes closed, and breathing heavily as he stared at the sharp angles amassed in front of him.

Caitlin ushered him to sit down so she could clean up the glass before either of them got hurt.  He sat at his cluttered desk, hands tangling in his hair.  He tried to force himself to type up the next equations based on what he knew about the chemical structure of energon and organic metabolism but stole glances at Caitlin.  She worked quickly to gather up the sharp shards.  Feeling guilty for his outburst, he rose and decided to help her gather the larger pieces.

They were nearly done when they heard a noise from outside.  They both bolted for the small nook they’d created for hiding in the event of someone getting curious as to what was inside the old building.  From where they sat, they could hear someone drive up.  Caitlin gasped when they heard the bay door forced open and Starscream covered her mouth with his hand, clutching her to his chest as he debated how to sneak out without passing into the light.

“I know you probably don’t want to hear it, but…  I’m sorry.”

At the sound of Knockout’s voice, Caitlin tried to walk out into the open, but Starscream held her fast.  She glared at him, but he ignored the look.

“I’ve had some time to think…  And I’d rather be put to use trying to undo this…  condition, than…”  He paused, trying to think of what to say.  The pair could hear him shift his weight on the floor above as it creaked and strained.  “Look, I’ve had time to think it over and I’m basically a prisoner already.”  With another shift from the rotten floor, he mumbled, “I just get more air than the others.”

Caitlin growled quietly, beginning to struggle against Starscream.

“It could be a trap,” he warned, voice low.

She thrust her tongue out at his hand, forcing him to recoil in shock.

“Do _not_ lick me!”

“That’s not what you said last night,” she joked, walking back out into the light.

“Uh…  Come again?”  Knockout’s helm peeked carefully under the damaged floor, expression comical.

“That’s what she said,” Caitlin wheezed.

Knockout resisted joining her giggle fit to ask, “Are you even listening?”

Starscream wiped his hand and addressed the presently-upside-down bot.  “We are,” he grumbled, walking forward with an icy look.  “But what makes you think I’ll let you back into my good graces after your little outburst?”

“You need help,” he said while moving.  With a nimble leap, he planted his pedes on the cement basement flooring.  “Like I was saying, I’m basically a hood ornament with the ‘bots.”

“Are you suggesting they have no need for a capable medic?  You aren’t making sense.”

“Are you kidding?  None of them trust me to hold a knife.”  His hand transformed into his saw blade, the blade rotating slowly as he inspected himself in the reflection.  “I just want to feel useful again.  And if that means risking prison…”, he gulped, retracting the blade.  “Look, I’d rather repair something than just _exist_.”

Starscream was right to be suspicious, but Caitlin approached Knockout’s pede with a look of warmth.

“We would appreciate the help…”  She looked back at Star.  “But it’s not up to me,” she conceded.

Starscream sneered, baring his teeth, but looked down sharply as he thought.  How can I trust him?  …How can I not?  I have no means of finding energon without him.  And his medical knowledge is far superior to my own.  He is a valuable asset…  But why must he be so…?

He glanced back up at Knockout, noting the way Caitlin stared up at him in adoration.  That look should be reserved for me, he thought.

I must be out of my processor.

“Fine.  Caitlin, fill him in on what we need.”  He walked back over to the computer, typing away as he sat down.  “Oh, and Knockout?”

The bot turned, kneeling.  “Yes?”

“Clean up that mess, will you?”  He indicated the broken glass with a wave of his hand before looking back to the screen.

Knockout grumbled, but obliged.  Caitlin offered a hand, but he shooed her away.  “No need.”  He swiftly discarded the pile with his fingers, allowing Caitlin to sweep behind him.

“He is pleased to have you back.  …I think,” she whispered to the larger lifeform.

He sighed, placing a hand on his hip.  “Not like he’d ever say so.”

Neither of them noticed Starscream’s glance in their direction.

“Knockout,” he called.

Approaching carefully, Knockout knelt to see what the human was doing.  “Yes?”

“We’ve isolated what we believe to be the vehicle of this conversion: my nanites.”

Knockout squinted, eyeing the many small containers of samples of varying substances.  “You still have your nanites?”

He nodded.  “I want you to analyze them.  We believe the programming was altered to convert my CNA to DNA.”

Knockout’s jaw swiveled while he thought.  “Interesting.”  His delicate digits gently lifted one of the little tubes and lifted it in front of his face to inspect it.  His other hand reached behind him to pull out a small screen from his subspace.  As he started his scan, his eyes flashed to Starscream.  “Why are you disrobed?”

Starscream glanced at his chest.  “Uh…”

“His shirt was too tight to roll up the sleeves,” Caitlin chirped.

Knockout laughed as he watched the man struggle to put his shirt back on.  “Well, I don’t know what you’re expecting me to find in this sample.  Most of these nanites aren’t functioning.”

“I know.  They still run on energon, but I don’t.  Please tell me you can access their programming so that we can reverse it.”

Knockout could see the slight tremor in the smaller form.  “…Not without proper equipment.”  Seeing Starscream’s face fall, he quickly added, “But I will get it.”


	20. Growing Suspicions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the delay, folks. Truth is, this story has become progressively harder to write. Fear not, I'm not quitting. I'm just probably going to have longer gaps between posting while I try to iron out the next several chapters.

Agent Fowler flung open the door and waved to the Autobot medic that awaited him in the converted warehouse.

He turned, nodding in acknowledgment.  “Did you find out what Knockout has been up to?”

“No,” he responded, ascending a stair to a platform that would allow for better eye-level conversation with his relatively giant friend.  “But I did find out he’s been out visiting a couple of civilians.”  He walked over to the computer and sent the images from his file to the larger screen for Ratchet to view.  “The girl was hesitant to talk about it but her neighbors confirmed that Knockout’s been there.  I don’t know the nature of these visits, but I heard rumor of a third human among them.  No one I spoke to could explicitly confirm the identity of anyone but the girl.  The apartment he’s been parked in front of is only registered to one person, and she’s not talking.  …Not yet, anyway.”

Ratchet sighed, pinching his forehelm.  “What could he be thinking...”

After an awkward pause, Fowler looked over to the blue-green optics.  “No offense, Ratchet, but why do you allow him to act like he’s an Autobot?”

With a heavy sigh, he quickly answered, “Because Optimus would have given him the chance.”

Fowler rolled his eyes.  “So, what did you want to see me for?  Other than an update on the ‘con.”

“More of the same, I’m afraid.  I wanted to inform you that I’ve been picking up his signal in another location for a couple cycles now.”  Ratchet pulled up an image of his own on the large screen to show his human comrade.  A map with a blinking indicator of the location and an image of a dark building were all that appeared.  “I can’t find any reason for him to be there for so long.  There’s nothing there but an abandoned building.”

“You want me to go scope it out?”

“Perhaps.  …Did the girl you mentioned seem to know of Knockout’s root mode?”

“No mention, but she’s interested in aliens.”

Ratchet raised a brow ridge in question.

“Actually, I was contacted by my superiors to investigate claims of possible alien activity reported by a civilian within the same state.  Turns out the report came from our little lady’s brother.  He’s concerned about some conversations he’d overheard between her and a man calling himself Star.”

Ratchet’s optics narrowed.  “What sort of conversations?”

“Unclear, but the brother definitely heard discussions about aliens and _Star_ seems to be lying about his history.  He says he’s _foreign military_.”

Ratchet appeared to be internalizing the scenario, optics narrowing further while he thought.  "This had better not be MECH," he muttered to himself.

“And the description matches the man that has been seen living with the girl.”

Ratchet placed a servo at his chin, thinking.  “Wasn’t Knockout was supposed to be investigating the spike in internet searches coming from an IP address in that location?”

“…Did he not report back?”

“No.”

\--

 

Knockout hummed to himself as he stalked through the Unit E base, appearing as casual as possible.

“Where are you going with that?”

He turned, finding Ratchet right behind him, glowering.  Thinking quickly, he held out the tool in his servo.  “Just doing some maintenance on myself.  I _do_ like to be at my best.”

“That would be _my_ responsibility as the senior medical officer.”  With a quick scan, Ratchet snatched the tool from the younger bot’s servos.  “And my scanners detect nothing wrong with you.  Move along.”  He waved him off, returning the tool to its proper place.

Defeated, Knockout pouted and gave a lazy salute as he transformed to go out for another drive.

 

Once far from the base, the former Decepticon laughed, glancing through the rear-view mirror at the container he’d swiped.  He called Caitlin’s phone to tell his cohorts the good news.  “Ratchet fell for the decoy.  I’ll be there tonight.  With the nanosurgery kit.”

\--

 

Later that day, Ratchet decided to take inventory of his medical equipment on a rare whim, grumbling as he uncovered several missing items.  With a sigh, he called Fowler.  “Knockout appears to be stealing my medical tools.  I think it may be time to confront him and uncover his true intentions.”


	21. In Deep

The trio sat silently as they waited for another idea to surface in their make-shift laboratory.  Since pilfering the nanosurgery kit, Knockout was able to connect to one of the nanites and download the protocols installed by Shockwave.  Unfortunately, he could only transcribe the protocols onto the one datapad he was able to slip out from under Ratchet’s supervision.

Starscream and Knockout were able to use it to map out the reversal of the protocols but it took several days of work.  Once that was done, they decided to do a new blood draw to scan and see how quickly the nanites were losing function.

“It looks like only 17% of your nanites are still functional…  There isn’t much time,” Knockout reported darkly.

“Can you not just …inject more fuel into them?”  Caitlin didn’t understand the problem.

Knockout sighed and shook his helm.  “No.  The nanites run only on energon that is processed through Starscream’s systems and thus carrying his energy signature.  It would be incredibly difficult to replicate that type of energon without Starscream’s actual body.”

She appeared crestfallen at the answer, but Starscream was near-catatonic.  With wide eyes and a slight quiver in his voice, he looked pleadingly at the medic.  “Can we still expect them to function long enough for the reversal?”

“I believe we can, but we have to act fast.  Do you have the reverse program ready?”

He nodded, but added, “I’ll need to doctor it once I have my DNA mapped.”

“Hmm…  Double check the protocols to ensure that we get your body’s energon circulation system changed back first.”

Nodding, Starscream immediately sat down at the computer, looking back and forth from the screen to the data pad as he worked.

“Starscream?”  Caitlin approached him slowly, placing a hand on his shoulder.

He jerked at her touch.  “Yes?  What is it?”

“Are you going to be ok?”

He looked up and saw the look on her face, a look of concern reminding him of the day they met.  He smiled briefly at the thought.  “I don’t know,” he answered honestly.

Knockout stepped closer but maintained a safe distance as he knelt.  “You’re going to get your body back.  As long as _one_ percent of the nanites remain functional, I believe we can get you there.”  He flashed a confident, but sincere smile.

 

Over the next week, tests were executed on small blood samples to see if the nanites would respond as intended with some success.  The trio hadn’t taken into account that the tiny machines would be completely restructuring his body on a cellular or even atomic level.  Cybertronian metals were present in his blood in trace amounts, but to reform his body, there would need to be more material for the nanites to work with.

Starscream hissed and shivered as he tried to imagine where Shockwave had gotten the organic materials to comprise his new body.  He thought it best not to picture it, but there was a nagging in his mind.  He couldn’t remember the process as it was done to him.  He couldn’t even remember what happened directly before.  Bits and pieces of meeting the predacons had surfaced in his memory, but beyond knowing the encounter on Cybertron didn’t end well, he had no clue how he’d survived or how he’d been captured.

Each new complication now had him fearing he would be trapped in this form forever.  Caitlin tried to help, but she was massively out of her depth by this point and left much of the brain, er, processor work to Starscream and Knockout.

She wasn’t fairing too well herself, having called out many days from work at both jobs in order to assist the two in their efforts.  All the stress from the project as well as the financial impact of missing work was causing her to lose sleep.

Knockout glanced at her as she yawned, trying to hide behind her mug of coffee.

“Why don’t we three take a small break?”  He suggested with a gesture.

“What?”  Starscream whipped around in his chair.  “How can we break at a time like this?  I have limited power left in my nanites and-“

Knockout pointed at Caitlin.  “This work schedule is killing her.”

Starscream turned, appearing confused.  He’d been so preoccupied, he hadn’t seen the dark circles that had shadowed her eyes.  Even her skin was suffering, covered in red bumps, and far paler than usual.  He didn’t even think that was possible.  But upon seeing her now, his shoulders sagged.

“And you don’t look much better,” Knockout added.

Starscream scowled and rubbed at his face.  “Fine…  I suppose we could afford some rest.  It’ll refresh our bodies and minds for more work,” he assured himself.

Knockout’s faceplate appeared flat, but he shrugged.  “How about you two go home and rest.  I’ll continue to work without you today.”

This seemed to satisfy Starscream much more than just abandoning all research.  He turned to Caitlin again and nodded.

She nodded back, not wanting to speak.  “Thanks, Knockout.”  She gave him a weak smile, which he returned before looking back to the datapad in his servo.

\--

 

Caitlin passed out on the couch almost immediately upon arriving home, but Starscream only paced, uneasy.

His mind kept throwing thoughts in his way, unceasingly frustrating him with all that has happened and everything he had left to do.

Fowler’s visit had no further repercussions thus far, and he feared it was only a matter of time before he appeared again to put a snag their plans. He grumbled as his thoughts turned to the future.  What would he do when he was restored?  He couldn’t stay with her.  He certainly couldn’t join the Autobots.  But being on his own was not an option.

He glanced at the sleeping form on the couch and felt a knot in his stomach.  The longer he stayed, the harder he knew it would be to leave.  He knew she expected the eventual outcome of his departure, she’d said so before.  But…  The thought already made him sick.  How could he say goodbye?

But she had wanted to see him.  The real him.  He could feel his heart pound and he growled again.  Perhaps she could help him even after-

 _No._   He shook his head.  _What good would that do her?_   To be involved in this war was the last thing he wanted to put her through.

But that meant he cared about her…

A notification on her phone distracted him.  Checking the message, he saw a note from Knockout.  Caitlin woke and blearily sat up and looked at the phone with him.

“What’s it say?”  Her hair was knotted on the side where she slept, making him chuckle at the sight.

“Knockout has invited us to go see a movie…”

She yawned, eyes barely staying open.  “Oh.  …Well, what movie?  When?”

“He says …it’s a drive-in theater.  He wants to collect us in an hour.”  The corner of his mouth drew to the side in a sneer.

She blinked slowly, still shaking the sleep.  “Yeah, sure, I guess.”

Starscream scrunched his nose.  “Must we?”

She smiled, stretching.  “We must.”

\--

 

An hour later, Starscream was less than enthused about this excursion.

“Oh don’t be such a sourpuss,” Knockout chided.  “I’ve got a real treat planned for you both.”

“I haven’t been to a drive-in in ages,” Caitlin chirped merrily.  She swayed excitedly in the seat as Knockout revved.

“I’ve got a nice one in mind.  Nice and dark skies, but a bit warmer climate.  Should arrive in a couple hours.”

Starscream raised a brow.  “Two hours by your speed or by the legal limit?”

Knockout just laughed as his spun his tires and sped down the road.

 

The drive was nice, Caitlin thought.  Knockout was fast, but the ride was smooth, traveling over highways with ease.  Not as many sharp turns to jostle the passengers about this time.  Starscream maintained his cross-armed and cross-faced look until Knockout lowered the windows for a little breeze.  It was more comforting than he’d ever own up to.

About half an hour into the drive, Caitlin leaned up to direct her attention to the steering wheel.  “Do you pick up radio signals?”

“I pick up AM, FM, XM, or anything you want.”

She grinned.  “You mind putting on some tunes, then?  I hate quiet car rides.”

“Preference?”

“I’m curious to see what you like.  Do you like any Earth music?”

The next sound to fill the car was the sound of a guitar riff.  Caitlin beamed, reclining and bobbing gently to the beat.  “Now you’re speaking my language…”

Starscream poorly concealed a chuckle.

“Who knew a little music was all it took to erase that scowl?”

He immediately soured again.

“Ugh.  Lighten up, commander.”

“I’m not your commander.  …Not anymore.”

Knockout winced internally.  “Sorry.  …But come on.  Let loose a little.  Try to enjoy your brief reprieve.”

Starscream glanced back at Caitlin, still bobbing.  “I’m not going to dance.”

“I didn’t ask you to,” he laughed.

As the song shifted into what Caitlin recognized as a classic rock anthem, she lit up.  Knockout grunted at the vigorous bouncing of her body as she started to sing the lyrics.

Starscream laughed.  “Oh, come on.  You can sing better than that.”

She glared at him but puffed her chest out, belting it out.  In response, Knockout chuckled warmly and increased the volume of the music.

When the song finished, a commercial started playing, which Knockout quickly silenced.  “You have a lovely voice, my dear.”

She beamed, shoulders hunching in a cute blush.  “Thank you.  I don’t get to use it as often as I used to.”

“You even made the little gray cloud over there smile,” he chuckled.  “You can sing as much as you want.”

She could hardly contain her grin, glancing over at Starscream, who was leaned on one hand with a partially hidden grin of his own.

 

The sun had just turned the sky a warm shade of pink by the time they reached their destination, and Jofy materialized in the driver’s seat. 

“I hope you don’t mind a little horror,” he purred, directing his gaze in the rear view mirror at Caitlin.

She nodded, gazing around the cars in line ahead of them to see the marquee.  “Wait…”  She squinted, straining to read the print from so far away as they inched forward.  “Is that what I think it is?”

Starscream remained silent, taking in the surroundings of this new situation.

Jofy laughed.  “What do you think it is?”

“Please tell me that says Repo: the Genetic Opera,” she cooed.

“Yes!”  Jofy lit up, dimples appearing in his cheeks.  “Have you seen it?”

She nodded emphatically, catching Starscream’s attention.  “I watched it a lot in college.  It’s been a few years since I saw it last, but it’s a favorite!”  She laughed and bounced.  “I hope you don’t mind if I sing along.”

“Please do,” he grinned.  “I’ll likely join you.”

As they pulled up to the window, Jofy reached into the glove compartment and pulled out cash to pay the admission.  As he pulled in between the speaker stands, he continued.

“I used to sing some of these songs when I was alone in the medical bay on the Nemesis,” he admitted.

Starscream raised a brow.  “Is that what the Eradicons were so upset about?”

The car shuddered with laughter.  “Probably.  A few were awake to hear me serenade their body as I worked on them.”

The dark grin made Caitlin shiver, shying away.

Starscream laughed.  “Well, whatever this movie is, I hope it’s good.  I’d hate to think that I’ve been dragged out here for senseless slag.”

Caitlin and Jofy both took offense.  She nudged him with her elbow, saying, “Have I ever let you down?”

He gave her a hesitant shake of his head.

The three chatted until the movie started, causing a cheer among the crowd around them.  Caitlin insisted they have the windows lowered, despite the nip in the air.  Knockout made sure the radio signal came in strong to listen in, grunting slightly as the pair in his back seat scooted closer together in the middle to get a better view of the screen.

Caitlin pressed into Starscream as the opening scene played out, trying to wrap an arm around him, but she pouted when he pulled away.  She tried several times, but each time he seemed to shrug her off.  She noticed his eyes flash to Jofy, and she sagged, putting it together.  _He doesn’t want Jofy to know?  What is there to know?  What_ does _Star think of me?_

Jofy snickered to himself, glancing back.  “She looks a little cold, Starscream.  Why don’t you warm her up?”

Grumbling, he obliged, snaking an arm around her and pulling their bodies flush together.

With a shy smile, she glanced up at Jofy, who nodded with a wink.  _He knows…_ With a gulp, she focused her attention back on the film screen.

Starscream couldn’t believe Knockout had noticed.  _Of course he did_.  Despite telling his former comrade he had developed feelings for the human, he was hesitant to _show_ any of them.  _That cheeky slagger…_   He could feel Caitlin nuzzle into his shoulder, making him cringe, but he sighed and ultimately allowed it.  He didn’t know just how to deal with these emotions yet, and he didn’t need any third party murking the waters further.

As he refocused, he realized he had no idea what was going on.  Caitlin did her best to explain the scene quietly before the next song.

When the three siblings started bickering in the movie, Starscream and Jofy exchanged nervous glances that were obvious enough for Caitlin to notice.  She didn’t mention it but wondered why they were so upset.

In truth, they were reminded of the infighting amongst the Decepticons.  Starscream felt especially uncomfortable since he never wanted Caitlin to learn what it was truly like for him during the war.  He made it a point to remain silent, for once.

As the film progressed, they each settled, enjoying the experience.  Starscream was surprised to recognize “Thankless Job” as a tune Knockout would hum quite frequently.  Jofy sang along quietly, sighing as it ended, grinning.  “Zydrate” was a hit for all three, as Jofy and Caitlin danced and sung along.

Starscream glanced sadly at Caitlin as he listened to “Chase the Morning.”  The situation reminded him of her.  How she had been suppressed by her family.  How she didn’t allow herself freedom…

By the time the final performance started for Blind Mag, Starscream had slowly, nearly imperceptibly, cuddled up to Caitlin, surrounding her in a hug with his chin on her head.  Jofy pretended not to notice.  Caitlin hummed the tune, making Starscream smile, and he closed his eyes to listen.

At the final lyrics of the song, he snapped his eyes open as he processed what he just heard.  He looked up just in time to see Mag pulling out her own eyes.  He winced and gagged as Mag was cut down and impaled, making Caitlin ask if he’s alright.  He shushed her and nodded, but pulled Caitlin tighter to him.

Jofy watched them carefully as the movie came to a close, neither of them noticing his attention had shifted.

Caitlin appeared… teary.  He wasn’t sure why until she looked up at Starscream.

“I didn’t know I’d love you so much…”  She sang quietly.

Starscream looked down, surprised to meet her gaze, he turned away quickly.

“…but I do.”

Jofy remained silent, but his lips drew into a thin line.  _They’re in deep._

 

The drive-in cleared quickly, all the cars filing out in haste.  Caitlin and Starscream resumed seating positions at the opposite ends of the backseat while Jofy remained in the driver seat.

“Good movie,” he started, attempting to break the ice.

Starscream grunted in assent.

Caitlin smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes.  “Thank you for bringing us out here.”

“You’re welcome.”  He glanced at Starscream.  “You falling asleep back there?”

“No, no.  I’m just… thinking.”  Starscream sighed, leaning on his fist.

“That’s all you ever do,” he mused.  “Since we have a couple hours to kill…  Do you like any human music, Starscream?”

“Hm?  Why?”

“I picked the music before.  Now it’s your turn.”

Caitlin’s gaze narrowed on Starscream, interested in his answer.

“I don’t really care…”  He glanced at Caitlin.  “I suppose anything that she can sing to.”  He smiled softly at her before closing his eyes.

Knockout laughed, Jofy fading back into nothing.  “I can arrange that.”

Without asking, Caitlin wasn’t sure what song he’d start up.

Then she blushed and burst out laughing as she heard the opening bars of “Can You Feel the Love Tonight.”

Starscream grumbled and Knockout was ready to switch the song, his little joke finished, but Caitlin started singing anyway.

 _Humans love Disney_ , Knockout thought.

Starscream hid his face, feeling embarrassed.  His emotion had been laid bare by music during the movie and now he had to deal with Knockout’s torment.  As he peeked between his fingers, he smiled at how happy Caitlin seemed.

_I’m in too deep._


	22. Southward Turn

Caitlin had nodded off around halfway back.  Knockout was hesitant to let her sleep, mentioning his distaste for human saliva.  Starscream growled, insisting she doesn’t do that.

“I thought you wanted her to rest, anyway,” he grumbled.

Knockout sighed.  “I do.  But you should rest, too.  You need to take care of yourself if you’re going to survive the reversal.”

Starscream only rolled his eyes.

“I’m serious.”

“I’m fine,” he asserted with a snort.

“No, you’re not.  Have you slept at all?”

“…Not much,” he admitted with reluctance.

“Starscream, humans need sleep as a part of the repair cycle.  It’s how the brain and body repair and strengthen itself.”

He only huffed, clearly not interested in advice as he crossed his arms.

Knockout rumbled his engine.  “You don’t understand, you need the rest-“

“You need to keep your _nose_ out of this!”  He hissed, but upon noticing Caitlin stirring, appearing uncomfortable, he calmed himself.  “If I need you, I’ll ask.”

Knockout rumbled again, but didn’t speak.

 

As they neared the apartment, Starscream had drooped, nearly dozing.  Righting himself as he recognized his surroundings, he prepared to gather Caitlin to carry her in.

“Starscream,” Knockout spoke, surprisingly flat in his tone.

“Hm?”

“You know I want you live, right?”

He was completely caught off guard.  “I…  What for?  I …I told you-“

“I know I don’t need to remind you, but the change you went through…  You had a lot of help.  Well, _help_ is a strong word.  But you get my point.  But I can’t give you the same set up that Shockwave had to keep you alive.  I need you to be strong enough to survive turning you back into yourself.  I can’t even be sure I can put you under safely once the process starts.  I don’t know how to anaesthetize a human, or even a human/Cybertron hybrid.  As far as I know, this process…  It’ll be painful.”

Starscream closed his eyes as he listened.  Biting his lip, not ready to deal with the reality of the horrors he still needed to face, he shuddered.

“I don’t mean to scare you…”

“I know,” he whispered quickly.  “Just…  It’s harder than I think you could ever understand.”

“Sleeping?”

“Being human, you lugnut!”  He covered his mouth as Caitlin twitched.  He straightened himself, sighing.  “She needs to go to bed.”

“Can you see the toll this has taken on her?”

Starscream paused to take in the appearance of her face, a shadow of the vibrant woman that initially took him in.

Knockout didn’t wait for the reply.  “ _You_ look worse.”

Starscream bit back the hot tears forming.

“I know you probably won’t listen to me.  You never have before,” he laughed.  “But…  Just try to build up your strength.  No good finding the solution to your problem if you won’t survive the treatment.”

Starscream only nodded, carefully cradling Caitlin into his arms.  She stretched and wrapped herself around his neck and his heart thumped so hard against his chest, he was sure Knockout heard it.  Thankfully, the medic remained quiet as he carried the sleeping form out and to the door of the apartment.  Suspicion took hold of him as he turned and watched the car silently pull away and head into the night.

“Something’s wrong,” he thought out loud.

“…Are we going to hang out here all night?”

His eyes snapped to the _supposedly_ sleeping girl in his arms.  “How long have you been awake?”

She opened one eye and lifted a brow.  “Long enough.  …He just cares, you know.”

“You don’t know him like I do.”  He scrounged for the key on her keyring, opening the door.  Locking it behind them once inside, he looked back to her.  “Something is wrong.  He isn’t the kind to give free advice.”

“Maybe it’s because you really do look awful,” she joked.

“I could drop you.”

“You won’t,” she grinned.

He glared, legitimately contemplating it.  With a sigh, he brought her to the stairs, carrying her to her room.

“I knew you wouldn’t,” she purred smugly.

 _I will not tolerate this_ , he thought, and promptly tossed her onto the bed.

She cackled the whole time, rolling over to see him walking out.  She reached out and pulled him back by his arm.  “Stay.”

 _Stay_.  That was a word he’d struggled with all night.  No, if he was honest, much longer.

“Get some sleep,” he grumbled.

“I will…”  She held onto his arm tighter, pulling again.  “I just want you to sleep _with_ me.”

He turned, raising a brow at the innuendo.

“I mean _sleep_.  Not really up for any funny business tonight,” she punctuated her sentence with a yawn.

He watched her put on her best pleading face, batting her eyelids.  Rolling his eyes, he stripped off his shirt.  “Shall I change first?”

She let go as he pulled off the garment.  “Sure.  Just come back.”

He left the room to change into his pajamas, his mind replaying her words.

_Stay_

_Just come back_

He felt like he’d swallowed rocks and now they ground at his core.  The weight on his spark increased with each replay of those words.  _If I still have a spark,_ he lamented _._

When he returned to the darkened bedroom, he paused in the doorway, observing Caitlin as she slept in the bed.  He turned to walk back downstairs to the couch, rethinking his choice.

“Uh-uh,” she chided, patting the bed without looking.

“I’m never going to trust you again.”  He slowly sat on the bed before she practically tackled him down.

“You shouldn’t,” she joked.

“Don’t make this weirder than it has to be.”

“What’s weird about this?”  She seemed genuinely confused.

“I don’t …sleep with people.  Others.”

“You don’t want to?”

“I do- uh…”  He closed his mouth tightly, voice breaking in a whimper.

She sat up, touching his shoulder gently.  “You don’t have to do this.  I just thought that you might actually get some sleep.  You seem calm when we sleep in the same bed.”

He forlornly looked down at her as she brought her hand to his cheek.  He covered her hand with his, closing his eyes to lean into the touch.

She was worried.  More than worried.  She felt the emotion in the tension of his face and, on impulse, pressed a kiss to his lips.

He shivered, his whole body seeming to be oversensitized.  He felt like a charge was arcing across his skin.

“Are you ok?”  She pressed a hand to his forehead to test for fever, concern rising.

“No,” he whispered, no voice escaping his throat.  He placed a hand on her neck and held her head to his, trembling.

Not fully understanding, she tried to pull away, but he held fast.  After several moments dragged by, she gently coaxed him to lie down, not separating herself from him.  He seemed to agree to this, following her until they both lay on their sides, facing each other.  Slowly, he could feel her grip loosen as she relaxed into sleep.  So close, he could actually feel the difference in her deepening breaths as she slept, reassuring him that she was genuinely asleep this time.

He tried to banish the conflict within his mind and spark, his closeness to her not helping.  As he shuddered from a particularly strong wave of emotion, she grunted.

He focused on the sound of her breathing to be sure she remained asleep, but found comfort in the rhythmic rise and fall.  Rise and fall...  He closed his eyes, smiling as her breathing calmed his inner storm.

 

He wasn’t sure when he dozed off, but it was bright when he opened his eyes, making him groan.  Caitlin giggled, rattling his body due to proximity.

“Good morning,” he mumbled.

“It’s afternoon now.”

His eyes snapped open again, and he shook the sleep from his body as he rose to wipe his eyes.  _Afternoon?_   He glanced at the phone on the pillow to confirm.

“Sleep well?”

He gulped, surprised at himself.  “I… guess so.”  He sat there for another few seconds before he tried to roll his legs off the mattress.

“Nooooo,” she whined, pulling him back down.  “Stay here and cuddle.”

He flopped back down with a little “oompf” and turned to her.  “Cuddle?”

She shrugged, further tangling her hair.  “I just need cuddles.”

He pushed a lock of hair from her face with a smile, feeling her sigh as she shoved her cold toes under his legs.  He chuckled at the feeling of her feet rocking.  It was a behavior he’d noticed several times before, but right now, it only made him smile, filling him with protective feelings for her.

“Star?”

He looked at her, still grinning.

“I…”  The rest of the sentence caught in her throat, making her clamp her mouth shut and bury her face in his neck.

He started to ask what was wrong, but he felt her inhale deeply and he paused.

“You smell good.”

He laughed.  “What do I smell like that is so good?”

She thought for a moment.  “Well, you smell like your soap, which is nice.  It’s kind of… herbal.  But there’s something else…  Something darker…  That doesn’t make sense.”

“Darker?”

“It’s, well, sort of like the smell of blood…”

“Blood?”  _Should I be concerned?_

“I mean, kind of.  I can’t quite pinpoint it.  But I find it comforting.”

“So…  Should I be concerned?  Is a human supposed to smell like that?”

“Well, I mean I’ve only ever smelled one other person who…”  She paused, the pieces falling into place.  “You smell like my grandfather’s workshop.”

“What does that mean?”

“Oh my gosh, I can’t believe you smell like his shop.”  She excitedly inhaled again.  “But it totally makes sense.”

“Once again, should I be worried?”

“No!  No, it’s good, it’s…  You smell like metal and earth and oil…  No wonder I like the way you smell.”  She giggled, kissing the soft flesh of his throat.  “My grandfather would make his own wagons and harnesses for his mules.  In the shop, he’d weld and work with metals and build.  He’d come back inside covered in oil and grease and metal shavings.  That’s exactly what you smell like.”

As he listened to her explain, he felt a twinge of sympathy.  He could tell that she loved her grandfather deeply.

He also made a mental note to ask about mules.

“So I smell like metal?”

“Yes,” she hummed.

He let out a happy sigh.  “I’m …glad.”

They remained there for a few more minutes, enjoying each other before rising to greet what remained of the day.  After lunch, Starscream tried to contact Knockout, but after several messages and multiple calls, all of which went unanswered, he started to panic.

“He’s been captured.  Caught.  I know it.”

“I’m sure he’s just not in a place where he can talk right now.”

“No, because then he would have sent a message.  He’s been caught and we’re next.”  He paced relentlessly around the small apartment.

The notification on the phone made him jump as he scrambled over to read it.

_I can’t talk right now and probably won’t for a few days.  Keep working without me and I’ll be back when I can._

“That sounds like he’s been questioned.”

Caitlin nodded, but watched another text come in before she could speak.

_Stay away from any ambulances you don’t know._

“That sounds ominous…”

Starscream wasn’t listening as he resumed pacing.

Caitlin huffed and grabbed his arms to make him stop.  “Please, take a couple deep breaths and calm down.”

He glared, but stilled in her grasp.  When she was sure he would remain, she let go.

“Look, I’m gonna go to the store.  Do you want anything?”

His nose wrinkled in frustration, but he shook his head with a sigh.  “Just hurry back.”  He had a distinct feeling that things were starting to go wrong.  _Just as they always do._

She nodded, offering him a half-smile before gathering her keys to leave.

 

Caitlin tried to keep her anxiety at bay, but as she waited in line at the grocery store, her thoughts continually drifted back to the danger of being caught.  Images of Star or Knockout’s capture by the government swirled in her head.  Interrogation.  Experimentation.

A hand on her shoulder pushed her forward to the counter and back into reality.  She gasped and apologized to the other customers as she purchased her items.

She tried to focus only on the task at hand as she walked to her car to load the bags.  Once in the car, she cranked the music to distract herself from the growing dread in her heart but groaned as the gas light flicked on.

She pulled over into a gas station to fill up, sighing as she tiredly stood with the pump in the opening.

“Excuse me,” came a voice from the other side of the pump.

Startled, she nearly pulled the nozzle out of her car.  “Y-yes?”

A stocky man peeked around to her.  “I didn’t mean to startle you.”

“It’s fine, I’ve, um… Had a lot on my mind lately.”  She took a moment to observe the man that approached her.  Slightly taller than her, white hair streaked with red, and dressed in a lab coat and scrubs- the man was far from threatening.

“Pardon the interruption, but perhaps you can tell me where to find a friend of mine.”  He shifted uncomfortably, making Caitlin smile at his awkwardness.  He clearly wasn’t used to this sort of social interaction.  “He drives a red sports car with purple detailing on the sides.”

Her blood froze along with the rest of her.  “Never seen anything like that.”

“Not even a red car?  Oh, uh…”  He peered over at her red vehicle.  “Nevermind.”  He started to walk away, but turned, squinting.  “You look familiar…”

It was a statement, not a question.  Feeling anxious, she bit her lip and shook her head, finishing with the pump and hopping back into her car, not looking back.

He stood and watched her drive away, face unreadable.  Once she was far gone, he turned and walked back to the ambulance waiting around the corner.

 

Once home, Caitlin rushed in, practically jumping on Starscream when she saw him with his back turned in the dining room.

He gasped but restrained the impulse to tackle the intruder once he recognized her soft sobbing on his back.   “What happened?”

She wanted to talk to him, tell him about the man at the gas station, but she locked up.

Gently, he peeled her hands from him to turn around and cradle her face.  “What happened?  What’s wrong?”

She couldn’t stop sobbing long enough to say anything.

He patiently waited as she tried to calm down, but as she started to sway, he lifted her effortlessly onto the table to sit.  “Is this about me?”

She shrugged.  _Yes and no._

“Are you alright?  Have you been hurt?”

She shook her head.

“Will you tell me once you’ve calmed down?”

She nodded, glancing back at the open door.  He followed her line of sight and nodded.

Once the door was shut and locked, he returned to her.

She tried to say something, most of the sobs subsiding, but it was inaudible.  When he asked her to repeat, she wiped her face, laughing.  “I left… the groceries.  In the car.”

He sighed heavily, turning around to go back out and retrieve the bags in the backseat.  When he finished putting everything away, he saw that she had moved to the couch, sitting in a ball.

“You feel like talking?”

She nodded.  “I’m… scared.  I started thinking about what-ifs and…  I just-“ she took a deep breath to keep from starting again.  “Somebody asked about Knockout.”

Starscream’s hair raised.  “Who?”

“Some guy in a lab coat.  I don’t know him.  But…  He thought he knew me.”

Starscream snarled.  “What did he say?”

She did her best to recount the brief conversation.

“I don’t recognize the description, but that means little.  I don’t have many humans in my past worth recognizing.”  He winced, glancing at her.  She seemed blissfully unaware of the slight.  “I doubt we have much time left…”

She sniffed, wiping her face again.  “I want to work today.  Tonight.  Whatever it takes.”

His lips parted in surprise.  “Are you certain?”

She nodded.  “I want you…  I just want you to be safe.”

He swallowed the lump in his throat, turning away quickly.  “You can’t…  You’re not responsible for that.”

“I know.  I _do._   …But you’ll be safer in your own body, right?”

He nodded.

“So let’s go.  Let’s work.  We still have to map some genes and make sure the nanites know when to stop following the conversion protocol, right?”

He sighed, feeling uncomfortable.  “I’m not used to this,” he murmured to himself.

“What?”

“N-nothing.  Let’s go.”

 

The pair barely spoke in the car.  The only sound for miles was the radio.  Starscream tried to reconcile his host’s protective impulses, but squawked loudly as Caitlin made a wrong turn.

“Have you forgotten the way,” he blurted.

“No,” she answered briskly, shoulders tense.  “But one of the last things Knockout said was to stay away from ambulances I don’t know.  And we don’t have ambulances like _that_ around here.”  She glanced in the rear view mirror at the white and orange vehicle behind them.  “That one’s been following us for a couple miles.”

Starscream glanced at the vehicle, a feeling of dread settling over him.  At the sight of the emergency vehicle, he shrieked, lowering himself in the seat.

She glanced at him, eyes wide.  “You know that one?”

He nodded, slowly rising in the seat after realizing Ratchet would not recognize him in this form.  “Shake him if you can.”

Caitlin nodded, staring at the road.  She tried to recall some of the loops and connecting roads in the area, ignoring the creeping fear touching her spine.  Turn after turn, the ambulance disappeared only to emerge once more in the mirrors.  Caitlin could feel panic rising, making increasingly brazen decisions, and getting honked at by other motorists as she cut them off.  Seeing an intersection ahead, she floored it, barely making the yellow light before turning to red.  The pursuer screeched to a halt, barely stopping short of impacting intersecting traffic.

Starscream glanced at her while gripping the seat and dashboard.  He wasn’t used to this erratic behavior from her.  As he scanned her form, he noticed the tremors in her face and arms.  Clearing his throat, he stated, “We can’t go to the lab now.  Let’s just go out to eat somewhere.  I doubt he will keep up the pursuit if we go nowhere of interest.”  He used his best in-control, commanding voice, hoping his false confidence would ease her anxiety.

She nodded, not willing to speak.  When she pulled into the restaurant parking lot, she looked around and prayed they were alone.  After several minutes, she finally turned to Starscream, inhaling.  “Should we tell Knockout?”

Starscream shook his head.  “I’m sure they’re monitoring him closely.”  When he saw her visibly tense, he added, “But I’m sure he’s fine.”

After a few more minutes of silence, she’d steeled herself enough to get out of the car.  They walked into the restaurant, choosing to sit in a corner where they could see anyone who might walk in.  They ate in relative silence, remaining vigilant, even as they returned to the car.

The ambulance never returned, and neither really felt like talking once they were in the relatively safe walls of the apartment.  They each sat, working quietly and independently for the evening.

When Caitlin retreated upstairs for bed late into the night, she was glad to have Starscream join her minutes later.


	23. Surveillance

Starscream’s mind had been turning all night.  He needed to find a way for the work to continue without Knockout.  He already feared the Autobots knew where Caitlin lived, but he wasn’t sure if they knew about the lab.  He suspected it was only a matter of time before Ratchet or Fowler found the hidden space and his secret would be revealed.  He refused to think about what they’d do when they found him.

_Or Caitlin._

He shivered, shaking the thought loose.  As Caitlin emerged from her room, dressed for the day, Starscream passed her a bowl of cereal.

“Eat.  We’re going to be working hard today and I need you at your best.”

She took it with a perplexed look.  “What do you mean?”

He watched her hesitantly eat the cereal before explaining.  “We’re going to move the lab.”

She nearly spat the milk in shock.  “We’re _what_?”

“Moving the lab,” he reiterated.  “We simply can’t risk Knockout leading anyone to the workspace.  Intentionally or otherwise.  I suspect Ratchet has been tracking his movements of late.  It’s probably why he cut us off.  He realized the Autobots were tracking his energy signature.  If we had been able to salvage some of the cloaking device from the Nemesis…”  He trailed off, shaking his head.  “Just… follow my lead today.”

She gulped but nodded.  “It’ll have to be multiple trips.  I don’t have enough trunk space in my car for all that equipment.”

“We won’t have to move it all,” he assured.  “Just the essentials.  The datapad, nanosurgery kit, and centrifuge…  The needles.  Perhaps a few other things.  We will also probably need a plan to scrub the existing lab if it does get discovered.”

She swallowed thickly.  “So are we bringing all this here?”

“No.  I’ve selected another location where we will set up shop.  One of the other options that Knockout had selected.  He can find it, but the Autobots haven’t likely sent any surveillance to that location yet.”

She nodded, finishing her bowl and setting it in the sink.  “Let’s do it.  I’m ready.”

\--

The move was hard, some of the equipment being too heavy to lift for Caitlin, leaving Starscream to do most of the lifting.  She apologized profusely, but he reminded her that she was driving and still helped him more than he could have expected.

As they scanned the darkened space one last time, Starscream insisted on leaving an encrypted message for Knockout with the location of their new lab in Decepticon code.

The mysterious ambulance never surfaced as they transferred the machinery, much to Caitlin’s relief.  Starscream did his best to direct her to the desired location, but his less-than-accurate human brain led him to several wrong turns.  He swore several times before they arrived at the dark structure in the relative seclusion of a valley in the rural Blue Ridge Mountains.  The new location was even more sparse than before, hidden in a collapsing barn.  Starscream mentioned that they’d need a generator for power at this location, but Caitlin assured him it wouldn’t be difficult to obtain since she could either go get one from her family or buy one of her own.

The floor was much more stable, though the holes in the roof presented its own issues.  Caitlin promised to get tarps to cover the holes and/or equipment.  Their work was too important to leave at the mercy of the weather.

After adjusting the space, placing the electric devices under the least damaged portion of roofing, they decided to go get some lunch, Caitlin remaining vigilant of her rear-view all the while.

Fast food was on the menu, allowing them to keep working without taking much break.  On the way back to the barn Caitlin stopped to buy tarps, hammer and nails, and a ladder.  She tried to climb up to place the tarps, but shrieked and froze when the ladder swayed on a broken board.  Starscream traded with her and finished up just before a light drizzle started.

Unable to do much more, the pair decided that they had done enough for the day and retreated back to the apartment long before dark.

They each breathed a sigh of relief in the home, muscles sore as they reclined together onto the couch

.

When there came a knock at the door, they both gasped.

Caitlin rose and peeked through a crack in the curtains to see the man she recognized as Agent Fowler.  Gasping, she turned, wide-eyed to Starscream.  Her heart pounded as she whispered desperately for him to hide.  In a flash, he turned and bolted out the back door silently.

Gathering her courage, she straightened and opened the front door.

“Mr. Fowler, hello!  Um, what brings you back here?”

His face was hard to read with his eyes dark and jaw set.  “I think we both know why I’m here, miss.”

She could feel her blood pressure drop.  “I don’t understand.”

Two more men emerged from somewhere behind Fowler, cutting off any attempt at escape for the woman as they crowded her.

“Wait, what is this?” She stared wide-eyed at the men as her heart pounded loudly in her ears.

“I’m going to bring you in for questioning if you don’t allow us to speak to Star.”

“Star isn’t here.  And he hasn’t done anything…”  She glanced at the taller men surrounding her.  “You can’t do this.”

“I’m afraid I have to.”  He signaled to the men and as they nodded, one grabbed Caitlin’s arms to hold her in place as the other searched the apartment.

Caitlin struggled, flailing and kicking at the man but her efforts were of little use against the sturdy man.  He made little effort to stop her, simply holding her safely in place until the other man came back to report the apartment was clear.

“Where is he, Caitlin?”  Fowler leaned in, face hard despite his eyes appearing sympathetic.

“I don’t know,” she asserted.  She took deep breaths, trying to keep her emotions in check as she focused on the situation and how to keep Star safe.

“Then what about Knockout?”

“Who?”  She tried her best innocent look and felt shocked when it looked like he bought it.

He sighed and ordered the men to take her in.  Struggling as hard as she could, there was no way to break out of the iron grasp as she was placed in the back of a black car and blindfolded.

“I do hope you don’t get car sick.”

 

She couldn’t be sure of where they were headed, but a buzzing sound and bright light stood out to her as they traveled in the car.  She tried to remain quiet, fear paralyzing her, but as the entire vehicle seemed to vibrate and hum with the light enveloping them, she couldn’t stop a sickening groan as her body felt like it was buzzing along with it.  When the blindfold was removed, she thought the location looked more like a warehouse than the police or government building that she expected.

She was led into a small room built into the wall that looked more like what she expected to see with a small blacked out window and one door.  Though she was never bound, she knew better than to think she might get away as she was asked to have a seat at the empty table in the middle of the room.  A voice from outside caught her attention.

“Any answers yet?”

She thought he sounded familiar, but she couldn’t place the voice just yet.

“No.  She refused to hand over Star but she seemed not to recognize Knockout.”

“Good.  Keep prodding.  …Gently.”

Fowler turned to her, making her flinch.  “Look,” he started, relaxing a little as he slumped into a chair across from her.  “It’s my job to help keep people like you safe.  The quicker you cooperate and provide honest answers, the quicker I can let you get out of here.”

She bit her lip, suspicious. “What do you want to know?”

“Tell me about the red car that I know has been parked at your place.”

She heard something moving outside the room, hoping that Knockout would know she’d never betray him or Starscream.  Taking a risk, she tried to take a page from Starscream’s book- half-truths.  “I…  I do know the car.  And the driver.”

Fowler leaned in.  “You can tell me anything you know.  No matter how ridiculous or crazy it seems, I will listen.  You have my word.”

She nodded.  “I know.  But… the truth is I just met the guy at a bar one night.  Even though I was out with Star, he was just too pretty to ignore.”  Another muffled sound from outside made her giggle as she imagined Knockout’s face at the comment.  “So we talked and he offered me a ride home when I’d had a little too much to drink.  After that, we started hanging out.  Going to movies.  Just… friend stuff.”

Fowler frowned.  “That’s…  not what I expected.”  He stood and walked to the door.  “Excuse me.”

Caitlin looked nervously up at the guards who ignored her shy smile.  When Fowler returned rolling his eyes, he sat back down.

“So who was it that you said drove this car?”  He slid another image of Knockout to Caitlin on the table.

“Jofy.  I never got a last name,” she admitted, “but he’s got bright red hair and a killer smile.”  She smiled while remembering the night they met.

“And he’s… human?”

She laughed, “Yeah.”

Seeing her mirth seemed to settle something in the interrogator.  “Why didn’t you mention him before?”

“Honestly, I didn’t know then if he was a street racer.  He mentioned racing and I didn’t want to get him in trouble because he’s been so nice.”

Fowler pursed his lips.  “Then please enlighten me about Star.”

She shrugged.  “He was someone I met in college.  Not as a student, but he had visited the campus.  He was wandering around dazed one night behind my apartment and I recognized him.  I helped him out and he’s just having trouble getting back on his feet.  It’s just in my nature to help people,” she shrugged.

“So…  Why didn’t you tell me _that_ before?”

“What do you mean?”  She tried her best to seem innocent once more.

“I’m going to be blunt. We received word that you and Star were discussing aliens and we’ve seen a spike in internet searches for the topic from your IP address.”

“Oh,” she sputtered.  “I was trying to figure out if Star was abducted by aliens,” she whispered.  “It’s so silly now that I look back at it,” she laughed nervously.  “I have a friend who is convinced fairies are real and she thought he was one.  I thought aliens.  I’m really a bit of a nerd at heart.  I like to chase the strange and supernatural.  You know, those youtube rabbit holes.”

He glanced back at the blacked out window.  “So what of his history?”

“I don’t know much.  He is very private. Honestly, I really don’t know.”

“Do you think he’s an alien?”

“NO,” she laughed heartily _.  I know he is._

“So you weren’t talking about Star or “Jofy” _being_ an alien?”

“Pfft, no.  We were probably talking about a movie.  We marathoned the Alien movies one night and got into some weird discussions.  …Though I think maybe there was some confusion about whether Star was here legally at first.  He isn’t native to the US.  So I guess he’s an alien in that sense.”

The room was quiet again until the voice from outside rang out loudly, “Send her home.”

 

In the black car once again, she was blindfolded, but there was a significantly gentler approach from Fowler.

“Sorry about the rough treatment.  In my line of work I’m used to deception.”

“It’s alright,” she lied.  “I suppose I’m not supposed to mention this encounter to anyone?”

He grunted in assent.  “You’ll also be under supervision until we can confirm your story.”

The bright flash pierced the dark cloth on her eyes once more as her body thrummed in sync with whatever energy produced the light.  Within minutes she was let out of the car in front of her home once more.  Smiling and waving off concerns from Fowler, she rushed inside, bolting the door.  She collapsed against it in a silent sob, allowing the anxiety to bubble to the surface after suppressing it for so long.

After several minutes of soothing herself, she rose to search for Starscream.  He wasn’t downstairs, and as she searched her room and the rest of the apartment, she tried to bite back the feeling of dread.  Curling up on the couch, she decided to wait for his return.

\--

Back at the base, Knockout swelled with pride at Caitlin’s ability to keep relatively cool despite the circumstances.  He also enjoyed sticking it to a sour senior medical officer.

“I told you it was nothing more than a human friendship.”

Ratchet groaned and pinched his brow ridge as Fowler returned through the ground bridge.  “Knockout, we are supposed to keep a low profile.”

“Which I do.  She knows nothing of what I really am, she’s never heard of Cybertron or my real name, and besides…  I want to know more about humans.  Since we are supposed to protect them and all.”

“If you wanted to know more about humans you could have asked Jack or Miko or Raph.  Even Fowler!”

“I’d rather have a completely unbiased experience,” he shrugged.  “That, and well, none of the humans of Unit E like me much.”

“Don’t forget the reason,” Fowler interrupted.

Knockout flinched, but turned to address the man on the platform.  “I’ve been trying to prove myself, but that’s difficult to do with little opportunity presented to me.  How can I succeed without being set up for success in the first place?”

Fowler’s jaw jutted forward in thought.  “Ratchet?”

The medic sighed.  “As much as I would love to have a reason to stop this… relationship, I can find none at the moment.”  He leveled a harsh gaze at the sports car.  “However I caution you to keep the interactions you have with her brief and never allow her to know about your root mode.”

“Understood,” he waved the comment off.  “I thought you’d be proud of me for trying to understand this species,” he muttered, walking away.

Ratchet tried to mull over these enlightening events.  Knockout had been fraternizing with a human.  Multiple.  And however convincing his holoform may be, he knew that the more time he spent among the humans, the more likely it would be that he would slip up and someone would learn the truth.  Oh, and then there was the theft of some medical equipment.

“What about my missing tools,” he called out.

Knockout stopped and shrugged.  “I get bored.  I _was_ the chief Decepticon medic.”

Ratchet’s gaze softened slightly.  “Wait a couple days to visit her again.”

Knockout nodded, the corner of his mouth lifting in a smirk.  “Will do.”

“And bring back my equipment!”

\--

Caitlin awoke in the morning and found that Starscream still had not returned.  She thought to go look for him in the woods but upon glancing at the time she swore in a stream of obscenities.  Scrambling to get ready for work, she promised herself that she’d look for him when she got home but made sure to leave the back door unlocked just in case.

The work day couldn’t move fast enough.  After receiving warnings for her tardy behavior and excessive call outs, she knew she couldn’t expect to hold this job much longer.  The anxiety of her financial jeopardy mingled with her fear of something happening to Starscream and made her completely unable to focus.

She nearly ran a red light on her way home, not paying attention to the outside world, but to the inner storm of her mind that seemed to drown out all outside influence.

Starscream wasn’t in the apartment.

The weather had started warming early this year, leading to cool rain showers in the afternoon.  She feared he might catch something if he was out in the open somewhere.  She scoured the woods in the surrounding area, finding nothing.  She sat on the couch, still wet from searching in the rain that evening, and wrapped in a blanket.  She hoped tonight he might return.

 

When morning came, she was still alone.

 

The day passed in a haze.

She worked.

She came home.

She waited.

 

When the alarm on her phone went off in the morning, she was still alone.  Feeling empty, she shut off the device and tried to get ready for work.  Uniform on and pulling her hair back, she suddenly realized that it wasn’t a day she was scheduled for work.

“At least I realized this now.  Before I was in the car,” she grumbled to herself.

Walking back upstairs to put on loungewear, she paused when she heard her phone alert her to a call.  The ringtone was a Eurobeat song with a fast tempo and caught her off guard.  Running to check it, she saw the caller and hiccupped a laugh.

“Please-“

“It’s Jofy,” he interrupted, putting emphasis on the name.

Taking this to mean the call is monitored, she paused.  “Hey, Jofy…  Long time no see.”

“I know, I know.  I’m sorry.  I’ve just been busy lately.  I’d like to meet up with you at the usual hangout today if you’re available.”

She pondered what he meant.  “I don’t really feel like leaving the house today…”

“What?  Why?”

“…Is Star with you?”

The call was silent for several seconds.  “Should I take that to mean he isn’t with you?  Did you check our hangout?”

She started to ask what he meant before it clicked.  “No, I haven’t.  Go look there, then come over.  We need to talk.”

“Understood.”

 

Knockout traveled to the secret lab with haste, scouring the area discretely.  He found the encrypted note left for him with the coordinates of the new lab.  Wondering if Starscream could be there, he headed out to the barn to find out.

When he found no sign of the former-jet, he called Caitlin back in concern.

“He’s not at either location.”

“Jofy, I’m scared.”

“You can relax.  This com is private.”

“I’m just…  I can’t help but panic right now.  Where is he?”

“He’s likely nearby.  We just have to wait.”

 

Knockout came back to the apartment to sit with her.  He double checked for any surveillance before they spoke openly.

“So he just left?”

“I told him to hide…  He took off out the door.”  She curled up tightly next to the holoform.  “What if…  What if the ones who did this to him have him?”

Knockout’s avatar shuddered.  “He’s clever.  I’m sure that isn’t the case.”  He placed an arm around the human, doing his best to hide his own panic.

Knockout decided to get her some food to help ease her distress, ordering her a pizza so she wouldn’t have to be alone.  She laughed, noting that he wouldn’t be able to eat it, but he shrugged and assured her that he was happy to help a friend.

“You’re a sweetheart,” she cooed before biting into a slice.

“Only to people I like,” he joked.

Knockout decided to tell her that he’d been present for the interrogation.  He told her he was proud and filled her in on the presence of Ratchet.  She learned that his was the voice she’d heard, but she couldn’t yet identify why she thought he’d sounded so familiar.  He also shared that when Fowler had left the room, he’d shown them his holoform, of which the two were previously unaware.

“It did my spark some good to see their faces,” he chuckled.

Caitlin was just glad to know she’d had help.

 

The two waited for Starscream together well into the afternoon and evening, bantering and watching a few movies. Knockout eventually bid her goodnight for fear of Ratchet lecturing him if he were to spend the night with the human.

 

Another morning, another day of worrying.

Despite the previous warnings, she called out of work, knowing that she would be completely useless in this emotional state.  She could only pray that she still had her job after all this was over.  She munched on the last slices of the pizza from Knockout for lunch, and kept her eyes on her phone and the doors.

Knockout texted her to ask how she was doing, and she answered him with the truth.  She felt like shit.  The anxiety and poor sleep schedule were taking a devastating toll.  She thought she might get sick if this continued much longer.  Knockout offered sympathy and offered to help when he could.  He made sure to continue keeping a look out for any signs of the missing commander.

 

As the sun went down, the rain started, causing a cold snap that could lead to freezing rain later in the night.  She felt dazed and empty as she sat on the couch, meal forgotten in the haze.  She felt her eyes closing, too heavy to remain open.  She fought against it, but the rhythm of the rain outside was too hypnotic for her weakened body.

Her sleep was plagued by shadowy figures restraining Starscream’s body to torture and maim him.  Some forms were human, others were decidedly _not_.

 

A sneeze snapped her awake.

The odd and violent dreams still replayed behind her eyelids as she sat up, rubbing her face.  A dark shadow in her kitchen made her gasp loudly.  It looked so much like the evil in her dream.

When the figure sneezed again, water droplets spraying off in different directions, she reached for her phone, shining the flashlight on the intruder.

The sight of a tall, slender man wiping his nose made her eyes water as she dropped the phone to embrace the soggy shadow.

Starscream grunted and returned the embrace, holding her tightly.

“Where were you?”  Her voice was small and breathless as she shook.

“I got lost,” he wheezed.  His body was rocked by Caitlin’s shallow laughter.  “I went too far and-,” he paused to sneeze again, “I got turned-round.”  He sniffled, hating his nose for this latest offense.

Caitlin chuckled quietly.  “Please cover your mouth when you sneeze.”  She flicked his nose with a false anger.  “I thought you were captured.  I dreamed about it.”

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, voice hoarse.  “At least I had clothes on this time.”


	24. Touch

Caitlin sighed deeply.  She was completely relieved to know that Starscream was home and safe.

Despite his arrival home happening in the wee hours of the morning, Caitlin busied herself helping Starscream and worked to get him warm and dry after his time in the chilling rain.

“This is kinda like how we met,” she mused, toweling his hair in the kitchen.

He laughed but grabbed his throat, showing discomfort.  “Why do I feel like I’ve swallowed a mouthful of sharp blades?”

She frowned, noting the coarser-than-usual sound of his voice.  Following instinct, she felt at his forehead with the back of her hand, noting an elevated temperature.  “You’re sick.  That’s why,” she groaned.

His shoes, now scuffed and caked in wet mud, left a trail through the kitchen to the chair where she commanded him to sit.  “Take off your shoes.  In fact, just strip.  Those wet clothes will do you no good.”

He chuckled, rasping, “You just like seeing me naked.”  As he grunted and sloughed the soaked shirt off onto the floor in a puddle, he saw Caitlin kneeling in front of him.

With a gentle smile, she placed a hand on his knee.  “Well, yes.  I always like seeing you naked.  But…”  She inhaled deeply, extending her reach to trail a hand down the damp skin of his arm.  “Star, I was worried about you.”

His shoulders sagged as he tilted his head.  Looking away, his lips twitched.  “I…  I suspected,” he rasped.  “I did try to come back.”

She winced at the worsening of the coarseness in his voice.  “God, you sound awful.”  She pulled him down, placing a hand behind his neck and leaned in to press her forehead to his.

“I _feel_ even worse if you can believe it.”  His body slumped slightly, swaying from exhaustion.

“I believe it.  I’m so sorry I couldn’t find you.”  She closed her eyes, biting back a wave of guilt.

He grunted in surprise.  “It’s alright.  Not the first or last time I’ll be on my own.”  He waved her off, reclining.  As he leveled his gaze at her once more, he showed concern.  “What, ah-” he tried to clear his throat fruitlessly, “What happened to you?”  Another sneeze followed by a swear interrupted his speech.  “Ugh, …Fowler-“

She pressed a finger to his lips and leaned back, wiping her face free of another wave of drowsiness.  “Fowler took me in for questioning.  They looked for you, but you weren’t here.  They took me somewhere while I was blindfolded.  Knockout and Ratchet were there during the interrogation, but not where I could see them.  Not in the same room.”  She exhaled loudly, forgetting how on-edge the past few days had been for them both as she tiredly continued.  “I didn’t tell them anything.  As far as Fowler knows, you’re just someone I watch alien movies with and Jofy is the owner of the red Aston Martin.  I said I met him at a bar,” she grinned.  “They seem to have bought it when Knockout showed them Jofy.”

Starscream smirked.  “And you thought you couldn’t lie.”  His pride outshone the shades of exhaustion under his eyes.

She giggled and sighed deeply.  “It wasn’t easy.  I think I’m more just… good at looking innocent,” she giggled again.  Sitting back , she practically glowed with accomplishment and relief.  “I’m just glad you’re home.”  Her smile shifted slightly, darkening.  Before he could ask, she spoke again.  “Now strip.”  She coaxed him up while he gave her a sidelong glance.  “Oh, come on.  Just get out of this so you can get dry.”

 

She helped him with his shoes while he worked on the pants.  He couldn’t resist pointing out how close she was to his naked form, earning him a light smack on the thigh.  Once the clothes were all piled in a wet heap on the kitchen floor, Caitlin threw a towel around his waist, though not before she had a self-indulgent look.

She coaxed him upstairs to get him into a warm shower, deciding to clean him off once she noticed how the mud had soaked through to his skin in places.  She had him wait by the door while she prepped the shower, testing that the water was warm.

“I’ve learned how to wash myself, you know,” he chuckled hoarsely.

She blushed, caught by surprise.  She turned to give him a shy smile.  “Right.  You have.”

His shoulders shook as he brought his hand up to his mouth in a silent laugh.  He tried to shoot another remark, but when he opened his mouth, his voice broke.  Upon opening his mouth to try again, it quit, making him lower his brows and frown in frustration.  Caitlin giggled, but as his distress grew as he tried fruitlessly to speak, she pressed a reassuring hand to his chest.

“Your voice will come back.  Once you’re done cleaning, I’ll get you some soup.”  Thinking quickly, she added, “Without noodles.”

He grinned, eyes half-lidded.  For a moment, she couldn’t tell if it was a seductive look or one of sleep, but as he yawned, she presumed the latter.

“Hop in before it’s cold,” she coaxed, gently pushing him.

He gave another sleepy grin and stepped into the shower, towel and all.

“Starscream!  The towel!”  She reached in to rip the swiftly soaking towel from his waist, getting thoroughly saturated herself.  He found this amusing, his bouncing shoulders the only sign of his laughter.  He ignored her cries and pulled her into the shower with him.  She sputtered angrily as the water splashed into her eyes and made her clothes stick together.  Though he remained silent, he continued to laugh, holding her fast to his chest and directly under the stream.

She glared up at him angrily, ready to berate him for his unnecessary behavior, but his uncharacteristically warm gaze was disarming.  She relaxed, putting her arms down to give up the fight and leaned in.

“Fine.  I give up.”  She gave him one last mock-glare before turning around in his arms and wrapping herself around him.  He returned the gesture, placing his head atop hers with some effort.

 _Now_ would _be the time I lose my voice,_ he thought.  In this private moment, he longed to tell her how he felt about her.  How he felt _safe_ with her.  How _he trusted_ her.  _How he missed her._

It felt like he’d been away far longer than a few days.

He clutched her to him tighter, cursing his cruel luck.  When he felt her lips press to his chest, his emotions only intensified.

She stood there with him, frozen, for longer than she meant to.  After feeling him start to slacken in his grip, she pulled back to look at him.

“I know you can wash yourself, but… would you allow me to do the honor?”

He nodded, closing his eyes.  _I trust you to care for me._

She massaged and rubbed away the cold and dirt and _ache_ from his body.  If he could, he would have purred.  After dodging detection, losing his way, and starving for days, this was exactly what he needed.

Caitlin was just happy to touch him.  To know and confirm that this was _real._

  _He was home_.

 

She washed his body slowly, thoughts drifting back to the day they met.  To when she’d seen him, injured and near-frozen in her yard.  To when she first saw his dark eyes as she dressed his injured hand as he recovered in her tub.  She grinned to herself, feeling warmth from within welling up inside her chest.

He glanced down at her, tapping her arm which had stopped moving.  She blushed, laughing lightly as she resumed the wash with an embarrassed blush.  Her hands spread the soapy cloth down his torso and legs before trailing up his backside, completely skipping his groin.  When he pouted, she gave him an unamused look.  When she was done pursing her lips, however, she raised a brow and passed the cloth to him.  He tried his best to make the act appealing for her, but he was too tired to accomplish any such thing.  When he was done and clean, she helped him wash his hair, debating what she would do with herself now that she was wet.

To her surprise, he answered for her and lifted her bottle of soap, offering to reciprocate wordlessly.  She raised her brows in surprise, but after a few seconds of thought, she shrugged and nodded.

Stripping out of her clothes was easier said than done.  She had fallen asleep that night without putting on her pajamas.  This meant she had a harder time pulling everything off, without it sticking, especially her bra.

Sighing and leaving the clothes in the tub for later, she turned back to Starscream.  She avoided his gaze, still feeling awkward about her naked body.

She watched him take the cloth and rinse it before tilting the soap bottle to squeeze what he thought to be a reasonable amount of soap onto the cloth.  When he started at her shoulder, shuffling her hair to the side, he noticed her look of discomfort.

“Is this alright?”

She snapped up, finally looking at him after hearing his forced whisper.  “Yes, sorry.”  She straightened.  “Old habits,” she noted with a shrug.

He hunched over her, pressing kisses to her jawline as he continued circling the cloth down her shoulder and arm.  She shivered as his hands meandered down her body, leaving suds sliding gently down her curves.  She sighed happily, not realizing how much she needed his touch.

When his lips met hers, she pulled back, drawing a concerned look from Starscream.

“You’re sick,” she started, but as he gave her his best equivalent of puppy-dog eyes, she relented.  “Oh…  Sick or not, I need you.”

She pulled him back to her, making him press a smile to her lips before they kissed.  Her hands locked onto his shoulders as his traced the curves of her hips.  She moaned, leaning into him, emboldening him to trail his hands back up, cloth forgotten, to massage at her chest

They both explored each other: lips and mouths, hands and skin.  Each of them silently conveying how much they missed the other.  Their lips only parted when Starscream’s fingers made a fleeting pass between her legs.

She gasped and pulled his hand away.  “Not now.”  She pulled his hand back up and he shot her a hurt look of confusion and concern.  “Right now, I’d rather just…”  She looked to his eyes and tried to find the words.  “I just want to focus on this.”  Her hand threaded into the hair on the back of his head, anchoring her to him as she spoke.  “On you.  Right here.  Home.”

When she felt him wrap his arms around her, she knew he understood.  His hands crawled up her back, no longer focused on cleanliness, but tickling her and sliding her hair aside to free himself in his exploration of her back.  She could feel his smirk pressed against her scalp as he traced his fingers up in pairs over her back and she instantly recognized the configuration.  Four lines vertically placed.

“I wish I knew what that feels like,” she murmured, barely audible over the water.

Their proximity did not allow this quiet comment to pass him.  He stepped back to look at her, raising a brow.

“Your wings.  I wish I knew what that felt like.  To have them.”

His brow remained arched high as his head tilted, cocked to one side with a devilish grin.

“You are _not_ turning me into a _jet_ ,” she warned with a pointed finger.

He huffed, rolling his eyes.  “I am more,” he rasped, “than a jet.”  His gaze narrowed while his nostrils flared in a frown.

Seeing the offense, she raised her arms in a calming gesture.  “Sorry.  Cybertronian is what I should have said.”

His chin lifted high, he closed his eyes, allowing his face to do all the talking.  _Damn right._

As she giggled quietly, she felt the water was losing its heat.  “Care to wash my hair?  Or shall I…”

He nodded and grabbed the bottle.  He grunted when she insisted on a different bottle. _Humans and their rituals.  Too many bottles._ He massaged the shampoo into her scalp, but struggled with getting it through the length.  Wet, it reached her buttocks, again perplexing him as to why anyone would willingly deal with such a condition.

“Allow me,” she offered gently.  “I can tell you’re struggling.”  Gathering her hair above her head she peeked at his face as he marveled at the ease with which she did this.  Answering his unspoken question, she chuckled.  “I’ve had a bit more practice.  27 years dealing with hair.”  As she rinsed, feeling the water get colder, she shivered.  “You’ve had, what, 2 months?”

He laughed silently at first but stilled slowly.  _2 months.  Had it really been that long?_   He was painfully aware of the irony of that question in context with his long Cybertronian life.  The conflicting feelings mixed together, but never settled.  _Like oil-contaminated energon._

After conditioning her hair she turned off the water, pulling back the curtain to emerge and grab towels.  As she reached to open the cabinet door, she groaned.

“Fuck.”

He shook water droplets from his hands and head while asking what’s wrong in a tone barely louder than a whisper.

“We’ve got one towel.  …I haven’t done laundry in a while.”  She held it up with another groan.

Taking one end of the towel, he cleared his throat and swallowed thickly to combat the stinging in his throat.  “We could share.”

She gave him a quick smirk before taking the towel and wrapping around both of their middles.  “Like this?”

His lips cracked into a wide grin, wrinkling the skin around his eyes and producing dimples in his cheeks.  He nodded before stealing another kiss from her.  She hummed in delight, all her worries from the past few days having been washed away.

The two took turns drying, with Caitlin using the towel afterward to wrap up her hair.  She ushered him downstairs to collect clean clothing, but yelped as she was tackled onto the couch.  Starscream grinned down at her playfully, pinning her down to steal a kiss and give a few back to the skin of her face and neck.  She felt embarrassed, but seeing this side of Starscream made her heart flutter.

“Starscream.”

He stared down into her eyes with a fondness she’d never expected from him.  The sleepy grin and warm eyes seemed to smooth his sharp features, making him seem younger.

Placing a hand on his cheek, she bit her lip.  She wanted to tell him.  To say three words.  She wanted to.

But she hesitated.

Instead she kissed him, trying to communicate it another way.  Their mouths joined and it felt like they belonged together.  Their tongues slid across each other and as she moaned, she felt they fit together _perfectly_.

Even their bodies fit together- legs intertwining and arms looping around each other.

 

Despite all he had been through and all that was yet to come, Starscream was happy to have found this.

 

They both slowly drifted into sleep, smiles still on their faces.  At some point, Starscream reached up and grabbed the blanket from the back of the couch to cover them both before settling back in with his cheek brushing hers on the cushion.

\--

 

The next morning, Knockout decided to stop by the apartment with some breakfast.  Thinking ahead, he decided to get some for Starscream, too.  Just in case.  If nothing else, he could at least cheer her up if Starscream was still gone and give her the extra food for later.

He pulled into the space next to her car and sent Jofy in to check on Caitlin first.  The door opened readily for him and saw no need to knock when she’d never hear it from upstairs.

The light in the living area was still on, which struck him as odd, but he spied a sleeping form hidden under blankets on the couch.  He couldn’t see her face, but the thought of her asleep on the furniture, waiting for Starscream to return hurt his spark.

“Wakey wakey,” he crooned from the middle of the room.

Caitlin’s eyes snap open.

Throwing the blanket off, she saw Jofy standing in the middle of her living room.  She watched his eyes widen and as his smile vanished she realized her nakedness.  She shrieked and tried to pull the blanket back to her chest as Starscream forced his eyes open. 

When he sat up, Jofy sputtered, having not realized there were _two_ humans on the couch.  He glitched, blinking in and out of existence in shock. 

Starscream turned slowly to see the blurry red figure in front of him.  Upon recognizing Jofy, he startled and fell onto the floor with a painful thud.

Jofy’s eyes grew wider with each development and as the blanket tumbled off the clearly nude couple, he swiftly turned around.  He rocked on his heels awkwardly as he waited for the two to situate themselves.

“JOFY,” Caitlin gasped, still fighting Starscream for the blanket.

Without turning around, he addressed her, “Hello, Caitlin…  I see Starscream came back.”

“Yes, uh- yeah, yes.  He’s here.  Came back.  Yep.”  If she could have, she would have fizzled out of existence just like a holoform.

Starscream groaned and snatched the damp towel off her head to cover himself, giving her the blanket.

“So…  Is it safe to turn around or should I just keep talking to the wall?”

“Ugh,” Starscream moaned, massaging his shoulder.  “Yes, turn around.  We’re covered.”

Jofy spun on his heel, keeping his hands clasped behind his back.  “So, uh…”  Unsure of how to play off the awkward chain of events, he looked to Starscream.  “Good to see you.”

Both men winced at the poor choice of words.

“I would say we should celebrate your return, but it looks like you two already did.”  He was amused by the situation after getting over the initial shock.  He grinned darkly and lifted his eyebrows a couple times with a knowing look.

Caitlin felt like she would die of embarrassment, turning so red that Knockout thought that surely her face would pop from the amount of blood gathering there.

“We did no such thing,” Starscream hissed, voice still a bit more grating than usual.  “We simply showered and there was only one towel, so we had to share.”

Caitlin tried to hide her face with the blanket, making the shrillest of noises a human is capable of producing.

Knockout’s avatar only grinned wider.  “And …you were both cuddling naked on the couch after?”

Starscream nodded, knowing that no amount of explanation would allow him to live this down. 

“I was waiting… for clothes.  From the dryer,” Caitlin squeaked in excuse.

Jofy raised a brow, not believing her.  Glancing behind him, he could see the dryer door hanging open, interior clearly empty.  “There’s _nothing_ in the dryer.”

“I was gonna…”  She trailed off and couldn’t speak any further in her defense.

Jofy took one last smug look at Starscream before walking back out to his alt mode to fetch the bag and cups of coffee.  “Well, since you’re up, I at least brought breakfast.”  He plodded the bag onto the table, seeming more sympathetic this time.

Caitlin peeked out from behind the plush fabric to see the bag.  “Thanks,” she whispered.  “Uh…  Do you mind waiting for us to get dressed?”

He nodded and walked out the door quietly.

As he waited for the signal to come back, he could hear shuffling from within as well as a loud, but muffled, “SHIT.”

 

Caitlin was the one to sheepishly invite Jofy back inside.  As the pair sat at the table to dine, Jofy joined them by sitting on the table itself instead of pulling up a chair.   Caitlin hated him for looking so good in white pants.  His thighs seemed especially nice,  his legs crossed while he watched them both try to eat.

After a few minutes, he directed his attention to Starscream.  “Care to tell me where you’ve been,” he asked, batting his eyelashes.

Starscream grumbled, not wanting to talk to him.  “I fled into the woods,” he nodded to the door and cleared his throat.  “At first I tried heading away, just anywhere.  Anywhere that Fowler’s men wouldn’t follow.”  He took large bites between sentences, remembering how hungry he’d been over the time he’d been gone.  “I didn’t want to lead Fowler anywhere important.  But that meant walking to places I’d never seen before and I got turned around before I knew what was going on.”  He chugged the coffee cup Jofy pushed over to him.  “I thought I recognized a street name and started heading for the old lab.  It was much further than I thought.”

Jofy chuckled openly.

“I eventually got there, but I couldn’t get in since we locked it up for fear of its discovery.  I gave up and tried to walk back here.  I was forced to spend nights out in the open.  I got rained on, shouted at, kicked once, and to add further insult, a dog urinated on me,” he bemoaned.

Caitlin choked on her breakfast.  “You’re only mentioning this now?”

“What?”  He gave her a blank look.

Glaring back at him, she emphasized, “That you were peed on?”

“I was tired by the time I got back!”  He yawned, stretching.  “I still am.”

Jofy tilted his head, noticing something.  “You sound like you’ve got static in your vocalizer.  I didn’t know that could happen to a human.”

Caitlin smiled, finding the idea of a sick Cybertronian cute.  “He got sick since he’s been hard on his body lately.  His throat is dry and scratchy but that’ll heal once the virus or whatever he contracted clears up.”  She abruptly frowned.  “Probably gonna get me sick, too,” she whined.

“Assuming human disease works anything like ours- with any exchange of fluids I should assume so,” he chuckled, still enjoying a bit of fun at their expense.

Both of them glared at him, but were too embarrassed to speak.  Instead, they finished their food and tried to change the subject.

Starscream cleared his throat, swallowing thickly.  “Now that I’m back, we must double our efforts.  I will not let the Autobots or their human acquaintances destroy or interfere with our work.”  He stared into the coffee cup, grimacing at his reflection.  “I will be myself again,” he rasped.  “And when I am, I will seek out my revenge.”

Caitlin turned to Starscream with alarm.  “If you go after them…  Won’t they just capture you and do it again?”  She shivered.  “Or worse…  I don’t want you to do that.”

Jofy’s gaze narrowed as he smirked, feeling smug.  “He won’t because he hasn’t got the firepower.”

“Not yet.  But I can plan ahead,” he mused, not heeding to their concerns.  He inspected his nails, picking at the grit.

Jofy spared a glance at Caitlin.  “What if ol’ _Megs_ finds out about her?”

Starscream’s eyes widened in a mix of terror and rage at the thought.  “He had better hope the Allspark takes him back before I get a hold of him.”

 Jofy flickered as Knockout processed the statement he just heard.  “Those are… strong words, Commander.”

Starscream replayed his outburst to himself, his face slowly morphing into one of confusion.  “Did I… say that out loud?”  He looked over to Caitlin to see her face reddening once more behind a hand on her mouth, eyebrows high in surprise.  She blinked several times.

Jofy remained silent for a moment before addressing Caitlin.  “Well, my dear,” he drawled.  “It seems you’ve accomplished quite the rare feat.”

When she looked up at the holoform, he smirked at her obvious confusion.

“You’ve touched his spark.”

She glanced at Starscream for further clarification, but he refused to look at either of them.  “Of course, I only meant that if her life were jeopardized, I would save her life to repay her for the debt I owe her.”

Caitlin’s face twitched, only Jofy noticing.  “What debt,” she asked quietly.

“You saved my life, so I’d save yours.”

Jofy watched her carefully as her eyes dulled almost imperceptibly.  “Ah yes,” he started, “the debt…  And of course, your deep affection for her has been accounted for.”

Starscream nodded, “Yes, yes, of course-“ he froze as he realized what he said.  “I, er…”  He tried in vain to refute his exposed feelings, cheeks reddening, but only stuttered incomprehensible syllables.

Jofy only smirked, loving his ability to make the former SIC squirm.  On a whim, he locked eyes with Caitlin, mischief playing across his face.  He pursed his lips quickly and glanced in Starscream’s direction.

Taking the hint, she leaned over and placed a kiss to Star’s cheek.  He immediately quieted and turned to her with an open mouth.  Feeling mischievous herself, she kissed his lips.

Starscream gasped as the kiss broke.  “…alright.  So I might have an… attachment to her.  But that doesn’t change the mission.”

Jofy just chuckled to himself.


	25. Pushback

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone for being patient. I want to let everyone know that I am sorry for making you all wait so long. I had some downswings in mental health again but I am recovering and honestly making some good changes in my personal life. I tried to finish this a long time ago but a massive writer's block hit.
> 
> All this to say that I am back on track and much of the next chapter is already written!  
> I love all the kind compliments and concerns and I want each of you to know that I smile every time I see them. Please enjoy this chapter and look for the next one to post much sooner than this one took.

Jofy left the pair alone after their breakfast was over, making both sigh in relief. Neither could look each other in the eye, but as Starscream sneezed and groaned, Caitlin made him lie down.  
“I had hoped we could work today,” he moaned.  
“Well, that’s not happening. You need to recover. You’re no help to your own cause when you can’t speak or focus properly.”  
He weakly protested, sounding more and more pathetic the more he talked.  
“Save your voice,” she pleaded, but as he started to rise and stood up, he swooned and fell into her arms. Lowering him back down carefully, she cut him a glare. “I’ll put this another way- whatever you have might contaminate any samples we may need to take. You wouldn’t want to potentially spoil your own chances of getting your body back, would you?”  
Sighing and resigning himself reluctantly, he crossed his arms and pouted on the couch. Caitlin smiled and laughed quietly at his childishness but fetched a thermometer.  
When she thrust the white stick at him, he jerked.  
He turned away, eyeing the object in her hand with uncertainty. “What? What is it?”  
“A thermometer. I want you to take your temperature.”  
He gave the thermometer another glance before looking back up at her.  
Realizing he didn’t understand, “You stick this end in your mouth,” she explained. “Under your tongue.”  
After she pressed the button, she tapped his chin, a signal for him to open up. He complied but gave her a glare the entire time the device was in his mouth. The beeping startled him, but he was grateful to have the intrusion removed from under his tongue when it was over.  
“100.1 degrees. You, sir, have a fever,” she chided.  
He only huffed and rolled to face the back of the couch. He could hear her walk away to get something. Curious, he turned to see her return with a bottle of pills and a glass of water.  
“Take this. It’ll reduce the fever.”  
He accepted the glass as she pulled out a couple of the little pills. “Will this help my voice?”  
She shrugged. “It’ll kill some of the pain in your throat but I doubt it’ll bring your voice back.”  
He pouted but took the medicine anyway. “How long will this last?”  
She shrugged again. “With any luck, it’s a virus that’ll pass in a few days. And proper rest, medicine, and diet will always help you recover faster.”  
He resumed his sulking, turning away once more.

He mostly slept throughout the day, much to Caitlin’s surprise. By early evening, he had worked up a sweat and she feared the fever had returned. Carefully, gently, Caitlin crouched to touch his shoulder in an effort to wake him. He jerked away from her touch, whimpering as he started to shiver.  
“Starscream,” she whispered, trying again.  
She yelped in surprise as Starscream woke with a hoarse yell, his hand open and swinging with malicious intent in a clawing motion. She fell over, his hand having just missed her face. When she looked back at him, his eyes were unfocused and glazed. He shook as he supported himself on the edge of the couch, body twisted from the assault. He panted heavily as he stared blankly at her.  
“Star?” She backed herself away slowly in case of another attack.  
Slowly, his eyes focused on her. He wiped the sweat that threatened to run into his eyes off on his sleeve and blinked several times. As if he had only just noticed her, he frowned and looked at his hands in shock.  
“Did I… hurt you?”  
She sighed in relief at this first sign of him returning. “No, I’m ok.”  
“…I scared you,” he noted softly, staring down at the floor. He swallowed thickly, reigning in his labored breathing.  
She rose slowly to approach him. “Are you alright?”  
His lip quivered before another wave of shivers rocked him. “I …lost track of where I was.”  
She sat down wordlessly next to him, though he could see that she was on edge. He pulled away from her, closing his eyes against the shame he felt.  
“Was it a nightmare?”  
He shook his head, pulling tighter into himself. “A memory. Forgotten.”  
Caitlin sat quietly, unsure of what to do or how to even comfort him.  
He spoke up, uncomfortable with silence. “I thought… I was back on Cybertron. Back when I was alone.”  
Still unsure, Caitlin decided to speak, finding the silence suffocating. “I don’t know what you’ve been through before all this… but becoming human must have been traumatic. I don’t doubt that trauma still affects you. That’s normal.”  
“Being human for me isn’t normal,” he whined.  
“I know,” she whispered. She shivered at the twinge of guilt in her heart. Somewhere, a part of her wished he could stay human.  
After they sat together for several minutes, he finally squeaked out, “What did you wake me for?”  
“I think your fever came back. I have some more medicine I want you to take and I have some soup and tea ready for you.”  
He huffed a little, trying to expel the weakness he felt. “Thank you.”

After dinner, he started to feel a little better, taking more fever reducers to help him fight off the sickness. He tried to gather himself, but he still felt shaken by the flashback. When Caitlin offered to watch a movie, he declined.  
“I can’t focus on it,” he admitted softly, his voice weak and hoarse.  
Sitting back, she appeared to analyze him. Her lips disappeared as she bit them, thinking. Moving to sit behind him on the floor, she tugged the hem of his shirt.  
He pulled away, turning to say, “I’m not up for anything tonight.”  
“I’m not looking for anything. I just want to give you a relaxing preening. Nothing funny this time.” She offered her softest look to try to show him her honest intention.  
He scrutinized her carefully before lifting the shirt off. “I’ll hold you to that.”  
She hummed warmly as she smoothed her hands over the skin of his shoulders. She could feel him beginning to relax as she pressed her fingertips into sensitive muscle groups. She was true to her word, only working out knots in the tissue and releasing tension.  
By the time she started on his wing lines, Starscream was purring, the deep sound rumbling in his throat. Caitlin was relieved to hear the sound and exhaled deeply. She could feel the vibrations in his chest and smiled as she eased the tension away from his wings’ former home. He was nearly limp when she finished. She tapped his shoulder to signify she was done, but he let out a pathetic moan.  
“Don’t stop,” he pleaded.  
With a smile, she kneaded again and made her way up his shoulders to his neck. In a few minutes, he started to sway, eyes heavy with sleep. Giggling, she coaxed him to lean back. He gave her an odd look before she patted her lap. Leering at her cautiously, he leaned into her lap, resting his head on her legs. He looked up expectantly before her fingers carded through his hair, eliciting a purr once more. Her hands carefully caressed the silver-grey hairs and scalp underneath. Recalling an old practice that she was taught by a friend, she smoothed his eyebrows down with her thumbs, repeating the action until she saw his eyelids flutter. As his eyes closed and his face relaxed, she beamed. She loved seeing him relaxed and calm. It was so different from his usual demeanor.  
Feeling warm, she closed her eyes as well and started to hum softly as her hands slowed at his scalp. Her voice filled the small room as she started to sing a calming tune. Starscream didn’t recognize it, but it still brought his lips up into a smile before he drifted to sleep.

It took a couple days for Starscream’s symptoms to disappear, Caitlin tending to his every need. He realized after the first day that Caitlin was entirely sympathetic and he could ask for anything. At first, he pushed for more of the foods he liked, growing more specific and bold in his requests. Soon he had Caitlin giving him scalp massages after every meal, and even had her run to the store to get something just for him.  
By the third day, after he was mostly better, he mostly asked for things for the attention it garnered. He started to like this being sick business. He milked the symptoms for all they were worth, making his host snap at him once or twice by the fourth day.  
At 4 am one morning, Caitlin hit her last straw as he begged to have a glass of water fetched for him, waking her from the sorely needed sleep. She complained he was being needy accused him of not being sick anymore. He tried to look offended but before he could bark another request, she shot him a glare that when combined with the tangled hair and bags under her wide eyes was entirely too fearsome for her usually soft and patient demeanor.  
A shiver went up his spine at the sight. He apologized and retreated into sleep quickly, water forgotten, but the image of her fury would stay cataloged for later.

The next day he seemed much better, if not a bit sheepish at having incurred Caitlin’s wrath. She tried to apologize, insisting it was the lack of rest and that she wouldn’t repeat the rare outburst, but he shushed her. He knew he was being “a brat”.  
After a good meal, he was eager to get back to work after waiting for so long. She could see he felt much better and held a sliver of resentment that he’d taken advantage of her. She sighed, thinking to herself that this was just another time she’d missed the subtlety of social cues.  
Still, she couldn’t blame him. He seemed unused to being the recipient of such treatment. He’d shown that from the very first day they met. She pondered what his life must have been like before he was human to condition him to be so used to… whatever treatment he had received. He’d spoken so little of his past that she’d started to wonder if it was because it was all very negative. He lost his city, his home, his body…  
She had promised to help him recover his body at least, and she knew he was ready to return to work. Every day that passed meant that there was less and less time to restore him to his natural shape.  
But she’d be lying if she said she didn’t hope that window would close, at least a little.

They met up with Knockout at the converted barn and were surprised to find out he’d been there working without them.  
The red mech turned to face them as they walked in. “Feeling better, I hope?”  
Starscream nodded, noting the holes in the roof were patched with scrap metal. Pointing upward, he glanced at Knockout. “You?”  
He nodded, smiling sheepishly for once. “Needed more protection than the tarps.”  
Starscream spared a small grin to himself. “Where are we? What’s left to be done?”  
“Not much, actually. We need to synthesize an injection of Cybertronian elements for your nanites to use to rebuild your frame.”  
“Including energon,” Caitlin asked?  
He nodded. “Eventually. I’ve researched the effects of energon on human systems. Ratchet indicated that small amounts can be tolerated by a human and over time, there is some indication a resistance to its harmful effects can be acquired.”  
“Ratchet?” Starscream sputtered, his hackles raising. “You involved Ratchet in this?”  
“No,” he recoiled. “I asked a few questions in the guise of worrying about my human friend.” He indicated Caitlin with one hand.  
“Oh… So, he still doesn’t know about me?”  
He nodded, turning back to his work. “Nothing more than what he and Fowler pulled out of Caitlin.”  
Starscream relaxed slightly but still gave the medic a suspicious glance. The trio quickly got together discussing the ratios of energon and metals Starscream could reasonably handle based on his current mass. Knockout had to remind him that this process would be painful. He also indicated that there would need to be multiple supplemental injections to ensure his body could be completely rebuilt.  
“Could be days, weeks, months,” Knockout shrugged. “It’s hard to say how well it’ll work or how fast.”  
“We can make adjustments to our strategy as we go along,” Starscream shrugged. He was just happy to be so close.  
“I can’t give you energon until at least part of your fuel system is rebuilt,” he mused to himself, digits typing rapidly across the datapad.  
Meanwhile, Caitlin felt a weight building in her chest. How much of his transition would she be there to see? It will be painful, they said. What if the pain is too much for him? How can I help him? What if pain medicine won’t work?  
Her mind raced at the negative possibilities until she realized the two were both staring at her expectantly.  
“Sorry,” she mumbled. “Did you say something?”  
“I asked for you to gather a new blood sample,” Knockout repeated softly. He offered a warm smile to help ease her distress.  
“Oh, right. I’m on it.” She rummaged through the supplies, feeling guilty for ruining Knock-out’s organization in the drawer in her haste. She returned to Starscream, who stood ready with his sleeve rolled up and arm outstretched. Her skill at drawing blood had increased significantly and she sighed as the vial filled without further poking. She presented the tube to Knockout before bandaging Starscream.  
Caitlin sat back, watching as the other two worked to calculate and test their ideas. She tried to occupy her mind by drawing in the dirt with the end of a broken branch. No doubt it had fallen in through one of the holes in the roof over the years of neglect. She at first drew animals and objects, just trying to distract her mind from the uneasiness that enveloped her. She had progressed to drawing a jet when the first rumble was heard. When it repeated again, she shivered and looked up at the others who paid it no mind.  
“Hey, guys?”  
They both turned at once, a perfect mirror of one another.  
“That sounded like thunder,” she squeaked softly.  
The two glanced at each other before Starscream asked, “Is that all? You’re worried about rain?”  
Her lips tightened. “I don’t want us to be stuck out here in bad weather.”  
Knockout chuckled, obviously not concerned. “It’ll be fine. If things get too bad for you to drive home, then I’ll take you. We can come back to get your car later.”  
Frowning, she crossed her arms, tucking herself in tight. “That’s not what I’m worried about.” She gasped as the wind whipped around the barn, whistling as it went. The loose boards let in a draft and she shivered, though not entirely from the cold.  
The distant rolls of thunder grew louder as the storm crept closer like a lumbering beast. Caitlin remained nervous while the others seemed not to notice. The moans of the wind sang together with the creaking building. A few leaks made themselves known as the rain started abruptly, pounding on the metal roof. The sound was hard to ignore and made hearing one another difficult.  
Caitlin bolted for Starscream after another loud round of thunder clapped overhead and echoed on the surrounding mountains. He gave her a gruff snort but allowed her to cling to him as he worked.  
“I don’t know why you’re so worked up,” he grumbled.  
“I’ve told you, I’m afraid of storms.”  
“It’s just a natural phenomenon and the chance of actual danger is incredibly low.”  
Knockout approached cautiously and reset his vocal processor. The pair looked up and noticed his servos clasped behind his back.  
“What is it,” Starscream queried.  
He grinned, chin jutting forward smugly. “I did it.”  
“Did what?”  
Knockout beamed as he presented the vial filled with a vaguely brown liquid.  
Starscream freed himself of the human waistcoat and crossed his arms as he approached. “And what is that?”  
“Take a guess,” he purred.  
Starscream narrowed his gaze before his eyes snapped open. “Is that… Is this the cure?”  
Knockout nodded and twirled it in his digits. “I’m much more than just a pretty face.” He chuckled and knelt down. “Nanites are ready to go with their new programming and a healthy dose of Cybertronian metals for good measure.”  
Starscream’s face radiated pure joy at the thought of returning to normal.  
Behind him, Caitlin’s shoulders sagged.   
She would lose him. He would leave.  
He bounced and reached out for the container. “Let’s begin! I can’t wait to be me again!”  
Knockout laughed at the outburst but turned to his workstation to prepare the injection. He returned quickly and kneeled with the syringe in hand. Caitlin hovered to the side, watching from behind a smiling façade. Just before Knockout could administer the dose, a creaking moan, louder than any previous, caught all three of their attentions. Caitlin snapped her head round to find the source, uneasy. The wind seemed to have whipped up again, but Knockout just shrugged and continued as planned.  
Another creak was followed by a rattle, then a burst of wind as a wall ripped open, the boards flying into the room, narrowly missing some of the equipment.  
“Scrap,” Knockout whispered. He looked at the two humans as the roof groaned and one of the patches lifted and rocked in the wind. As the three looked at each other, there was a snapping sound and in an instant, the roof toppled and buried the trio in metal and wood.

When Caitlin opened her eyes, she was nearly blinded by white light. “What happened?” She coughed and wheezed, trying to expel the dirt and dust from her airway. “Starscream??”  
With a groan and series of frustrated cries, he made himself known. Caitlin was relieved to hear him and tried to turn to see where his voice was coming from, but she felt stiff metal wrapped around her waist. In a panic, she tried to wiggle free, pushing against the rubble with all her strength.  
“Ah- stop squirming!” Knockout’s voice was charged with static above her.  
Looking up and raising a hand to block the light, she squinted to see the form of the medic above her. She realized the brightness was coming from his chest where his headlights shown full force. She could hear Starscream behind her uttering expletives in languages she didn’t understand from somewhere behind her.  
“Are you two alright?” Knockout dimmed the lights, realizing they were making things harder to see rather than easier.  
Caitlin looked up again to try and make eye contact. “I’m fine. What about Starscream?” She finally stopped moving and relaxed as she realized the metal around her middle was warm and felt it twitch. Glancing down, she confirmed that Knockout was holding her in his hand and she huffed a small sigh in relief.  
Knockout looked to his other servo to see Starscream shouting but didn’t see any injury. “He’s fine. He’s just upset.”  
“Upset? I am far more than upset! Our lab, our work. All of it gone! Wasted! I was so close, so close!” His fists clanged on the stiff metal around him.  
“Hey! Calm down, you’re both alright!”  
“I’ll never be alright! My body is gone and the cure is gone and now I’ll never be myself again!” He clawed at the gripping servo to force him to release him, not heeding any further warnings.  
Caitlin gasped as she felt her feet growing cold as water started pouring in beneath her. “Can you get us out of here?”  
Knockout pulled the two closer to his chassis and grunted as he stood and shook off the layers of rubble. Caitlin giggled silently as she saw the tires at his back rolling off the dust that quickly turned to mud in the rain. He stumbled once or twice as he climbed out over the loose boards and sheets of tin roofing and into the rain. “This is going to be murder to buff out,” he pouted.  
“How can you think of your finish!? I’m stuck now! There’s no recovering from this!” Starscream was lost in his own panic and hardly noticed when he and Caitlin were set down on their feet. Knockout shooed them back.  
“No need for lightning to strike you two. After all, I am made of metal and probably the tallest thing out here…” He shuddered, hoping to avoid that outcome. He’d only been struck once and didn’t enjoy it. He offered a sympathetic look to Caitlin who started shivering in the cold rain, now soaked. “I’m sorry I can’t keep you dry.”  
Caitlin just nodded and turned back to Starscream. He was cowed on his knees and openly sobbing. Knockout moved closer and tapped on his shoulder.  
“Unless you can fix me right now, I don’t want-“ he paused when the red mech presented him with a syringe. “…Is that?”  
“I wouldn’t let you get stuck because of some rain,” he joked feebly.  
Starscream could only stare for several moments until a clap of thunder broke his daze. “Quickly, quickly! Before the universe sends some other obstacle!” He extended his arm, pulling the sleeve back.  
Caitlin could feel a lump of emotion in her throat but smiled as the dose was administered. As much as it had pained her, seeing him in such despair was harder than letting go.

Knockout offered them a ride home, but Caitlin could tell he was just being polite. There’s no way he would want to soak his interior. She shooed him and insisted she would drive. As she approached her car, she brushed away some of the debris that collected on her hood. She pouted, noting scratches and a dent, but Knockout quietly offered to help buff it out.  
“This is partly my fault,” he winced. “I didn’t listen to you.”  
She shook her head. “If we left when I got scared then you wouldn’t have finished the injection and we would have lost all our work.”  
He nodded, sparing a quick look at Starscream. The human was positively glowing, hugging his sides with a face-splitting grin. Caitlin tugged his arm and coaxed him into the car.  
The two bid Knockout goodbye and headed home slowly through the pouring rain. Caitlin was surprised that Starscream remained quiet the whole ride, save a shriek at a minor hydroplane, but as they exited the car and shook off the water, he started laughing. He clutched himself tightly and released all the joy he’d suppressed for so long, his face wrinkling at the glowing smile.  
Despite her reservations, Caitlin closed her eyes and smiled in response. This was what they’d worked so hard for. He would be able to fly again. Be himself again. Above all, she had only wanted to see him full of joy. And Caitlin couldn’t help noticing as she laughed that his joy was infectious.


	26. At Last

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is pure smut.  
> Not sorry at all.
> 
>  
> 
> This one was seriously just self-gratification.

Starscream was ecstatic as he lost control of his joyful response.

“Thank you,” he shouted, pulling her inside once she unlocked the door.  Caitlin groaned as they dripped the rain onto the carpet.  She had no opportunity to complain as he pulled her into a tight embrace, still thanking her. 

Shocked, she tried to pull away.  “You should thank Knockout.  He’s the one that came through-“

“No, I could not have come this far without you.”  His palm gently warmed her cheek from the cold rain still clinging to her skin.  His eyes were bright and tender as he continued, “I would have died before getting this far.”  His face was still cracked wide with a smile.

“But you didn’t,” she answered, smiling sheepishly in response.

“No.  I didn’t.”  He pressed his forehead to hers, closing his eyes.  He seemed to have calmed down as he opened his eyes, staring deep into hers, searching.  “But I owe you a debt.”

She shook her head, “Not really-“

“What can I offer you,” he interrupted.

Her eyes widened.  “What do you mean?”

“How can I repay you for all you have done for me?”

She took a moment to catch her breath, not prepared for his tenderness after the manic celebration.  “I don’t know…”

He stared into her eyes, unmoving.  “Please…  There must be something I can do for you.”

She could only offer him a timid expression as he searched her face.  His tongue darted out across his lips as he watched her and he didn’t miss her quick mirror of the action.  He still wasn’t particularly fond of kissing, but in that moment, nothing would have stopped him.

She squeaked in surprise as she felt his mouth cover hers, his tongue pressing into her forcefully.  Finding her lips slack in shock, he plunged into her, taking from her what he wanted with a heated groan.

He knew in his spark _exactly_ what he had hoped she would ask him, even if his processor was denying it vehemently.  He wanted the chance to give her attention in a way she’d never known, make her _squirm_ , make her feel like she was coming undone.  He wanted to give her a portion of the excitement he felt in that moment.  And, to his great surprise, he wanted to _ruin_ her for anyone else.

And if the whimper she produced was any indication, he just might get that chance.

Her arms wrapped around his neck as they delved into each other, still standing in the middle of the room, soaking the carpet beneath them.  He took a quick gasp of air before he angled his head to allow him deeper access.  He groaned into her as she allowed him to continue, her hands and arms starting to tremble.  He chanced a look at her, opening his eyes, and found her heavy-lidded and cheeks flushed.

Caitlin’s heart pounded and she’d hardly caught up with his energy as she tried to clumsily kiss him back.  She slipped one hand into the collar of his shirt, stroking his back softly in an effort to distract him.

He groaned again, voice rumbling in his chest as he arched into the touch.  Caitlin could feel him pulling her closer, her plan having backfired.  Leaning back, she tried to breathe, but he only followed and seemed even more ravenous than before.

Starscream hid a wince at the cramp developing in his spine and legs.  His height had forced him to crouch to kiss her properly and he had no intentions of letting her break away.  His hands wrapped around her back, hiking up her shirt to return the favor, teasing at her skin.  She gasped as he rubbed at her back furtively, momentarily pulling back to breathe.

She looked up into his eyes, darkened and half-hidden by his lids, and whined.  Breathing in a heavy pant, her mouth hung open.  She watched as his eyes darted to her mouth again.

She felt selfish.  She wanted to keep him.  Keep him like this.  Human.

As a human, he could hold her.  Kiss her.  _Pleasure_ her.

She moaned loudly at the thought, catching herself by surprise.

Without any warning, his hands lowered under her buttocks and he pulled her up to him, plunging back in for a more savage kiss.

The force and intensity of the action made her knees weak, and he took full advantage of the opportunity to scoop her up in earnest.  With her thighs around his waist, and the cramping posture removed, he grinned and bit her lip loosely as he pulled back to look at his work.

Her eyes were glazed and filled with lust as she tried to lean back up to continue the kiss, but he only grinned and stayed just out of her reach.  As she whined, face pained and her hands needily pawing at his neck, he walked her over to the wall.  With a grunt, he pinned her against it to start a savage assault on her neck.

He licked and sucked until faint bruises formed, turning her pale skin pink and purple with the evidence of his work.  He grinned wolfishly at the sight.  Her hands pawed at his shoulders as she moaned again, and as his hot breaths tickled at the back of her neck, tongue lapping wetly at the place just below her ear, her hips bucked against him.

Gasping, she blurted out, “Oh, fuck me!”

She felt the vibration of his deep laugh shoot through her body. “That _can_ be arranged.”

She whimpered, legs squeezing against him, making a quick decision.  “That’s what I want!”  Her hands pulled him back up to look at her directly.  “That’s what I want from you.”

He could feel her hands trembling again, but felt her relax as his prideful grin took on a more sincere and softer look.  “Oh, I’m doing that for free.  Right now, I’m being selfish and _taking_ what _I_ want.”

He forced himself not to focus on the gravity of his words as he stole another breathless kiss from her lips, muting any reply she may have formed.

She couldn’t believe this was happening.  When he pulled back, gasping for breath just as much as she was, she could see how dark his eyes had become, how his lips were pink and fuller and glistened with their mixed saliva.  Heat shot straight to her groin at seeing him this unhinged, and her thighs clenched in response.   He groaned and allowed her to lower against him so their groins touched.  He ground his clothed erection into her as he propped himself on the wall, hissing at the powerful friction between them.

She tugged at his shirt to start removal but yelped as he turned them around to lay her on the floor, not willing to make the trip a few feet over to the couch.  With her back now pressed into the carpet, he leaned back to strip off his shirt before pressing back down to grind into her again.  She embraced him immediately and pressed her fingertips into his back, keeping him close and not thinking about the nerve-dense structures she stimulated.

His mouth opened as he vocalized his pleasure, arching at the fingers digging into the wing lines.  Pressing his forehead to hers, resting there with panting and ragged breaths, he swore in his native language.  Caitlin purred at the sound.

He gave her a quizzical look, head tilted.

She shrugged, smiling.  “That was hot.”

He studied her for a moment before grinding and swearing again as their damp clothes dragged and caught. He heard her breath hitch only after hearing his colorful Cybertronian curse and he glanced at her again.  His mind connected the dots in a flash and, smirking, he started to whisper little praises in Cybertronian, both naughty and sickeningly sweet, as he nipped and licked his way down to her collarbone.

Her skin felt like it was on fire, so overly-sensitive, and hearing him use his own language made her pull him to her even tighter.  She nodded and encouraged him to keep going.

He tried to take his mouth further, but the familiar hindrance of clothing got in the way.  Growling, he yanked it off of her, popping several seams as it flew off her body and onto the floor.  With the offending garment gone, he continued his work, tasting her chest and kissing her skin.  As his mouth reached her bra, he opted to jerk it down, exposing her breasts.  He knew he had seen her chest before, but his eyes still widened as he licked his lips.  The soft slopes of her breasts were heaving with her deep panting breaths as she waited for him to make a move.  She held her breath, stilling as his fingers wrapped themselves around each mound and squeezed.  When he tore his eyes away from what he was doing, he saw her teeth catching her lip as she stretched and arched up off the floor and into his grasp.  Feeling devilish, he leaned over her chest again, watching the soft flesh ripple with each motion.  He plunged himself down to place a wet kiss on the pale skin between her breasts.

As he mouthed, she squirmed, unable to handle his forceful approach.  Her breath hitched as his tongue traced a nipple.  Her reaction was noticed immediately.  Curious, he nipped at the darker flesh and purred at the sound of her moaning.

Gasping, she turned her head as she exclaimed, “Oh, Starscream, please!”

His eyes flashed, locking onto hers.  Grinning deviously, he murmured about her softness, still speaking in his Vosnian dialect, and lowered his mouth over the nipple and sucked.

She arched off the floor, mouth hanging open in a loud moan.  He stayed latched as she squirmed.  Feeling bolder, she brought up a hand to her other breast to massage and pull at it.  She watched his cheeks hollow from the suction and bit her lip as she writhed.

When he finally pulled himself off with a pop, she could feel the moisture that had accumulated in her underwear cause discomfort as she ground her hips to his.

“Star…”  He kissed her lips quickly before she pushed him back.  “I gotta…  I can’t…”  Her hips jerked, bucking sporadically as the arousal stole her words.

“Shh, be still my little songbird,” he whispered hotly into her ear.

Her heart fluttered at the pet name he’d chosen.  Before she could comment, she felt the air cooling the bare skin of her legs.  She wasn’t sure how he managed to remove all her remaining clothing so quickly, but his deep, rumbling purr made her insides clench in want as he appraised her.

Her hands fell slack on either side of her head, which was ringed with her wild and wet golden hair.  He licked his lips at the sight of her chest heaving, but the real prize was closer.  His eyes scanned down to see the slick folds between her legs.  He held her thighs wide open to allow him the best view, making her nervous, her muscles tensing subconsciously beneath his fingers.

“Relax,” he purred, smoothing his hands across her thighs.  He leaned forward until his face was inches from hers and murmured, “Mind if I have a taste?”

She nodded, uttering little pleas until he grinned and stepped back to reposition.  He didn’t waste time, diving straight in with his tongue to lap up the gathered juices.

The first swipe of his tongue had her gasping and arching off the floor.  He chuckled darkly, latching on and holding her hips to stay planted between her thighs.  She yelped and mewled, torn between loving the feeling and being overwhelmed.

Starscream’s fingers kneaded at her thighs as he took his time enjoying himself.  He purred as he squeezed the soft flesh, still so amazed at how different her body was from his.  Human _and_ Cybertronian.  As her whines rose in pitch, he pulled back to observe the lost look on her face.  The pink of her blush was honestly his new favorite color.

She started to struggle against him weakly, desperation taking hold.  He smirked and held his grip on her thighs.  The iron grip kept her still despite her pleas and begging.  He adored the sight of his fingertips dipping into the meat of her thigh.  Taking some pity on her, he allowed one hand to slide gently down her thigh toward her center.  He pushed her other leg back, opening her wide as he leaned over her.  Licking his lips, he found once again that he couldn’t resist the pull of her open mouth.

She gasped as she felt his mouth close over hers, his finger slipping between her folds and nudging her clit.  She keened, but couldn’t buck in the angle her body was folded.  Starscream purred and laughed into her, finger circling the little bundle of nerves to watch her squirm.  She wriggled against him and fought to free herself to form words.

“Please…  Please, Star…”

His fingers never stopped moving as he grinned.

“Star, I…  I want…”

“Yes?”

She looked a mess as she seemed to struggle to find a way to say what she wanted.  Taking pity, he stopped teasing and leaned in close.

“What does my little songbird want?”

She shivered and took deep calming breaths.  “I want…  I want you to…”

Lifting a brow, he asked, “Feeling shy?”

She nodded and added, “I… want to take this further.”

“As do I,” he purred, moving a hand down to free his erection and stroke himself.

She watched him, biting her lip.  As if snapping from a daze, she looked back up at his face.  She whimpered as her face appeared conflicted.

Seeing the distress, he lowered himself to lie beside her, caressing her cheek.

“What’s wrong?”

Feeling embarrassed, she mumbled inaudibly.

“Come on, you can tell me.”

“I…  I’m worried about, like…”  She snorted as she started to laugh quietly.  “I don’t think either of us wants to deal with any hybrid spawn that could happen from this.”

Starscream’s eyes were saucers as he imagined the idea.

Quickly, she recovered and kissed at his jaw.  “I have condoms in the cabinet under the sink.”

He sat stone still for long enough that Caitlin thought the mood was entirely gone.  Without a word he rose and rummaged for the box.  He returned seconds later, his pants and underwear abandoned on the bathroom floor, and dumped the wrapped condoms on the floor.

Caitlin chuckled as he grabbed a handful and looked at them in a panic.  Taking a moment to sit up, she asked, “Need some help?”

“I have no desire to procreate; I need all the help I can get!”

She snorted again and took one, tearing it open.  “One will do.”  Glancing down, she noticed his erection had waned.  That won’t do.  Where he knelt, she leaned into his neck, purring and cooing.  She nuzzled at his skin while she reached around to trace his wing lines.

When he hissed, she knew she was on the right track.  She nuzzled lower down his chest, pausing to nip at the dark bud in a bit of revenge for all his teasing.  Looking down, he was nearly fully erect again.  She lowered her hands to his hips and held him in place as she mouthed at the head of his erection.  With a low groan, he placed a hand on her head.  She flicked her tongue at him playfully before pulling back to slide on the condom.

“Oh,” he gasped.  “That’s… different.”

“I got the ones with lube…  Does it feel ok?”  She watched him nervously.

He looked down at himself and gave a test stroke, moaning.

“It’ll keep us both safe.”  She watched as he darkened his gaze on her.  Thinking he was upset, she backed away.

He pounced on her, pushing her to the floor hard enough to make her momentarily lose her breath.

“You always take care of me,” he purred.  “Now I will take care of you.”  He rubbed a hand at her core, forcing the air from her lungs a second time.

Slicking a finger in her folds, he spread her thighs and held them in place with his knees as he pushed a finger in slowly.  She keened and he could feel her clench from within and it made him want her more.  He worked her slowly, pulling increasingly high-pitched whines from her.  _Songbird, indeed_.

When he thought she was ready, he pulled back and started again, pressing in a second finger.  It was tight, and he paused as Caitlin winced in pain.  Leaning in to pet her hair, he withdrew.  She immediately gripped his hand, forcing it back between her legs.

“Don’t stop.  Please,” she panted.  “I’m just… not used to this.”

“I don’t want to hurt you if you aren’t ready.”

She smiled, kissing his lips.  “If you don’t mind… there’s lube under the sink-“

He leaped up before she finished the thought, returning with the bottle.  He applied more than enough to her and his hand before resuming his efforts.  This time, he was able to press the second finger in with little discomfort for her.  Both of them sighed in relief as they relaxed and the rhythm renewed.

He rocked her hips back and forth with the motion of his hand and as he curled his fingers upward, she let out a loud moan as she came.  He gave her an odd look and she smiled stupidly back.  He chuckled at the sight as she rocked her hips into him.

“Don’t stop.”

Preparing more lube, he eased in a third finger.  Her eyes shut as she felt the burn and Star could feel her tense around him.  Gently, he rubbed at her clit with a thumb to get her to relax.  Slowly, she let go and felt the burn ease away.  Soon she was nearing another orgasm as his fingers curled with each wet thrust.  Starscream was unable to stop himself from gripping his spike and pumped himself as he watched her approach the edge again.

Before she could finish, she felt his fingers retreat and she chased them blindly before she felt his slick member scrape against her.  Her mouth opened wide as she gasped and looked down to see how close they were.  Her skin was on fire as she babbled, begging for him to slip inside.

Seeing her like this, begging for him, so close to coming undone, _again_ , he wanted to pound into her and give her what she wanted.  But he restrained himself with a groan, holding her still as he lined up with her entrance and prodded at her.  Her hips bucked and swiveled, trying to coax him inside.  With a growl he pinned her hips with both hands, bolting her to the floor as he pushed slowly.

Sweat mixed with the rain that still clung to both of them as he desperately tried to go slow.  When the head popped in, she writhed, fighting his hold as she whimpered.

“Are you alright?”  He held her down, concerned that she hadn’t been ready.

She nodded vigorously.  “Yes.  Yes, please just move!”

He chuckled and sighed quietly as his hands slackened.  “As you wish.”

He pressed forward, little by little, inch by inch, until he felt he could move forward no more.  He could still see about a third of his length outside of her, but the tight heat made him hiss and shudder.  Satisfied that she was able to take him, he started at a slow pace.  His hands crept up her body, kneading at the skin as he leaned down and over her.  He propped himself up to hover over her body as his hips ground into her, bottomed out.

Caitlin looked up and watched as he swore again, closing his eyes as he was absorbed in the sensations at his groin.  While she was fighting to focus, she locked onto his face, memorizing each detail of this moment.  His knit brows, lowered over his tightly-shut eyes.  His nostrils flared.  His teeth pinching his lower lip as he hissed at the feeling of sliding in and out of her.

She felt him hit a deeper spot as he changed angles slightly and increased the speed of his thrusts.  She threw her head back, overtaken by the new sensations.  He was touching places her body had never been touched and the closeness and pleasure caused her to grind back up to him as his legs forced her thighs even wider.

Starscream could barely contain himself.  Here she was, beneath him, calling his name- his praises.  He watched as she surrendered to the pleasure, her head back and mouth hanging open as she continually gasped and panted.  He jerked and forgot himself as he tried to hold back.  He kept reminding himself that she was new to this.

He was her _first._

No one else had done this for her.  To her.  She was all his.  _Only his_.

His arms pushed under her to hold her close to his chest as he pushed in, grunting with the force of his thrusts.

“You’re mine,” he rumbled against her.

She squeaked and kissed across all the skin she could reach.  “Yes.  Yes, I’m yours.”

He grunted in surprise, not expecting her to respond.  After the initial shock, he felt his spike pulse and he set a new, vigorous pace.  She shrieked and clung to him as he let himself lose control.  He grunted with each thrust into her, feeling like an animal.  Any idea that his organic body was responsible for this was beyond him as he focused only on the sweet friction and the sounds of their union filling the room.

Caitlin didn’t last long, reaching orgasm as she was only along for the ride.  She shuddered and shouted at her climax as she could feel her insides spasm.

Starscream wasn’t far behind, the pressure of her walls was enough to make him groan and let go, filling the condom.

As they both came down from their high, panting and shaking, they looked again to each of their faces.  They both smiled and laughed giddily at the sight of each other looking thoroughly spent and sticky with sweat.  Caitlin’s hands finally released from his back to cup his face and bring him down for a sloppy, tired kiss.  He could feel his erection dwindle inside her and pulled out, grimacing at the sight of his load in the condom.  Caitlin shivered at the loss of warmth.

“Star…  Thank you.”

He looked back at her dreamy smile and felt his heart flip.  “Thank you.”  He wiped her hair from her face with a smile of his own.  “We should probably get cleaned up.”

“I don’t think I can walk,” she panted, feeling limp.

He laughed and kneeled, taking her up in his arms.  As he stood, he wobbled, his knees threatening to give out.  They both chuckled at the momentary scare.  “I’m not sure _I’m_ cut out for walking.”

He pressed on, slowly, taking her up the stairs to the shower.  There, Caitlin sat on the edge of the tub and helped him remove the rubber.  Neither felt like standing, so Caitlin ran the bath, having Starscream fetch the cloths and towels.  Once the warm water filled the tub sufficiently, she had Star lay in the tub first, joining after and laying on top of him.

It was a tight fit, their legs not fully submerged, but both loved the warmth as they held each other close.  Each felt a glow, a desire fulfilled.  They both felt they could finally touch each other freely as they washed away the rain, sweat, and other fluids.  The last barrier had been lifted.  Neither could deny how the other felt anymore.

It took a tremendous effort, but both were able to exit the tub on their own and wobbled to the bedroom after a quick towel-dry.  Flopping onto the mattress, they settled under the covers, not bothering to put on clothes, feeling giddy and laughing.  They fell asleep with their arms wrapped around one another, still smiling as sleep took them for the night.


	27. Seekers, Sports Cars, and Sarah

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! I'm happy to report that I'm loving my new job and I'm feeling pretty good. I have to thank redecipher again for hilarious convos that led to this chapter.
> 
> I will preface by saying that a lot of my own headcanons appear in this chapter, so don't take anything in this as canon and read it with a grain of salt.
> 
> Thanks again for the new readers! You guys are awesome and know that I do read every comment and kudo even if I don't respond.

_They’re fine.  He’s fine._

                Knockout hadn’t heard back from either Caitlin or Starscream since they last saw each other and he was trying to reason with himself.  They were tired.  _It’s definitely not that Starscream had suffered some negative response to the injection._

                _He’s not dead_ , he repeated in his processor for the third time.

 

After another hour of unanswered texts and calls, Jofy made his way inside the apartment.  He was unhappy that the lights were off.  He nearly tripped on a torn piece of clothing and panicked.  He called out to both of them as he jumped up the steps two at a time.  The bedroom was open and he could hear moaning inside as he rushed in and threw on the light.

Everyone froze.

 Jofy’s hand never moved from the light switch on the wall as Starscream silently turned from his position atop Caitlin in the bed.  The blankets covered Starscream’s backside, but only barely, and did nothing to conceal what was going on underneath.

None of them dared speak, each waiting for the other to break the heavy silence.

Someone had to break the fragile silence.  Jofy was the first to speak, still unmoving.

“You didn’t answer your phone…”

Starscream gritted his teeth, hissing, “We were busy.”

“I see that,” he chuckled nervously.  “I just wanted to be sure you weren’t experiencing any ill-effects after-”

“No,” Star rasped.

“And you’re not, uh, worried-“

“Can you guys have this conversation when I don’t have his dick in my vagina?”

Both of the men shot looks at the woman with her arms crossing her chest in an angry blush.  Taking the hint, Jofy turned and allowed them to “finish.”

 

Jofy phased out and Knockout decided to wait outside.  He was debating leaving and saving further embarrassment when Starscream opened the door to beckon him in with a glare.  Jofy bit his lip, feeling sheepish.  He was thankful both of them were dressed as he entered the apartment again.

“Since you were _so worried_ , you can look now and see: I’m fine,” Starscream huffed.

Caitlin stayed quiet, not making eye contact.  Jofy cleared his throat, nodding.  “I can see that you feel up to some, er, strenuous activity,” he laughed.  “But I want to caution you to take it easy.  We still don’t know what this process will be like for you.”

“Honestly I don’t feel any different.  Should I?”  He looked down at his trunk as his hands patted himself, searching for some change.

“I don’t know.  The final tests we ran on your blood sample appeared to work as we planned.  It’s probably just going to take a while for the few nanites you have left to effect any noticeable change.”

He groaned in frustration but froze as his stomach echoed.  “Please tell me you at least brought breakfast.”

Jofy smiled awkwardly.  “I was so sure something was _wrong_ -“

Starscream swore colorfully, marching into the kitchen.  He came back in with a bowl of cereal and sat down on the couch with a scowl.

Caitlin snorted, “What about the milk?”

“I don’t care.” He ate a spoonful, face full of spite.  “I won’t have to deal with human food much longer.”

Jofy laughed quietly to himself.  He cleared his throat, turning to face Caitlin.  “I do apologize for interrupting.”

She shrugged.  “You seem to be good at picking improper moments.”

He winced but offered a smile.  “At least tell me you use protection.”

“Duh, neither of us want any alien disease or hybrid hell spawn!”

Jofy laughed loudly, trying to imagine what that might look like.  After he calmed down, he leaned in and whispered with a smirk, “Is he any good?”  Her face went redder than his paint job, making him laugh again, mouth open wide as he doubled over.  Wiping a fake tear from his eye, he glanced at Starscream.  “I’ll go.  I have to see about finding a new scanner to borrow since our equipment was damaged in the barn collapse,” he sighed.  “And I’ll see if I can find some buffers for your hood,” he nodded to Caitlin, recalling his promise to fix the damage to her car.

Both of the humans waved goodbye, still feeling awkward about having been caught.  They glanced at each other, unsure of what to say.  Starscream spoke first, moving to stand next to her as she gazed out the window.

“I’ll never live this down, you know.”

She smiled.  “Yeah…  But, uh, was I… Um, have you ever-“

“No,” he blurted.  “I’ve not been with a _human_ before.  If that’s what you meant.”

“Ah.  Yes.”  She bit her lip, noticing their reflections in the glass.  “Has any of your kind ever…?”

“Not as far as I’ve heard.”  He swallowed thickly, eyes meeting hers in the reflection.  “You…  You don’t have to keep…  That is, I’m sorry…”  He sighed, pinching his brow in frustration.  “You deserved to have an actual human as your first.”

She snorted, grinning.  “You’re human for now.  And I’m pretty proud to claim I had my first sexual encounter be with an alien.”  She laughed.  “Close encounters…  There’s a joke in there somewhere.”

The corner of his mouth raised slightly.  “You don’t regret last night?  …or this morning?”

“No,” she chirped, “I only regret getting caught.”

Both laughed away the remaining threads of tension between them.

\--

 

The following days saw Knockout make good on his promises, scanning Starscream for any progress in the change.  The only significant finding was an abrupt increase in electrical activity in his nervous system.  Frustrated at the lack of further changes, Starscream lost some of his initial mania, appearing more like his normal surly self.

Knockout also returned with wax and buffers to repair the damage to Caitlin’s car.  As Jofy emerged to work, dressed in tight jeans and an even tighter black tee, Caitlin scowled.  Walking up behind him, she pinched his ass and cackled as Knockout’s horn honked in surprise.

“What are you doing,” he half-shouted.

“You come to my house looking scandalous, you should expect a reaction,” she laughed.  He only lifted a brow as he bent back over to continue his work, glancing over his shoulder as she watched.  She glanced over to Knockout right beside them and then back to Jofy.  “Shouldn’t you have seen me coming?”

He turned and glanced over to his alt mode.  “When I holoform like this, it’s like an out of body experience.  Most of my consciousness is in this hologram.”  He scanned the parking lot quickly for anyone listening, but no one else was around.  “I was focused on my work, so I didn’t notice.”

She nodded but approached his side.  “Will you teach me how to do this?”

“Holoforming?”  He watched her, incredulous.

“No,” she laughed.  “The-this,” she pointed to the buffer in his hand.

“Oh, yes, that does make a bit more sense,” he sighed.  “But why?”

“I appreciate all you’ve done for me.  And Star, obviously.”

“You want to buff and wax Starscream when he’s metal again, don’t you?”

“…maybe.”

He laughed, passing the tool to her.  “You’re cute.  I’ll show you.  But Star’s not really the type to worry about his finish.”

“Well, maybe he’ll need someone to do that _for_ him.”

“Maybe.”

“I want to wax you, too.  I owe you for all those breakfasts.”

Starscream emerged outside to the sight of the both of them laughing on the hood.  He cleared his throat and they both stood, separating.

“Having fun without me?”

Jofy turned to look over his shoulder.  “I’m not making moves on your girl, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

Starscream huffed and crossed his arms with a scowl.  “Are you at least almost done?  I’ve never known you to take so long on such a small fix.”  He approached, wedging himself between the two to look at the car.

“I’m showing her the ropes, upon her request.”

Caitlin turned, buffer in hand.  “Knockout says he’ll show me how to do a matte finish, too.”

Starscream lifted a brow.

“I wanted to learn.  For you.  Both of you.  Just a little gift.”

Starscream’s mood lifted instantly.  “You wanted to wax and buff me?”

She nodded, laughing.  “If you’ll let me.”

He grinned, feeling cheeky.  “I don’t think you know what you’re signing up for.  That’s a lot of surface area.”

“What are you saying?”

“Oh, nothing,” he sighed with feigned annoyance.  “Just, if you spent so long on only this little space…”

“You saying I’m slow?”  She put a hand on her hip, staring him down.

He shrugged, grin still splitting his face as he imagined her trying to wash and wax him like the women in those naughty videos he caught Knockout watching when the Nemesis first came to Earth.

 

When the job was done, Jofy offering praise for her hard work, they settled down to relax for a while.  Caitlin allowed Jofy the chance to pick a program to watch.

“Of course you would select a show about sports cars, you narcissist,” Starscream grumbled.

“Tell me you haven’t forced her to watch jets, and then you can complain.”  Jofy smirked as Starscream bowed his head and turned away.

As Jofy was absorbed in the gloss and speed on the screen, Caitlin turned to Starscream.

“You know, I still don’t know much about you.”

He only grunted in reply.

“Come on, I’m gonna see the real you soon, and I just want to try to know you a little better before I lose you.”

He winced at the idea of leaving her behind.  Feeling a bit of guilt tugging him to look at her, he asked, “What do you want to know?”

“You mentioned before that your upbringing was different than mine.  What did you mean?”

His brows lifted, surprised she remembered.  “Well, yes.  Cybertron has a different way of doing things.  We don’t really have families.  Not like the ones of humans.”

Caitlin paused, hiding a laugh.  “Are we starting a birds and bees discussion?”

“Bit late for that,” he chuckled.  Jofy’s muffled laugh echoed his on the other end of the sofa, ignored.  “But I suppose you should know how we are made.”  He reclined, crossing his arms again in thought.  “We are knit in the Well of Allsparks.  Whether we are personally designed by Primus himself or by a program, the Well is where our sparks ignite and our frames are formed and forged around them.”  He held a hand to his chest.  “I miss my spark’s hum,” he murmured.

“It’ll be back soon,” she reminded him, hand covering his quickly.  “…So, do you get, I dunno, like born?  Where is the Well?”

“It’s the heart of our planet.  Our planet is said to be the body of Primus himself.  We emerge to join society once we are complete.”

“So… I don’t remember much of my first years of life.  Is it the same for you?”

“No,” he spoke softly.  “I recall the moment I came up from the Well.”  He looked upward, eyes closed.  “I saw two things: my wings… and the stars.  I knew one day I would fly among them.  I wanted to see what was out there.”  Opening his eyes, he glanced back at Caitlin.  “Just not like this.  Not… because of war.”

Jofy glanced at him, curious if he was meant to hear such a personal memory.

As if realizing what he’d said, Starscream straightened, clearing his throat.  “Of course, that doesn’t mean I performed poorly in war.  I _am_ of the military caste.”

“Tell me more about the caste system, then,” Caitlin suggested, changing topics from the sensitive subject.

“Ugh, a curse upon our kind,” he moaned.  “It’s the whole reason war broke out in the first place.”

Jofy scowled as well.  “Speak for yourself.  At least the rules were less strict in Vos.  I’m only a medic through my own exploration and study.  I wasn’t able to get into proper medical training because of my caste!”

Starscream’s head whipped around.  “Are you kidding?”

Jofy huffed.  “No.  I was…”  He paused in a rare moment of quiet reflection.  Snapping back to a scowl and mocking sneer.  “Forget it.  I just hope the Autobots don’t reinstate that foolishness now that they control the planet.”

Starscream glanced at him, pondering.  “You taught yourself?”

“…Yes.  Kind of.”  He peeked at Starscream from the corner of his eye, appearing guilty.

Intrigued, Starscream decided to press on.  “What does that mean?”

“You really want to know?”  Jofy crossed his arms and legs, pulling tight.  “You may not want to hear the truth.”

Caitlin nudged him.  “Come on…  Are you nervous?  I mean, you guys _did_ make the reversal happen.”

“Not officially.  Not yet,” he reminded.  Glancing at Starscream’s expectant face, he sighed.  “Fine.  I was in something of a servant class before the war…”  He tightened his body, appearing to shrink.  “I fell for Megatron’s rhetoric.”  His nose wrinkled in apparent disgust at himself.  “For someone in my position…  It was appealing.  I was tired of being considered inferior.”

Starscream raised a brow but remained silent.

“When I joined the Decepticons, it wasn’t the immediate escape from my caste that they sold it to be.  I was forced into grunt work.  Gladiators became warriors and leaders.  While I was left to clean the carnage in their wake.”  His lip curled in distaste.  “I basically worked as a body collector.  I gathered them to dispose of them.  Or worse.”  He shivered.  “I developed a strong constitution, to say the least.  Eventually, after seeing that kind of carnage, I got curious.  No one really monitored corpse details, so I could easily sneak one or two bodies away for my own experimentation.  I wanted to see how our frames worked, how we function.  And…  I learned how to mod.

“The more battles we fought, the more mods I encountered.  I tinkered with the fallen bots enough to learn how the mods were done.  How they were attached and connected to neural networks…  I started designing mods for myself during the process.  But it took a long time to build up the courage to actually work on myself.”

His lip quivered as light flashed across the surface of the hologram.  Caitlin moved in to nudge him gently.  “You obsess with your appearance because you hated your caste?”

He nodded.  “Probably…”  He sighed.  “I started chasing perfection.  But for all the damage I caused myself, I don’t regret anything.  I never want to go back to the way it was.  Scrounging, living in filth, unable to afford simple things like an oil bath.”  He shuddered again.

“I’d say you can stop chasing it now,” she giggled.  “You’re pretty damn perfect.”

He smiled softly with a chuckle.  “Thanks, babe.”  He winked, laughing at Starscream’s jealous scowl.  After placating Starscream, he continued, “Unfortunately, my curiosity only grew after working on myself.  It was completely different to see all the bits, all the gears and pistons, in actual motion.  I quickly grew tired of lifeless subjects and I actually started taking live prisoners.  I’m not necessarily proud of that, but it happened.”

Starscream shuddered at the idea of being trapped on Knockout’s dissecting table.  “I saw the way you treated Silas.  I can safely say I’m glad I didn’t fall under your blade in one of your curious or vindictive moods.”

“Silas was different.”  He said no more about him, instead donning his usual shield of snark.  “And who’s to say you didn’t?  I would make sure you’d never remember.”  Upon seeing Starscream freeze, he laughed, waving off the joke.  “Anyway, some of the Decepticons had seen me out successfully capturing wounded Autobots, modding myself and others, even patching wounds on those left behind.  Megatron caught wind, and appointed me as a medic, since so few of those trained sided with the Decepticons.  Little did I know that none of the other Decepticon medics would survive to the end…”

Starscream gave an appraising look.  “I’m grateful to those that fell so that you could repair me.”

Jofy glistened, hologram blurring as Knockout failed in maintaining the avatar.  After a moment to restore the program, he reclined.  “So that’s my story.  I’m sure yours is far more cheerful.  …up until you served Megatron, anyway.”

“You’re not wrong…  I was afforded a lot more luxury than most because of my caste and where I lived.  I was able to interact with many of other castes and we often shared dislike of those not of Vos.  Too often they lacked ambition.”  He softened his features as he faced Jofy.  “You are not like them.  You clawed your way up.”

Jofy puffed proudly, all traces of his former shame gone.  “Thank you.”

\--

 

The next scans of Starscream’s system seemed promising.

“The heightened electrical activity is really gravitating toward your chest.  I suspect that it’s your spark starting to reform.”

Starscream smiled, but hesitated.  “Nothing more?”

“There’s more,” he chuckled.  “You have the first signs of your energon intake and fuel lines appearing.  Your nanites are doing just what we told them to.”

Starscream jumped with a shout.  “FINALLY!”

Caitlin laughed at the sight.  “So now that his energon system is in, does that mean he can refuel the rest of his nanites?”

Jofy soured.  “Hmmm…  I don’t know.  Actually, I need to break some bad news.”

Both of the others faced him.  “What do you mean?”

“Ratchet put me on rations.  I’m only allowed to refuel with synthetic energon.”

“That’s… not that bad.”

“It doesn’t taste great…  But it’s effect on a human system is completely untested.  I have no idea if your human body can take it.  I heard from Ratchet that humans can handle _normal_ energon.  We have no data on synthen.”

Starscream’s shoulders sagged.  “Well, can’t you smuggle some regular energon?”

“Ratchet won’t let me near it.  Or his tools.”

“Scrap.”

“Yeah.”

Starscream shut his eyes, thinking.  “Well, what if you got some raw energon?”

“I don’t know of any accessible deposits, do you?”

He started to smugly suggest one, but stopped short, realizing Megatron found the location, as he so often did thanks to that snitch, Soundwave.  He went through a whole list of locations before scowling, giving up.

“Starscream, even if you do think of a place, I can’t refine it without getting caught.”

“I could build a refinery if you can bring me some supplies.”

“…Really?”

“I built one in the Harbinger to use the red energon I collected.”

“…That’s, kind of surprising.”

“I told you I was a scientist.”

Suddenly, Jofy glimmered.  Before they could ask, he answered, “Uh…  Heads up.  A black car just blocked me in and there’s a girl and a small animal getting out.”

“What does she look like?”  Caitlin had a sinking feeling.

“Should we hide??”

Without any time to act, the door burst open, revealing a woman of around Caitlin’s age, but smaller with short, dark hair, dark lipstick, and a black dress with a white collar.

“CAITLIN, ARE YOU DEAD-“ she shouted, locking eyes with all three people in the room.  “Oh, you have company.”

“Sarah!  …What a surprise.”  Caitlin’s arms raised up in feigned enthusiasm.

“I hadn’t heard from you in a while, so I thought I’d check up on you.  Even Jason is worried.”  She held up the dog in her arms who only looked at them through squinted eyes, looking annoyed by existence.

Caitlin laughed and approached to pet the dog.  “You left Sam at home?”

“Eh, he thinks I’m being paranoid about you.  Also, I may have acted on an impulse…”

“So he has no idea you’re here?”

“Nope.”

Both laughed, but soon turned to the men in the room.

Sarah searched the two.  “Which of you is the infamous Star?”

Starscream gulped and smiled nervously.  Caitlin was nervous as well, but the way his face seemed to only half-obey, smile tilting heavily, made her hide a chuckle.  Jason bared his teeth but did not growl at the sight of the man, making Star seem even more nervous than before.

Sarah leveled her gaze at the man.  “Well, he looks weird.”

“Sarah!”

“What?  Look at that weird face!”

Starscream suppressed the sharp jab he had prepared for the dog’s weird face and cleared his throat.  “Are you the Sarah she spoke to in the bath?”

“Bath?  Oh!  Yes.”  She approached him, keeping a calm face and shuffled her dog into her left arm.  Extending her free hand to him, she continued, “Nice to officially meet, Star.”

He shook her hand timidly, but Sarah never wavered, staring at him intensely.  While her back was to the others she mouthed a threat that she was watching him.

Jofy, while finding some of this amusing, had slowly made his way to the door, but Caitlin caught him and gripped his wrist tight.

“If you try to weasel out of here, I will slash your tires,” she whispered.

He was still staring at her in shock when the others directed their attention to him.

“So who’s this, then?”

“This is Jofy,” Caitlin offered.  “He’s a friend of Star’s.  He’s been helping us out a bit lately.”

“Oh…”

Caitlin recognized the wheels turning in Sarah’s mind and prepared herself for another wild fantastic theory.  “All right.  What are you thinking, now?”

“Nothing,” she lied.  “Actually, I’m hungry.  You feel up to going out for food?  I’ll drive.”

Caitlin rolled her eyes, but nodded.

“We can bring along the boys, too.  I want to know more about them.”

Caitlin could already feel her blood pressure rising.  “Sure.  Why not.”

Both men looked at her incredulously.

Sarah grinned, looking somewhat devious as she opened the door and unlocked her car.

Star and Jofy both whispered harshly at Caitlin, pleading, reasoning, and complaining.  Caitlin would have none of it and pushed them both out of the apartment.  Jofy turned to reason with her again but as she passed by the Aston Martin, she held a single key close to the door as she glared.  He gulped and reluctantly got into Sarah’s car.  Star was mortified at the entire affair, but couldn’t help the swell of pride at Caitlin’s threatening display.

 

In the car, Caitlin briefly wondered if she could possibly keep the boys’ secrets as Starscream chanted internally that he wouldn’t have to ride in cars much longer.  Jofy was having his own worries, but kept a cool exterior as he stared back to where his alt mode sat.

After several minutes, the girls joked, lightening the atmosphere, and discussed where they wanted to go before settling on an old favorite.  Sarah was especially pleased as the four of them sat at a table on the patio of the sushi restaurant, allowing Jason to sit outside with them.  He leaped into Sarah’s lap immediately and stared directly into Star’s eyes, unnerving him.

Caitlin noticed Jofy tapping his foot and checking his surroundings often, his nerves painfully obvious from his seat across the table.  She thought to ask him about it, but couldn’t without attracting attention.  Instead, she tried to break the tension by asking Sarah how she’s been since they last spoke.

“Oh, come on.  I didn’t come out here to talk about me.”  She stared directly at Star from across the table.  “I came to talk about you.”  Passing a quick glance to Jofy, she added, “And now _you_.  You’re a bonus.”

Starscream straightened.  “What do you want to know?”  He was far calmer now that he had a story so well-rehearsed.

“Is it true you were wandering around naked when you met?”

He blushed, thinking back to his first human interactions.  “Yes.”

“And you can’t remember what happened?”

“Ugh,” he rolled his eyes.  “I do, but… Listen.  I am a very high-ranking member of a foreign military…”  He paused, his wounded pride causing him to deflate.  “I _was_.  But now disgraced.  I cannot reveal what military I led without breaking the brittle thread of peace I have binding me to your country.  I am sworn to secrecy by your government.”

“That’s…”

“Blunt?”  He glared at her, daring her to push.

“Convenient.”  Sarah, much like Caitlin’s brother, didn’t take the story.  “That still doesn’t explain why you were naked.”

Thinking for a moment, closing his eyes, he inhaled deeply.  “It was part of the method in which my former _Master_ decided to humiliate me in stripping me of my status.”

Jofy turned to face him and felt the corner of his mouth raise at the clever description.  Hoping to push this along, he chimed in.

“I was in the same operation as Star, but I defected before our leader punished him.”  He leaned in, laying on the charm for Sarah, as he had so many other humans who were too curious in the past.  “So do forgive us if we don’t share much.  Neither of us really liked the leadership and we’d rather focus on the here and now.”

Sarah frowned.  “I didn’t ask you.”

Jofy snapped back, shocked that his dashing smile hadn’t worked.

Caitlin quickly interjected, “Sarah, they’re both good people.  You don’t have to be so protective.”

Star and Jofy both twitched, looking at each other.

_Good people?_

_Us?_

Sarah sighed.  “Caitlin, I love you, but you are not good at picking up on this sort of thing.”

Caitlin’s face flattened before she frowned and crossed her arms.

Sarah laughed, but mercifully stopped her interrogation.  The waiter came by to take drink orders and Caitlin ordered an appetizer, more for the distraction than the actual food.  Again, she looked to Jofy and found him fidgety, concentration focused elsewhere.

The conversation was lighter once the waiter was gone, and each of them started to relax.  Except for Jofy.  Periodically, he jittered, and it concerned Caitlin to the point that she tried to ask him what was wrong.

“Are you ok?”

“Hm?  Oh, uh, fine.”  He tried to smile, but turned away quickly.

The waiter returned with drinks and Star glanced at Jofy.  He hadn’t missed the odd behavior, but he was fairly certain he’d worked out the reason.

It’s hard to eat something when you’re just a hologram.

Unfortunately, Sarah had noticed as well.

“Are you not going to drink your water?”

“I’m not that thirsty.”

She huffed, but kept a sharp eye on him.  “You seem nervous.”

“No, not at all,” he lied, sounding disinterested.  “Just meeting a friend of a friend who seems to have it out for me,” he smirked, words oozing snark.

Caitlin cheered as she watched the appetizer arrive, thankful that her plan worked.  The joy was short-lived, however.

Sarah soon noticed Jofy wasn’t eating.

“You’re not hungry, either?”

He shook his head.

“I want to see you eat something.”

“What?”

“I just want to know that you _can_.”

“ _Sarah_ ,” Caitlin whined.

“No, I…  I’ll eat this.”  Jofy carefully lifted a wonton to his lips.  He stared for a moment, gulping loudly.  After several seconds, under hawk-like supervision from everyone at the table, he took the whole thing into his mouth.

“Swallow it,” Sarah commanded.

He looked terrified as he swallowed, opening his mouth to prove the parcel was gone.  Satisfied, Sarah shrugged and resumed conversation with the others.

Starscream glanced at Jofy, who was now sitting stiffly, visibly struggling.  When they both locked eyes, Starscream offered a napkin under the table while directing Sarah’s attention elsewhere long enough for Jofy to spit the wonton back up.  He kicked the loaded napkin off of the patio ledge before Sarah turned back around.

He grimaced, still rubbing his throat as Sarah noticed him shudder.  Much to Caitlin’s horror, she caught the barest hint of holographic light as he shivered.  She prayed that Sarah didn’t see it, but her fears were confirmed when Sarah turned to ask her to join her in the bathroom.

Jason whined, but stayed in the chair, shaking.  Despite the fearful nature of the dog, he stared directly at Starscream the whole time, as if sensing Sarah’s suspicion.

Once in the bathroom, Sarah pulled Caitlin into a stall for private conversation.

“Ok, I have a new theory.”

“Sarah, look-“

“I think both of them could be fairies.  I know for a fact Jofy is.”

“If you could allow them to explain, I’m sure-“

“I mean I just saw his glamour fail!  I still haven’t made up my mind whether Star is a fae or if he’s just another victim.  Maybe Jofy is the one who took him-“

“Sarah!  Enough.  Please.  I really don’t think either of them are fairies or whatever you think they are.  They both have been very good to me and they are not interested in kidnapping or abducting or whatever you call it.”

“But I just want you to be safe.”

“I know!  I do, really, but…”  She sighed, shifting her gaze to the ceiling.  “What can I do to make you feel better?  I don’t want you badgering them any more than you already have, so what can I do?”

“I’m glad you asked,” she whispered excitedly.  “Wear this,” she said, shoving a necklace into her hands.

Caitlin held up the silver chain to inspect it, seeing on it a clear resin pendant with several plants sealed inside.

“Four-leaf clover from my own yard to make glamour visible, just once mind you, and red ash berries, marigolds, and St. John’s wort for warding off fairies.”  She rummaged in her pocket, a tinkling sound breaking through the air.  “Here,” she stuffed something heavy into Caitlin’s pocket.  “Keep that iron nail in your pocket and they can’t take you.”

Caitlin tried not to laugh, realizing the tinkling must have been an iron bell or her own nail tapping against the one she gave her, but smiled fondly.  “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

“Please don’t harass them anymore.”

“I won’t.”

“Good.”  She laughed and put on the necklace before opening the stall door.

“Yeah, fairies hate poor manners, so I better not press my luck.”

“ _Sarah_.”

“Once I figure out what kind of fae they are, I can give you more.”

Caitlin laughed exhaustedly.

 

When the girls returned, Jofy was gone and Star was trying to sneak past the tiny growling dog.

“Collect this creature!”  He pointed at the diminutive dog dramatically.

“Where’s Jofy?”  Caitlin checked the scenery, flabbergasted.

Sarah casually walked over and picked the dog up.  “How come you let one get away but not the other, huh?”

Caitlin was getting no help, still looking around when she caught a flash from a nearby wall.  She pursued the light and found Jofy leaning against the wall out of sight from the others.

“What’s going on with you?”

“I’m having a hard time keeping it together.”

“I noticed, but why?”

“I mean, me.  I’m having a hard time maintaining the avatar,” he said while patting his chest.  “I’ve never stretched it this far before.”

“This far?”

“Away from my actual body!”  He bit his lip, catching his tone before he started attracting attention.  “I was hoping to convince you to let me follow in my alt mode, but you decided to threaten my finish!”

“I’m sorry,” she offered genuinely.  “Is it too late?  Can you drive closer?”

“Maybe.  But I’ll need your help.”

“Anything.”

“Just… help me not to blow my cover.”

“Of course.”

“So, I may appear to zone out while I’m driving, but Jofy, me, I, will still be here.”

“…So you have a limit to how far you can send the avatar, then?”

“Technically, no.  It’s just… harder to maintain focus.  I’ve never practiced it like this.  Usually, I keep it within sight of myself or close enough that I can phase it out without causing alarm.”

She nodded in understanding.  “Ok.  So, when we go back to the table…”

“Make up a story.”

“Right, uh, like you were allergic to that wanton.”

He grimaced, sticking his tongue out.  “Don’t make me relive that.”

“That bad?”

“The texture…”

“It’s funny ‘cause I really thought you couldn’t eat.”

“I can’t.”

“But you-“

“Star covered for me while I spat it out.  I don’t have the internals of a human programmed into this so I just had to make a little pocket within the throat on the fly.”

“That’s… pretty impressive.”

“I’m just thankful I couldn’t taste it.”

She laughed as she led him back to the others to sit.

 

Sarah, though confirmed in her expectations of Jofy, kept her promise to leave the men alone.  She had to snap her fingers to keep Jofy attentive to the conversation and she wasn’t surprised that he didn’t eat again.

Caitlin kept a close eye on Sarah and Jofy both, and mirrored his sigh of relief when he nodded at her.  Glancing past his shoulder, she could see the red sports car in the parking lot.

Dinner itself was surprisingly pleasant once all parties were relaxed.  Star appreciated Sarah’s dark humor, feeling reminded of Vosnian political humor.  That didn’t stop her from being thoroughly intimidating or her dog from being utterly unsettling.

After the meals were eaten and paid for, as the four of them headed back to Sarah’s car, Star glanced down at the dog once more.

“Sarah, that dog of yours…  It has an interesting collar.”

She held him up before setting him down inside.  “His name is Jason.  And yeah, I like embellishing it.”

“That purple gem is… something.”

“Oh, yeah, that.  See, Jason is kinda weird.”

As Star closed the door, he lifted an eyebrow.  “Weird?”

“He likes to bring me rocks.  That’s one of the amethysts he’s brought me.”

Caitlin laughs.  “You have a mining dog?”

“Yep.  Actually, there’s this spot I keep catching him running to.  I’m sure it’s full of those minerals.”

“He craves that mineral,” Caitlin laughed.

Sarah chuckled.  “It’s like an entrance to a cave.  I’m too chicken to explore it, but it’s not that far from here.”

Starscream lit up.  “Please!”

“Sure, alright.”

 

Several minutes later, Knockout pulled in around the next bend in the road, out of sight of the car containing his holoform as they stopped to investigate the cave.

Caitlin resisted the chills she felt at the sight of the narrow opening in the rock.  “He really runs all the way out here?”

“Almost every time he gets out of the fence.”

Starscream couldn’t stop himself from wandering forward to the mouth of the cave.  Spotting a faint glow, he knelt down to inspect something.  He grunted as he struggled with something before turning around with a large chunk of a blue crystal in his palm.

Jofy laughed when he saw it, his hand smacking his forehead.

Jason watched carefully as Star approached him and yelped when the man lifted him up to kiss his face.

“Thank you, you strange little creature!”

Jason whined until he was set down, upon which moment he darted up into his owner’s arms.

“What’s got you so excited?”

“It’s, ennn- it’s the last mineral I need for my collection,” he quickly corrected himself.

“Oh, well you should check around.  Jason’s brought me bigger shards than that.”

Jofy laughed again, covering his face with one hand.

Sarah smiled awkwardly, but told everyone they better get going.  Knockout made note of the coordinates and peeled out to get back to the apartment before Sarah spotted him.

Starscream was all giggles for the rest of the evening.

Who knew that a tiny, shaking earth creature was such a fine energon seeker?


	28. A Good Friend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I know it's been a long ass time. I'm sorry that this ended up being such a long wait. I am not entirely pleased with this chapter but it's done and I struggled enough with this that I'm just going to leave it for now and move on.
> 
> That being said, in the meantime I did start a new fic about a harpy au for Starscream. If I take forever to update again, you can try out the other fic since I'm writing both at the same time now.
> 
> I swear the actual plot will start moving faster from here on out.
> 
> Thank you all so much for sticking around and I hope not to disappoint!

When they arrived back at the apartment, Sarah didn’t stay long.  She apologized to the boys before whispering to Caitlin.

“Seriously, I expect updates.  Check your mail.”

Caitlin laughed quietly as Sarah turned once more to Star and Jofy. She extended her hand to each, receiving hesitant handshakes.  She frowned, but left, Jason trailing behind with one last suspicious glance at Star that sent shivers up his spine.

“What was that all about?”

Caitlin sighed.  “She thinks you’re fairies or something.”

Jofy sputtered, “What? Why?”

“She’s certain you’re trying to seduce me or something to steal me away,” she shrugged.

Star raised a brow at “seduce”, but said nothing.

“Is it because of the hologram failure,” Jofy asked sadly.

“Oh, no. She suspected you the moment she saw you.  The holoform thing was just a confirmation to her.”

“Well…  I guess that it’s alright,” Jofy sighed.  “At least she’s on the wrong track.”

“Yeah, aliens aren’t her thing,” Caitlin laughed quietly.

Starscream stared at the blue crystal in his hand.  “I can’t believe this.”

Jofy, not paying attention, responded, “Yes, I know.  Who jumps to fairies?”

“What?  No.  This.”  He held the crystal out in front of the man’s face.

“Oh right!”  He grinned.  “I kept a record of the location.  Just to be safe, I’ll stay clear of the cave myself.  You two can harvest the crystals.  I can’t risk the deposit being discovered and me taking the blame for not sharing.”

Star nodded, agreeing with his logic.  “I’ll send you a list of what I’ll need to refine this.  Perhaps some of the equipment from the barn can be salvaged.”

“Perfect.  And hopefully, your intake system will be ready by the time we get some crystals refined.”

His eyes brightened as he clutched the crystal to his chest.

\--

 

Two days later, the three were sitting around the dining room table where Starscream worked to set up the refinery.  Caitlin protested the location but sweet-talking Starscream convinced her that it was a logical location for “food”.  She sat with her arms crossed, but the annoyance dissipated as she watched Starscream work.  She made a quick note to thank her mom for the toolbox she left at the apartment.

Jofy smirked to himself as he watched the machinery come together.  It was the smallest energon refinery he’d ever seen, but then at Starscream’s present size, he didn’t need much fuel.  He twirled a large crystal in his fingers and nearly dropped it when Starscream shouted that the work was complete.  He reached over and jerked the crystal from Jofy’s hand and loaded it into the refinery.  The small display window indicated it was working, but it would take a few hours before there was any refined energon ready for consumption.

“Fragging wait times…”  He sulked into the chair, making Caitlin laugh at his childish impatience.

“Star, it works!  Cheer up.”  She climbed out of her chair to sit in his lap, facing him.  She felt a little embarrassed by Jofy’s stare and subsequent smirk but since his… interruption, she felt less pressure to keep their closeness secret.

Starscream stared angrily up at her but didn’t complain.  In fact, he opened his arms and caressed her shoulders.  Jofy blushed, looking away calmly.  Star briefly entertained the thought of seeing how uncomfortable he could make him but decided against it.

He instead stood up, picking Caitlin up in the process, making her laugh and cling to his neck.

“Should I leave you two alone,” Jofy asked sarcastically.

Starscream chuckled.  “No.  But we do have some time to kill.”  He set Caitlin on her feet carefully.

Jofy paused.  “Are you looking for suggestions?”

Star shrugged.

“Well, I recommend taking advantage of this opportunity.  You’re only going to be human once.  …Hopefully,” he chuckled.  “Why not try something you haven’t done yet?”

Caitlin bit her lip, poorly hiding her thoughts.

Starscream looked at her, seeing the look.  “What is it?”

“I…  No, nevermind.”

His scowl softening, he asked, “What do you want to do?”

She mumbled, looking away.

“Louder, please.”

“I said…  I want to go dancing.”  She glanced at him briefly.  “I want to see you dance.”

“Oh…”  He blinked several times, then lifted her chin.  “Why are you embarrassed?”

“ _I_ _can’t_ dance.”

Jofy laughed and rose, placing a hand on her shoulder.  “I doubt Star knows any human dances, so I’d wager it’s a level playing field.”

Starscream rolled his eyes. “Do you have a particular location in mind?”

She shook her head.  “No.  Like I said, I can’t dance, so I don’t know where to go.”

Jofy looked at them thoughtfully.  “I might know a place.”

Starscream looked at him suspiciously.  “You do?”

“The night we met, back at the bar?  Not the first place I checked that night.”  He put his hands in his pockets.  “I can drop you two off.”

Something in the way Jofy’s face fell made Starscream pause.  He glanced at Caitlin, who spoke up.

“Why don’t you join us?”

He perked up instantly.  “…You’re inviting me along?”

Caitlin smiled.  “Of course.  Why wouldn’t we?”

Jofy smiled, sighing quietly.  “Silly me.”

 

Knockout’s engine purred as he pulled into the parking lot.  Jofy emerged with the others, now wearing the same outfit from the night he found them at the bar.  Starscream rolled his eyes at Jofy’s strut.

He and Caitlin had freshened up as well, though Starscream had a very limited wardrobe to work with.  He wore a solid dark shirt and jeans, leaving the coat in the apartment due to the warming weather.  He glanced at Caitlin and smiled to himself at the effort she made to dress up.  He admired the way her hair looked when pulled off her face, allowing her eyes to shine brightly in the light.  Her makeup was less subtle than he’d ever seen her wear it, and her tight clothes pulled his gaze to all of her curves, spiking his desire.

He broke his stare once she offered her hand to him and Jofy coughed.  Smirking, he led the pair to the door, where there was a line of people all dressed in far less clothing than the trio.  Star groaned but watched as Jofy led them around the line straight to the door.  Caitlin was too busy feeling out of place to notice Jofy passing a large bill to the man at the door, but Star grunted as he watched the exchange.

“Humans are easily persuaded,” Jofy turned and chuckled as they walked into the dark interior of the club, “so long as you’re rich or attractive.”

Star rolled his eyes with a smile.  “I suppose we’re lucky that you’re both?”

Jofy laughed.  “It’s easy to have money when you have no expenses like food or rent,” he shrugged.

“Gee, wish I knew what that was like,” Caitlin dreamed aloud.  She looked around the room, smelling the sweat and alcohol in the air as the colored lights danced along with the crowd on the floor.

Starscream noted her discomfort, taking her hand.  “I must admit this is not what I pictured when we discussed dancing.”

Jofy rolled his eyes and motioned for them to follow him again.  This time he led them to a table on the edge of the dance floor.  “Look, if you were expecting something a little more formal, I’m sorry.  But here you can pretty much expect to blend in no matter what.  If you’re good out there, fine.  If you are terrible, most are too wrapped up in their own fun to notice, or if they do, they assume you’ve just been drinking.”

Caitlin opened her mouth to speak but paused.  She eventually nodded and conceded that he had a point.  She was still nervous, and a bit disappointed, but she decided to give it a shot.

“Let’s have a round for you two first, then we’ll dance,” Jofy purred.  He disappeared into the crowd to the bar and returned minutes later with drinks.  “On me.”

Starscream seemed less enthusiastic than Caitlin but partook anyway.  It took a couple of drinks to actually convince Caitlin to get out of the chair, but eventually, the trio made their way out into the crowd.  Despite the proximity to the other dancers, Star and Caitlin were still less-than-inclined to actually move.

Pouting, Jofy tried to entice them, but hardly got much more than swaying out of them.

“Come on, Star…  She came to see you dance.”

“Yes, well…  I seem to recall my physician advising me to take it _easy_.”

Glaring, Jofy folded his arms.  “You’re under direct medical supervision now.”  When he received a frown from both of his dance partners, he chuckled.  “Perhaps you should close your eyes.”

To his great amusement, both of them followed his instruction and he decided to get a little cheeky.  He whispered something into Caitlin’s ear that Starscream couldn’t hear.  Pushing the two closer together, Jofy made his exit into the mass of moving bodies.

Caitlin’s face burned with embarrassment as she grabbed Starscream’s hands.  With his eyes still closed, and her cheeks feeling like they were glowing, she pulled him down to hear what she’d been told.

“I want to see you dance, Lord Starscream,” she purred into his ear.

That got his attention.

He replayed the words in his head and felt his body respond before his brain.  He could feel his arousal coupled with the heavy beat in the air.  Shivering, he leaned back into Caitlin.

“Say it again.”

She obliged and dragged out the crucial title.  She watched as he grinned, a hiss of pleasure seeping through his teeth.  He circled her, stepping in time to the beat.  Slowly, his movements turned to dance.  Caitlin blushed again as he pulled her flush to his body, making them both rock side to side.

“I adore hearing those words on your lips,” he rumbled lowly.  She could feel his arousal pressed against her backside.

She blamed it on the alcohol when she swayed her hips to grind on him.  Starscream growled and walked around to face her again as they both undulated to the music, getting lost in the moment and each other.

Jofy watched silently and smiled at his success.

 

The trio danced well into the night and part of the way into morning.  Jofy was pleased that Caitlin was able to see Starscream at his most graceful as he twirled and gyrated around the floor.  He was also pleased that Starscream was able to relax and have a little fun.

On the ride home, Caitlin was all giggles and a little handsy with both of the boys, but she took a moment to pause and regard Jofy.

“You’re a good friend.”

Jofy blushed and flashed out of existence.  Knockout reset his vocalizer and murmured his thanks.

Starscream gave the steering wheel a heavy-lidded glance, scowling.

“I suppose you are a decent… friend.”

Knockout’s internal lights flickered.  “You had more alcohol than I thought.”

Starscream scowled.  “I think we moved past a simple work relationship when you told her to call me Lord.”

Caitlin snorted and draped herself over the driver’s seat to laugh.

 

Jofy made sure the two made it in safely but declined the offer to hang around.  He reminded them to use protection before promptly disappearing as Knockout pulled out, not wanting to interfere with any of the frisky behavior he’d instigated on the dance floor.

 

The next day, Jofy was sure to knock before presenting the pair with their hangover cures.

After the breakfast and coffee had disappeared, the energon refinery finally came back into focus.  The container was now full, the process finished long ago.  Starscream was overly eager to drink the glowing blue liquid down, but Jofy cautioned him to wait until his stomach had settled.

He pouted for a full hour before the others caved in and allowed him to test it.  Against their warnings, he gulped it down quickly, not caring about anything but restoration.

Starscream lifted the now empty container, examining it with a satisfied grin.  He admired the way the light shone through the container, but his smile waned momentarily.

Without warning, his hand shook, the glass slipping from his grip as he doubled over against the table.  The shatter on the floor was overshadowed by his groaning as he clenched against the pain in his chest.  Caitlin rushed to his side but Jofy steered her clear of the energon-tainted shards on the floor.

“Star, what’s wrong?”

“Arrragh….  Charge,” he slurred.  “Going…  I’m going to-“ His hand clasped over his mouth.

Jofy inserted himself between them.

“If he purges here,” he gulped, “…I don’t want you to catch any splash-back.  You’ve not built up a tolerance yet.”  Caitlin nodded reluctantly and backed away.

Starscream started to shiver as he closed his eyes, willing his body into control.  Several tense moments passed before his body stopped shaking and his breathing slowed.  Slowly, cautiously, he rose, the occasional tremor still passing through him until he was at full height.  He sighed as he forced the last shudder out of his shoulders and opened his eyes.

Caitlin gasped, making him turn quickly.

“Star, your eyes…”

Jofy was on top of him in a second, examining him and prying open his eyes.

“Get off me I feel fine!”

“That violent initial reaction says otherwise.  Now, sit!”

Star grumbled but did as he was told and allowed Jofy to examine him thoroughly.  Catching sight of Caitlin again, he narrowed his gaze.

“What about my eyes?”

“They were…  The whites of your eyes turned blue.”  She tried to hold back her concern.  “Like… glowing bright blue.  Your veins, too…”

Rather than fear, he reacted with glee.  He whooped and ran to a mirror to see for himself.

Jofy huffed and crossed his arms as he watched the man disappear.

By the time Starscream reached the mirror in the bathroom, most of the glow had faded, but he could see hints of it before his blood vessels returned to a more human red.

“It’s working!”

“Starscream, you have to take this slow,” Jofy chided.  “We don’t know how this will affect your organic structures.”  He forced the man to sit on the couch with a swift shove.

When Starscream winced, at first Jofy thought it was the force he used to make him sit.  When he started to clutch his chest, however, he knew something was wrong.

Starscream’s voice filled the room as his face contorted in terror and pain.

Jofy genuinely panicked.  He tried laying his hands on the quickly crumpling body to perform some sort of medical check, only to be shoved back.

Starscream’s whole body felt like he’d been set aflame.  He could only curl up and scream in response to the internal onslaught.  Organic pain, as he already knew, was far beyond anything he’d ever dealt with as a Cybertronian.  But _this_ was beyond anything he’d experienced in even his human life.  He could feel every pulse of his circulatory system shoot needles into his vessels.  His flesh was saturated with pain from a charge that seemed to have no outlet.

Jofy flickered violently as Knockout’s engine rumbled outside warily.

“Star, talk to me,“ he stuttered through static.

“…Hurts,” was the only word he could force his lips to make.

Caitlin ran her hands through her hair, tugging it in her nervous state.  She stared at him wide-eyed as he contracted every muscle at once.   She gasped loudly when Jofy disappeared altogether after another fitful flash.

Moving to sit in front of him, carefully, she leaned down to touch his face, causing him to flinch.  She pulled her hand back in shock.

His skin was _burning._

Not just feverish, but actually too hot for her to touch.

“Star, we have to get you cooled off.  _Now_.”  Grabbing an icepack from the freezer, she pulled him from the couch and led him up to the tub.

By the time Jofy returned, Star was in the tub, stripped down and covered in cold compresses and ice.

“Sorry I, uh, fizzled out,” he mumbled, clearing his throat.

“Just check his temperature for me and let me know if it’s down below 98.  I’m going back to make more ice.”  Caitlin took the ice trays with her, but Jofy could see the tremor in her hands.

The thermometer she left him indicated that Starscream was hotter than the digital display could read.  Nervously, he approached his side.

“Hey, Starscream…  How’re you holding up?”

“How d’you think,” he replied weakly.

“If you’re up for sass, then I would say you’re doing alright…”

“S-stick to your scanners… Doctor.”

Jofy narrowed his gaze in annoyance but lifted up the large scanner he smuggled out of the med bay.  “Your nanites are going crazy.  They’re working too fast and generating too much heat.  And…  Oh.”

“Oh?”  Starscream glanced up, still fighting off the pain.

“They’re…  They’re cannibalizing themselves because they lack Cybertronian elements!  They don’t have the- they can’t make new structures-” he stuttered, voice static-filled.  “They have nothing to build with and they’re killing you!”  Jofy jumped up and disappeared again.

Caitlin could hear screeching tires before she could realize that Knockout was gone.

 

Knockout worked quickly and hoped Starscream hadn’t worsened in his absence.  The drive took longer than he wanted it to, but any faster and he thought his struts would snap.  He sent Jofy straight into the apartment with his precious cargo in hand and found Starscream in much the same condition.

“Where have you been?”  Caitlin glared at him as she loaded more ice into the bath.  “It’s been over an hour.”

“Sorry,” he winced.  “I’ve been busy making this…”  He held up the canister full of dark liquid and glanced down at Starscream.  “Is he awake?”

Starscream nodded without opening his eyes, shivering.

“Barely,” Caitlin added.  “I’m scared that he’s basically cooked his internal organs at this high temperature.

Jofy set to work rapidly, asking Caitlin to prop Starscream up so that an injection could be given directly into an artery.  Caitlin shuddered as the dark mystery liquid disappeared into his body, something in the fluid glinting and glistening in the light.

“What’s in that,” she asked.

“Mech fluid and Cybertronian metals.  Ground down to microscopic powder, of course.  Relatively harmless to his human body since the nanites will use up the metals quickly.  Basically, its the typical elements found in a Cybertronian frame.  It should be enough to stop the nanites from destroying the organic tissue…  I just hope the extra charge won’t be an issue.”  He looked away, seeming distant.

“Wh-where?”  Starscream looked at Jofy.  “Where did you get it?”

“It’s sterile, of course,” Jofy assured.

“Where,” he repeated, already sounding stronger.

“…It’s mine.”

Starscream straightened in the tub.  “Yours?”

“Before you get upset, I made sure that I only included metal of the same elements in your natural frame and I filtered out my own nanites.  I wouldn’t try to contaminate your frame during this delicate transition.  I do have a rather extensive knowledge of your anatomy, you know, from as many times as you wound up on my exam table.”

“But…”  He took a shallow breath.

Seeing the awe on Starscream’s face gave Jofy pause.  He cleared his throat several times, trying to come up with something to say.

Starscream stared blankly into the water.  “I can’t believe you would sacrifice your,” he paused to gulp down his anxiety before putting up a humorous façade, “-your finish.”

Jofy’s eyes widened as the silence was broken by a snort coming from Caitlin as she tried to suppress a laugh.  Soon the laughter grew and spread to all three of them.

As the laughter died, Jofy turned to Starscream with a smile.  Not his usual smirk, but an actual smile.  “I think my finish is less important than friendship.”


	29. Moving Forward Through the Past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope this chapter is worth the wait!
> 
> I'm posting this at 3am. Maybe later I'll come back with legit commentary.

The trio sighed in relief as the injection seemed to have the desired effect, leaving Starscream with a much lower temperature.  He was still hotter than average, but he was out of the danger zone and Jofy helped Caitlin carry him out of the bathroom to the bed once he was dried.

“Ordinarily, I wouldn’t mind all the attention, but I can walk on my own,” he complained.

“You almost died.  We don’t know what damage you might have sustained being that hot for so long,” Caitlin explained.  “…We focused so much on how to get you to this point-“ she took a deep breath.  “I don’t know that we ever planned out what to do from here.  How to keep you healthy, I mean.”

Starscream and Jofy both nodded quietly.

“So I think we can agree that next time we do a smaller dose of energon along with another metal injection.”  Jofy watched as Caitlin tucked Starscream in and lay down beside him.  “Hm…”

“What?”

“I’m going to scout out a new location.  We still need to have the proper medical equipment to monitor his health and make proper adjustments.  I can replace the human equipment needed to assess his health.  Send me a list of anything we didn’t have access to before that you think would be useful.”

“And the Cybertronian equipment?”

“I’ll salvage what I can from the barn, but at the very least, I have my own medical scanner to rely on.”

 

Caitlin stayed on the bed with Starscream after Jofy left.  She sat up with him and watched as his eyes grew too heavy to remain open.  For most of the night, she didn’t sleep.  She could feel her heart race every time Star twitched or grunted in dreams as his sleep became fitful and the adrenaline kept her vigilant until dawn.

                In the early morning, Star roused, groaning and rolling the sleep from his bloodshot eyes.  Caitlin leaned over to caress his forehead which seemed to help him wake as his body stretched with another groan.

 

Starscream could feel something touching him.  He could barely keep his optics open and focused, but his whole body was radiating pain.  He couldn’t tell what the soft material was that surrounded him and the touch to his helm only ignited more stinging pain and he thrashed out weakly to remove it.

 

Caitlin gasped as her hand was smacked away and called his name to try to get his focus back on her.

He didn’t respond, and her heart sank.  His eyes looked glazed over as she watched him struggle against the covers on the bed, moaning.  She’d seen him like this before.

He was delirious.  It was just like when he woke from nightmares on her couch.  But this time he was completely ignoring her.

Starscream’s heart pounded as he started to panic.  Every touch on his skin felt like a licking flame and in his weakened state, he was unable to escape the suffocating hold of whatever was draped over him.

Cautiously, Caitlin scanned him for any sign of recognition, but he could barely keep his eyes open.  She slowly placed her body on the bed and pinned his shoulders before he hurt himself as he clawed at the blankets.

Starscream moaned in pain.  Something heavy was pinning him down.  Starscream whimpered and struggled, fearing for his life.

“I don’t wanna die,” he whimpered.

Caitlin struggled internally with what to do.  He wasn’t listening and she felt she was only making things worse.  Sighing, she decided to step back and call Knockout.

 _The hold loosened_.  Starscream didn’t know if who or whatever was holding him had second thoughts or if it was only leaning back to strike.  History told him that he didn’t want to find out.  With what little strength he had, he flung himself at the perceived attacker and both of them dropped to the ground _hard_.  Something clattered next to him and he felt several strikes to his back.  In a blind panic, he backed up and crawled away, ignoring the shooting pain in his limbs as they hit the ground.

Caitlin gasped, trying to recover her breath from the shock.  The impact knocked the breath from her lungs.  She saw Starscream scurry away while she wheezed and removed the blanket and several items that fell from a nearby shelf from her body.  When she finally managed to stand, she heard a gut-wrenching tumble and thud followed by a scream.

Starscream’s blurred vision missed the stairs.  After a hard tumble, his back slammed into the wall at the bottom and he screamed in agony at the shooting pain from his wing joints.

Caitlin rushed down the stairs, still panting and delicately approached him.

“Starscream?”

Bleary eyes glanced up at her.

“You screamed…  I…”  She could feel the blood draining from her face.  “Let me…  Let me call Knockout.”  She sped away to her phone, leaving him there.

Starscream was frozen in pain but whoever was talking didn’t seem to want to hurt him.

_Knockout?  Oh, Knockout.  The medic.  He could help.  Yes._

The clouds in his mind started to clear as he calmed down, but he couldn’t remember how or why he was in so much pain.

“Where am I,” he squeaked.

Caitlin was startled by his words, but sat beside him quickly, phone in hand.

“Starscream, you’re safe.  You’re home…  Do you recognize me?”

He struggled to keep his eyes _open_ , much less focused.  He felt another strong pulse of pain from his back and whimpered.  Yes, the voice was familiar...

“Safe?”  He could make out a pale form rimmed in gold leaning over him in the light.

Caitlin hesitated to touch him after his outburst upstairs.  She affirmed he was safe, and he seemed to listen, his breathing evening as panic subsided.

Her panic, on the other hand, spiked.  She quickly input the call and listened intently to the phone in her hand, waiting for Knockout to respond.  After what felt like forever, she heard him in his personal comm.

“How is he?”  Knockout’s voice was even and calm.

“I need your help.  He’s delirious and in a lot of pain and he doesn’t recognize me!”  Her voice was shaky but she couldn’t stop herself from freaking out.  None of this was ok.

Knockout gasped quietly as he could practically hear her heart pounding through the phone.

“Just give him some time.  I’m sure he’ll come around.  Get him on some painkillers.  I can get you some stronger stuff later, but I’m looking up the maximum dose you can give him for what you have and will send it to you short-“

“No, I need you here now.  He remembers you.  I can’t handle this alone!”

“I…  I can’t be there,” he confessed delicately.

“What?  What do you mean?  You can’t come?  Why?”

Knockout sighed.  “Ratchet has an _uncanny_ knack for bad timing.  He decided recently to take on some new project and now he’s forced me into being his assistant as of last night.”

“You can’t escape even for a little while?”

Knockout felt his shoulder armor rattle as the nervous energy traveled through the comm line.  “No.  In fact, I have limited time to talk.”

Caitlin swallowed the lump in her throat as her voice shook.  “Okay…  I…  Can- can you at least talk to him on speaker?  Maybe your voice can comfort him.”

“…Sure.”

Caitlin leaned over Starscream’s prone form and brought the phone close.  “Star…  It’s Knockout.”

Starscream blinked hard.  “Star?”  The nickname was lost to him.

“Starscream, I need you to tell me about your pain.  I have limited time to help.”

“Ugh…”  He moaned as he tried to move.  “Everything hurts.  Entire surface structure…  And wings,” he grunted.  “It feels like I’ve been swarmed by scraplets.”

“Starscream, do you know where you are?”

“I’m…  She said…  home.”  He tried to move.  “Is this Vos?”

Caitlin and Knockout both gasped quietly.

“Star…”

“You keep calling me that…  It’s Star _scream_.”

Knockout started to speak, but the unmistakable sound of a space bridge made him jump.

“I’m so sorry, I have to go.  Will talk when I can.”

Caitlin shivered and whined as the call ended abruptly.

“What happened?”  Starscream’s eyes were still glazed, but they were open.  He feebly rose to sit up, leaning on the wall with his arms for support.

Pursing her lips, she realized he was guarding his back.  “Knockout…  is busy.  He had to go.  But I can help you until he gets here.”  She was trying to keep her panic in check but her body’s responses were strong.  Her chest was so tight that she could hardly draw a fulling breath.  “Would you- I- can I help you lay down somewhere comfortable?”

Starscream didn’t look at her but nodded and extended an arm.

Relieved that he was compliant, she pulled his arm over her shoulder and placed her arm across his back to hook under his opposite shoulder.  She noticed he blinked and made a confused face as her hand grazed across his back, but he allowed her to lead him across the room.

“How do my wings look,” he asked.

She bit her lips, trying not to panic him further.  “Like I’ve always seen them,” she answered cryptically.

He seemed to accept that answer, but as Caitlin started to lower him, he resisted lying down.

“Why won’t you lie down?”

“My wings hurt.”

With a sigh, she compromised.  “Then lay down the other way.  Wings up.”

Grumbling, he did as instructed.  “Soft…”  He pressed his face into a pillow.  “Doesn’t hurt so much now…”

He looked sleepy as he nuzzled the plush pillow.  Caitlin sighed in relief.  At least she wouldn’t have to chase him for a bit.  She started to walk away to get some pain medicine ready when she heard him mutter something in garbled Cybertronian.

“I didn’t catch that,” she murmured, crouching next to him.

“I said you seem pretty familiar with me.”

Trembling, hesitantly her hand caressed his cheek.  When he didn’t react violently, she pressed her forehead to his, finally allowing herself to cry.

His eyebrows lifted.  “How forward,” he remarked with a yawn.

“Star, I need you to be ok.”  She handed him the pills, following Knockout’s text, along with water.  He took them, but not without argument.

“Disgusting.  I don’t see how these can inhibit pain.”

“It’s just temporary relief,” she sighed.  “Just… rest up.”

“Who are you, again?”

“I’m…  I’m just an admirer,” she sighed again.

“Sounds like you have a crush,” he laughed smugly.  “I can hardly blame you, but get in line.“

“Star,” she shushed him.  Taking a deep breath, she caressed him again and kissed his forehead.  With trepidation, she whispered, "I love you.  I don’t want to lose you.”

He mumbled a few more words into the pillow until he was out.

\--

 

“I need you to weld these parts.”  Several incomplete apparatus parts were set in front of Knockout where he sat at a large work table within the Unit E base.

“Yes, Ratchet,” he droned.  His welder sparked to life as he worked, his mouth drawn into a thin frown.

“And hand me that datapad.”

“Yes, Ratchet.”  He paused his welding to pass the object across the warehouse.

“And Knockout-“

“Hm?”

“Don’t forget to finish those reports.”

“…Yes, Ratchet.”

Knockout had complained about being a hood ornament for Team Prime, but now that Ratchet was barking orders, he wasn’t sure this was any better.  And on top of all the mindless work, his processor was stewing and imagining what could be going on with Caitlin and Starscream.

He’d seen the ex-SIC disoriented before, but this was bad.  In all the times he’d seen Starscream nearly-scrapped by Megatron, he could think of a couple of times when Starscream emerged from stasis lock and the commander was reliving past trauma.  He could usually talk Starscream back to reality or at least put him back into stasis.

His welder slipped and sparks flew back toward his chassis and snapped him out of his thoughts.

“Be careful with that,” Ratchet called.

“Ugh…”  He grimaced at the tiny scorch trails on his paint.  With more than a little disdain, he asked, “What am I even working on?”

“ _Sensitive_ medical equipment,” Ratchet scolded.

“Why?  Now that we have access to Cybertron and energon, why can we not just use the old equipment left on the planet?”

“Most of that will take time to repair.  I can’t think of many places that haven’t already been scavenged or destroyed utterly and right now, we don’t have enough mech-power to spare on a tedious mission like that.”

“But you can spare _me_ on tedious work like this,” he muttered under his breath.  Knockout turned to look at Ratchet, who had scarcely looked up from his own work. After a few minutes of silence and pieces coming together into recognizable shapes, Knockout felt curious.  “Why do you need all this equipment?  Do you plan on dealing damage so you have a reason to use it?”

“Tch, please.  If you must know, I just want to be prepared.”

“Prepared for what?”

Ratchet set down his work and turned to his assistant.  “I think we both know that Megatron can’t be trusted.”

Knockout nodded with a laugh.  “Tell me about it.”

“If you or the others believe that scrap self-exile story of his-“

“Fragging rust bucket,” he blurted.  “Who does he think he’s fooling?”

“Thank you!”  Ratchet seemed relieved to hear that Knockout didn’t buy it.  “And if I know Megatron, he’s already scheming a way back into power.  And I can’t be caught unaware.  My team needs me.”

Knockout smiled to himself.  “You really care about them, don’t you?”

“Of course I do, I’m a medic.  I’m _their_ medic.”

Knockout looked up and raised a brow ridge.  Ratchet paid no mind.

“Were you always a medic?”  Ratchet wasn’t sure why he felt the need to ask since he was sure he knew the answer.

The question took Knockout by surprise.  “I… no.”

“…I wondered.  You lack a certain attitude of a mech from the academy.”

“No, you’re right.  I was in the servant caste,” he admitted quietly.  “…So, erm,  you could understand the initial draw of the Decepticons for someone like me.”

“The Autobots were against the caste system, too, you know.”

Knockout remained silent for a moment.  “It was harder to stand behind them when Megatron was preaching liberation so loudly.”

Ratchet looked Knockout over, seeing him differently.

“You must have some medical skill to patch Megatron’s ragtag crew together on a near-daily basis.  I’ve seen and heard about some of the injuries the Decepticons sustained.”

“Hmm, and I recall you causing some of them,” he jabbed with a grin.

Ratchet, seemingly embarrassed, returned to his work.

Knockout took a moment to process what Ratchet said.  Was that a compliment?

“I don’t hear welding,” Ratchet called, breaking the growing silence.

“Right,” he said quickly.  After a few more pieces were done according to the schematic provided, he started to get curious.  “So, uh, what exactly will this be when put together?”

“I hope to create a recovery tank.  I’ve seen too many spark-threatening injuries that I haven’t had the right tools to repair.  I hope to never feel that helpless again.”

“That’s… pretty amazing.  I haven’t seen one of these tanks in person.”  He glanced around at all the work he’d finished.  “I’ve only read about them.”

“Few have seen them.  Fewer have had an opportunity to learn how to calibrate and operate them.  I saw one in my training at the academy but I never got to use one.  That being said, I feel confident that with enough time, I can work out the mechanics of it, but nothing is certain.”

“Well, you figured out the bridge, synthen, and you built an operating limb for Magnus,” he said with a nod.  “Your work speaks for itself.”

“Thank you.”  Ratchet was grateful to be turned away from the speedster as his faceplates heated.  “But even then, there have been failures and shortcomings.”

“…Mind if I look at your schematics?  I’d like to see if I can help.”

He hesitated, but nodded, motioning the red mech over.

Knockout looked at Ratchet’s bench and was blown away by the amount of work he was juggling.  Five datapads were laid out with schematics as well as a few of the large screens mounted on the wall, each covered in notes and equations.  “Woah…”  His eyes widened as he took in all the information.

“It’s complex technology, but-“

“No kidding.”  He could see insane amounts of work to be done, equations with too many variables, and missing components, but considering the strides made with the cyber-matter, he thought most of the missing data was moot.

As he continued processing the information, he noticed Ratchet had notes for each frame type and class…  Except for one in particular.  One he knew very well.

“What about…” he started, but had second thoughts.  “Er, nevermind.”

“What?”

“Well…  I was going to ask…  You have anatomical information here for most frame types but not flyers.  But then I guess there really aren’t any for you to worry about.”

Ratchet nodded but frowned.  “We’re still reaching out to anyone who survived the war, so flyers may very well be out there.  What specifications are missing?”

“Well, the maximum number of ventilator hookups in the tank is too low for a flyer, and seekers have above average in number even among flight modes.”

“Hmm…  I suppose you would have more expertise in flight mode anatomy.  Nearly every Decepticon officer had a flight mode, didn’t they.”  He sighed, opening up his notes to adjust.  “Not many flyers joined the Autobots.”

“Of course, my knowledge is largely experiential, and not textbook.  I may be a little off in terms of vocabulary or protocols.”

Ratchet leveled an unreadable gaze.  “Often experience trumps education in medicine.  I’d like to see what you know about flyers.  Getting this tank to be universal is the ultimate goal.”

Knockout beamed but hoped not to give away his ulterior motive.  He just happens to know a seeker that may need just this sort of machine in the near future.  As he glanced at the work again, he noticed something else.

Ratchet squinted, waiting for the question he sensed would come.

“Not even minicons need tools this tiny.  Is that… Is this going to be compatible with organics?”

Ratchet nodded. “Hopefully.  Thus far I’ve had to rely on Nurse June when one of the children get hurt.  I don’t plan on allowing any one of them to come to harm, but I… consider them part of the team.  Even Agent Fowler.  And I want to be able to care for them as well.”

Knockout smirked.  “I suppose humans aren’t all bad.”

“That sounds like you’re not quite convinced.”

“Well, I think you and I agree that MECH was one of the _vilest_ groups of humans we could have faced.  Autobot _or_ Decepticon.”

Ratchet shivered.  “Indeed.”  He shifted his gaze to the floor uncomfortably.  “...I heard about Breakdown.  What Silas did with…  I’m… sorry.”

Knockout’s optics closed with a small smile.  “Silas got what he deserved in the end.  Breakdown would be tickled.”  He chuckled quietly, but Ratchet noticed the slight downturn in Knockout’s mouth.

“Organ thieves, body-snatchers…  I’m honestly glad those little… _Frankensteins_ are through.”

Knockout chuckled louder.  “I didn’t take you for a recreational reader of human literature.”

“What?”

“Frankenstein?  Mary Shelley?”

“Oh.  Actually, I learned about it from one of Miko’s movies,” he admitted with a grunt.

Knockout perked up.  “You watch human movies?”

“Watch is a strong word.  It’s more like Miko has damaged her hearing so much with that loud _music_ that she sets the volume far too loud when watching horror films with Bulkhead.  Makes it hard to focus on my work,” he grumbled.

“Well then, I guess there is still much to be done…  I’ll finish up the welding here, finish the reports, and then put together some notes on flyer anatomy for you.”

Ratchet watched Knockout walk back to his table, but felt moved to call out.  “Forget about the reports.  They’re just busy work from Ultra Magnus, anyway.  He’s the only one who reads them.  Or cares about them, for that matter.  You work on welding and notes.”

Knockout grinned proudly before turning back to his work.

“And, Knockout?”

“Yes, Ratchet?”

“Thank you.  You’re …great help.”

He swelled with pride.  “You’re welcome.”

“At least I can count on you not to break something.”

Knockout wasn’t sure if Ratchet was joking until he heard a shallow chuckle from the bench.

\--

 

Starscream felt heavy.  His limbs, his eyelids, everything.  The burning pain that licked his skin was gone, replaced by a deep, dull ache.  The ache was far more manageable than the burning, and subsequently, his mind was in the right place.  Without the intense pain, he was able to focus on the present.

As his eyes opened, he recognized the feel of the couch cushion beneath him as the kitchen came into view in front of him.  With a few grunts and a hiss, he propped himself up to look around.

 Caitlin was propped up against the wall opposite the couch, by the tv, asleep.  He smiled upon seeing her, but as he looked her over, he felt something was amiss.  As he scanned her face, he could tell she had been crying from the salt lines down her cheeks.

With some effort, he lifted himself off the couch to scoot across the floor to sit with her.

“Caitlin?”  He saw the heavy bags under her eyes and felt a twinge in his chest.  He called to her again quietly as he stroked her cheek.

Caitlin jerked awake with a gasp as she saw him.

He shushed her, placing a chaste kiss on her lips.

Throwing her arms around him, she pulled him tight and sobbed against him.

Startled, he asked, “What happened?  What’s wrong?”

“Star…  I was so scared.”

“Just tell me.”

“You…  What do you remember?”

He felt his heart sink.  “Am I the reason…”

She pulled back to look at him, her lip quivering.

“I remember being carried to bed…  How did I end up-“ he interrupted himself, his face going pale.  “Did I…  again?”

Caitlin nodded.  “You tackled me and fell down the stairs and you started talking about your wings and you didn’t recognize me,” she blurted out all at once.  Taking a calming breath, she continued.  “I tried to call Knockout, but he’s stuck doing work for Ratchet so I was alone.”

He didn’t know what to say.  He felt embarrassed, guilty, and scared.  He knew she was scared, too, and that made it worse.

“How’s your pain?”

“Manageable.  And you?  Did I…?”

“I’m ok.”  She sat back and crossed her arms, consoling herself.  Her heart started to pound as she thought about what transpired.  The adrenaline started spiking in her system again, making her shiver.  “So you don’t remember anything?”

Starscream’s face scrunched while he tried to wrack his brain and recover what happened.  “I’m not sure.  I dreamed while I slept…  I saw Vos.  The way it was.”

“You thought you were in Vos,” she confirmed.

“Ugh…  It’s all foggy, but I thought I was being fawned over.  There was affection…  That must have been you.”

“I was scared.  I don’t want to lose you.”

Those words created an echo in his head and stirred up a memory, bringing it to the surface.

_Star…  I love you.  I don’t want to lose you._

His eyes widened for only a split second.   His pulse quickened as he replayed the words, but the increase in blood and energon flow brought back some of the pain.

She saw him tense.  “What’s wrong?”

“It’s just pain,” he excused.

“I can give you something for that.”

He nodded, head spinning around one word in particular.  She said… _love_.

Starscream tried to hide his emotion as he accepted the pills.  He accepted her help in returning to the couch, but the contact of skin to skin felt …different.  More intimate in a way it hadn’t felt before, even after their first coupling on the floor.  He asked himself what this could mean.

_She said she loves me.  Is that possible?  And what about me?  Do I… love?_

Love was such a foreign concept to him.  Sure, he had admirers and he had things and people he liked, but romantic love was still a stranger to him.  Most of his life had been war.  Fighting, sabotaging, hating.  He had changed so much from who he used to be.  When he was fresh.  When he was new.

Could he love?

He glanced at her as she sat carefully next to him, seemingly afraid to be near him.  He set his ideas and questions aside almost instinctively and opened an arm to her in invitation.  She grinned and leaned into him, wrapping herself around him with a sigh.

Looking down at her again, he revisited his question: _Can I love?_   As he stroked her face and hair soothingly, he thought, _for her, I’ll try_.


	30. Violent Violets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise!
> 
> Poor Star.

Caitlin could see that Starscream was in pain, but there was little she could do for him.  With Knockout out of commission for a while and limited finances, she could only offer so much, and it was crushing her.

He had been so happy when he received the first injection and it felt so crushing to see him in this shriveling state.

Starscream writhed on the couch, the occasional moan escaping his lips.  His back was on fire, but worse than that, it _itched_.  He refused to eat, feeling nauseous at the mere thought of trying to force something down his throat with the amount of discomfort he already felt. 

A few days went by in agony before Knockout could even talk to them both.  He was relieved to hear Starscream sound like himself again, lucid.  He was not so happy with Starscream’s physical condition.

“It’s itchy?”  Knockout was concerned by the rapid onset of changes in the frail organic body.

“Yesss,” he hissed.  “I can’t scratch it for all the infernal pain it causes and it is maddening!”

“Caitlin, do you mind taking a look at his back for me?”

“Sure.”  She carefully peeled back the shirt he was wearing and gasped, dropping the phone.

Starscream and Knockout both asked her what she saw, but it took her a minute to gather her wits and respond.

“It’s…  They’re…”  She cleared her throat and continued, “It looks like your wings are …growing, Star.”

His eyes turned to saucers as he scrambled to crane his neck and see.  He groaned and relaxed in defeat with a pout on his lips.

Caitlin picked up the phone and snapped a picture, sending it to Knockout and showing it to Starscream.

Starscream snatched the phone from her hand with a vigor she hadn’t seen in him since the energon entered his system.  His face split in a wide, triumphant grin as he saw the four lines on his back had darkened from within, almost grey, and seemed raised and swollen.  As he flexed his shoulders, he felt the _barest_ movement of the joints and he gasped gleefully.

“Yes!  Finally, I will be free!”  In all his celebrating, he missed the way Caitlin’s shoulders sagged slightly, despite her smile.

“That’s… great, Starscream,” Knockout half-heartedly cheered.

“What’s got your gears in a twist?  I’m going to be my old self in no time!”  Starscream focused only on the sensation of his wing joints flexing, ignoring the pain.  In fact, the pain was welcome so long as it accompanied the ghost of sensation from his proper frame.

 

Knockout came by briefly the next day to deliver heavier pain medicine.  He was eager to look over Starscream with his scanner.

“There’s a lot of metal in there, but you look pale…”  In fact, pale was an understatement.  Starscream looked… dead.  His skin was so ashen he could see his veins through it in places and his eyes were dark, skin wrinkling in new places where it hadn’t before.  Knockout didn’t know what could make a human look like that, but he knew it couldn’t be good.

“I keep trying to tell him to eat something,” Caitlin lamented.

“No, I think this _could_ be a side-effect of the nanites re-working his systems.”

Starscream shivered, sighing as he wrapped a blanket around himself and ignored their concerns.

Caitlin squinted and turned to Jofy.  “Could it be anemia?  At least partially?”

He quirked a brow.

She took a breath before elaborating.  “Is Cybertronian metal comprised of iron at all?”

“Hmm, some internals are comprised of iron and iron compounds.  Why?”

“Maybe he needs more iron.  His human parts are suffering from a lack of it.  Could explain pallor and his cold-naturedness.”

Jofy grunted and nodded.  “I didn’t know humans had metals in them.”

“It’s in our blood,” she shrugged.  “Facilitates oxygen exchange in the form of hemoglobin in red blood cells.”

“Intriguing...”

 

Jofy made plans to return the next night and deliver a new dose of supplements, this time for both Cybertronian _and_ human functions.  He was grateful for having Ratchet’s project as an excuse to study human health and anatomy openly.  He had no idea humans could be so complex.  He chuckled to himself as he recalled his first impression of the species as “squishy yet crunchy all wrapped in skin.”

Knockout was able to slip away without issue and Jofy came in to deliver the injection on schedule.  Caitlin thought the mixture in the larger-than-average syringe looked even more sickening than last time but kept her opinion to herself as the needle injected the viscous dark fluid.

Starscream winced, but as Jofy set the syringe aside, he leaned up and placed a hand on the holoform’s arm.

“What about energon?”

Jofy glared but walked over to the refinery on the table.  He smiled, seeing that Caitlin had run a small crystal, just as he requested the night before.  He lifted the small cup, the glowing blue liquid inside amounting to no more than a human “shot”.

“That’s it?”

Jofy nodded.  “Last time we agreed: smaller dose.”

Grumbling, Starscream snatched the cup from his hand and downed it quickly.

Jofy chuckled softly as he turned his back to the patient to address Caitlin.

“I slipped him a dose of pain meds and a light sedative in the injection,” he whispered.  “I’ll need you to keep an eye on him, but I’m sure you already planned on it.  He should be able to rest and let the nanites work.  Maybe even let you rest, too,” he joked with a nudge.

Caitlin smiled, sighing.  “Thank you.  For everything.”

Jofy smiled, but it faded quickly.  “I know this has been hard on you.”

Taken aback by his sudden change, she ran a hand through her hair and stared at the floor.  “I’m fine.  I’m still young and relatively healthy, so I can bounce back.  I like helping others, and seeing him happy-“

“I mean emotionally.”  He leveled a hard gaze when she looked up.  “I just want you to know…  I’ve got your back.”  He glanced over to the couch where Starscream sprawled, eyes already closed as his mouth hung open, clearly on his way to being knocked out if he wasn’t already.  “He’s… difficult, but…  I won’t let him forget you.  After it’s all done.  I can’t let everything you two have built here go to waste.”

Caitlin could feel her chest tighten as her eyes threatened to water.  Her head built up a line of questions that she couldn’t articulate.

Before she could utter a word, there came a knock at the door.

Jofy flickered as Knockout shifted focus.

“It’s not Fowler,” he sighed.  He kicked himself internally for not being aware of his alt mode’s surroundings again.  One day that could really bite him in the aft.

Caitlin tried to wipe her eyes and cleared her throat.  “Who is it?”

“Can’t say…  Seems cheerful.  Harmless enough.”

Hesitantly, she opened the door.

Jofy saw a tall thin man with bright hair.  His face was unfamiliar, but the small animal in his arms was unmistakeable.

“Sam!”  Caitlin lit up at the sight of him and gave him a warm hug, chuckling against the flannel of his shirt while her middle stayed clear of the dog.

“Hey,” he smiled nervously as Jason shifted in his arms.  “I know it’s sudden, but could you watch Jason for us this weekend?”

Caitlin stiffened, glancing back to Starscream.  “Uh…”

“Oh, you have company,” he blushed.  “I didn’t mean to intrude.”

“Oh no, not at all!  I’d be happy to watch him.  I love puppy cuddles.”  Caitlin took the small dog into her arms.  She felt a little unnerved by its hyper-fixation on Star.

“If it’s a problem-“

“It’s not, Sam,” she asserted with finality.

A chilly breeze pushed through the door and he shivered.  “Mind if I step in?”

She nodded and motioned him forward.  Once the door was shut, Sam narrowed his gaze.

“Are you ok?  You don’t look so good.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, you look like you were crying.”

Her lips tightened.  “No no.  Just a cold.  Got, uh, got whatever he’s been fighting off,” she laughed hollowly, pointing to Star.  “Been looking after Star.  That’s him.  Dead to the world right now.”

“Oh, I’m sorry.”  He turned to Jofy and offered a warm smile and a hand.  “I’m Sam.”

Jofy took the extended hand with a smile.  “Jofy.  Nice to meet you.”

“Oh,” he paused.  “Sarah mentioned you.”

He tensed.  “…What did she say?”

Sam shrugged nonchalantly.  “Thinks you’re fae or something.”  He smiled and turned to Caitlin.  “You know how she is.”

“Yes, I do,” she laughed.

Jofy was happy to see the calming effect Sam had on her and felt his lips curl upwards in turn.

Starscream remained mercifully unconscious as the trio talked for a while.  They mused collectively on Sarah’s quirks and shared some cold remedies.  Caitlin set Jason down once her arms grew tired.  No one noticed when the dog slipped silently away to stare up at Starscream from the floor.

Eventually, Sam had to leave, but not before dropping off food and toys for the dog.  He thanked them again and Knockout watched him walk outside, get in his car, and leave.

“He’s alright,” Jofy smirked.

“Yeah, I have no idea how, but he and Sarah are great together.”

Jofy’s lip twitched.  “I wouldn’t mind meeting more humans like him.”

Caitlin thought she caught a glimpse of guilt on his features but shrugged it off to look for the dog.

She found him seated inches from Star’s face where he slept.

“Jason, stop being creepy,” she chided, lifting the dog once more.  She noticed Jofy leering.  “What?  Don’t like dogs?”

Jofy shook his head.  “No, it’s just…  That crystal on the collar.”

Caitlin’s brows lowered.  “The amethyst?”

“It’s _not_ amethyst,” he barked, gaze hardening.

Caitlin looked down, twisting the collar to look at it.  Before she could get a good look, the animal squirmed and she relented, setting him down.

Jofy watched as Jason went back to observing Starscream and shivered.  “That dog…  Don’t let him have too much contact with Starscream if you can help it.”

Caitlin nodded, despite her confusion.

“I’ll come back tomorrow.”  He placed a hand on her shoulder before flashing out of existence.

 

Starscream was troubled by nightmares once again, though things were… different.

Instead of dreaming of Megatron, or Fowler, or even Autobots, he was facing something rarer and far more grotesque.

His dreams fixated on one important piece of his recent past.  On a one-time mistake.

His dreams were saturated with the color _purple_.

 

Caitlin was embarrassed to say she was surprised that Knockout kept his word when he returned the next day.  Jofy glanced first to Starscream, still laying on the couch, appearing largely undisturbed.  Next, his sights fell on Caitlin’s lap, where the dog sat, its eyes watery and its whole body shaking.

“How is he?”

“Star or Jason,” she laughed.

Her laughter made him smile.  Since she was feeling humorous, things must have been quiet while he was away.  “I mean Starscream.”

“He’s been out the whole night.  But he has been dreaming.”  Star grunted, on cue.  “See?”

Jofy knelt beside him, performing a preliminary scan.

“The process is much slower this time, like we hoped.”  He sighed in relief.  “Still, I’m concerned that our original plan backfired.”

“How so?”

“Remember when we were programming the order of the reformat into the nanites?  If his entire circulatory system is replaced first, the way we intended, then how can we keep the organic parts of him healthy?  How will his organic tissues react to the exposure to these foreign metals?  There are too many questions we didn’t bother to ask predicated on the change being immediate instead of a process.”

Both of them stayed quiet for a moment until a high-pitched whine broke the moment.

“Jason, what?  What is it?”  Caitlin lifted the dog with a smile.  “You a hungry boy?”

The dog just cried, shaking.

Caitlin excused herself to feed the dog but sighed when it ignored the food presented to it.

“I don’t know what you want.  Do you need to go?”  Jofy frowned, watching the interaction suspiciously.  Caitlin eventually sighed and just held it close.  “You miss mommy?”

The crying increased in volume and Caitlin took it to be an affirmative answer.

After the crying started to die down, Caitlin noticed Jofy’s staring.

“So…  This thing…  What is the rock if it isn’t amethyst?”

Jofy pulled his lips into a tight line.  He thought for a moment on the benefits of telling the truth.  “Dark energon.”

Caitlin lifted a brow.  “Dark energon?” She started to giggle but Jofy’s stern face hushed her.  “…Is it like antimatter or something?”

“In a way…  It’s been called the anti-spark.  It doesn’t necessarily cause death, though it has a… unique relationship with death.  It’s complicated.”  Jofy took a deep breath before beginning a more thorough explanation, including Megatron and the experiences the Decepticons had with the material.

While they spoke, Jason silently escaped her lap and slunk to the couch once again.

 

Starscream could feel a pressure on his chest, pulling him back from his deep slumber.  As he opened his eyes, he was thankful to wake from his dreams, though he did not remember rolling onto his back.  He felt no pain, but he started to realize that the pressure on his chest was a weight of some sort.  He could barely move his head enough to look down but froze in terror at the sight of the small and fragile creature staring at him.

Sarah’s dog was sitting on his chest, watching him.  Sarah’s dog.  The trembling, skinny creature that harassed him.  It’s sitting on him.  Watching him.  He tried to call out for help, but no sound came from his throat.  He couldn’t move.  Couldn’t scream.  Only watch.

The dog crept forward, leaning down to stare directly into his eyes and Starscream felt nauseous as he watched the dog’s dark eyes fade into the same shade of purple from his nightmares.

A voice, deep and smooth echoed in his head.

“Mommy was right to be suspicious of you.”

Starscream’s breath hitched as his eyes darted around for a source.

“I remember you, Starscream.”

The voice was familiar but not all the same.  It spoke in an old dialect of Cybertronian.  Not just old, but ancient.  He recognized it as a dialect only spoken by those far older than himself, lost to most who emerged from the Well during the Golden Age.  He could only understand it since it was taught in the flight academy in Vos.  What was the speaker doing using such an ancient tongue?

Starscream felt the dog lean in again and he tried again in vain to move.

“Our contact was brief, but I know you.”

 _Who are you_ , he thought desperately.

“I am beneath your feet and yet before your eyes.”

He struggled to comprehend the cryptic answer, ignoring the fact that the mysterious voice could hear his thoughts.  His back throbbed and drew his attention back to his body.  He was face up, pinning his budding wings beneath him.  He tested their mobility, but only felt pain.

He could hear more voices behind him, though they sounded nearby.  Not _in his head_.  In the kitchen, he realized, Caitlin and Jofy were talking, unaware of his struggle.

“ _You_ could have been a true herald.”

His eyes snapped open, staring again at the dog with glowing purple eyes.  As his gaze drifted lower, he saw the same violet hue glowing from its collar.  He screamed internally as the only sound his throat could make was a strangled whimper.

_Herald?  …Unicron?_

“You have made great efforts to restore yourself.”

He tried to beg for help, only to hear Jofy and Caitlin carrying on, not hearing him.

“We both suffer this mortal flesh,” the voice hissed.

_Both?_

His body felt like a furnace as his insides churned.  Somehow, he felt this creature/voice was to blame.

“Megatron betrayed me.  Used me.”

Starscream felt hatred boil in his core at the mention of that name.

“He was never my herald.  His pride, avarice, and ego stood in my way.  But you…”

Starscream winced at the shooting pain in his limbs as his vision blurred.  He didn’t know how or why this was happening but he just wanted it to _stop_.

“You must escape your organic prison.”

A new pain tore at his senses and he shakily looked down to see the dog rip a fingernail off his paralyzed hand.  He could only watch and whimper as the dog continued mutilating his skin until the familiar black metal of his talons was revealed.  The sharp talons remained motionless as blood coated them, filling his seams.  He managed to shiver while the other hand received the same bloody treatment.

“You will be _mine_.  Once you are free.”

He closed his eyes, desperate to scream as his body was shredded from without and within.  He felt the sting of something poking up from within his knees.  He held his breath as the sound of ripping flesh churned his stomach.  Looking down, he saw his long knee spikes slice through his skin.  More of the ripping and tearing filled his ears, but so did the sound of bending and scraping metal.  His frame was growing and reforming painfully beneath his skin. 

He felt his head split open to make way for the red crest he had missed so much, but now he begged for it to stop.  He didn’t want it like this.  Despite his inward pleading, the changes continued.  Thus far he had been able to keep his sanity, but his _wings…_   the pain nearly knocked him back into stasis but the sounds made him wretch and hurled him back from oblivion.

Caitlin’s voice could be heard and his spark churned at the disgust she would feel to see him this way.  The dead flesh hanging from his frame and the blood pooling under him.  The smell…  He could practically hear her screams and the thought of her running from him in terror sent him into a panicked spiral.

The voice, the dog, the pain, it all played at his senses until he could take no more and he forced out a blood-curdling scream as he sat up, drenched in sweat.

Caitlin was quick to help him come back to his senses, calling his name as she knelt with him and stroked his face.  He sobbed, trying to avoid her, but she pulled him back.  He opened his eyes and whimpered, not wanting to see her response to his sickening state.  Surprised at seeing no disgust in her features, he glanced down at himself.  He did not see the gore he felt.  His skin, though sickly, was still intact.  As he panted heavily, he realized: the voice was gone.

He was seated alone on the couch.  Caitlin knelt in front of him.  To his right, he saw Jofy looking over a scanner with worry.

_Had none of it been real?_

A small form to his left caught the corner of his eye and he stiffened at the sight of the glow at the creature’s neck as it stared at him from the floor.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Lullaby](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10922478) by [Trademarkian](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trademarkian/pseuds/Trademarkian)
  * [Jofy](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10922499) by [Trademarkian](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trademarkian/pseuds/Trademarkian)




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